tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53693806117127203252024-03-13T00:03:47.744-04:00thetruthaccordingtotreyBrittneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15895407131323650614noreply@blogger.comBlogger434125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-63637546844293177012015-07-17T08:40:00.000-04:002015-07-17T08:49:56.592-04:00Things We Love About #GrowingUpBlack<div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheAprilImpact" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#GrowingUpBlack is trending online and if you've clicked it you've probably experience some nostalgia...if you're black.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are a few moments we love about growing up black and some, not so much. It has been an experience, If you can relate chances are you grew up with some flava.</span><br />
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<iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="no" height="750" src="//storify.com/aprilinspired/things-to-love-about-growingupblack/embed?header=false&template=slideshow" width="100%"></iframe><script src="//storify.com/aprilinspired/things-to-love-about-growingupblack.js?header=false&template=slideshow"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/aprilinspired/things-to-love-about-growingupblack" target="_blank">View the story "Things We Loved About #GrowingUpBlack" on Storify</a>]</noscript></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What were some of your favorite memories...or memes of growing up black?</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">follow this conversation and the latest updates on </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" style="background-color: white; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;"><b>Trey Anthony's Facebook</b></span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> fan page.</span></div>
April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-24972333912698511592015-07-04T14:18:00.000-04:002015-07-04T14:18:23.164-04:00Ava DuVernay Won’t Be Directing ‘Black Panther’ Movie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheAprilImpact" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GqbDUrjAI0c/VZghuhcMIWI/AAAAAAAAF6s/r44AKEU-KJU/s1600/ava.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GqbDUrjAI0c/VZghuhcMIWI/AAAAAAAAF6s/r44AKEU-KJU/s400/ava.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">The first Black female superhero movie director moment is going to have to be put on hold...for now. </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">It turns out those rumors of Ava DuVernay directing Marvel’s </span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Black Panther</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> movie were not totally factual—she considered it, but passed.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">The </span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Selma</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> director told Essence she did meet with execs about bringing the story of Marvel’s first superhero of color to life, but they had different ideas of how to move forward.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">“I guess I'll declare my independence from this rumor on 4th of July weekend and Essence weekend!” DuVernay said on her way to accept a McDonald’s 365 Award during the Essence Festival in New Orleans.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">“I'm not signing on to direct</span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Black Panther</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">,” she added. “I think I’ll just say we had different ideas about what the story would be. Marvel has a certain way of doing things and I think they’re fantastic and a lot of people love what they do. I loved that they reached out to me.”</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">The </span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Black Panther</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> movie is currently in the works, with Chadwick Boseman (</span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Get on Up</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">) slated to play the role of T’Challa, the ruler of the fictional nation of Wakanda and the first Black superhero to appear in a mainstream comic book franchise in the 60s.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">“I loved meeting Chadwick and writers and all the Marvel execs,” said DuVernay. “In the end, it comes down to story and perspective. And we just didn't see eye to eye. Better for me to realize that now than cite creative differences later.”</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">The civil right pilot she recently shot for CBS, tentatively titled </span><em style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">For Justice</em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">, didn’t get picked up. “We turned it in the week of the Baltimore uprising, and we had an uprising in our piece when we filmed it,” she said. “I think they thought it was a little close to real life. But I had an absolute ball making it.”</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">DuVernay, is currently filming a love story set against Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">Read the full post <a href="http://www.essence.com/2015/07/03/exclusive-ava-duvernay-not-directing-black-panther-movie" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">You can follow this conversation and the latest updates on </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" style="background-color: white; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;"><b>Trey Anthony's Facebook</b></span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"> fan page.</span>April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-45648513474522370782015-01-16T07:42:00.000-05:002015-01-16T08:02:42.342-05:00Write What Is Sacred Workshop Is Back In Session!!!<h2 style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Happy New Year!! </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">GET IT DONE!!</span></h2>
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It's a NEW year!!! It's time to take bold steps towards achieving your goals and pursuing your passion. Join me for the <em><strong>Write What is Sacred </strong></em>creative writing workshop in Toronto Canada on Jan 31st from 10am-3pm. This class is for new writers, emerging writers or established writers.<span style="font-size: 12pt;">To ensure this workshop is accessible to all, slots will be offered at a sliding scale of $49 to $99 dollars. Register for class now to take advantage of these awesome discounted rates!</span></div>
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<a href="http://writenowtoronto.eventbrite.ca/" linktype="1" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" track="on">REGISTER HERE!!!</a></div>
April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-43367235700323092132014-12-12T10:26:00.001-05:002014-12-12T13:26:29.462-05:0010 Black Women Media and Film Makers Who Inspire Us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: April D. Byrd</span></div>
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Congratulations to Ava Duvernay on becoming the first Black woman director to be nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Director in the motion picture category. Her nomination and those of other black media and film makers may be over due, but it's still inspiring. Film makers and other creative women in media like Ava give me hope. Media is a powerful tool. I'm hopeful and inspired by Ava and other creatives because their success, along with their drive <a href="http://www.affrm.com/" target="_blank">affirm</a> that our voices can and will be heard, but also honored.<br />
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Ava's work is praise worthy along with other talented black voices shaping media and film. For media creators young and old, it's good to see people who follow their passion and gain reputable success. There are a number of Black women media pioneers who are rising to the occasion and serving as inspiration, hopefully for more creatives to come. Here are a few play makers who are changing the game and leaving a legacy for the next generation.<br />
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<iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="no" height="750" src="//storify.com/aprilinspired/10-black-women-media-and-film-makers-who-inspire-u/embed?header=false&border=false&template=slideshow" width="100%"></iframe><script src="//storify.com/aprilinspired/10-black-women-media-and-film-makers-who-inspire-u.js?header=false&border=false&template=slideshow"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/aprilinspired/10-black-women-media-and-film-makers-who-inspire-u" target="_blank">View the story "10 Black Women Media and Film Makers Who Inspire Us." on Storify</a>]</noscript></div>
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Can you think of any other Black women in media and film who are changing the game? Tyra Banks, Queen Latifah, Karen Civil? You? Let us know your thoughts and picks in the comments section below. You can follow this conversation and the latest updates on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;"><b>Trey Anthony's Facebook</b></span></a> fan page.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">- April D. Byrd is a Writer, and the creator of <a href="http://breathoflifedaily.com/">breathoflifedaily.com</a></span></div>
<br />April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-90907673290480795362014-11-30T20:06:00.001-05:002014-11-30T22:43:02.000-05:00Hands Up In The Air<div>
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4.5 minutes after I read that a grand jury decided not to indict officer Darren Wilson, I sent a text to my sister in North Carolina.</div>
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<i><b>"You need to get my baby out of that f*&&ing racist place called the U.S. south!" </b></i></blockquote>
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'My baby' being my one year old precious baby nephew. A few weeks before my sister had sent me a video of my nephew at a Yo, Gabba Gabba concert, a one year old at his first live musical concert! He is wiggling and dancing in my sister's lap. Dimpled fat cheeks, laughing, eyes wide open, hands up in the air. I watched that video on repeat, laughing, tears rolling down my cheeks.</div>
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My sister and I text back and forth debating on where is the safest place to raise a young black boy. What city can he be guaranteed a chance to reach manhood? We can't think of one... </div>
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The absurdity of our conversation is not lost on me, neither is the realism of the conversation; we are trying to save a life. Later, my mother weighs in on the conversation, after all, this is her first and only grandchild. She has the audacity to want this little boy to live. She has plans to attend his foot ball games, piano recitals, graduation, perhaps some day if she allows herself to dream boldly... his wedding. We know if we do not act soon we will run out of time. My mother shares that she has read on the internet that Hawaii has the least amount of black men in prison, plus she assures me that President Obama was raised there. Do we dare to hope that he could live? And perhaps some day even be president? We quickly do the math. My sister had three more years to finish her PHD, and then as a family, we can swiftly make our exodus to Hawaii! We speak in hushed, nervous but excited tones. I swallow the rising bitterness that begins to swell in my throat and grow in my heart as the realization hits me that this is a conversation my white friends will never ever have to have with their mother or sister. In three more years my precious baby will only be four years old. His black skin and maleness will not yet be deemed a threat. Now when he puts his hands up in the air, he is an adorable, dancing baby. For now he is safe...</div>
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I read the transcripts of Mike Brown's friend, Dorian Johnson, who was with him the day he was gunned down by officer Wilson. I learn that Mike Brown also had his hands up in the air, as officer Wilson fires several shots which hit Mike Brown's,black body, two of them in his head. Before he falls to the ground, Mike Brown, gasps, " I don't have a gun..." </div>
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As I continue to read, the ever present black fatigue threatens to overtake me again; the bitterness I can no longer swallow. Hawaii seems too far away. I fear that we are running out of time. I know with certainty that death can creep upon black boys lives in an instant, when they are on their way home from buying skittles, or as twelve year olds playing in a park, or when their hands are up in the air. I know their lives aren't worth much. No matter have many hash tags are now trending I know that #blacklivesdontmatter. </div>
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But I need my precious baby's life to matter. It has to matter! I'm haunted by Travon Martin, Mike Brown, and Tamir Rice. I wonder if their families ever planned an exodus to Hawaii. I wonder if their mothers quickly did the math. I wonder if they knew they were running out of time. I wonder if black fatigue overtook them. I wonder if they knew their son's lives didn't matter. I wonder what was Mike Brown's last thoughts before he was gunned down with his eyes wide open, his hands up in the air....I replay over and over the video of my baby, he is dancing, laughing, eyes wide open, his hands up in the air. Tears rolling down my cheeks.</div>
trey anthonyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05433624186345849527noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-63277694437790213712014-11-27T23:04:00.000-05:002014-11-27T23:26:46.340-05:00Quvenzhané Wallis Slays Hard Knock Life Performance On Dancing With The Stars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: April D. Byrd</span></div>
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This performance of Hard-Knock life by Quvenzhané Wallis and company was fierce. If you didn't catch it on the show Dancing With The Stars here's the replay, or even if you did it's worth watching again...or several times. The awesome young star who we first came to love in <i>Beasts Of The Southern Wild</i> is back at it again.<br />
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Quvenzhané is starring in the remake of the film "<i>Annie</i>" which is opening in theaters on December 19th. I'm looking forward to seeing her performance in the film even more now. Go girl!!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Watch Below:</span><br />
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Are we agreed this was the cutest thing ever?! and how much are we loving that the host was pronouncing her name right! Leave your thoughts/comments below, and Join in on the conversation on <b><span style="color: orange;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions"><span style="color: orange;">Trey Anthony's Facebook Fanpage</span></a>.</span></b><br />
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-- <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">April D. Byrd is the Creator and Editor-In-Chief of </span><a href="http://breathoflifedaily.com/" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.4799995422363px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d;"><i>breathoflifedaily.com</i></span></a>April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-64050088256069889322014-11-18T08:41:00.001-05:002014-11-27T22:44:04.127-05:00Why Solange's Wedding Fro Was The Real MVP!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">by: April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
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Congratulations to Solange Knowles and Alan Ferguson on their recent wedding that "broke the internet". After the recent Kim K magazine cover that the media was buzzing about, it's good to have some pure, decent, good news floating around. That moment when you break the internet for showing your class, instead of your a** well anyway... weddings are always a good look for pop culture! <br />
<br />
Solange was classy at her wedding indeed! We're rejoicing with her and wishing her all the best this time around. Can we talk about that fabulous fro now?! That baby was a game changer! Solange's wedding is blowing up social media for being stylish and unique, but the fro itself is worth the buzz! when was the last time you saw a sista' or anyone rock a beautiful fro to their wedding?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9sm6A5JhYxg/VGtJy_fYpKI/AAAAAAAAEMA/G46p-BucSa8/s1600/solange.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9sm6A5JhYxg/VGtJy_fYpKI/AAAAAAAAEMA/G46p-BucSa8/s1600/solange.gif" height="283" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Congrats to that beautiful fro! It's not often that we see women rocking their natural fro to their big day. The natural movement has had a lot of glory thanks in part to Solange being an advocate. Her wedding fro was definitely a positive statement. Be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin...and hair.<br />
<br />
