Friday, August 29

Miley Cyrus VMA Stunt Raised Big Money Online For Homeless Youth Non-Profit



Miley Cyrus Showed off her real "assets" this time at the VMA's and shined a light  on the issue of poverty and homelessness in America. Even though her date has legal issues that are now out in the media and some people consider it just another PR stunt. Miley did a good thing that celebrities should imitate often. In Writer Carrie Arnold's post "I Dream Of A Selfie Free World" she discusses how celebrities and just your average selfie taker can start to reflect attention and use our resources to focus on what really matters.

" it's time for us to stop focusing on self and instead, focus on what is going on around us... Miley has won some of my respect because she chose to use her Video Music Award (VMA) to shed light on the social justice issue of poverty and homelessness. She could have used it to self-promote in a usual celebrity fashion. Instead, we saw political activism. This is what I wish to see in place of every selfie. What would our world look like if we stopped gazing at ourselves, broke out of our proverbial narcissism and turned our camera phones to the multiple issues of social injustice that have begun to fade into the background like old wallpaper?". 

"The New York Times reported that Miley's campaign for the homeless youth nonprofit My Friend’s Place amassed over $200,000 in less than 24 hours following the VMAs, in addition to God knows how much since then."



Arnold goes on to discuss the Ice Bucket Challenge. "The ALS association has received 70.2 million dollars in donations compared to the 2.5 million they received last year."  Even though the small things seem silly, we can all come together to use our platforms for good. Action comes when we start turning our camera phones around and working to resolve issues that can be helped in our little corner of the world.


What issue will you get behind? I agree that we can join Carrie in making September Selfie-free!!
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References:
http://www.morguefile.com/archive

April D. Byrd is a Resident Support Staff for The Christian Women's Center A Non-Profit Organization dedicated to providing  shelter for women in crisis, believing they can receive physical, emotional and spiritual wholeness through the love of Christ. She is on Twitter.

Wednesday, August 27

Travelling Mamas

By Ajike Akande

Guess what, folks?  Wife and I managed to get away for three whole days (4 nights) without our kiddos!  We went to Las Vegas aka Sin City and the most sinful thing we did was take extra towels to provide major cushioning for the chaise lounges we glued ourselves to all day, every day.  Being there was pure bliss; we literally did exactly what we wanted.  The Lazy River experience was actually too much activity for us! (Do you know how hard it is to relax and float through the water in an inner tube?)  Point is, we did it.  We went away.  Of course,  we almost didn’t.

This trip had been planned since January.  Wife convinced me to leave the kids to fulfill my big and admittedly questionable dream to see Celine Dion perform in Vegas.   I am an out Celine fan (this was almost a deal breaker for Wife) and after careful consideration, I decided she was worth leaving my babies for.  You may know that, without warning Celine Dion cancelled all of her shows from August to at least March 2015.  We found out five days before we were scheduled to leave.  I was so upset and quite honestly I had many friends, Facebook and otherwise, who were upset on my behalf.  Look Celine, I’m all about putting one’s family first, but for you, I was prepared to put my family second! 
After hearing the news about Ms. Dion, Wife and I waffled about whether or not we should actually go to Vegas or change our destination or just postpone the trip all together.  Okay, only I thought we should totally cancel the trip, because without Celine, what was the point?  (By the way, it is bad form to say to your partner, the day after your 8th wedding anniversary, that without Celine Dion, there is no point in going away together.  Don’t say I never shared keys to relationship success!)

Added to the my mental list of reasons we should not leave the children was the age of the grandmothers who would be staying with them.  You would never know to look at them and they certainly seem to forget that with their age may come possible limitations, but Nanny and Bubbie are 77 and 84 years old!    After the heroic grandmas, that mothered Wife and I, convinced me that they would be fine, Wife thought that the discussion was over and we did not have to use the cancellation insurance.  She is so naive.  What is she, new?  I was still compiling a list of reasons not to go away. 

