Monday Motivation: Let Go, Go Forward.

 

Our true character and ambition doesn't develop from the dreams we have as kids, it comes from everything life puts us through on the path to maturity. Our true passion comes from finding ourselves in divine purpose. How are we designated to serve the world with our gift? That is life's most persistent question. Are you willing to answer the call? 

Oprah has an amazing testimony about the power of surrender and letting go! It Really Works! 
Check out the footage in the video below:

Are you living your absolute Best life? There is no time BUT the present! Let Go and Go Forward!

posted by: April D. Byrd

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: What Does A "Hater" Look Like?

We always hear about "haters", the "jealous ones", those with "green eyes". It seems as if everyone has got some haters but who is doing the actual hating? I saw Gabrielle Union's acceptance speech at an Essence Magazine Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon a couple of months ago and was immediately struck by the rawness and truth of her speech as she spoke about being a "mean girl" in Hollywood.

It struck me, because you look at Gabrielle and you see a beautiful black womyn who is talented, funny and has had the opportunity to star in some great movies. From the outside looking in, there is absolutely no reason to hate. When we think of "haters" we think of the girl behind her computer spouting out unnecessary mean with each tap of her keyboard. Or when we think of "mean girls", we automatically picture those girls from highschool who thought they were better than x, y and z. But, we hardly discuss the silent and subtle hate or negativity that we sometimes inflict on each other because we feel less than the next. This is why Gabby's speech was so powerful because she exemplifies the womyn (like many of us) who has it together yet is still comparing every area of our lives to the next womyn sizing up if we measure up to her.

A truthful thing that Gabrielle mentioned was that because of the way Hollywood is set up and the competitive nature of it, she constantly felt like her light was dimmed in the presence of the glowing light of another womyn. Who hasn't experienced that? You feel confident, pretty, talented, smart and whatever else, until you get around that womyn who seems like she has all of the above and much more. Then you slowly start to shrink and all of the amazing that you felt about yourself begins to diminish. In Gabby's case and in many other womyn's, we choose to tear each other down with reasons why she isn't actually "all that". But by reasoning why the next womyn isn't really all that, what does that do for you? How does that benefit you?

I watched Gabrielle's speech again this weekend because I knew that she along with Alfre Woodard, Phylicia Rashad, and Viola Davis would be on Oprah's 'Next Chapter' speaking about this topic and the frustrations that black actresses face. I love the way Gabrielle explained how she left her mean girl ways behind.

Gabrielle told Oprah:

“I think nowadays there is this celebration of, as the kids say, ‘the ratchet… the ratchetness.’ You are supported in tearing other people down. There is a forum for it, there’s a huge spotlight on you to do that. People are like ‘How did you move from being a mean, vindictive, hateful person who couldn’t be happy for other people to embracing and truly being supportive?’ And really it came down to we were in a room, we were at a party and I was holding court because I could turn phrase and be a little slick myself. And I was trashing somebody. You know, just ripping them to shreds, head to toe. And A.J. pulls me to the side and she says, ‘Ok, so how did your life change? Did you get the guy? Did you get the job? Is your house any bigger? Did money just magically get put in your pocket? What positive happened in your life after you just tore that woman down?”

I suggest you check out her full speech at the Essence luncheon here. It's a must see!

What did you all think of Gabby's speech? Did anything resonate with you? Let's discuss in the comments!

Happy Monday!

"Dark Girls" Documentary to Premiere on OWN

"Dark Girls" the documentary co-directed by D. Channism Berry and Bill Duke has finally got a world premiere date on OWN for next Sunday. The film gives dark-skinned women a platform to discuss the struggles they have faced because of their complexion. The film is meant to spread about awareness and create dialogue.

To be honest, I am a bit tired of the perpetual conversation of dark skin vs. light skin but I also recognize that to this date, it is still an issue that plagues our communities, leaving many little girls and grown womyn alike feeling less than and unpretty. So, until that changes a dialogue needs to be had.

Will you be watching?

MONDAY MOTIVATION: My Book Recommendation For Releasing Hurt & Disappointment in Your Life

 

Yesterday morning, I checked out Oprah's 'Super Soul Sunday' and she had author Don Miguel Ruiz on. I have to say that his book The Four Agreements is one of my favourite and one of the most impactful personal development books that I've read. It's one of those books that I've read at least 5-6 times and have found / learned something new from it each time because there was a part that spoke to my current situation.