We've been lauding Solange's transition ever since she started her natural journey and she has always made a statement with it. She's continually given others the confidence to love our natural texture. I consider that going bare for the right reasons. It's rare not to see a lot of make-up, gloss and glam at weddings. Consider this blog a toast to Solange's vows before God, to her fabulous hair, and embracing natural beauty in a society that exploits photo shop, cosmetic surgery, and fictionalized beauty ideals!! Salud!!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>Kudos to Solange for rocking her natural fro... oh yeah... congrats on the wedding too!</b></i></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hey6jfEvuUc/VGtMEZRepHI/AAAAAAAAEMM/tEwCXMDaXGQ/s1600/lolmvp.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hey6jfEvuUc/VGtMEZRepHI/AAAAAAAAEMM/tEwCXMDaXGQ/s1600/lolmvp.gif" height="182" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful wedding fro, you're the real MVP!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Ladies, Gentleman would you rock your natural fro to your big day? How simple would you go? Leave your thoughts/comments below on Solange's wedding day fro, and Join in on the conversation on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;"><b>Trey Anthony's Facebook Fanpage</b></span></a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
-April D. Byrd is the Creator and Editor-In-Chief of <a href="http://breathoflifedaily.com/" target="_blank">breathoflifedaily.com </a>April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-40163001942613500232014-11-07T13:25:00.002-05:002014-11-07T13:25:48.408-05:00Adoption and Teachers and Watching What You Say<div class="MsoNormal">
by Ajike Akande</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The weirdest thing happened the other morning when I dropped
Z at school ON TIME!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I
realize the fact that I managed to get him to school on time is, in itself a
weird thing, but it’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the </i>weird
thing I’m referring to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(You’ll
be happy to know if you read my posts about my encounters with the <a href="http://thetruthaccordingtotrey.blogspot.ca/2013/11/dear-late-slip-lady.html">Late SlipLady</a> last year, that Z has been late only five times this school year!) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The weird thing took place when I ran into his teacher who
has been on parental leave since last January, when Z was in grade 1, and will
be returning as his teacher this coming January.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We started chatting about Z’s struggles in math, which are
significant and out of the “everybody learns at their own pace” range.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said, “Well you don’t know the
family history, right?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wait,
what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are new to my almost weekly blog posts, Z is
adopted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came home at four
months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was born close to
Toronto, where we live and our adoption was through the public system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is awesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is also a kid, so sometimes he hides
his awesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am happy to tell you
all of these things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On most days,
Z is happy to tell you these things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What I am not happy to share, nor do I appreciate be asked about, are
the details of his family history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also do not appreciate the assumption that the more challenging things
about him, such as his inaptitude for math, are connected to his family
history, which, of course, is assumed to be bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not saying that family history, medical and otherwise,
is not significant, but as Z’s parents, Wife and I can, with or without
asked-for support, consider the role of our son’s birth family’s history play in
his current abilities and share what is necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where he comes from is important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s part of his life story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His entire life story has and will always be important but
it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">his</i> personal story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Interestingly, in this same conversation, I mentioned
(bragged) that our Z will be playing a mouse in the professional production of
The Nutcracker this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
surprisingly, the teacher did not look sympathetically at me and say “Well you
don’t know the family history!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
his special talent in and unwavering love for, dance could not have possibly been
a gift from his birth family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can
we please stop demonizing the birth parents that place their children for
adoption?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can we please stop
assuming that they have influenced their children negatively?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please stop assuming you know where my
kid comes from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And please stop
blaming his birth family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
really nobody’s business what Z’s history is until he or we invite them to make
it their business. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JuP7q23EElU/VF0M0TMML6I/AAAAAAAAAGI/qR6MMU4Kfjk/s1600/Zeke%2Bthe%2Bgardiner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JuP7q23EElU/VF0M0TMML6I/AAAAAAAAAGI/qR6MMU4Kfjk/s1600/Zeke%2Bthe%2Bgardiner.jpg" height="320" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2 yr old Z ready to garden...obviously<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yes, there are occasions when a child’s history,
biological and otherwise, is essential to supporting them in school, but I just
wish that people would simmer down with the assumptions and trust that all
parents want what’s best for the children and will share information that is
relevant and important to help their children learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I do know that there are parents who have kept truly
pertinent information about their child, be they adopted or not, from teachers
and caregivers but this is not the norm.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reflecting on this exchange, I wish I had told his teacher
that her question/comment was inappropriate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also wish I had said, “What difference does his family
history make? He is a student who is almost two grade levels
below in math, what are you going to do about it?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of playing detective and trying to find answers for
who or what caused this problem, spend some time trying to understand his needs
as a learner and just teach him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Start where he’s at (not where he should be) and teach him until he
learns it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not easy, but kinda
simple, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phew, glad that’s off my chest!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for reading my rant!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
XO Ajike </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
* Some of you reading this may be thinking about race being
a factor in the teacher’s comments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> For the record, </span>I think it is, but I just don’t have the capacity or time to grapple
with that issue in a blog post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Additionally, I know that I really only skimmed the surface when it comes
to issues around disclosure and adoption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hope you understand that my lack of depth here is not for lack of
understanding of the issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-59498581988121769432014-10-22T22:30:00.001-04:002014-10-22T22:30:24.971-04:00'Roid Rage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
by Ajike Akande</div>
<br />
Where I live the temperature has dropped significantly and
there is no denying we are deep in the heart of autumn. It’s either grey and rainy or brisk and
sunny. With the arrival of autumn
is also the arrival of flu season.
Don’t worry this is not going to be a post about the flu shot and
whether or not you should get it.
In my house some of us get it, and some don’t for a variety of
reasons. Regardless of the flu
shot, however, our Mr. Lee will spend many weeks of the next six months
hacking, taking his puffers and hanging out in the emergency room at our local
children’s hospital. It’s all good
times for him throughout the many months of cold!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mr. Lee has poorly controlled asthma with a side of 4
anaphylactic allergies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is also
a buzzing, busy three year old who is otherwise healthy so I rarely shelter him
from people who are sick, and therefore he catches every virus his snotty
buddies have to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get
me wrong, I encourage frequent hand washing and request that he not lick people
as a way to greet them, but he’s wee, and if licking makes him feel closer to
his friends, then that’s a risk we’ll have to take!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would</i>
be happy if he got sick less and if every cough didn’t turn into a trip to the
hospital for heavy doses of Ventolin (airway opener) and inhaled and liquid
steroids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The high doses of
steroids are really, really bad for a small body (any body actually) but when
it comes to breathing the benefits outweigh the risks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not just stress on his body that I
am concerned about it’s also the monthly experience of spending time with a
three year old fountain of energy loaded up with steroids!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not exaggerating when I say that
my three year old has ‘Roid Rage!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you know Animal from the Muppets?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is regular Animal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is also essentially regular Mr.
Lee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BQIe9uNjkVo/VEhjuGRqF-I/AAAAAAAAAFs/QvJ5zxE_oz0/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BQIe9uNjkVo/VEhjuGRqF-I/AAAAAAAAAFs/QvJ5zxE_oz0/s1600/giphy.gif" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is what I imagine Animal looks like full of steroids
and Ventolin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a fraction
of Mr. Lee’s intensity when full of steroids and Ventolin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TDsu0uloUKI/VEhkMnlYNeI/AAAAAAAAAF0/wOjiXeP1L9Q/s1600/giphy%2B(1).gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TDsu0uloUKI/VEhkMnlYNeI/AAAAAAAAAF0/wOjiXeP1L9Q/s1600/giphy%2B(1).gif" height="185" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last weekend I spent two days hanging out in the emergency
unit with Animal aka Mr. Lee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never forget that I’m a lucky mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that Mr. Lee’s trips to the
hospital will last only a day or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has never had to be admitted because we are now experienced and
comfortable taking care of our sick, but pretty healthy, guy at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know when to return to the hospital
and they’re always open (thanks for that, by the way).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m surprisingly not worried about a sick Mr. Lee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, my chill attitude about
our little asthmatic was challenged when I took him in last weekend and his
oxygen saturation was low enough that he needed an oxygen mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was informed by the nurse, as she
quickly got an oxygen mask on him, that my baby was apparently about to pass
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was surprised he usually
doesn't get that bad, but he gladly took the oxygen mask and gladly tore it off
when he didn’t need it anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Being the weirdo that I am, as soon as I knew that Mr. Lee was okay and
in good hands (i.e.: not mine), I stopped worrying about him and turned my
attention to my favourite anxious thoughts reserved for when I am with my
children’s health care providers: Do they think I’m a bad mother?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I seem neglectful or uncaring? Do
I seem totally neurotic?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my
favourite over the top thought: Do I have Munchausen by proxy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who thinks these things? Anyway, Mr. Lee must have noticed that I had hopped on my crazy,
anxiety train and it was up to him to get me off. Fully loaded on liquid steroids and 34 (I kid you not) puffs
within an hour of “rescue inhalers” to open up his airway, he got to work on
redirecting my attention. How you
ask? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know who has an unnatural level of strength and
anger?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A three year old on a drug
that increases his heart rate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am not sure if Mr. Lee wanted to guarantee that I never have any more children
(never going to happen) or that I never use the bathroom again without crying,
but the swift kicks between my legs were a surefire way to guarantee that I
remembered that he was the man of the hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And why stop at kicking? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He bit me, scratched me, slapped me and my favourite – he
grabbed my face so hard with his razor sharp nails and held on while screaming
at the top of his lungs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
been trying to quell the screaming (to no avail) but was grateful for it when
he wouldn’t let go of my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
nurse – not our nurse, but a nurse taking care of a much calmer child, came
into the room, wondering if I was removing hairs from my child’s head one at a
time, causing him to scream out for help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She took one look at me and leach-boy and jumped into action to release
Mr. Lee’s painful grip around my cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I told her that I loved her, as you do, she
smiled and suggested that I walk the wild child around the emergency unit until
the doctor could see him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The walk about was a good idea indeed and grabbing sterile bottles and
gauze and pushing dirty linen hampers around is not at all disruptive to the
families with truly sick children and the health care professionals trying to care
for them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry hospital friends, I
am hoping that the cost of hospital parking will cover the damages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listen, I am not giving up on our goal to drastically
decrease the number of times we visit the ER this school year, but considering
that this is the second time since the beginning of September, the odds aren’t
looking so good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course the
silver lining, because usually if you look hard enough, you can find it, is
that nurse Anju and I can catch up every month and talk about our twins and I
can watch another set of talented medical residents make it through another
year. I am starting to feel a real closeness with the ER staff and let’s face
it “sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name”!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cheers, (just kidding)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stay healthy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
XO Ajike</div>
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<br />Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-68365377960074970282014-10-16T23:53:00.001-04:002014-10-16T23:55:09.467-04:00Infinity Scarves, Panic Attacks & Over-sharing<div class="clearfix _5x46" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12.2880001068115px; margin-bottom: 11px; zoom: 1;">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
by Ajike Akande</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was pregnant with our first set of twins my mother
told me that she would pay for me to have a tummy tuck after the babes were
born. Please note she didn’t even
qualify this offer with statements like “If you want….” or even the less kind
“If you need…”, she just went for the jugular (or tummy, in this case) and
assumed that I would both need and want a tummy tuck! I was offended and shocked and seriously considered calling
the feminist police! This story,
by the way, has nothing to do with anything, I just really wanted to share it
with you folks because well, an actual person (who I love beyond words),
offered to pay for my future tummy tuck.
This kind of thing warrants documentation! Full stop.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few interesting things have been brought to my
attention recently: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. I over-share
on this here blog. My brother said
this. He’s a nice guy and all, but
we have never really seen eye to eye about anything. This is not only because he’s 6’6 and I am 5’3.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. One of my
nearest and dearest friends told me that she finds my commitment to the
infinity scarf unsettling and annoying.
Something about it being a way that otherwise disheveled parents make
themselves look put together. She
declared this truth as though it’s a bad thing. I thank God every day for infinity scarves and that there is
a surefire way to take leggings (yes they are so pants) and runners up a notch!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. My
unfocussed rambling, out loud and in writing, is charming and adorable. Nobody said this or probably even thought
this but it’s so true, right? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 1.38;">Okay so before you close your computer and stop reading this
nonsense, I’m going to bring this all together.</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 1.38;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 1.38;">Last Saturday I had my first by-definition panic
attack.</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;"> </span><span style="line-height: 1.38;">I actually had my first
panic attack after our first baby Isaiah died.</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;"> </span><span style="line-height: 1.38;">I don’t really count that time because temporarily falling completely
apart and shattering like glass is, in my view, not an exceptional response to
the loss of a child.</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;"> </span><span style="line-height: 1.38;">I’m not a
doctor, nor do I play one on TV, so I could be wrong in saying that what I had
after Isaiah died was not a panic attack but I am going with it, therefore
making last Saturday’s panic attack my first.</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I<span style="line-height: 1.38;">f you have never had a panic attack, just don’t. There are a bazillion other, less
scary, things to do when you are alone in your house. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t catch my breath. My heart was racing; head was spinning. I thought it would never end. My mom, who I called on the phone, but could not actually speak to, listened to whole thing. It was
all she could do. Unbeknownst to
me she was getting ready to leave her house while on the phone in case she
needed to come over. I thought I
would have to go to the hospital.
But after about 20 minutes the panic attack was done. I was catching my breath and sipping water. I was relieved to discover that panic
attacks do end and don’t cause actual heart attacks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would love to say that my panic attack was caused by some
sort of cognitive distortion - that my mind was focusing on something that isn’t
real or awful or that I was letting a fear take over. The truth is, I was trying to solve some very real problems – how to ensure
that there is always someone available to be one on one with Miss O, how to
approach Z’s teachers about the fact that he is seriously behind in math, how
to support Wife in her efforts to spend quality one on one time with G-Dog
whose anxiety goes through the roof when she is being separated from her
siblings, how on earth to stop Mr. Lee from calling me a Butthead and about a million other things. With the pressure of family time (nuclear and
extended) over Thanksgiving it was all too much. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not that long after losing control of my
body and thoughts during a panic attack, I was back to mothering as Wife and
the kiddos came busting into the house after riding scooters. We played and got on with the business
of being a busy, chaotic pack. Naturally, I dawned my infinity scarf.
I looked like I had it all together. I didn’t, but nobody could tell.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Tuesday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist (This
may be what my brother was referring to when he said that I over-share!). Feeling that feelings of intense anxiety – not full-blown attacks but serious
anxiety, were becoming a consistent part of my days, I decided I wanted to ask
for a prescription for Ativan.
This seemed like a reasonable thing to help me get through those moments when I couldn’t
just breathe through the anxiety. Unfortunately, the challenges of asking for psychiatric
drugs is not lost on me, so I was worried about how “the ask” would go. I posted this on Facebook:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l39CklRuBcE/VECKxi1unRI/AAAAAAAAAFE/HyRfD4TfnBg/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-16%2Bat%2B11.07.16%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l39CklRuBcE/VECKxi1unRI/AAAAAAAAAFE/HyRfD4TfnBg/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-16%2Bat%2B11.07.16%2BAM.png" height="117" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because my friends are awesome, I received some hilarious
suggestions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is what I chose to wear:</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pPuVH1yoxa0/VECLT-ypAVI/AAAAAAAAAFM/SXwFcaOgvIc/s1600/IMAG1490.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pPuVH1yoxa0/VECLT-ypAVI/AAAAAAAAAFM/SXwFcaOgvIc/s1600/IMAG1490.jpg" height="320" width="182" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not seen here: black skinny jeans and colourful canvas shoes (conservative with a touch of cheery)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I considered the look featured below, but with the scarf, I
just thought I looked<i> too</i> together, and
that she would think I was possibly asking for the drugs to sell not for
personal use! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iKMFJAXn4uY/VECKeUu2oZI/AAAAAAAAAE8/q-9esp9BLSQ/s1600/IMAG1460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iKMFJAXn4uY/VECKeUu2oZI/AAAAAAAAAE8/q-9esp9BLSQ/s1600/IMAG1460.jpg" height="320" width="182" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess I passed the imaginary test. I got me some Ativan. I have not filled the script. The yoga breathing, that I have never
and likely <i>will </i>never use while doing yoga, seems to be working. I am aware more aware than ever, how much time I
spend on looking like I have it all together. I needed my Facebook family to help me decide what to wear to the psychiatrist, after all. The makeup and sparkly jewelry, the scarf and the well-timed
sarcastic remarks make my depression and anxiety really palatable to those
around me including the people who are in positions of power with the ability
to directly impact how I manage my mental health. I “pass”. I
have access. I have education and
knowledge and money. I have
confidence. With this power and
access, I am able, with far greater ease than most, to care for my babies and
myself. When not in the middle of
a panic attack or one of the many frustrating and hard parenting moments I face
every day, I remember this privilege.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My take away from this post? (I’m pretty sure I write just to find the answers to my own
burning questions.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Buy more
infinity scarves and know that sometimes I wear them because well, fashion, but
sometimes they may also double as a mask.
I am not the only parent using this (or another) mask to look like I've got it all together. The parents that we see at the park, in
the grocery store, at work, who look like they’re doing just fine, may not
have it together at all. They may
be employing the "fake it ‘til you make it" strategy just like me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Be aware of
the privileges that I hold that make it never easy, but probably <i>easier </i>to deal with my mental health
issues. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. I am doing
fine without a tummy tuck. Thank
you very much! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HnOY3M_uxAA/VECQ7mBhASI/AAAAAAAAAFc/VysPvV3411E/s1600/barbers-of-eglinton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HnOY3M_uxAA/VECQ7mBhASI/AAAAAAAAAFc/VysPvV3411E/s1600/barbers-of-eglinton.jpg" height="136" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. It is
totally reasonable to cut my hair every two weeks, even if I have hardly any
hair to begin with, because it makes me look like I have it all together and it makes me <i>feel </i>hot! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gotta go. My
barber is calling me to the chair.
Not even making this up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
XO Ajike </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
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</h5>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-17466665415896629692014-10-09T00:11:00.001-04:002014-10-09T00:11:55.563-04:00Breaking Up Is Not So Hard To Do<div class="MsoNormal">
by: Ajike Akande</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Silverman-Akandes have broken up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorta.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the weekends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think we’re onto something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let me explain…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WJLSfK5yUlE/VDX81V5KhSI/AAAAAAAAAEo/QE8T8a59sRw/s1600/absense%2Bmakes%2Bthe%2Bheart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WJLSfK5yUlE/VDX81V5KhSI/AAAAAAAAAEo/QE8T8a59sRw/s1600/absense%2Bmakes%2Bthe%2Bheart.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember back in August, I wrote about how Wife and I
decided we were big family parents without considering whether or not we would
actually have big family kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can read that post <a href="http://thetruthaccordingtotrey.blogspot.ca/2014/08/better-together.html">he</a><a href="http://thetruthaccordingtotrey.blogspot.ca/2014/08/better-together.html">re</a>. (By the way, I have learned that
deciding what kind of parent you are before you are actually a parent, or a
parent under specific circumstances, is a waste of time unless you like being
totally wrong and caught off guard.
You’ve been warned. You are
welcome.) At least one person
every day tells me that they couldn’t possibly handle raising five kids, or
twins, or two sets of twins.
Basically my whole life as a parent is something most people have no
problem telling me, they couldn’t handle!
This does not help me on the really bad days because on bad days I don’t
think I can’t handle it either but I do handle it because, well the small humans depend on me to
handle my s#*t! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Apparently, I’ve got a parenting situation some (many?)
people don’t want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about the
kids though?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t even know
that their family could be different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have two moms, a whack of brothers and sisters - one who passed
away before they could meet her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Z
has a Tummy Mommy, a mommy and a mama and little sisters and a brother who are
twins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are mixed race,
and not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are Jewish with a
mommy who is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their family is
their family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They only know that
having a family of five kids is a big deal because they hear what people say
when they find out!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wife and I
talk about how hard and intense it is to have a larger family, but the kids
don’t talk about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think we
all know, however, that just because they don’t talk about how hard it is,
doesn’t mean that they don’t feel it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Assuming that, like us, our children feel a little
overwhelmed when all seven of us are together for the less structured weekend,
we decided to do something about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Without asking the children their opinion (Why would we ask their opinion?)
we decided that every weekend the Silverman-Akandes would split up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many families use the divide and
conquer strategy for an afternoon, or a whole day or occasional weekends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We like to take extreme measures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(This nugget of information should not
surprise you.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friends, until
further notice, we will break up every weekend, except holiday weekends when we
will grit our teeth and lean in to the tantrums!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the children finish their 9am dance class on Saturdays,
two or three of them head up north with Wife to my family’s farm and the remaining
kids, which always includes Z, the tiny and heavily programmed dancer, stay
home with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are about five weeks into The Great Weekend Divide aaaaaand,
it’s working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not perfect,
but it’s working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids are
happier and calmer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So are we.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss Wife and Saturday night take-out
in front of Netflix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither of us
gets a break, because we are always with at least two children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids miss each other and the mom
that they are not with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, going
up north with mama means a slow, quiet weekend with no chores to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Staying in the city with me means a chance
to hang out with friends (if I get my butt in gear to make that happen) and
definitely some kind of sweet treat while being schlepped between dance studios
with the tiny dancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Splitting up
also means that we can switch it up so that the twin sets can bond with someone
other than their regular partner in crime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The opportunity for our children to develop stronger
connections with each other is the sweetest bonus of the weekend break-up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As it turns out friends, the Silverman-Akandes are not
better - good, but not better, together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Together we are loud love, non-stop giggles, frequent fights, high highs
and the lowest of the lows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Together we are shoulders up around our ears and kitchen dance
parties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are extreme – the same
way we are all week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
separate weekends, the 30 hours under different roofs, provides everyone with the
same good times but just enough calm to stalk up on cuddles and attention to
survive another busy school week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T2h2nbiz5oE/VDX81Y66ghI/AAAAAAAAAEk/62-IrFOplbY/s1600/divide%2Band%2Bconquer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T2h2nbiz5oE/VDX81Y66ghI/AAAAAAAAAEk/62-IrFOplbY/s1600/divide%2Band%2Bconquer.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not surprisingly, every weekend, G-Dog whines to us that “we
are a family and we’re supposed to be together.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love that she feels this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also suspect that somewhere she knows that together is not
always better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
XO Ajike </div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
P.S. I don’t want to beg (at least not in a totally obvious
way) but if my peeps showed up at my house on a Saturday night with or without
(preferably with) a bottle of wine, I would totally let you in!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-50156293478291258022014-10-01T15:15:00.001-04:002014-10-01T15:15:38.037-04:00Me: Tree, You: Apple <div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p>by: Ajike Akande</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have all heard the expression “the apple doesn’t fall far
from the tree.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you noticed
that the expression is rarely used in a positive way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s never like “Wow, your kid is so funny and
brilliant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The apple doesn’t fall far
from the tree!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s more like
“Your child talks a lot (read: too much) and is super stubborn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The apple doesn’t fall far from the
tree!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is “wrong” with the tree
is sometimes “wrong” with the apple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nature, nurture or combo of the two - doesn’t matter, sometimes the
apple just falls right next to the tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We often reap what we sew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes we could stand to cut a new pattern before getting our stitch
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our marvelous and “extra” G-dog was recently diagnosed with
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) (why be specific about anxiety, always go
for a catch-all) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could have a debate about the
problems with diagnosing and labelling kids as well as the degree to which the
people who do the diagnosing actually know our kiddos, but that’s a
conversation, not a blog post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wife and I have chosen to let “the people” assess and diagnose our
kiddos because the process and the information gathered may be helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may also be a waste of time, but
hope springs eternal that it will help us, and most importantly, them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Assessment and diagnosis doesn’t change our kids or their
behaviours except maybe <br />
G-Dog’s. During a public tantrum (the best kind of tantrum), days after meeting
with the psychiatrists at our local children’s hospital, when I asked her to
speak kindly to me and not hit me, she yelled, with a familiar scrunched up,
