Wednesday, December 4

How I Am Like My Toddlers

I have been sick with some sort of cold virus for three weeks now.  It’s not a big deal but it has left me completely exhausted because while I've been sick so have three out of five kids.  Also not a big deal but I must admit that it has rendered me whinier and complainer (totally a word) than usual.  In fact, in many ways I’m no better than my toddlers in regards to my behavior.  This got me thinking, my toddler–like behavior is not reserved for times of sickness. It’s pretty much an every day thing for me.  So for your reading pleasure…

How I Am Like My Toddlers
* Please note that many of the following behaviors are extremely annoying in actual toddlers, but in me, they are adorable!  Just ask wife. 

1.       I continue to get double ear infections.  Wife’s unsympathetic response when I returned home from the doctor the other day and told her that I have a double ear infection?  “What are you, five?”  At 38, I rest my head on her lap and squeeze her leg as she puts ear drops in for me.  It hurts!  And I am a bit of baby. 

2.       I have mood swings.  The toddler kind.  One minute I will be fighting back tears when I want to literally cry over (the third class of) split milk, sure that I can’t do this parent thing for another second and then the next moment someone will make a funny face and I will giggle and carry on like life couldn't get any better.  This mood swing thing may be hard on Wife.  The kids understand mood swings; Wife, on the other hand, is probably counting on me remaining a little more level headed. 

3.       I have an unhealthy attachment to my cell phone.  The strong desire to scroll down, finger on screen is truly shared by my little ones.  They get it.  They too have scrolling needs which makes point #4 an issue. 

4.       I don’t really like to share.  My phone is MY phone.  My food is MY food.    Isn't it a little weird that toddlers hate sharing but they truly believe that what is yours is theirs?

5.       I like Wife’s food and drink more than my own.  Whatever she is eating I want to eat.  Her drink is my drink.  If it were even a little bit appropriate, I would sit on her lap at the table and demand that she feed me off of her plate. 

6.       I announce when I have to use the bathroom.  I have no secrets.  I like people to know where I am and what I am doing.  I should rethink this though, as I often get followed into the bathroom by little privacy-snatching children.

7.       I like to sleep in the car - when other people are driving, of course.  Any expectations of committed conversation or navigation assistance will not be met.  I also drool when I sleep in the car.

8.       I never stay seated while I’m eating.  This may have to do with the constant requests to fetch things but I often don’t even bother sitting down.  I regularly threaten the end of a meal if my children do not stay seated on their bottoms while eating.  Parenting is all about double standards. 

9.       I still use a sippy cup.  Adults – if it’s got a spout and a straw and you call it a water bottle, really it’s just an adult sized sippy cup.  Don’t try to argue.  You know I’m right.  Get someone to video tape you taking a sip from your “water bottle.”  Do you essentially look like a toddler?  Yeah, I rest my case! 

10.   The best way to dance is in my underwear.  I am not sure if I should apologize to Wife for this behavior or smile and say “you’re welcome!”
Anyway, there it is.  Ten ways I am exactly like my toddlers. 

Am I the only one whose behavior bears a striking resemblance to a child’s?  Ease my embarrassment and share your child-like behaviors in the comments. 

Xo Ajike

P.S.   About the use of the word Wife rather than my partner’s actual name Lisa.  Calling her Wife and not Lisa may suggest that I believe that wife is her only identity.  I do not believe this.  I am not evil.  The whole Wife, not Lisa, thing started because I decided about a year ago to change her name on my phone from Lisa to Wife.  Why?  Well I started worrying that one day I would be crossing the street, and be hit by a car and the paramedics caring for me would look on my phone and to see who to contact about the accident.  Looking through my contacts with just a bunch of random (to the paramedics, not to me) names wouldn't help but if I had Wife, they would know who to call.  It’s kind of brilliant, right?  Anyway, that is how the name Wife was born.  Thanks to my neurotic imagination, paramedics will always know who to call and Lisa has a new name. 

1 comment:

Jovana said...

Lol... What about truly believing that "5 more minutes" of TV will be enough, and then kicking and screaming in utter shock and disappointment when those 5 minutes are up? That's my toddler-like behaviour!