As though my lovely five-year-old twins and I had planned it, they pulled out their most obscene and off-putting behaviour in support of my quest to cancel our Vegas vacation.  And yes, I do mean obscene and off-putting.  There is no other way to describe it.  I’m not being mean, I know they struggle with a number of things and that their undesirable behaviours are often (but not always) not on purpose, but seriously, they didn’t hold back.  They did not want us to leave.  In my totally-afraid-to-leave-my-kids opinion there was no way that anybody would be able to manage and support them while we were gone – even the heroic grandmas.  I just didn’t think that anybody would be okay without us.  We have some tricks that sometimes work to help keep the girls calm and reassured.  Of course these tricks often don’t work, but we are used to their quirks.   And it wasn’t just the girls I worried about.  Mr. Lee has severe allergies and a really unfortunate obsession with kneading the breasts of any woman caring for him.  Grandmothers are not fond of breast kneading (as far as I know).  And Z, well his two settings are cartwheeling and sleeping.  Unfortunately he regularly forgets to check his surroundings before kicking his legs into the air.  I couldn’t risk someone suffering a cartwheel injury while we were away.  Oh and F-Jammie is certain she’s an Olympic swimmer and will plunge into any water in her sight.   You need to be quick with that one.  Without Celine as my departure reward, leaving the kids seemed like a horrible idea. 

I couldn’t even pack until about 30 minutes before we had to leave for the airport.  I sat on my floor and sought Facebook friend support to manage my fears about leaving and of course, many of my lovelies came through with encouragement and suggestions regarding how much Ativan I should take and which alcoholic beverages I needed to order before boarding and while on the plane.  I have really good Facebook friends.  Finally, I abandoned my list of reasons not to go away, and packed up and headed to the airport with Wife. 

I said all the prayers as the plane took off – oh, how I hate flying, and tried to settle into vacation mode.  After an uneventful flight (prayers answered) and the arrival at a fancy hotel without a casino (ahhh, the peace) it wasn’t too hard to get into the we’re-away-without-our-kids-which-means-sleep spirit!  We slept, read, ate good food and drank tasty drinks by day and enjoyed relatively calm Vegas activities by night.  We saw two Cirque Du Soleil shows and Wife proposed to me again.  That’s right, a second marriage proposal - no big deal.  Except it was a totally big deal!  My sweet asked me to marry her again in public, at a piano bar, in front of all sorts of strangers, after singing to me off key, offering a new, sparkly, sticky-uppy ring!  It was amazing!  I was so surprised.  I am never surprised. 



Okay so listen folks, here is the take away.  If you are a parent, at some point you should leave your small humans.  The time away will be likely be blissful and if you are parenting with another exhausted soul, who you love, the time away together will help you remember why and how the heck you ended up in this exhausting parenting predicament.  Please know, however, that you will not return with a new lease on life.  You will return and realize that your children are the sweetest, most miss-able, incredible people you know and all the reasons you totally needed a break from them are still there.  They will be the same and you will be the same only with a hangover, I mean well rested (unless you take the red-eye home).  Best part? Kiddos are almost always so much better for other people.  Our little ones were no exception, which means our awesome care-giving team are able and willing to sign up to ensure that we get to have some time away again. 


Thank you to Nanny, Bubbie and Tita Liza (our caregiver) for giving the kids and us a much-needed vacation.  And Silverman-Akande young folk, don’t be afraid to sleep through the night for Mommy and Mama the way you did for Nanny, Bubbie and Tita while we were away.   You will be appropriately rewarded for your efforts! 

XO Ajike


Friday, August 22

The Corner of Ferguson And Freedom



When we see sexualized depictions of women in the media, that are self generated is it limitation or liberation? an age-old debate wrapped in the perception of a power struggle. So, it's redundant to continue feeding the illusion. Sexual liberation is not and issue. Smart women own their bodies, period.

Since the popularity of Rapper Lil Kim and the image she pervaded in the media. Hyper-sexuality in women came to be more worthy of discussion. In an infamous interview by Bell Hooks for Vibe Magazine it was debated whether Kim was furthering or hindering the cause of strong women.

Now the question has been regurgitated in the wake of  Rapper Nicki Minaj's cover art and Viral video for Anaconda. In a recent Poll for Essence, the magazine inquired whether it was ok for women artists to exploit women's bodies. Something male artists clearly catch hell for. 

If exploitation or celebration is the continual question at hand, then Nicki's specific byte from Sir-Mix-A- Lot's "Baby Got Back" is a case within it self. Which is more stunning: to be referred to as a child or the exclusive emphasis on Baby's "back"? but why are we still talking about this?