gritted teeth face, “Didn’t you hear the doctors?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not like you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m a different person!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not like everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hit and
scream! I’m not like you!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First
of all, G-Dog you are sooooo like me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Secondly, this scene serves as a reminder of what can happen when assessing,
diagnosing and labelling kids – they start to believe their diagnosis is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">who</i> they are not something that makes
life, in many cases, harder and hopefully what provides them with some unique
gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fortunately, after we received the diagnosis or what I like
to think of as the black and white documented reminder that G-Dog is not doing this
- the tantrums, the hitting, the rigidity on purpose, she was offered a space
in a therapy group for wee ones with anxiety & and difficult behaviour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the way, the reminder that she is
not doing this on purpose is the most important part of the whole assessment
and diagnosis process for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyway, for 10 weeks anxious kids get together and teach each other new
things to be anxious about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could
you imagine?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In reality the kiddos
get together and learn how to manage their anxious thoughts and subsequent
behaviour, while the parents learn how to support their kids who just feel
things “extra”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At our parenting group last week, we were introduced to a
temperament rating scale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
looked at different areas such as sensitivity, adaptability, and approach to
new things and had to plot ourselves, our partners and our kids on the scale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not surprisingly, we were asked to
examine the scale after to see if we could notice any patterns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know where I’m going with this
don’t you? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In front of me, was a
temperament scale confirming that Grace’s behaviour was not her fault; it was
mine!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nurture is powerful but it
seems to be that I, through nature, have passed on some of the special traits
that make me totally “extra”! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wife and Grace, are on opposite ends of the scale in every
category.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They do not share
genetics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Based on the temperament
scale, Grace and I share ALL the genetics!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me: tree, Grace: apple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She feels too deeply, I take 295mg of psychiatric drugs a
day so I don’t feel too deeply!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
screams with such intensity and volume that it can be very scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve worked hard (and succeeded) at not
dealing with my anger in that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is good at understanding how others feel and when she feels love,
everybody hears about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I “get” my baby G-Dog and
maybe when she’s older she’ll get her mommy too. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-In5ErcHUcCo/VCxRoDta38I/AAAAAAAAAEU/3wetM6FJLU4/s1600/IMAG0732.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-In5ErcHUcCo/VCxRoDta38I/AAAAAAAAAEU/3wetM6FJLU4/s1600/IMAG0732.jpg" height="320" width="181" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that it has been brought to my attention that my little
apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, I want to write something that one day I
will share with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To my G-Dog, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First we have to get something out of the way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you know how much I love you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will probably never really know,
it’s just so, so, SO much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know you don’t always feel my love for you because you see
my angry face, even when I’m not making one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t always feel my love because you hear my deep
sigh, that is about how tired I am or overwhelmed I feel or annoyed I am with
the driver in front of me, and think it’s about you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t feel my love because you listen carefully to every
syllable of every word that comes out of my mouth seemingly listening for
frustration or anger or flippancy directed towards you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You do all of these things, so you may
not always feel my love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to
do the same to my mommy, your nanny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In fact I sometimes still listen and look for Nanny’s unspoken feelings
about me but now I don’t mention it to her, I tell Mama instead!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama loves having to debrief my
conversations with Nanny; it may be her most favourite thing about living with
me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The point is, G-Dog, I understand the worry you feel about
how much Mama and I love you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
sweet, you are one of my five favourite imperfect people on this earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(The other four are your brothers and
sisters.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how much you hate
to be wrong, but when it comes to you thinking that I don’t love you as much as
I love all the Silverman-Akande small humans, you are wrong kiddo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really, really wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I adore you girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s just the way it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aaannnnd you are imperfect (so am I) so
sometimes I gots to lay it down and let you know ‘cuz that’s my job as your
mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I never stop loving you
even when I’m angry.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when you complain about having to leave the house to go
anywhere new, especially a party, I know how you’re feeling. I have to fight my
urge to just say, “Don’t worry baby, we can stay home and cuddle up on the
couch and watch our favourite shows and eat the same things we always we eat, 'cuz we hate change.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never want
to go to parties and meet new people and eat new food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Mama makes me go, or even better,
when I make myself go, I often have a really good time. I’ve had to learn to
push past the “I don’t want to leave the house” feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope I do a good job at showing you
that I understand your fear while encouraging you to do what’s hard because I
want you to know that you can do hard things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing, you are a whole lot of “extra”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You feel deep, deep, deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so wonderful, it can also be hard
and exhausting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You come from a
long line of deep feelers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When feeling
so much is hard, know that I am sorry to have given you this burden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When feeling so much is wonderful, know
that I am honoured to have given you this gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are so much alike, but we are not the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will do with your “extra” self,
what you wish to and what you need to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hope you do better than I have with all your big feelings because you
are learning about them and how they work inside of you as a little one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mommy had to grow up and become a
lesbian and subsequently go through years of therapy before I started
understanding my big feelings. (Seriously G-Dog coming out as a lesbian and
then enrolling in therapy was a “thing” in my day.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
G-Dog you are extra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Extra sweet, extra intense, extra funny, extra stubborn, extra clever,
extra curious, extra sensitive and extra, extra special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As your little sister would say, “I
love you twice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as your little
brother would say, “I love you this, big much!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Carry on lil’ warrior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can do hard things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
xo Mommy</div>
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* “Carry on warrior” the name of Glennon Melton’s book</div>
Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-11683431601563437332014-09-19T16:42:00.002-04:002014-09-19T16:42:51.101-04:00Why Sheryl Underwood Is A BOSS<span style="font-size: xx-small;">By: April D. Byrd</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XDl_djD-GKM/VByUWCzr3BI/AAAAAAAAEIg/9Jkq82ugC2g/s1600/sheryl-underwood-aprilinspired.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XDl_djD-GKM/VByUWCzr3BI/AAAAAAAAEIg/9Jkq82ugC2g/s1600/sheryl-underwood-aprilinspired.jpg" height="287" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
"I was bruised, but I wasn't Broken"! We've all been there. The Powerful words came from Sheryl Underwood Co-Host of <i>"The Talk</i>" when she revealed a juicy secret on the show.<br />
<br />
Sheryl's presentation of her truth turned out to be one of the most absolute boss moves I've ever seen on TV. and I didn't actually see it on a TV, but of course #SherylUnderwood was trending, because that's how BOSS it was!<br />
<br />
If you haven't seen the video already you might want to check it out! <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Below):</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Share your thoughts about it in the comments section. </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
What did you think about Sheryl's share? Do you think it was appropriate? Would you have done it?<br />
Leave a comment below and Keep up with the Convo on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">Trey Anthony's Fan Page!</span></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
April D. Byrd is on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired." target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">@aprilinspired.</span></a><br />
<br />April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-45361114046176128602014-09-17T09:00:00.000-04:002014-09-17T09:00:10.628-04:00Special Needs Parenting - Superstar Miss O<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt; mso-line-height-alt: 10.65pt; mso-para-margin-bottom: .01gd; mso-para-margin-left: 0cm; mso-para-margin-right: 0cm; mso-para-margin-top: .01gd;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by: Ajike Akande</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: .1pt; mso-line-height-alt: 10.65pt; mso-para-margin-bottom: .01gd; mso-para-margin-left: 0cm; mso-para-margin-right: 0cm; mso-para-margin-top: .01gd;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For sometime on this here blog, I have been touching on what is
going on with Miss O and G-Dog, without really getting into the nitty
gritty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just haven’t felt like I
could or should totally “go there” but I think it’s about time that I start
talking about and naming my girls’ challenges. I recently started following </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/about-2/">Diary of a Mom</a></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, a blog written by a mom with two awesome girls, one of whom is
autistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I find the
Diary mom way too perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She never complains about the challenges of raising a child with special
needs but focuses on how she manages the challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seemingly advocates effortlessly for her daughter and
celebrates her beautifully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s
also a fabulous phone photographer and captures her ridiculously beautiful
daughters perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A little bit,
I hate her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The point is, though, her daily stories help me see my little
monkeys in a different way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
posts make me feel less frustrated and more loving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They make me want to do better as a mom to kids with
challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for reasons not
clear to me right now, her blog makes me feel as though I have a right to take
up some space in the corner of the blogosphere occupied by parents of kids with
special needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This won’t be my last post about raising kiddos with special
needs, but it’s not what I plan to write about all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also need to be clear that all
children, regardless of their needs, are totally frustrating and stress
inducing (and also awesome) so just because some of my children have special
needs does not mean I won’t complain about how annoying they all can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it makes you feel any better, I am
100% sure that they will (do?) complain about me and Wife just as much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should also say that I’m not a parent
who feels like our children’s challenges are a blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">children</i>
are a true blessing; their challenges are not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You won’t hear me saying that I wouldn’t change anything
about them, ‘cuz I would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would
take away the part of their brain that makes a seam in their socks feel like a
needle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would take away the part
of them that makes surprises no fun at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would take away the part that makes it hard for them to
persevere when they are trying to explain what they want or what they think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while that absence of those things
would make parenting them easier, I wouldn’t take away the tough stuff for me,
I would do it for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our Miss O
is the happiest person you’ll ever meet but there are parts of every single day
that are excruciating for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nobody wants that for their child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>G-Dog has to push through a whole lot of worries which make her so angry
and so defiant, to find her happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel for her and wish it were different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To write about both girls and their special needs, would take a
really long time, so I’ll start with Miss O who is having the hardest time
these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Almost two years ago, Miss O went through a developmental and
cognitive assessment as well as genetic testing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end, we were told that her genetics were beautiful
(thank you Mom and Dad and Sperm Donor Guy), that her results landed on the
diagnostic cusp of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and that she will likely have
a learning disability based on early cognitive testing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In regards to an ASD diagnosis, we were
told that girls are often diagnosed later than boys and that we may find that
as she gets older and the social demands increase, she will meet the diagnostic
criteria for ASD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watch and see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they told us about her results in
the cognitive tests, we all agreed that it was too soon to really know anything
about any learning difficulties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a little unfair to test what has definitely not been taught.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let the child go to school before we
decide she has trouble learning!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But, of course, parents know their kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before her third birthday she had received physical,
occupational and speech therapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Being the superstar that she is, she took that therapy and told us all
where to go when she reached every goal we set within the time we had hoped,
but we still had this feeling that our superstar daughter wasn’t like other
kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With a built in comparison
in her twin sister, the differences were hard to ignore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After being told that she had the characteristics of a child with
autism except that she was too social and too interested in sharing her world
with those around her, we learned about ways that we could support her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We confirmed that she has Sensory
Processing Disorder (SPD), learned about issues of sleep and autism and
starting using picture schedules and social stories to help her manage daily
routines and transitions as well as new outings and experiences better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We found an amazing <a href="http://www.yesicannurseryschool.com/">school </a>that offers an