The premise of the book is to basically realize that how you feel about your life and the people around you is based on how you observe and interpret the world. I like the message of the book because it empowers its reader to realize that we are in control of our lives - not the person who hurt us, anyone who made us upset, the awful situation that happened. We can flip our interpretation of the events that happen in our lives in order to free ourselves from the emotional struggles that we commonly face.

Ruiz outlines 4 agreements that you should follow:

Be Impeccable With Your Word
I love this one! To be impeccable with your word is to not use your words to spread emotional toxicity - not speak badly about yourself or to not gossip about others. This agreement recognizes the power that words have in creating the world around us. Spreading office gossip will only make your life at the office miserable. Speaking badly about yourself will only make you feel worse and will perpetuate the cycle of people treating you with the same lack of respect. Speak with integrity.

Don't Take Anything Personally
Probably the most important of the agreements is the ability to not personalize every action and word towards you. It's a difficult one but a very important one to achieve. Make yourself immune to the opinion and actions of others. Ruiz says that we take things personally because on some level we believe about ourself what others have to say. Release yourself from personalizing people's words otherwise you can walk around getting hurt by everyone and everything.

Don't Make Assumptions
You can completely transform your life if you learn how not to make assumptions in your relationships or in your interactaction with people. How many of us, before even asking any questions, assume that a person tried to hurt us or had ill intentions towards us? You took something that they said to you personally without asking them what they truly meant by it. We make the assumption then that everyone is judging us, victimizing us, or abusing us. Which is more so a reflection of how we view ourselves.

Always Do Your Best
Plenty of the hurt and disappointment that we feel is based on our own feelings of self-judgment, self-abuse, shame and regret. Release that and instead vow to ourselves that we will always do our best in the current situation that we are in - keeping in mind that your best today may not be your best tomorrow. Learn to have patience with yourself. The hardest thing to do and something that I'm learning each day to do better is to be kind to myself. Tell myself that it's okay if I didn't do all that I set out to accomplish for the day or if I didn't say the right thing to someone - striving for perfection is the quickest road to stress and disappointment.

Did you watch 'Super Soul Sunday' this weekend? Have you read the book? If so, tell me about the lessons that you've learned. Would love to hear it!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Why Oprah Saying Beyonce Makes Her 'Proud to Spell My Name WOMYN' is a Head Nod To All of Us

I watched the Beyonce Life is But a Dream documentary over the weekend as well as her interview with Oprah, and while I had not learnt anything new about Beyonce there were a few take aways for me as a womyn and as an artist. What stood out to me the most was during the interview at the end when Ms. O said to Beyonce, "After watching Life is But a Dream, I have to tell you that I come away reminded of that line in a Maya Angelou poem that says, 'You make me proud to spell my name W-O-M-A-N." Such a big compliment to pay a womyn! And, one that we all need to look ourselves in the mirror and say on repeat.

As I turn 40 today, I realize that with age I've fallen into being exactly the womyn that I've always wanted to be. My life is not perfect, but I can say it's pretty damn good! And, it's good because I've finally learned to let go of the inner struggles, things I don't accept about myself and to be really specific about the people I have around me. Instead of playing tug-of-war with these things I've given up the battle and chose acceptance of where I am exactly today.

I wrote a quick note on my Facebook page the other day outlining the '40 things I know about myself as I turn 40'. A few of them are:

1.  I will never have a flat stomach or a six pack and I'm going to try my best to let go of that dream....
2.  I love vanilla cupcakes and I can eat them all day and this maybe the reason why i don't have a flat     stomach!
3.  Friends and family will often disappoint you, but I need to stop taking their lack of action or actions   personally it's not about me.
4.  I will continue to disappoint friends and family, and they need to stop taking it personally.
5. I want to have friends who listen more to me, who call me often and ask me how I'm doing? I want friends who share with me their lives, people who openly share their life lessons and encourage me to be a better person.
6. I want to actively work on my dreams every day. I want my play to go to Broadway. I want my own theatre, talk show, radio show! I want  full creative ownership to do work that I love the way I want too!
7. I need to accept that my to do list will never end. I create a new one every day!
8. I want to love who i love, with no explanations to anyone. Without thought to anyone but myself. I want to love how I want to be loved, with gentleness, consideration, soft kisses, deep conversations, and an ability to be challenged and to be challenged to be better. I want to care less about what people think about me, and care more about what I think of the people in my life!