Being born into a media climate where sexuality and physical attributes are heavily stressed regardless of race, it took divine revelation and a brush with wisdom to conclude that I as a woman am more than my body...then being a black girl with a naturally skinny physique the cultural taunt is that I naturally should have a little more derriere. I've joked and mocked at my perceived "small booty" myself but the unpopular truth is, bodies are made to be unique. There is a great need to dismantle the stereotypical or manufactured images being received as right or perfect. Only 5% of women have the type of bodies we see on Billboards and TV commercials. Embrace that you're God's artwork and realize your capability as an artist. It is up to us to honor our bodies and own the representation of them.

In her rant: The Real Problem With Nicki Minaj's Anaconda Cover Art And Her "Black Jezebel" Brand Tiffanie Drayton exposes Nicki's attempt to highlight the voices of critics as a racial issue. In Minaj's defense she tweeted white female bodies in contrast to her's with the same pose, which does make sense, but Nicki's image as an artist still capitalizes on a central theme, and her brand reinforces the notions of Black Female Hyper-sexuality. 

-- "In today’s America where the CDC reports that Black women are between 6-17 times more likely to suffer from sexually transmitted diseases due to social and economic conditions including poverty, income inequality, unemployment and low educational attainment, the need for a modernized scapegoat used to avoid culpability for the Black condition has never been more dire. Nicki Minaj is the current walking embodiment of that tradition of stereotype-enabled victim-blaming, proving that as a society, America has yet to defeat its racist notions and will even continue to invoke them to the economic and social benefit of the Whiter man."


The defilement, murder and disregard for life, given through the crisis in ferguson and the case of Mike Brown correspondingly bring victims like Jada, of #IAmJada to mind. Black women's bodies are under a constant surveillance, they are policed and scrutinized heavily in the media. They have suffered degradation and devalue through out the ages. The racialized fear of black female hyper-sexuality also transfers onto the sexualized white female body and the criminalized black male body.*

The prevalent hashtag presented by the NAACP: #blacklifematters equally applies here. The reality is ...LIFE Matters. No BODY should be sold short. Regardless of  being any distinctive class of people. We're all living, breathing beings with life. #Imatter, #Lifematters, We all matter, beyond our physical bodies there is a soul. No life should be taken in vain, or taken for granted. The line between  celebration or exploitation of female bodies...or life in general, is not thin AT ALL. It's up to every individual to put down the stereotypes, and push for integrity.
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Thursday, August 14

Mo'ne Davis Led Her All-Male Baseball Team To World Series


In this generation women are pushing through and girls are going hard. In the wake of Becky Hammons landmark advancement in the NBA, 13-year-old Mo'ne Davis from Philadelphia led her all-male Little League baseball team to the World Series by striking out six batters, the win was an 8-0 victory, and she currently pitches a 70-mph fastball.  Nuff said...the girl's good! It goes to show that women are not limited as we're sometimes led to believe. No one can tell us what we can or can't do, all that matters is having the tenacity to do it. We define our destiny and our legacy.


Girls have been allowed to play in the Little League World Series since 1974. Another girl will play in this year's series as well, Emma March of Canada's South Vancouver League. Davis and March will appear at the world series for the first time this Friday August 14th, on ESPN. This is the third time in history two girls have played in the Little League World Series at once.



Hopefully more reports of courageous female athletes will continue to spread. It's very empowering to see ladies being driven to do life on their own terms and pursue their passion disregarding the risks. The Little League World Series will air consecutively over ESPN, ESPN2, and ABC networks during the weekend. These girls do my heart good! It's definitely an event worth catching!

Way to Go Ladies!!!

Check out Mo'Ne in action in the video below:






What do you think about Davis and March playing with with the boys? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. and join the convo on Trey Anthony's Facebook Fan Page and Twitter: @aprilinspired.

Tuesday, August 12

You Bring Out The Boogie In Me



by Ajike Akande

Last week I wrote about our big family and the impact of its largeness and bigness on our children. (You can read it here.) There is so much more to say about that.  So much more.  But folks today is my wedding anniversary!  It’s Wife’s too, but truth be told, it was kind of my wedding.  Would you believe after I spent a year of my life, that I will never get back, planning the wedding, she had the nerve, days before the big day, to suggest that she wear a blue tie instead of a green one?  Apparently she forgot that our weeding had a colour scheme!  Pink and green baby; no room for blue!    I believe my exact words to her as I stormed out of the room crying were: “Why are trying to ruin MY wedding?”  Yes, I did say that.  Yes, I am still a little upset about the tie incident.  Yes, she married me anyway, so there! 