integrated program with 20% of the class having ASD, communication disorders or
other developmental issues. (G-Dog has joined her sister at <a href="http://www.yesicannurseryschool.com/">Yes I Can</a> and we truly believe
that both girls are getting a wonderful program that meets their needs.) We
carried on as though Miss O had a confirmed ASD diagnosis, because we truly
felt that that was what was coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, almost two years after Miss O’s initial assessment, we will
be heading back to the team of psychologists, therapists and nurses to repeat
the assessments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are starting
to see significant regression and loss of skills in Miss O and she is having
greater difficultly getting through the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are seeing our smart, funny child with excellent language
skills, who expresses herself well, struggle to communicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are seeing our kind and
compassionate child become overwhelmed and behave inappropriately towards
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Miss O needs more support
and we need guidance and an actual diagnosis to ensure that she gets it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Knowing that the assessment will take place in the next couple of
months, I have said to close friends and Wife, that I feel as though we are on the
verge of receiving bad news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t know for sure what this new assessment will reveal but I know in my heart
that our awesome, superstar Miss O experiences this world a bit differently
and that can be really hard for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And while I think the news will be “bad”, like all news, it won’t be a
big deal for long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’ll be the
same kid, that fills and breaks my heart every day, but we will, and most
importantly, she will have more information about how to turn down the
excruciating and turn up the joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_lfhLKO7AIo/VBj_D6toEII/AAAAAAAAAD0/cA5dIi0OPEE/s1600/IMAG1150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_lfhLKO7AIo/VBj_D6toEII/AAAAAAAAAD0/cA5dIi0OPEE/s1600/IMAG1150.jpg" height="301" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I will definitely share more as we learn more about Miss O.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before signing off, I have to share
this: One of the things that we have discovered about Miss O, is that nothing
calms her hurting heart like YouTube videos, specifically Tyler Ward’s acoustic
version of Rihanna’s song Umbrella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After an epic (sorry neighbours) meltdown last Sunday evening we watched
the Umbrella video 12 times in a row!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In. A. Row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the only
thing that would calm her down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was truly remarkable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So these days, when her calm, and her joy go missing, she finds them in
this video.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually wrote Tyler
Ward a letter thanking him!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
probably won’t respond because, ah, weird mom, but I had to thank him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He totally saved Sunday!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just in case you have misplaced your calm or joy, or you love a
good acoustic cover of a pop song (they’re soooo great), here’s the video:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/d81bz66lS4g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oh and here are the lyrics to the song that Miss O, after
screaming for 20 minutes, listened to 12 times while cuddling with me with her head
on my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may have cried
listening to the lyrics and soaked the dear child’s head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just read the lyrics, you would cry too (if it happened to you)!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><i>You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart<br />
Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star<br />
Baby 'cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars<br />
And that's when you need me there<br />
With you, I'll always share<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><i>Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together<br />
Told you I'll be here forever<br />
Said I'll always be your friend<br />
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><i>Now that it's raining more than ever<br />
Know that we'll still have each other<br />
You can stand under my umbrella<br />
You can stand under my umbrella </i></span><i style="font-family: Arial;">(Ella ella, eh
eh eh) </i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Arial;">Under my umbrella (Ella ella, eh eh eh) </i><i style="font-family: Arial;">Under my umbrella</i></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">XO Ajike<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-29329727363717172812014-09-10T01:08:00.003-04:002014-09-10T07:19:58.115-04:00Growing Out Of Babyhood<div class="MsoNormal">
by Ajike Akande</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few months ago I took things up a notch and adopted a
little “5 minute (makeup) face” routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have come to truly love rosy cheeks and glossy lips, but I don’t spend
the 5 minutes in front of the mirror applying makeup while trying to prevent my
children, who are always crowded around me, from dumping multiple shades of
blush on the floor, because I believe my beauty lives in a MAC bottle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quite like a natural look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spend the time because I don’t want
the small children I see over the course of a day to be scared off by the dark
circles and substantial puff around my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite frankly, it’s not pretty and there is nothing natural
about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The puffy circles are the
result of many years of having less sleep than required.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sleep deprivation is not natural it’s
real but it’s person-made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Small,
young person-made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My point,
because there is one, is that this morning, I should have taken a big pass on
the five minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did some major
weeping this morning a few hours after the makeup routine and I just ended up
looking like a hot mess!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s
why…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning, being no different from other mornings I did
the face thing and I was looking bright, cheery and totally on top of my sh*t,
if I do say so myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once all spiffied
up, I packed up The Middles and The Littles to drive them (all of them) to
school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was taking F-Jammie and
Mr. Lee to their first day of Preschool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For those of you who are just skimming this post, it bears repeating: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>F-Jammie and Mr. Lee went to Preschool
for the first time today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until
now, The Littles have been left with one of three babysitters or family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have never set them free with other
children without a grown person of their own watching over them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When they arrived at school and walked into their classroom,
they were greeted by their super enthusiastic preschool teachers (You know, the
kind of teachers who can smile through anything including a kid peeing their
pants while they are holding them on their hip.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first my guys were pretty happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told them that I would be back and
left the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, I
made the rookie mistake and stayed in the building - out of sight but in
earshot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I heard Mr. Lee
scream “No! Put me down! No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
want mommy!” I lost it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really,
really lost it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can we say, ugly
crying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went over to the two-way
mirror, (God’s little gift to the neurotic parent) and took a front row seat to
view the movie <i>Mr. Lee Has a Tantrum When He Realizes Mommy is Not Close By</i>. (Can we just pause and think about who would play the part of me? Please post any thoughts in the comments.) I watched him carry on while
being held by a smiling, calm teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I watched his twin sister, F-Jammie, follow him and the teacher around
the room until he calmed down, which made me cry even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was making sure that her brother
was okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t surprised; she
is loving like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt proud
that she showed so much compassion for her brother but also guilty because she
felt as though she had to make sure that her sad bro was being taken care of
while mommy up and left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Finally the inside voice kicked in – “Leave woman! Go pee alone, drink coffee while it’s
hot, make and finish a phone call!”
I don’t often get time to myself in the middle of the day. I left the school, still sobbing
and called a friend to cry to her.
She reminded me that Mr. Lee and I are both ready for some time apart
and that F-Jammie was born with her bags packed for university and her
attachment to me is really about the snacks! After the pep talk, I went for coffee and thought about how
the phase of parenting babies is coming to an end.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have been in the “baby” phase for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> We </span>never “saw the light”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were fortunate to be able to plan and
have our children very close together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Please note that these plans were made assuming that we would have one
baby at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please also note
that I am aware that we went for another round even after we had evidence
suggesting that the assumption of one baby at a time was weak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Point is, after asking, “What the
actual f%&k were we thinking?” about a million times, we settled into the
all baby all the time, way of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seven years later, nobody is breast-feeding (Breast fondling – always; breast-feeding
– never.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daytime diapers and
cribs are a thing of the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Scooters are increasingly the mode of transportation and the stroller more
often gets left at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things
are changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Praise God, things
are changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I totally hate
change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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After just over an hour, drinking hot coffee and thinking
about my changing life, I went back to the school to pick up The Middles and
The Littles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the happy,
suddenly older, proud-of-themselves, sibling-loving faces that came through the
door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-en_EnhhdLPk/VA_ZVu3IvjI/AAAAAAAAADI/60MEGVj8XPw/s1600/IMAG1243.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-en_EnhhdLPk/VA_ZVu3IvjI/AAAAAAAAADI/60MEGVj8XPw/s1600/IMAG1243.jpg" height="180" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZPWHc1AVzRU/VA_ZVmOz9WI/AAAAAAAAADM/U1tlWpstIG4/s1600/IMAG1246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZPWHc1AVzRU/VA_ZVmOz9WI/AAAAAAAAADM/U1tlWpstIG4/s1600/IMAG1246.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have felt drained, the way you do after a good cry, all
day. The makeup has been wiped
away by the waterworks and I can’t seem to lose the home-sicky feeling in my
gut. I guess the home-sicky
feeling makes sense. When we are
home, we are surrounded by the familiar, what we are used to. I am used to being a mommy to
babies. I have never had babies
grow out of babyhood without another baby, two actually, to take their
place. I am losing a little bit of
what is familiar. It really is
time, but I still feel a little home-sicky. I wonder if my babies, The Littles, feel the same.</div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
XO Ajike </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
P.S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
looking for excuses not to go grocery shopping the two mornings a week that The
Littles are at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who wants
to meet up for hot coffee?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-41418829606469529562014-09-03T22:11:00.000-04:002014-09-03T23:09:08.498-04:00School Is In Session<div class="MsoNormal">
by Ajike Akande</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tteEznZM_As/VAfIjI4zyRI/AAAAAAAAACc/8KxGht_GU90/s1600/IMAG1144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tteEznZM_As/VAfIjI4zyRI/AAAAAAAAACc/8KxGht_GU90/s1600/IMAG1144.jpg" height="400" width="226" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where I live, this is the first week back at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a mother of many, including, three
school-agers, it will come as no surprise that this blog post is about sending
The Big and The Middles as well as Wife back to school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could share all the details of
everyone’s first week, but wow, that’d be a snore fest so instead I am sharing
a letter that I have written to The Big’s grade two teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will receive a copy of this letter
shortly after I post this, so if you think it’s totally weird and inappropriate
please let me know ASAP ‘cuz eeek, don’t want to be weirdo mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here it is…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Ms. P, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You did it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
survived the first days of the 2014/15 school year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood back watching you on the first morning wearing your
back-to-school best, doling out hugs - down low to the bigger, but still so
little grade twos that you taught in grade one, and up high to the parents who
were feeling excited to be sending their kids back to school in general but
especially excited to be sending their kids back to you in particular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You looked so happy and bursting with
excitement about the fresh start that the new year offers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to tell you that I recognize
your bright expression and genuine joy to see your new and returning
students.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognize it because
that used to be me greeting bouncing kiddos and their parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, I felt a little jealous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get me wrong; I know that day one
is the beginning of a teacher-student honeymoon that if you’re lucky, lasts
about three weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually the
kids will stop being on their best behaviour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So will you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the hugs, nervous energy and excitement are so real and truly set
the tone for the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
thrilled for all the members of the Room 22 crew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that you will do all you can as crew leader to create
a brilliant, safe, bad-ass (in the best way) community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m7Wey1iu__Q/VAfIkxgW9MI/AAAAAAAAACs/JG12bAtM4IA/s1600/IMAG1155.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m7Wey1iu__Q/VAfIkxgW9MI/AAAAAAAAACs/JG12bAtM4IA/s1600/IMAG1155.jpg" height="320" width="181" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before you slip into the school routine, I want to tell you
some things about my little dude who is in your class for the second time, this
time as a big grade two kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our Z
absolutely ADORES you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some time
around the end of July, he stopped accidentally calling me Ms. P! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been attending school since he
was 18 months old and I have never seen him respond to a teacher the way he has
responded to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His teachers
have always enjoyed him and he has always been genuinely happy to learn with and
from them, but with you, it’s different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you started teaching his class last January Z, almost immediately,
saw himself in you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You, a black
(like him) woman with Caribbean roots, who loves music and dancing, hooked him
right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You laughed at his
antics and were charmed by his unbelievable ability to tell a good story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You nagged him when he didn’t do his
best (which was far too often) and sent home homework when he didn’t complete
his work because let’s face it, he is more interested in being social than in
completing math worksheets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You consistently