But the main thing that I want as I move into this new chapter of my life is, I want to not only stand in and own the womyn that I am but inspire other womyn to do so themselves. I've realized that all of my work as an artist has been working towards and leading up to that. I want to inspire other womyn to love themselves period. To love their hair, to love what they do, love the way they look, love who they've chosen to be around them, etc.

I think this is what Lady O meant when she spoke about Beyonce and I believe that one day I will be sitting on her couch when she will share that sentiment with me as well.

But for now, I'm 40 and happy to stand with pride to spell my name w-o-m-y-n.

Happy Monday!

The Conflict With 'Django Unchained": Slavery as a Comedy?

By now, I'm sure you have heard all the press and talk surrounding Quentin Tarantino's latest film Django Unchained. The film, in typical Tarantino fashion is quite unconventional in that it tells the story of a slave-turned-bounty hunter who sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner. 

There have been plenty of rave reviews so far including one from Oprah who called the film, “laugh out loud funny” and “cathartic”. Are we talking about the same movie? Folks, clearly this is not your typical Roots or Alex Haley's Queen film that shows the same image of slaves that we've seen for many years.

The reviews pouring in so far and pre-screenings have had quite a few people up in arms about the lightness in which the film is portrayed. Spike Lee spoke out this past weekend, stating that he refuses to see it. He later posted to his Twitter account that, "American Slavery Was Not A Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western. It Was A Holocaust. My Ancestors Are Slaves. Stolen From Africa. I Will Honor Them."

To find humour in a subject that runs so deep that we still see the effects of it to this day, does not sit well with a lot of people. One of the darkest moments in history is now a story that is projected onscreen for all people of all races to see and to potentially find humour in?

It is a difficult issue to draw the line on because as a comedian I understand the importance of humour. Especially with serious topics, comedy often serves as the medicine in a candy as it creates the ability to get a message across and reach people in a way that resonates with them. Humour often creates openness and dialogue. But, can you sugar coat a film about slavery?

We haven't seen a story told about slavery in a very long time as it is a topic that has increasingly become one that is swept under the rug for people to deny its current day impact. Perhaps, this film can serve as an entertaining way to appeal to the masses and re-start the conversation on our history.

I'm still deciding on if I will go and check it out. Will you be hitting up the theatres this week to see Django Unchained? Who saw it yesterday? Let me know your thoughts and reviews!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Sally Field and Elie Wiesel show us that every ending is a new beginning

Oprah and Elie Wiesel

I was catching up on a few weeks of Oprah and saw two interviews that were very different but spoke the same message to me. I have a feeling this is a message that some of you need to hear too, so I wanted to share it with all of you.

Sally Field was on Oprah’s Next Chapter last week, to talk about her new movie Lincoln where she plays the first lady, Mary Todd.  But like always, the conversation with Oprah got personal real quick and soon she was talking about her mother, who passed away during the movie’s filming.

Elie Wiesel is a holocaust survivor, author of dozens of books, and a Nobel peace prize winner. He was on Soul Sunday yesterday to discuss surviving open heart surgery at 82 and his latest book, “Open Heart”. In it he talks about the anxieties and worries that he faced as he lay on the hospital bed expecting the worst, the questions and the thoughts that went through his mind as he lay facing his death.

Both Field and Wiesel are successful - they have accomplished a lot in their careers and they’ve spoken openly about all that they overcame. And both were very open and honest about their own insecurities as they face a transition to a new part of their life.

Wiesel’s book describes in great detail the moments where he lay facing possible death and one of the questions he asked himself was whether he had done enough. This from someone who has won a Nobel Peace Prize!

Field’s talks about the struggle she faced after her mother died - on Field’s 65^th birthday. With three grown children who have moved on to their own lives, she describes feeling lost for a while. It’s something we can all relate to, that feeling we have whenever our roles in life change and we struggle  to find our identity, our place in the world.

But watching both interviews I kept coming back to the same realization. As much as they have both accomplished, there is still much that they have left to do and it’s clear from the way they speak of their future. Although they've lived many years and done so much, they are both open to the new experiences that are coming their way. Throughout the interview Field keeps talking about the new part of her life that is just starting and her excitement about the future.

