Are you kidding me! A child chooses to wear her hair natural and faces being kicked out of school?! The story of 12-year-old Vanessa Vandyke facing expulsion for her natural hairstyle has gone viral and made national headlines. Attention was brought to Vanessa's hair when she reported to the school that she was being teased because of it. It was originally reported that Vanessa was told she had a week to decide whether to cut her natural hair or leave Faith Christian Academy in Orlando, Fla. Now the school is saying they would just like her to style it differently with claims that is doesn't meet the guidelines of the school handbook. Sabrina Vandyke, Vanessa's mom said she will fight for her daughter's freedom and originality. Most recently the school said Vanessa Will NOT be expelled because of her hair. Singer Elle Varner also wrote a poem "Hair Care" dedicated to Vanessa.
A few months ago 7-year-old Tiana Parker from Oklahoma faced the same issue. Journalist Melissa Harris-Perry had some powerful words of encouragement: "to all the little brown girls who rock their hair in all its many styles, you are perfect just the way you are and don't be confused, it's whats in your head, that's way more important than whats on your head." Vanessa loving and embracing her natural beauty is wonderful. Support, Support, Support! Please share the link as well. Kudos to her! Continue to stand firm in your uniqueness.
Check out the video below:
What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.
We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".
I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.
So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.
I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you?
I wrote:
If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in
the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly
declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of
you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose,
your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I
would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not
compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he
gave me another day with you.
Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.
Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here:
