MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

Monday Motivation: Who Are You?

This past weekend I had the chance to catch the premiere of Iyanla Vanzant's 'Fix My Life' on OWN Network. Have you all been watching OWN? My girl Oprah has been bringing consistently rich content to feed our viewing souls.

In the premiere, Iyanla worked with 'Basketball Wives' star Evelyn Lozada to help her fix some of her deep rooted anger issues. Evelyn has been no stranger to controversy - from bottle throwing, bitch name-calling, jumping on tables and the recent head butting incident involving her husband NFL superstar Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. Evelyn has become a name associated with negativity, so she decided to take the step to seek counsel and turn around her image.

What stood out to me about the interview was not Evelyn's "mean girl" image or analysis of her marriage but the focus on the essential question, "who are you?".

No matter how we were raised , the path that we've been on or the image that we choose to project to the world, the most important question that we need to ask ourselves is who am I?

Asked who she would be if all of her material possessions and public image were taken away, Evelyn struggled to find a definition outside of this.

We all, similar to celebrities, have a public image as mother, daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, friend, insert job title here, and so on. Our lives are broadcast over social media for people to Like or comment on. But when you strip this all away and sit alone with yourself, do you know who you are? And, is your “authentic” self being portrayed to the outside world? Most of us are living separate identities between the person who people see and our truest self.

When we are unaware of who we truly are, it is easy to be led into someone else’s vision and live the life that they want. We then attract people into our lives that continually lead us in a direction away from our authentic path.

Starting this week off with a fresh slate, let’s all learn from Evelyn and start defining ourselves by our own terms. Work on aligning your deepest truth with the womyn that you show to the world.

So, who are YOU? I would love to hear your own personal statements. Please leave comments and fill in the blank – I AM…

Check out a clip from the episode below:

Happy Monday!