responded with genuine warmth whether you were disappointed in him or whether
he “made your heart sing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You did
this better than me and his mama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He noticed and he appreciated you for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think Z was aware that, once speaking to you and realizing
that you somehow, even though you are not yet a mama, intrinsically understood
how hard it can be to raise a black boy in North America at this time, I too
felt comfortable with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was relieved
when I discovered that you would support my tough black mom approach as well as
my insistence that my little guy has a chance to learn in a safe community with
love, respect and fun (yes, fun) at its core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our Z (your Z) is still squirrelly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, seriously squirrelly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still doesn’t love the “learny” part
of school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will talk your ear
off and possibly drive you to drink!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The other kids will love him and think he’s hilarious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is extremely important to him so
don’t be surprised if his perseverance and focus is most frequently exhibited
when he is trying to entertain his classmates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you bring your most dramatic self to the lessons you
are teaching he will hang on your every word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you stay close by and be his anchor he’ll get his work
done – eventually, because he doesn’t just want approval from his classmates,
he wants yours too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you take
dance breaks with the class and let him be your office runner he’ll still be
squirrelly but he’ll get some of the movement that he craves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that teaching is one of the hardest jobs out
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that your class is
full of kids who need all sorts of things to make their days successful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Z is one of many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also know that our boy will frustrate
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll want to raise your
voice and send him out of the class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’ll want to complain to your colleagues about this very capable kid
who doesn’t always apply himself and focus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know all of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know because I know my Z and I have taught my share of Zs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When your patience is low, tell him and
then tell me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am always happy to
discuss our little guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m happy
to let you vent a little and then I am happy to make a plan to support him so
that he can do better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your job is
to support Mr. Z at school and it is our job to support him at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that it is also my job to be
one of the people who supports you in your efforts to support our boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m on your team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re on mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re on his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is going to be a long, maybe hard, hopefully awesome year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In preparation I’ve purchased all the
wine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Let me know if you need
any!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alright, Ms. P here we go;
let’s do this!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ajike </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-24866864437745603952014-08-29T11:08:00.000-04:002014-08-29T11:11:10.458-04:00Miley Cyrus VMA Stunt Raised Big Money Online For Homeless Youth Non-Profit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bomNH6Ttcdo/VACSUlu9B_I/AAAAAAAAECo/mwBnpjjLROg/s1600/mileyaprilinspired1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bomNH6Ttcdo/VACSUlu9B_I/AAAAAAAAECo/mwBnpjjLROg/s1600/mileyaprilinspired1.gif" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Miley Cyrus Showed off her real "assets" this time at the VMA's and shined a light on the issue of poverty and homelessness in America. Even though her date has legal issues that are now out in the media and some people consider it just another PR stunt. Miley did a good thing that celebrities should imitate often. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In Writer Carrie Arnold's post <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140827180526-79916657-i-dream-of-a-selfie-free-world" target="_blank">"<i>I Dream Of A Selfie Free World</i>"</a> she discusses how celebrities and just your average selfie taker can start to reflect attention and use our resources to focus on what really matters.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">" it's time for us to stop focusing on self and instead, focus on what is going on around us... </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">Miley has won some of my respect because she chose to use her Video Music Award (VMA) to shed light on the social justice issue of poverty and homelessness. She could have used it to self-promote in a usual celebrity fashion. Instead, we saw political activism. </span><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is what I wish to see in place of every selfie</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">. What would our world look like if we stopped gazing at ourselves, broke out of our proverbial narcissism and turned our camera phones to the multiple issues of social injustice that have begun to fade into the background like old wallpaper?". </span></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0.10000000149011612px; background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0.10000000149011612px; background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">"The </span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/25/arts/music/miley-cyrus-steals-video-music-awards-again-this-time-by-staying-in-her-seat.html?_r=1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0.10000000149011612px; background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><em><span style="color: black;">New York Times</span></em></a><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0.10000000149011612px; background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> reported that Miley's campaign for the homeless youth nonprofit<i> <a href="http://myfriendsplace.org/" target="_blank">My Friend’s Place</a></i><a href="http://myfriendsplace.org/" target="_blank"> </a>amassed over $200,000 in less than 24 hours following the VMAs, in addition to God knows how much since then."</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_qnmj3yXEnk/VACShGyHjhI/AAAAAAAAECw/giU7FAP8coY/s1600/miley2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_qnmj3yXEnk/VACShGyHjhI/AAAAAAAAECw/giU7FAP8coY/s1600/miley2.gif" height="223" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Arnold goes on to discuss the Ice Bucket Challenge. <span style="font-family: inherit;">"T</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">he ALS association has received 70.2 million dollars in donations compared to the 2.5 million they received last year."</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"> Even though the small things seem silly, we can all come together to use our platforms for good. Action comes when we start turning our camera phones around and working to resolve issues that can be helped in our little corner of the world.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">What issue will you get behind? I agree that we can join Carrie in making September Selfie-free!!</span></div>
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References:</div>
<div class="EndNoteBibliography" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 30px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="http://www.endhomelessness.org/library/entry/the-state-of-homelessness-2014" rel="nofollow" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #7b539d; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://www.endhomelessness.org/library/entry/the-state-of-homelessness-2014</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/25/world/africa/ebola-outbreak/" rel="nofollow" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #7b539d; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/25/world/africa/ebola-outbreak/</span></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4d4f51; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 30px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="http://www.polarisproject.org/about-us/overview" rel="nofollow" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #7b539d; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://www.polarisproject.org/about-us/overview</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">http://www.morguefile.com/archive</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">April D. Byrd is a Resident Support Staff for <a href="https://www.facebook.com/CWCGA" target="_blank">The Christian Women's Center</a> A Non-Profit Organization dedicated to providing <span style="color: #292f33; line-height: 20px;">shelter for women in crisis, believing they can receive physical, emotional and spiritual wholeness through the love of Christ</span></span><span style="color: #292f33; font-family: 'Gotham Narrow SSm', sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">. </span><span style="color: #292f33; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She is on <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">Twitter</a>.</span></span></span></span></div>
April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-27582996803085938612014-08-27T10:11:00.001-04:002014-08-27T10:11:43.665-04:00Travelling Mamas<div class="MsoNormal">
By Ajike Akande</div>
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Guess what, folks?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wife and I managed to get away for three whole days (4 nights) without
our kiddos!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went to Las Vegas
aka Sin City and the most sinful thing we did was take extra towels to provide major
cushioning for the chaise lounges we glued ourselves to all day, every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being there was pure bliss;
we literally did exactly what we wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Lazy River experience was actually too much activity for us! (Do you
know how hard it is to relax and float through the water in an inner tube?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Point is, we did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we
almost didn’t.</div>
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This trip had been planned since January.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wife convinced me to leave the kids to
fulfill my big and admittedly questionable dream to see Celine Dion perform in
Vegas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am an out Celine
fan (this was almost a deal breaker for Wife) and after careful consideration, I
decided she was worth leaving my babies for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may know that, without warning Celine Dion cancelled all
of her shows from August to at least March 2015.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We found out five days before we were scheduled to
leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so upset and quite
honestly I had many friends, Facebook and otherwise, who were upset on my
behalf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look Celine, I’m all about
putting one’s family first, but for you, I was prepared to put my family
second!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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After hearing the news about Ms. Dion, Wife and I waffled
about whether or not we should actually go to Vegas or change our destination
or just postpone the trip all together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay, only I thought we should totally cancel the trip, because without
Celine, what was the point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(By
the way, it is bad form to say to your partner, the day after your 8<sup>th</sup>
wedding anniversary, that without Celine Dion, there is no point in going away
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t say I never shared
keys to relationship success!)</div>
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Added to the my mental list of reasons we should not leave
the children was the age of the grandmothers who would be staying with
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would never know to
look at them and they certainly seem to forget that with their age may come
possible limitations, but Nanny and Bubbie are 77 and 84 years old!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the heroic grandmas, that mothered Wife and I,
convinced me that they would be fine, Wife thought that the discussion was over
and we did not have to use the cancellation insurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is so naive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is she, new?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still compiling a list of reasons
not to go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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As though my lovely five-year-old twins and I had planned
it, they pulled out their most obscene and off-putting behaviour in support of
my quest to cancel our Vegas vacation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And yes, I do mean obscene and off-putting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no other way to describe it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not being mean, I know they
struggle with a number of things and that their undesirable behaviours are
often (but not always) not on purpose, but seriously, they didn’t hold
back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did not want us to
leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my
totally-afraid-to-leave-my-kids opinion there was no way that anybody would be
able to manage and support them while we were gone – even the heroic grandmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just didn’t think that anybody would
be okay without us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have some
tricks that sometimes work to help keep the girls calm and reassured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course these tricks often don’t
work, but we are used to their quirks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it wasn’t just the girls I worried about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr. Lee has severe allergies and a
really unfortunate obsession with kneading the breasts of any woman caring for
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandmothers are not fond of
breast kneading (as far as I know).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And Z, well his two settings are cartwheeling and sleeping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately he regularly forgets to
check his surroundings before kicking his legs into the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t risk someone suffering a
cartwheel injury while we were away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Oh and F-Jammie is certain she’s an Olympic swimmer and will plunge into
any water in her sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
need to be quick with that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without
Celine as my departure reward, leaving the kids seemed like a horrible
idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I couldn’t even pack until about 30 minutes before we had to
leave for the airport.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat on my
floor and sought Facebook friend support to manage my fears about leaving and
of course, many of my lovelies came through with encouragement and suggestions
regarding how much Ativan I should take and which alcoholic beverages I needed
to order before boarding and while on the plane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have really good Facebook friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, I abandoned my list of reasons
not to go away, and packed up and headed to the airport with Wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VaLJcNkcO5g/U_3kqAAfg6I/AAAAAAAAAB8/5ezQgEAqKek/s1600/IMAG1011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VaLJcNkcO5g/U_3kqAAfg6I/AAAAAAAAAB8/5ezQgEAqKek/s1600/IMAG1011.jpg" height="182" width="320" /></a>I said all the prayers as the plane took off – oh, how I
hate flying, and tried to settle into vacation mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After an uneventful flight (prayers answered) and the
arrival at a fancy hotel without a casino (ahhh, the peace) it wasn’t too hard
to get into the we’re-away-without-our-kids-which-means-sleep spirit!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We slept, read, ate good food and drank
tasty drinks by day and enjoyed relatively calm Vegas activities by night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We saw two Cirque Du Soleil shows and
Wife proposed to me again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s
right, a second marriage proposal - no big deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except it was a totally big deal!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sweet asked me to marry her again in public, at a piano
bar, in front of all sorts of strangers, after singing to me off key, offering a
new, sparkly, sticky-uppy ring!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was amazing!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so
surprised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am never
surprised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Okay so listen folks, here is the take away. If you are a parent, at some point you
should leave your small humans.
