Wednesday, November 20

A Letter To The Late Slip Lady

Dear Late Slip Lady,
We’ve gotten to know each other quite well over the past few months and I feel I owe you an explanation for our rampant lateness.  I know, I know you don’t care WHY we’re late; you just want us to arrive on time.  But just in case you are wondering what could be preventing us, day in and day out, from arriving at school on time, I am writing to you today.  If you could just consider things from my point of view, you will realize that our lateness is not my fault.  Like every parent, I am doing the best I can with the kids I’ve got!
So one morning back in October, my 2 year old twins discovered a full tub of Vaseline and applied its entire contents to their pyjamas, faces and hair.  Their timing was lousy – 8 am on a school day, but really their curiosity about the properties of petroleum jelly and it’s spreadability shows their commitment to the scientific process – hypothesize (I’m sure they did this pre-application) and test.  After a loud “What are you doing?” followed by “It feels pretty cool, eh?” I had to do the motherly thing, and clean them up.  I am sure you can imagine how long it takes to clean up after pint sized scientists.  And anyone who saw them for days following this incident can attest to the fact that I didn’t even waste time washing their hair because I knew you were waiting.  We tried to get to school before the bell, but we were late.  Not my fault.

And there’s Z.  While he is older (six) and more accustomed to the school routine and the insistence that children respond to bells as though they have been trained by Pavlov, he has recently discovered skinny jeans and seems to believe that there is a direct correlation between his wearing them and his obvious coolness!  He is not above crying (sobbing really) for a remarkably long time about the fact I have chosen some jeans for him that appear baggy.  This is why we were late that cold November morning.  I was trying to get the kids to school on time.  I actually chose his clothes that day to save time.  There was no way I could have known what would happen when I handed him his clothes.  Let the record show, that after I mopped up his tears and coaxed him off his bunk bed where he had thrown himself, head buried in a pillow, he put the jeans on and discovered that the jeans were, in fact, skinny.  We were late, but Z looked fabulous.  Clearly, not my fault.  
The problem is, that after so many of these unexpected incidents causing our lateness,  even on the rare occasion when we are able to leave the house in enough time to arrive before the morning bell, I hesitate because the key to good parenting is consistency.  Children need to know what to expect from their parents and my children expect their parent to get them to school late!  Just because occasionally the stars align, and my children choose to take a break from their usual antics, I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw off their routine and drop them off at the same time as other kids with show-offy, on-time parents!  And besides, if the children are at school on time, it’s probably because I’ve screamed so much and so loudly that my heart beat is visible to the naked eye.  I don’t think this is a good way for them to start their day.  I’m a good mom and I keep reading that we need to stop yelling at our children because it’s harmful.  I’m good, but I’m not an over-achiever so I’m not trying to stop yelling all together, I’m just trying to limit my yelling.  If I use up my flipping out quota in the morning getting them to school on time, what the heck will I do at bedtime?  You understand right?  Not my fault.  
So there you have it.  You now understand why we are late every day.  Try not to hate us and if you must give “the look” can you give it directly to the children, because this late thing, is so not my fault!  
With love,

Late Mommy


Jovana said...

But do the jeans have to be yellow? Cause my son's do. Hence the 4 identical pairs of the same yellow skinny jeans, for 1 kid. At least 2 pairs are a size up, which is my attempt at being economical about it, although it will probably just end up being nearsighted since it's pretty much a guarantee that one morning he will melt down over never wanting to even lay his eyes on the yellow jeans, let alone wear them.

Sandy said...

Ahaha! Who is giving you "the look"? They must be non-parents. Great blog.

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