Monday, August 24

trey anthony: an introduction

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

I’ve gone out on a limb. Producing Secrets of a Black Boy has been one of my most rewarding accomplishments but also one of the most fearful experiences of my life. I have put a lot of money, a lot of faith in a community to buy tickets, a lot of faith in a relatively unknown cast, a lot of faith in a very small producing team, a lot of faith in my own ability to produce quality theatre. And constantly there’s that little “Voice” ---you know what I’m talking about, that “VOICE” that questions and demands to know, “Who the hell do you think you are?”

Sometimes I defiantly answer back, “I’m a little black girl from Rexdale who had a dream to have her own TV show, a dream to produce quality theatre. I’m the little black girl who wants to dream beyond my circumstances. I’m the little black girl who is brave, strong, and yet kind. I’m a little black girl who wants to see herself and her experiences reflected authentically on stage! That’s who the HELL I AM

Yet sometimes when that VOICE demands to know, “Who the hell do you think you are?” I shudder. I cry. I wonder and I question. Scared that I’m too bold. Scared of public failure. Scared of not being good enough. And I want to curl up in a ball and not come out of bed for weeks. And I look in the mirror and I don’t see a grown confident woman but a small frighten little girl. It’s on those days that I’m kinder to myself. I pray a lot, affirm, and look myself in the mirror and say, “trey you are doing your best.” I remind myself of all that I have accomplished. Accomplished things that many thought were impossible. And I remind myself that it would be harder for me to give up than to keep pursuing my dreams. That I must walk through fear. Actually dive into it. I must dream bigger than my circumstances. I need to keep doing the “Work” to show others that it’s possible to dream. There is no safety net. I must fly, no, I must soar...

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