The time away will be likely be blissful and if you are parenting with
another exhausted soul, who you love, the time away together will help you
remember why and how the heck you ended up in this exhausting parenting
predicament. Please know, however,
that you will not return with a new lease on life. You will return and realize that your children are the
sweetest, most miss-able, incredible people you know and all the reasons you
totally needed a break from them are still there. They will be the same and you will be the same only with a
hangover, I mean well rested (unless you take the red-eye home). Best part? Kiddos are almost always so
much better for other people. Our
little ones were no exception, which means our awesome care-giving team are
able and willing to sign up to ensure that we get to have some time away
again. </div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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Thank you to Nanny, Bubbie and Tita Liza (our caregiver) for
giving the kids and us a much-needed vacation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Silverman-Akande young folk, don’t be afraid to sleep
through the night for Mommy and Mama the way you did for Nanny, Bubbie and Tita
while we were away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will
be appropriately rewarded for your efforts!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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XO Ajike</div>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-41649795163483935272014-08-22T11:10:00.000-04:002014-08-22T22:16:08.279-04:00The Corner of Ferguson And Freedom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">April D. Byrd </a></span></div>
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When we see sexualized depictions of women in the media, that are self generated is it limitation or liberation? an age-old debate wrapped in the perception of a power struggle. So, it's redundant to continue feeding the illusion. Sexual liberation is not and issue. Smart women own their bodies, period.</div>
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Since the popularity of Rapper Lil Kim and the image she pervaded in the media. Hyper-sexuality in women came to be more worthy of discussion. In an infamous interview by Bell Hooks for Vibe Magazine it was debated whether Kim was furthering or hindering the cause of strong women.</div>
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Now the question has been regurgitated in the wake of Rapper Nicki Minaj's cover art and Viral video for Anaconda. In a recent Poll for Essence, the magazine inquired whether it was ok for women artists to exploit women's bodies. Something male artists clearly catch hell for. </div>
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If exploitation or celebration is the continual question at hand, then Nicki's specific byte from Sir-Mix-A- Lot's "Baby Got Back" is a case within it self. Which is more stunning: to be referred to as a child or the exclusive emphasis on Baby's "back"? but why are we still talking about this?</div>
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Being born into a media climate where sexuality and physical attributes are heavily stressed regardless of race, it took divine revelation and a brush with wisdom to conclude that I as a woman am more than my body...then being a black girl with a naturally skinny physique the cultural taunt is that I naturally should have a little more derriere. I've joked and mocked at my perceived "small booty" myself but the unpopular truth is, bodies are made to be unique. There is a great need to dismantle the stereotypical or manufactured images being received as right or perfect. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/13/body-love-expose-project-jes-baker-liora-k_n_5672917.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046" target="_blank">Only 5% of women have the type of bodies we see on Billboards and TV commercials</a>. Embrace that you're God's artwork and realize your capability as an artist. It is up to us to honor our bodies and own the representation of them.</div>
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In her rant: <i><a href="http://www.thefrisky.com/2014-07-28/frisky-rant-the-real-problem-with-nicki-minajs-anaconda-cover-art-her-black-jezebel-brand/" target="_blank">The Real Problem With Nicki Minaj's Anaconda Cover Art And Her "Black Jezebel" Brand </a></i>Tiffanie Drayton exposes Nicki's attempt to highlight the voices of critics as a racial issue. In Minaj's defense she tweeted white female bodies in contrast to her's with the same pose, which does make sense, but Nicki's image as an artist still capitalizes on a central theme, and her brand reinforces the notions of Black Female Hyper-sexuality. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-- "In today’s America where the CDC reports that Black women are between 6-17 times more likely to suffer from sexually transmitted diseases due to social and economic conditions including poverty, income inequality, unemployment and low educational attainment, the need for a modernized scapegoat used to avoid culpability for the Black condition has never been more dire. Nicki Minaj is the current walking embodiment of that tradition of stereotype-enabled victim-blaming, proving that as a society, America has yet to defeat its racist notions and will even continue to invoke them to the economic and social benefit of the Whiter man."</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">The defilement, murder and </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">disregard</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"> for life, given through the crisis in ferguson and the case of Mike Brown </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">correspondingly</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"> bring victims like <a href="http://www.blogher.com/whats-name-recompense-iamjada" target="_blank">Jada, of #IAmJada</a> to mind. Black women's bodies are under a constant </span></span><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">surveillance, they are</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"> policed and scrutinized heavily in the media. They have suffered </span></span><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">degradation</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"> and devalue through out the ages. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Droid Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 22px;">The racialized fear of black female hyper-sexuality also transfers onto the sexualized white female body and the criminalized black male body.<a href="http://msmagazine.com/blog/2014/08/20/bodies-on-the-line-the-streets-vs-pop-culture-2/" target="_blank">*</a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Fabrica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">The prevalent hashtag presented by the NAACP: #blacklifematters equally applies here. The reality is ...LIFE Matters. No BODY should be sold short. R</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Fabrica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">egardless of being any distinctive class of people.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Fabrica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;"> We're all living, breathing beings with life. #Imatter, #Lifematters, We all matter, beyond our physical bodies there is a soul. No life should be taken in vain, or taken for granted. The line between celebration or exploitation of female bodies...or life in general, is not thin AT ALL. It's up to every individual to put down the stereotypes, and push for integrity.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Fabrica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px;">Subscribe to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" target="_blank">Trey Anthony's Fan Page</a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">@aprilinspired</a> on Twitter for the latest updates.</span></div>
April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-6111956399733403092014-08-14T16:36:00.004-04:002014-08-14T16:50:39.146-04:00Mo'ne Davis Led Her All-Male Baseball Team To World Series<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
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In this generation women are pushing through and girls are going hard. In the wake of Becky Hammons landmark advancement in the NBA, 13-year-old Mo'ne Davis from Philadelphia led her all-male Little League baseball team to the World Series by striking out six batters, the win was an 8-0 victory, and she currently pitches a 70-mph fastball. Nuff said...the girl's good! It goes to show that women are not limited as we're sometimes led to believe. No one can tell us what we can or can't do, all that matters is having the tenacity to do it. We define our destiny and our legacy.<br />
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Girls have been allowed to play in the Little League World Series since 1974. Another girl will play in this year's series as well, Emma March of Canada's South Vancouver League. Davis and March will appear at the world series for the first time this Friday August 14th, on ESPN. This is the third time in history two girls have played in the Little League World Series at once.<br />
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Hopefully more reports of courageous female athletes will continue to spread. It's very empowering to see ladies being driven to do life on their own terms and pursue their passion disregarding the risks. The Little League World Series will air consecutively over ESPN, ESPN2, and ABC networks during the weekend. These girls do my heart good! It's definitely an event worth catching!<br />
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Way to Go Ladies!!!<br />
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Check out Mo'Ne in action in the video below:
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">What do you think about Davis and March playing with with the boys? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. and join the convo on </span><b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><span style="color: orange;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">Trey Anthony's Facebook Fan Page</span></a> </span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">and Twitter: </span><a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" style="background-color: white; color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: orange;">@aprilinspired</span></b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">.</span>April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-15385237258241666042014-08-12T23:32:00.000-04:002014-08-12T23:32:26.301-04:00You Bring Out The Boogie In Me <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/P1RB_mK6OyI" width="480"></iframe><br />
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by Ajike Akande</div>
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Last week I wrote about our big family and the impact of its largeness and bigness on our children. (You can read it <a href="http://thetruthaccordingtotrey.blogspot.ca/2014/08/better-together.html">here.</a>) There is so much more to say about that. So much more. But folks today is my wedding anniversary! It’s Wife’s too, but truth be told, it was kind of my wedding. Would you believe after I spent a year of my life, that I will never get back, planning the wedding, she had the nerve, days before the big day, to suggest that she wear a blue tie instead of a green one? Apparently she forgot that our weeding had a colour scheme! Pink and green baby; no room for blue! I believe my exact words to her as I stormed out of the room crying were: “Why are trying to ruin MY wedding?” Yes, I did say that. Yes, I am still a little upset about the tie incident. Yes, she married me anyway, so there! </div>
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Today is our wedding anniversary and tomorrow is The Littles 3<sup>rd</sup> birthday. (I may have brought on their early arrival by having hot wings for our anniversary dinner back in 2011. Of course it could have been that I was so darn big and uncomfortable there was no way they could stay in for another day let alone month!) <o:p></o:p></div>
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Because it’s a celebratory week in our world and because our hearts have been heavy Wife and I thought we’d have some fun and make another video (remember the <a href="http://youtu.be/W3Pch5ROEIs">first one?</a>) demonstrating that even when we (Wife and I, not even talking about the kiddos) are having to work harder than usual, harder that we’d like, harder than we should have to, to love our love and choose our love, we still know how to have a roaring good time together. We can talk about how we are going to drive our love train through this poorly lit, dingy station, and chug along to a station that is brighter and lighter, tomorrow. Today we sing! <o:p></o:p><br />
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Scroll back up to the top and enjoy You Bring Out The Boogie In Me featuring the Silverman-Akande singers/dancers/musicians except F-Jammie. She prefers to eat watermelon over performing with the fam. <br />
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XO Ajike<o:p></o:p></div>
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P.S Mom and Mom Phyllis: We will be fine. Thanks in advance for taking care of our brood next week so we can go to Vegas and fall in love all over again! You two have shown us how to love and push through. All will be good! xo</div>
Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-10578473216095604282014-08-08T09:48:00.002-04:002014-08-08T11:14:44.647-04:00Becky Hammon Becomes The NBA's First Female Coach...To Get Paid For Doing it<span style="font-size: xx-small;">By: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span><br />
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Does anybody know where can I grow some balls like Becky Hammon?! She's a WNBA star and she just became the first woman full-time assistant coach for the San Antonio Spurs, that means SHE'S GETTING PAID!! This is a "You Go Girl"! moment if there ever was one. This is a big step for the NBA and for Women.<br />
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"First and Foremost it means Respect", Nancy Lieberman, assistant manager of the Texas Legends said. "She did not get hired just because she is a woman, she was hired because she was qualified, because they know her personality, how she interacts with players, how she understands X's and O's".<br />
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I'm guessing Lieberman's not talking about hugs and kisses. According to a report in <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/06/sports/basketball/spurs-hire-becky-hammon-as-nbas-first-full-time-female-coach.html?smid=tw-share" target="_blank">the New York Times blog</a>, Hammon has been on top of her game for a while, coaching meetings, film review sessions and working behind the scenes with the team. She referred to her experience as an internship of sorts.<br />
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In the wake of her "intern-like" support, Becky watched on as the team went on to win it's fifth championship. She's well qualified, and her achievement is dynamic in history. Now just imagine how much tenacity it takes to be a female, mentoring a bunch of men...athletes at that! Our hats are definitely off to her. To have balls like Becky Hammon would be an honor, but then again balls aren't the matter of concern here. We're in awe because she has something much stronger. She's ALL Woman!...A Phenomenal One.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AV5Yp3AsS9c/U-TUhRtJ4JI/AAAAAAAAD_Y/s4fGPdAhBOU/s1600/betty-white-kisses-gif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AV5Yp3AsS9c/U-TUhRtJ4JI/AAAAAAAAD_Y/s4fGPdAhBOU/s1600/betty-white-kisses-gif.gif" height="190" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: orange;">>> <a href="http://aprilinspired.tumblr.com/post/94158959662/lol-thats-right-betty-becky-hammon-becomes-the" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">this message has been Betty White approved...</span></a> <<<!--------></span></td></tr>
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What do you think about Hammon's new position? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. and join the convo on <b><span style="color: orange;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/treyanthonyproductions" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">Trey Anthony's Facebook Fan Page</span></a> </span></b>and Twitter: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: orange;">@aprilinspired</span></b></a>.<br />
<br />April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-5308703906763142772014-08-05T23:20:00.000-04:002014-08-06T08:38:52.550-04:00Better Together<div class="MsoNormal">
by Ajike Akande<br />
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It may come as a surprise to you, but when Wife and I
decided to have a whack of kids, we didn’t think at all about what being one of
many would mean for the children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know, this is hard to believe, but Wife and I are not of the thinking
variety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it makes you feel any
better, which it shouldn’t, we also didn’t give much thought to how much making
(some of our beauties were created with a lot of expensive help as the absence
of sperm wasn’t our only fertility issue) and raising a large family would cost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not at all lost on me, that the
fact that we could even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">make </i>our
babes without the stress of finances, says a great deal about our economic privilege.
