I’ve been on my spiritual path for some time. I’ve devoured all the standard new thought thinking books. I sign all my emails with Namaste and Blessings. I practice yoga, I read Oprah, I meditate, I chant, I have an altar, I manifest, I daily send love and light to others. I secretly smirk inside when people refer to me as enlightened, spiritual, and peaceful. And I nearly pee my pants, whenever I overhear people say, "Trey is so Zen!"
Yes, I’m the poster child for new thought thinking! At the rate I’m going I think The Universe/god would definitely assign me a seat up there with all the angels! I feel my wings already growing! Yet, recently my new Zen attitude was tested. I had asked someone close to me to do something very important and their response was not what I had wanted. I was angry, hurt, and very, very, very disappointed. And my first response was to fire off a defensive, yet dismissive email and also to regress to my deeply rooted belief that, “No one does anything for me, that’s why I don’t ask anyone for s&&%!” This is a thought pattern that I have desperately been trying to change through meditation and also through personal therapy.
Deep down, I knew this person did not mean to intentionally hurt me and did not mean to let me down, but I felt justified to sit with my anger and hurt. I sat with this anger and hurt for a few days until I suddenly came to the realization that, it is in the most difficult times that I need to call on my spirituality and beliefs. And I must function from a place of love, forgiveness and acceptance. I also went back to the very core principal of what Author, Don Miguel Ruiz shares in his popular book, The Four agreements, "Don’t Take Anything Personally".
I realized that I had taken this person’s response personally therefore I was now suffering. I had made their response become all about me. I didn't want to see that perhaps they had struggled with their response to my request. I didn't want to see what was their reality, what was their own dreams. No, I immediately went to my hurt place and started an inner dialogue about what “inferior” place I must occupy in their lives.
But, I had to really put myself in check! It’s easy to practice spirituality and love when all is well and everyone is doing what you want them to do. But the real testing of your faith comes when you feel hurt, disappointed and betrayed. So I began to meditate daily and place this person in my heart. I daily sent them love and light. I daily meditated on the fact that I forgave them. I daily reminded myself that this was not about me. And I also called the person to say that I still loved them. This was a huge step for me because usually when I’m hurt I go into my defense mode of cutting folks off, and creating physical and emotional distance to keep my heart safe. But I realize it’s easy to love and be nice to nice people. The hard part is to love and forgive those who challenge us.
So today I ask you, to ask yourself, who is it that you need to send love and light to? What hurts are you wrongfully holding on to? What have you taken personally?
We can’t be convenient in our love, forgiveness and spirituality. And all the Oprah reading and yoga isn’t going to enlighten you, unless you decide to remain spiritual in the path of difficulty. Now stop Namaste-ing and go pick up the damn phone and say, “ I love you!”
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