Today is our wedding anniversary and tomorrow is The Littles 3rd birthday.  (I may have brought on their early arrival by having hot wings for our anniversary dinner back in 2011.  Of course it could have been that I was so darn big and uncomfortable there was no way they could stay in for another day let alone month!) 

Because it’s a celebratory week in our world and because our hearts have been heavy Wife and I thought we’d have some fun and make another video (remember the first one?) demonstrating that even when we (Wife and I, not even talking about the kiddos) are having to work harder than usual, harder that we’d like, harder than we should have to, to love our love and choose our love, we still know how to have a roaring good time together.  We can talk about how we are going to drive our love train through this poorly lit, dingy station, and chug along to a station that is brighter and lighter, tomorrow.  Today we sing! 

Scroll back up to the top and enjoy You Bring Out The Boogie In Me featuring the Silverman-Akande singers/dancers/musicians except F-Jammie.  She prefers to eat watermelon over performing with the fam.


XO Ajike


P.S Mom and Mom Phyllis:  We will be fine.  Thanks in advance for taking care of our brood next week so we can go to Vegas and fall in love all over again!  You two have shown us how to love and push through.  All will be good!  xo

Friday, August 8

Becky Hammon Becomes The NBA's First Female Coach...To Get Paid For Doing it

By: April D. Byrd



Does anybody know where can I grow some balls like Becky Hammon?! She's a WNBA star and she just became the first woman full-time assistant coach for the San Antonio Spurs, that means SHE'S GETTING PAID!! This is a "You Go Girl"! moment if there ever was one. This is a big step for the NBA and for Women.

"First and Foremost it means Respect", Nancy Lieberman, assistant manager of the Texas Legends said. "She did not get hired just because she is a woman, she was hired because she was qualified, because they know her personality, how she interacts with players, how she understands X's and O's".

I'm guessing Lieberman's not talking about hugs and kisses. According to a report in the New York Times blog, Hammon has been on top of her game for a while, coaching meetings, film review sessions  and working behind the scenes with the team. She referred to her experience as an internship of sorts.

In the wake of her "intern-like" support, Becky watched on as the team went on to win it's fifth championship. She's well qualified, and her achievement is dynamic in history. Now just imagine how much tenacity it takes to be a female, mentoring a bunch of men...athletes at that! Our hats are definitely off to her. To have balls like Becky Hammon would be an honor, but then again balls aren't the matter of concern here. We're in awe because she has something much stronger. She's ALL Woman!...A Phenomenal One.


>>  this message has been Betty White approved... <<




What do you think about Hammon's new position? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. and join the convo on Trey Anthony's Facebook Fan Page and Twitter: @aprilinspired.

Tuesday, August 5

Better Together

by Ajike Akande

It may come as a surprise to you, but when Wife and I decided to have a whack of kids, we didn’t think at all about what being one of many would mean for the children.  I know, this is hard to believe, but Wife and I are not of the thinking variety.  If it makes you feel any better, which it shouldn’t, we also didn’t give much thought to how much making (some of our beauties were created with a lot of expensive help as the absence of sperm wasn’t our only fertility issue) and raising a large family would cost.  It is not at all lost on me, that the fact that we could even make our babes without the stress of finances, says a great deal about our economic privilege.

Wife and I were kind of selfish in regards to creating our family.  We wanted ‘lots of children.  We love children and wanted the honour of helping them grow into the wonderful adults they were meant to be.  We wanted a house full of the energy that only small wonders have.  We have always felt that kids are the greatest blessing, a remarkable gift.  We wanted the honour, they would be our blessing and our gift.  Do you see what I’m getting at here?  Of course we thought we would be great parents and that children would do well be raised by us.  We thought we were right for the job.  I for one, was a SPWC (superior parent without child) prior to becoming an actual parent so naturally I assumed that I would be awesome at this whole thing and never make the mistakes that I witnessed others making while I was a SPWC.  (Little did I know I would create my own unique brand of parenting mistakes!)  The point is, we thought only about ourselves when it came to making our family.