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Wife and I were kind of selfish in regards to creating our
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We wanted ‘lots of children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We love children and wanted the honour
of helping them grow into the wonderful adults they were meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We wanted a house full of the energy
that only small wonders have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have always felt that kids are the greatest blessing, a remarkable gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We</i>
wanted the honour, they would be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our </i>blessing
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our</i> gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you see what I’m getting at
here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course we thought we
would be great parents and that children would do well be raised by us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We thought we were right for the
job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I for one, was a SPWC
(superior parent without child) prior to becoming an actual parent so naturally
I assumed that I would be awesome at this whole thing and never make the
mistakes that I witnessed others making while I was a SPWC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Little did I know I would create my
own unique brand of parenting mistakes!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The point is, we thought only about ourselves when it came to making our
family. </div>
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Z, being the first little one that we brought home, enjoyed
all the perks of being an only child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before our first set of twins were born, Z certainly didn’t ask for a
sibling, but he certainly dealt well once Miss O and G-dog arrived. When he
found out that he was going to get a little brother out of my last pregnancy, Z
was thrilled but the girls were pretty neutral about two more little people
joining our family of five.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
big sisters did not easily deal with the arrival of The Littles but I believe
that they just weren’t ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Miss
O was still receiving occupational and speech-language therapy and needed a lot
of one on one time and G-dog, who developed more typically, probably didn’t get
all that she needed in her early years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In spite of Miss O’s significant needs and the more typical needs of our
then four year old and other two year old, we tried for a fourth and got a fourth
and fifth!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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We, along with close family and friends, have said at
different times, that each of our kids probably would have done well as only
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are careful to say
“done well” rather than “done better” because why criticize what truly cannot
be changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s a mom to do
with that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s too late!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever I talk to people raised in big
families they always say how wonderful it was to grow up always having someone
to play with and talk to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Growing
up in a big family means you’re never alone which, of course, means you are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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When Miss O was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder
(SPD) the occupational therapist explained that she needs a predictable and
highly structured environment until she is better able to self-regulate when
she is overwhelmed by sensory input.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, sorry about your family Miss O, best of luck achieving calm among
the chaos!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the past few
years, G-dog has grown so anxious about how people feel about her and I can’t
help but wonder if being one of many is the cause of this anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She worries, more than normal, how much
we love her, if we made an angry face, if her siblings love each other more
than they love her, and even if grandparents and caregivers love her as much as
the others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s easy to get lost
in the shuffle around here and some of our children seem to feel more lost than
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Z, being older and extremely self-aware, is able to talk
about his feelings around being one of many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several months ago I took him to dinner and a movie and he
said, “I love being alone with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I was an only child I could be alone with you all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I like to pretend I don’t
have any brothers and sisters.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then fearful that I would launch into a speech about how fortunate he is
to have so many siblings, he added “But I really like all my little sisters and
brother - especially Mr.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lee!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given that Z is the only
Silverman-Akande kid without a twin, I am so happy to witness the greatest love
affair of all time, between the brothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like with everything, there are benefits and drawbacks to
being one of many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because there’s
no going back, we try to acknowledge what our kiddos have lost by having so
many siblings, while preaching, loudly and often, how lucky they are to have
each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are desperate to
build a team spirit among our basketball team sized brood that says “better
together”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, right now, their
“better together” spirit is mostly seen when we are trying to get them to
listen to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing
more frustrating that five little buggers laughing in your face –
together!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are on our second, weeklong FIT (family immersion time),
aka family vacation, up at “Nanny’s farm”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children have been given two main rules for the week: 1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go outside and run in the fields.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t go toward the road and don’t come
back until you are hungry or someone is hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh and stay together!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask three, then me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(This rule will be familiar to teachers.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Need help to reach something?; Need
help with your shoes?; Want a push on the swing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask three, then me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These rules are all about learning to take care of each other and to leave
us alone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just kidding about
them leaving us alone, but in truth we <s>need </s>want them to depend on each
other and look out for each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think a week with no schedule (How’s that workin’ for ya Miss O?) and
wide-open space is a great start to project “Better Together”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W7RgE0-L00E/U-GdLGtwzQI/AAAAAAAAABo/159RWZigRuo/s1600/photo+(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W7RgE0-L00E/U-GdLGtwzQI/AAAAAAAAABo/159RWZigRuo/s1600/photo+(3).JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We decided we were big family parents, without considering
if we would have big family children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We created this big family before considering what it would mean for our
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few years into each of
our kids being one of five we are thinking and talking about how wonderful and
how hard it is for them, not just us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I get a lot of attention for being a mom of many but people rarely talk
about what it is like for our children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Given that we created this mess, I mean beautiful family, we should
probably be the ones to start the conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you think?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Are you a parent of many?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What are your thoughts on this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How are your little ones doing being part of a pack? Were you raised in a
big family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What were the best and
worst things about your childhood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would love to hear about other people’s experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Share your thoughts in the
comments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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XO Ajike </div>
Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-45610612277506695542014-08-01T10:33:00.002-04:002014-08-01T15:09:53.268-04:00The Reservations of Womanhood -- Gone Viral<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by: <a href="http://twitter.com/aprilinspired" target="_blank">April D. Byrd</a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IkasV0xO7bE/U9ukuYmwNvI/AAAAAAAAD-I/d49STGjV53M/s1600/aprilinspiredfromGod.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IkasV0xO7bE/U9ukuYmwNvI/AAAAAAAAD-I/d49STGjV53M/s1600/aprilinspiredfromGod.jpg" height="360" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
There has been so much sex related tension online and in the air lately you can cut it with a knife. You have women proposing to men (a.k.a that online photo blogs are buzzing about). People e.g. Stephen A. Smith suggesting that women can provoke men to violence, and Whoopi Goldberg going all the way in, as far as suggesting that women should be hit back if they strike the first blow. Have I missed any <i>Color Purple</i> references online? please do share if I did. How relevant is it to consider that the role on domestic abuse, may have "colored" her thoughts in just the teeniest bit, humor me. Anyway, with that, how does geography and race factor into the equation? How does being from the north, south, or a different country influence our own gender bias?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tBwuxur7Syk/U9ufavoYe4I/AAAAAAAAD94/Yroi9ctWUZQ/s1600/giphy1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tBwuxur7Syk/U9ufavoYe4I/AAAAAAAAD94/Yroi9ctWUZQ/s1600/giphy1.gif" height="236" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">...you know the rest.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Biblical precepts are also a strong governance in the perception of designated gender roles. Who determines the inherent strength of a man or woman in the area of dominance. Should the aspects of feminism and atheism be held in contrast? How does the glamorization of homosexuality play a part? James Brown issued that "It's A Man's World"! Beyonce declared "Girls Run The World"! Do All these anthems make for a confused pop culture?<br />
<br />
So many questions, So many speculations, so many mandates. but could it all truly boil down to marching to the beat of your OWN drum? Isn't true dominance of the world not from a man or woman, but from the most widely held belief system? Perhaps in this age, more than any other we're all just subject to general consensus. It could be that in the end of it all it's how social media and society chooses to view women collectively that counts. Is she looked at as "the prize" or the weaker vessel. Of course the true end of it all is how a woman chooses to view herself.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5vwHrB2IS8o/U9uxtN0M5FI/AAAAAAAAD-Y/GBUsExqCWGQ/s1600/treypic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5vwHrB2IS8o/U9uxtN0M5FI/AAAAAAAAD-Y/GBUsExqCWGQ/s1600/treypic.jpg" height="329" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Shakespeare said "to thine own self be true", but perhaps it should be to thy best self be true. Let God externally and within yourself dominate.<br />
<div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/trey.anthony.90/posts/10152627469113678" data-width="466">
<div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore">
<br />
Being the kind of man that won't hit a woman should not be restricted to being a good man, but a good person. Being the type of woman that doesn't need to strike a man to express anger is not a reflection of womanhood, but a strong mental faculty. <span style="background-color: white; color: #1d1d1d; font-family: latoregular, Arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;">Being the type of woman that doesn't need to strike a man to express anger is not a reflection of womanhood, but a strong mental faculty. What's important is to be the type of PEOPLE that don't hit each other.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_bHOxXHFKPA/U9uyr5jOSNI/AAAAAAAAD-g/qo7arJwlErY/s1600/ladysmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_bHOxXHFKPA/U9uyr5jOSNI/AAAAAAAAD-g/qo7arJwlErY/s1600/ladysmall.jpg" height="400" width="271" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
There's no debate that the women who propose to men know what they want, may their action be laid strictly to their person, and sacred within their spirit. They alone will have to deal with the results.<br />
<br />
If we put our pride aside and let love be the most dominate force in the world, we'll all be better off.</div>
</div>
April D. Byrdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08326272436387865111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5369380611712720325.post-68138451333108451462014-07-30T07:00:00.000-04:002014-07-30T07:00:06.412-04:00Thoughts on Mom(my) Blogging <div class="MsoNormal">
<b>by Ajike Akande </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blogging about parenting has become so big over the past few
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoy the parenting blog, but I
should admit, that I typically read parenting blogs written by moms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s certainly not because I don’t think that
all parents have interesting perspectives on parenting, it’s just that I like
to obsessively compare myself to other people so I try to at least have gender
identification in common with the blogger whose work I am reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Based on my limited research, there seems to be three types
of mom(my) bloggers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>1. The Pinterest Mom</b><br />
She is all look at me in my clean and enviable organized
house. I cook all the things; I teach
all the things; my children have all the morals, and all the soft and hard
skills that reflect all the intelligences.
I also happen to live somewhere that never has winter or rain, except
when it conveniently adds to the mystic beauty of my day. My kids are conventional looking or
strikingly beautiful. I’m also a
photographer on the side so everything looks even better in my photos. If I have all the money, I have access to
many more things than everyone else, but I never mention this. If I have only a little of the money, I like
to share my tips on living on less and perfectly couponing. I’m probably married, and straight and white
and able-bodied. If I’m not, not only am
I Pinterestly perfect, I’m also marginalized so you should read my blog because
then you can say how brave and strong I am (We love to point out the strength
and braveness of people who are marginalized, which is another way of othering,
but that’s a different rant.). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>2. The Self-Deprecating
Mom</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is all I get you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I see you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m tired and my house is messy and my kids
are making me crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suck at cooking
but I do it most days except when I take out the frozen nuggets (chicken, fish
or veggie) and serve those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loathe all
those moms who post their perfect meals, including the school lunches that are
pieces of art, all over Pinterest to make me feel bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wear “mom jeans” or slightly stained work
clothes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My kids swear and tear the
house apart and forget everything, everywhere, but they reach out to the lonely
kid at school and help the neighbours and write me chocolate stained notes
reminding me that they love me and I’m the best mom ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life is a mess but I guess I’m doing
something right because my kids are loving and confident, and creative and a
gift to the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I make you feel okay
about not being perfect (nobody is sister) but my posted photos, like yours
show the world that my kids are better than alright.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">3. The
“I’m–The-Worst-Mother-Ever-And-I’m-Not-Afraid-To-Prove-It” Mom<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is all like here are all the ways that I suck – in a
list because lists are the bomb-digitty in the blogging world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My kids are impossible and I don’t deal with
it well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look like crap all the time
and I drink too much wine and eat too much chocolate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My kids are probably the same as anyone
else’s – loving, healthy, sick, somewhere on the ability continuum, a bully,
bullied, etc..., and like most kids, they will be better than fine in the
end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am perfect when you need late
night laughs and reassurance that compared to me; you are the best parent
ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re welcome, by the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s how I see the Mom(my) Bloggers out there. I obsess
over the perfect Pinterest moms, especially the ones with large families and
children with special needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time
I read one of these perfect mom blogs, I walk away from my computer and whine
to Wife about how other moms can handle raising many children and children with
special needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If they can do it why
can’t I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they even cook!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never cook!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What’s wrong with me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m the
worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why am I the worst?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you know what Wife?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re the worst too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are the actual WORST together!" But then I
post this picture on Facebook:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cyxnpiw54po/U9hkaJMa45I/AAAAAAAAABQ/v2crh_1-hIU/s1600/4x6DSC_4234_email.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cyxnpiw54po/U9hkaJMa45I/AAAAAAAAABQ/v2crh_1-hIU/s1600/4x6DSC_4234_email.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then <i>I’m</i> all “look at my perfect, beautiful children” right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I regularly look to the self-deprecating moms for virtual,
and totally one-sided friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whether they work outside of the home or in the home, whether they have
many or few children, whether those children are developmentally typical or
not, healthy or not, we are the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They get me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And mostly, they make me feel hopeful, but
sometimes, they make me feel like a total failure because in this mothering competition
(It is soooo a competition!) everyone, even self-deprecating mom is beating
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They post photos like this too:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqos6jz80yg/U9hktxWOyeI/AAAAAAAAABY/M8L_aogeg9U/s1600/Cornflake+swimming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqos6jz80yg/U9hktxWOyeI/AAAAAAAAABY/M8L_aogeg9U/s1600/Cornflake+swimming.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pictured: The Littles swimming in an entire bag of $9
organic, gluten-free cornflakes that they dumped on the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Self–deprecating mom's caption reads: “I
can’t manage my kids, but aren’t they adorable?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I occasionally glance at the blogs written by the “I’m–The-Worst-Mother-Ever-And-I’m-Not-Afraid-To-Prove-It”
moms but honestly discovering that we have many things in common, makes me feel
as bad about myself as discovering how little I have in common with the
Pinterest moms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least from the
Pinterest moms I can learn a few things!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I hashed out a description of the three types of Mom(my)
Bloggers, it occurred to me that I may actually be all three types of bloggers
at different times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm… interesting
and so self-reflective.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway a good friend told me that I may be getting close to
being one of those mom(my) bloggers who make other moms feel badly about their
mothering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that is the case,
Girlfriend, I’m sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is not my
intention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me tell you something,
you know how Rome wasn’t built in a day?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, children aren’t raised in a day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And we can thank the creator for that, because for most of us, most
parts of most days are a sh%t-show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
when it’s not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Total win for that day!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truthfully, I think we are all messing
up<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this mothering thing except for a few
blogging mothers who actually are doing it all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have list of their names and web addresses
.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Contact me if you would like this list
so you never accidently land on their blogs and totally give up because you’re
obviously so far at the back of the race, you’re not even really part of it
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kid you not, some mothers are
out of our league and we just shouldn’t play with them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Keep on, keepin’ on friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
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XO Ajike <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ajike Akandehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503132176589314607noreply@blogger.com2