I have to say that as I read Jada's piece that she posted to her Facebook account titled, "The Trials of a Fatherless Daughter", my eyes welled with tears and my heart ached. It's incredibly sad that so many womyn can relate to the hurt and emptiness of feeling fatherless. Growing from little girls who have learned to except the absence of her father's presence in her life to womyn who's inner child yearns to have someone to call "daddy". The womyn who has learned to play it tough and pretend that not having her daddy to call with car issues or any other problem is no big deal, or a man to introduce as "grandpa" to her new baby is okay. To experience that feeling of deep heartbreak and pure joy to see little girls happily playing with their daddies. These are the many emotions that womyn experience everyday because they had to discover life without the emotional love and guide of their fathers.
I love Jada's piece because it's evidence that no matter what position or status that a womyn has achieved in her life, at her core she will always miss that feeling of daddy. And, that's okay. It's not a sign of weakness to allow your emotions to stir. It's just important to recognize, acknowledge and accept your feelings and hurt. Learn that what you had to go without is not okay but perhaps the best that your father could do as a flawed individual himself. Journal about it. Write him a letter and send it. Or don't send it. The point is to allow yourself to observe and experience the pain, and find a way to express these emotions so that you can get back to loving you and loving those around you with a full heart.
Here's Jada's full piece below:
I'm sitting here, and I am hurting today. Now as I tell you this... I don't want pity. I have learned to take pleasure in pain because it is simply a signal that a truth is stirring and I must wake up to find it. And usually for me waking up means letting go of a belief.
That's what happened today because I found a little girl who can't understand why she didn't deserve to have a "daddy" in this lifetime. It hit me this morning that I will never call any man "daddy". It hit me how significant that role is to any girls development and life. All these years I had denied that significance in order to forge ahead. The motto has always been, "Nothing can stop me" and "NEVER let them see you sweat".
The worst part was... I had no one to blame... no one to throw this pain to and say, "YOUR FAULT". But this pain did expose areas of immaturity in my relationships accompanied with unreasonable expectations. It explains why when I hear the sweet voice of my daughter call her father "daddy" my heart cries with joy and pain all at once. And it did explain my incompleteness. Yes, this Virgo woman is incomplete. What a horrifying but fulfilling admittance.
This is the void I will have to reconcile without blaming two men, my father and step father, who did the best they could. And no... sometimes our best is NOT good enough, but... the capacity of the human heart and the Great Spirit that breathes within it... makes it all... well.
Thanks for listening:)
And...lovelovelove on your children.