Z, being the first little one that we brought home, enjoyed all the perks of being an only child.  Before our first set of twins were born, Z certainly didn’t ask for a sibling, but he certainly dealt well once Miss O and G-dog arrived. When he found out that he was going to get a little brother out of my last pregnancy, Z was thrilled but the girls were pretty neutral about two more little people joining our family of five.  The big sisters did not easily deal with the arrival of The Littles but I believe that they just weren’t ready.  Miss O was still receiving occupational and speech-language therapy and needed a lot of one on one time and G-dog, who developed more typically, probably didn’t get all that she needed in her early years.  In spite of Miss O’s significant needs and the more typical needs of our then four year old and other two year old, we tried for a fourth and got a fourth and fifth! 
We, along with close family and friends, have said at different times, that each of our kids probably would have done well as only children.  We are careful to say “done well” rather than “done better” because why criticize what truly cannot be changed.  What’s a mom to do with that?  It’s too late!  Whenever I talk to people raised in big families they always say how wonderful it was to grow up always having someone to play with and talk to.  Growing up in a big family means you’re never alone which, of course, means you are never alone. 

When Miss O was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) the occupational therapist explained that she needs a predictable and highly structured environment until she is better able to self-regulate when she is overwhelmed by sensory input.  Well, sorry about your family Miss O, best of luck achieving calm among the chaos!  Over the past few years, G-dog has grown so anxious about how people feel about her and I can’t help but wonder if being one of many is the cause of this anxiety.  She worries, more than normal, how much we love her, if we made an angry face, if her siblings love each other more than they love her, and even if grandparents and caregivers love her as much as the others.  It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle around here and some of our children seem to feel more lost than others. 

Z, being older and extremely self-aware, is able to talk about his feelings around being one of many.  Several months ago I took him to dinner and a movie and he said, “I love being alone with you.  If I was an only child I could be alone with you all the time.  Sometimes I like to pretend I don’t have any brothers and sisters.”  Then fearful that I would launch into a speech about how fortunate he is to have so many siblings, he added “But I really like all my little sisters and brother - especially Mr.  Lee!”  Given that Z is the only Silverman-Akande kid without a twin, I am so happy to witness the greatest love affair of all time, between the brothers. 

Like with everything, there are benefits and drawbacks to being one of many.  Because there’s no going back, we try to acknowledge what our kiddos have lost by having so many siblings, while preaching, loudly and often, how lucky they are to have each other.  We are desperate to build a team spirit among our basketball team sized brood that says “better together”.  Sadly, right now, their “better together” spirit is mostly seen when we are trying to get them to listen to us.  There is nothing more frustrating that five little buggers laughing in your face – together! 

We are on our second, weeklong FIT (family immersion time), aka family vacation, up at “Nanny’s farm”.  The children have been given two main rules for the week: 1.  Go outside and run in the fields.  Don’t go toward the road and don’t come back until you are hungry or someone is hurt.  Oh and stay together!  2.  Ask three, then me.  (This rule will be familiar to teachers.)  Need help to reach something?; Need help with your shoes?; Want a push on the swing?  Ask three, then me.  These rules are all about learning to take care of each other and to leave us alone!  I’m just kidding about them leaving us alone, but in truth we need want them to depend on each other and look out for each other.  I think a week with no schedule (How’s that workin’ for ya Miss O?) and wide-open space is a great start to project “Better Together”. 



We decided we were big family parents, without considering if we would have big family children.  We created this big family before considering what it would mean for our children.  A few years into each of our kids being one of five we are thinking and talking about how wonderful and how hard it is for them, not just us.  I get a lot of attention for being a mom of many but people rarely talk about what it is like for our children.  Given that we created this mess, I mean beautiful family, we should probably be the ones to start the conversation. 

What do you think?  Are you a parent of many?  What are your thoughts on this?  How are your little ones doing being part of a pack? Were you raised in a big family?  What were the best and worst things about your childhood?  I would love to hear about other people’s experiences.  Share your thoughts in the comments. 

