If you read my blogpost last week, you may not be surprised that I am totally exhausted and deeply in need of some rest and sleep. Now that our little twins are in big kid beds and no longer nursing, it takes hours to get everyone to sleep at night and I am, most definitely, a hormonal mess. Let’s just say that things got ugly this week.
Last week we bought a new van; so much to my surprise, I am now driving a fancy 2013 Dodge Grand Caravan. In beige. Go ahead and chuckle. As if it’s not bad enough to be driving a minivan, it’s also beige! And folks, if the minivan is a-rockin’, please come a-knockin’ as there’s probably a kid having a tantrum inside because the laws require that they be buckled into a car seat! Anyway, the week got off to a good start. The kids were excited about the new van with a DVD player and bets were placed on how long before the bacteria content on the floor of the van reaches frightening levels due to the amount of food on the floor. What could go wrong?
On Tuesday evening, a.k.a the evening I lost my mind, Wife picked up the new wheels. Because I had misplaced the special part of my brain reserved for reason, I lost it on the kids over the dinner and bedtime hours, for having the nerve to be kids, and then Wife and I had an epic, but brief, angry exchange. Why sugarcoat it? There was yelling and swearing. So in an attempt to win the award for being the most dramatic participant in a marital disagreement, I stomped to the front door of our house and announced that I was leaving (Really I was just going out but leaving sounds way more dramatic).
Unfortunately, in the middle of my tantrum, I had to ask Wife for the keys to the new van. (Should you ever find yourself needing the assistance of your opponent during a fight, consider postponing the fight!) This is when things got a little comical. She hands me something that resembles a fob and trying very hard to remain in control and angry I say, “And what the hell am I supposed to do with this?!?” “That’s the key!” she spits back at me. “This? This stupid thing is the key? Fine! Good-bye! ”
This is what I use to start my car/spaceship!
At this point it would have been totally understandable if one or both of us burst out laughing but we were already invested in our fight, so I stormed out and went to the car. Once I got into the massive beige minivan, I checked to make sure Wife was not watching from the window because I was a little embarrassed by my behaviour and it took me a solid two minutes to figure out where and how to insert the “key” to start the car! I then spent another minute looking for the gear shift and the lights and then actually jumped when I put the car in reverse and the screen on the dashboard lit up with a live action video of me reversing. A rear camera is a bonus feature on cars these days but they are totally weird! I felt like I was angrily running away from home in a spaceship! Vans have really come a long way, baby!
My week didn’t actually get much better after Tuesday evening’s Oscar worthy performance. On Wednesday, instead of spending the 30 kid-free minutes I had before school pick-up being still or drinking tea or reading, I decided to make an emergency run to the closest barbershop that I could find. And that, my friends, is how I ended up with Bobby Brown’s haircut circa 1987!
My lovely son, who frequently plays the part of image consultant, made me feel better about my haircut. When I asked him if it looked “manish”, he looked at me like I had temporarily misplaced reason (which I had) and said, “Mommy, there’s no such thing as boys’ haircuts and girls’ haircuts.” Right. Good point. The take away from Wednesday? Do not get an emergency haircut from an unknown barber and be grateful when your kids are way smarter than you!
I had hoped that I would reign in the crazy for Thursday, but that was not meant to be. I sobbed for the entire drive to the kids’ school in the morning (not safe) and was still crying as I tried to say good-bye to them in the office in front of the Late Slip Lady. The principal called me into her office to calm me down and reminded me that punctuality isn’t everything. I’ve decided not to tell the other frequently late parents that she was so understanding, as she regularly reads the riot act to all the latecomers.
By Friday I was so emotionally exhausted that I spent most of the day sharing sugary treats with the kids in the name of Valentine’s Day. While I am still in need of sleep and rest, I am adjusting to the change in hormones. In closing, I would like to thank the friends and family that rode my special roller coaster last week. You are the real heroes of the week of February 10th!