XO Ajike

Friday, August 1

The Reservations of Womanhood -- Gone Viral



There has been so much sex related tension online and in the air lately you can cut it with a knife. You have women proposing to men (a.k.a that online photo blogs are buzzing about). People e.g. Stephen A. Smith suggesting that women can provoke men to violence, and Whoopi Goldberg going all the way in, as far as suggesting that women should be hit back if they strike the first blow. Have I missed any Color Purple references online? please do share if I did. How relevant is it to consider that the role on domestic abuse, may have "colored" her thoughts in just the teeniest bit, humor me. Anyway, with that, how does geography and race factor into the equation? How does being from the north, south, or a different country influence our own gender bias?

...you know the rest.


Biblical precepts are also a strong governance in the perception of designated gender roles. Who determines the inherent strength of a man or woman in the area of dominance. Should the aspects of feminism and atheism be held in contrast? How does the glamorization of homosexuality play a part? James Brown issued that "It's A Man's World"! Beyonce declared "Girls Run The World"! Do All these anthems make for a confused pop culture?

So many questions, So many speculations, so many mandates. but could it all truly boil down to marching to the beat of your OWN drum? Isn't true dominance of the world not from a man or woman, but from the most widely held belief system? Perhaps in this age, more than any other we're all just subject to general consensus. It could be that in the end of it all it's how social media and society chooses to view women collectively that counts. Is she looked at as "the prize" or the weaker vessel. Of course the true end of it all is how a woman chooses to view herself.




Shakespeare said "to thine own self be true", but perhaps it should be to thy best self be true. Let God externally and within yourself dominate.

Being the kind of man that won't hit a woman should not be restricted to being a good man, but a good person. Being the type of woman that doesn't need to strike a man to express  anger is not a reflection of womanhood, but a strong mental faculty. Being the type of woman that doesn't need to strike a man to express  anger is not a reflection of womanhood, but a strong mental faculty. What's important is to be the type of PEOPLE that don't hit each other.




There's no debate that the women who propose to men know what they want, may their action be laid strictly to their person, and sacred within their spirit. They alone will have to deal with the results.

If we put our pride aside and let love be the most dominate force in the world, we'll all be better off.

Wednesday, July 30

Thoughts on Mom(my) Blogging

by Ajike Akande 

Blogging about parenting has become so big over the past few years.  I enjoy the parenting blog, but I should admit, that I typically read parenting blogs written by moms.  It’s certainly not because I don’t think that all parents have interesting perspectives on parenting, it’s just that I like to obsessively compare myself to other people so I try to at least have gender identification in common with the blogger whose work I am reading. 

Based on my limited research, there seems to be three types of mom(my) bloggers.  

1.  The Pinterest Mom
She is all look at me in my clean and enviable organized house.  I cook all the things; I teach all the things; my children have all the morals, and all the soft and hard skills that reflect all the intelligences.  I also happen to live somewhere that never has winter or rain, except when it conveniently adds to the mystic beauty of my day.  My kids are conventional looking or strikingly beautiful.  I’m also a photographer on the side so everything looks even better in my photos.  If I have all the money, I have access to many more things than everyone else, but I never mention this.  If I have only a little of the money, I like to share my tips on living on less and perfectly couponing.  I’m probably married, and straight and white and able-bodied.  If I’m not, not only am I Pinterestly perfect, I’m also marginalized so you should read my blog because then you can say how brave and strong I am (We love to point out the strength and braveness of people who are marginalized, which is another way of othering, but that’s a different rant.). 

2.  The Self-Deprecating Mom
She is all I get you.  I see you.  I am you.  I’m tired and my house is messy and my kids are making me crazy.  I suck at cooking but I do it most days except when I take out the frozen nuggets (chicken, fish or veggie) and serve those.  I loathe all those moms who post their perfect meals, including the school lunches that are pieces of art, all over Pinterest to make me feel bad.  I wear “mom jeans” or slightly stained work clothes.  My kids swear and tear the house apart and forget everything, everywhere, but they reach out to the lonely kid at school and help the neighbours and write me chocolate stained notes reminding me that they love me and I’m the best mom ever.  My life is a mess but I guess I’m doing something right because my kids are loving and confident, and creative and a gift to the world.  I make you feel okay about not being perfect (nobody is sister) but my posted photos, like yours show the world that my kids are better than alright.

3.  The “I’m–The-Worst-Mother-Ever-And-I’m-Not-Afraid-To-Prove-It” Mom
She is all like here are all the ways that I suck – in a list because lists are the bomb-digitty in the blogging world.  My kids are impossible and I don’t deal with it well.  I look like crap all the time and I drink too much wine and eat too much chocolate.  My kids are probably the same as anyone else’s – loving, healthy, sick, somewhere on the ability continuum, a bully, bullied, etc..., and like most kids, they will be better than fine in the end.  I am perfect when you need late night laughs and reassurance that compared to me; you are the best parent ever.  You’re welcome, by the way. 

That’s how I see the Mom(my) Bloggers out there. I obsess over the perfect Pinterest moms, especially the ones with large families and children with special needs.  Every time I read one of these perfect mom blogs, I walk away from my computer and whine to Wife about how other moms can handle raising many children and children with special needs.  “If they can do it why can’t I?  And they even cook!  I never cook!  What’s wrong with me?  I’m the worst.  Why am I the worst?  And you know what Wife?  You’re the worst too.  We are the actual WORST together!" But then I post this picture on Facebook:


 
And then I’m all “look at my perfect, beautiful children” right? 

I regularly look to the self-deprecating moms for virtual, and totally one-sided friendship.  Whether they work outside of the home or in the home, whether they have many or few children, whether those children are developmentally typical or not, healthy or not, we are the same.  They get me.  I get them.  And mostly, they make me feel hopeful, but sometimes, they make me feel like a total failure because in this mothering competition (It is soooo a competition!) everyone, even self-deprecating mom is beating me. 

They post photos like this too:



Pictured: The Littles swimming in an entire bag of $9 organic, gluten-free cornflakes that they dumped on the floor.  Self–deprecating mom's caption reads: “I can’t manage my kids, but aren’t they adorable?”

I occasionally glance at the blogs written by the “I’m–The-Worst-Mother-Ever-And-I’m-Not-Afraid-To-Prove-It” moms but honestly discovering that we have many things in common, makes me feel as bad about myself as discovering how little I have in common with the Pinterest moms.  At least from the Pinterest moms I can learn a few things! 

As I hashed out a description of the three types of Mom(my) Bloggers, it occurred to me that I may actually be all three types of bloggers at different times.   Hmmm… interesting and so self-reflective.

Anyway a good friend told me that I may be getting close to being one of those mom(my) bloggers who make other moms feel badly about their mothering.  If that is the case, Girlfriend, I’m sorry.  That is not my intention.   Let me tell you something, you know how Rome wasn’t built in a day?  Well, children aren’t raised in a day.  And we can thank the creator for that, because for most of us, most parts of most days are a sh%t-show.  And when it’s not?  Total win for that day!  Truthfully, I think we are all messing up  this mothering thing except for a few blogging mothers who actually are doing it all right.  I have list of their names and web addresses .  Contact me if you would like this list so you never accidently land on their blogs and totally give up because you’re obviously so far at the back of the race, you’re not even really part of it anymore.  I kid you not, some mothers are out of our league and we just shouldn’t play with them! 

Keep on, keepin’ on friends.
XO Ajike


Friday, July 25

Black Women Entrepreneurs On The Rise

by: April D. Byrd



We suppose the reports are just catching up with the facts because, Black Women have been taking charge for a while now. Over the last 17 years to be exact, according to a report by KTHV. An increasing number of minority women are starting businesses 6 times more than the national average. There are more than one million African-American female business owners in the U.S.

At this time the rise may be becoming too phenomenal to ignore. According to Bruce James Dean of Business at Philander Smith College: "As more and more African-American women obtain higher degree levels they are more likely to start their own business because they feel that they are better prepared to do so."



James issued that "one of the greater issues with not being successful for minorities and women in general is being under-capitalized when they start their business ventures". However, thanks in part to social online tools crowdfunding, millennials and minorities are overcoming the gap. One recent example is Demajali West, a young women who greatly exceeded a $17,000 Kickstarter campaign goal, for her original "hookie-do" trademark.  Many women still face obstacles in the work place dealing with double-standards, office politics, etc and have decided to take matters into their own hands.

A recent report released on the State of Black Women in 2014 revealed that black women led in labor participation rates, and were overwhelmingly likely to work, even as mothers of small children. Little Rock's KTHV, interviewed entrepreneur Cushina Scott  for a recent women's week segment,  Scott stated: " at the end of the day I'm all about women empowerment, she has everything, she can have everything. She can be what she wants to be."

We concur.

check out Scott's KTHV Interview below:



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