Iif we search our depths we all know that there is something in us that we have left to give to the world - our higher purpose maybe, or our contribution to the world. And as we work on our latest project, script or job we get so focused on what we are doing that we can lose ourselves in our work. Then suddenly, like everything must, something changes. We lose our job, our script gets rejected or funding for our project gets cancelled.

And in this moment we face our greatest test. It is in the moment of this change or loss that we must decide how to move forward. Whether we succumb to our insecurities and give up, or whether we decide to embrace the change and look for the good that will come out of it. 

A year after her mother’s death Field’s is excited about being able to do what she wants and is looking forward to enjoying her new home and this latest new phase of her life. Weisel is happy to continue teaching and lecturing, as long as it gives him time to spend with his family. Both have had a long and eventful life, and as each experience comes to an end they continue to look for the new adventure, something we all should aim to do.

Are you going through a big change in your life now? Meet me in the comments and let me know what is ending and what your hope for the future is. Change can be scary, but if you remember that every ending is a chance for something new to start it can also be a very exciting and joyful time. 

Watch The Throne: This Womyn Has Taken Oprah's Spot As Richest Black Womyn In The World!

Well folks, Queen Oprah has officially been de-throned as the richest black womyn in the world. Oprah has held this spot for quite a few years now but it has just been announced that the new leading lady is Folorunsho Alakija of Nigeria.

This 61 year old’s $3.2 billion empire is comprised of being owner of oil company, FAMFA OIL Limited as well as the head of successful fashion label Supreme Stitches. I love that she is an artist! She founded the company after studying fashion design in England and went on to make custom creations for Nigeria and West Africa’s elite.

I love Ms Lady O and the media empire that she has created, but it is really great to see another face on top. I'm happy to see successful black womyn’s faces in diverse industries being recognized for their accomplishments. Especially to see a womyn who is not from North America. We too often see the same people in the spotlight all the time which can sometimes send the message that these people are an exception. When we start seeing new people get recognized, it tells us that we too can accomplish big things and defy the norm.

Talk about the sky is the limit! Beautiful to see this womyn achieve her billionaire artist dream.

What do you think of the new richest black womyn, are you happy to see a new face of success?

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Dear Gabby Douglas, Waiting for Your Father's Apology Will Not Heal Your Hurt

Guest Blog By: Safia Bartholomew

Gabby Douglas won the hearts and respect of the world this past summer when she made history as an Olympic gold medalist for the American gymnastics team. But, an unfortunate story that was also discussed throughout this time (besides the ridiculous criticism of her hair) was of her absentee father. This is of course a story that many little girls and women around the world can relate to. 

She recently revealed to People magazine that although her father wasn't present in her life, he did attend the Olymipc games to cheer her on. But, it was a text message from him after the games requesting for her to "autograph some things for me" that broke her heart. She reveals that she now wants an apology from him. I sincerely hope that her father does apologize for the hurt that he caused her. But, the unfortunate case is that in most cases she won't get it. There are plenty of grown women today that are still waiting on apologies from their daddies. There are so many more people in general that are anticipating the day that the person who did them wrong will finally apologize and accept responsibility. They too are still waiting.

See the thing is,  I think we have all been set up since our kindergarten days to believe that once someone hurts us they will automatically apologize. Remember when Johnny kicked you in the playground and your teacher would come running over demanding that Johnny apologize. He would say sorry begrudgingly but his apology would give you instant satisfaction and you could carry on about your day. As we grow up, we come to realize that life without a moderator to demand apologies for us means that the apologies come far and few between. So what do we do now? How can we move on when the person we care about/ once cared about is still out there seemingly not acknowledging the pain they caused.

One of the hardest things to do is to let go and forgive the people that hurt you the most. You replay their wrongdoings over and over in your head like a clip out of a bad movie. These people have claimed space in your heart and mind, holding you hostage from truly being free and as happy as you deserve to be. I've had friends in my life that I've allowed to take up space in my mind, as I sit waiting for them to make it right. But, Oprah said something awhile back that really stood out to me and I try to remember everytime those terrible movie clips decide to hit replay again. She described the story of an ex-friend who she harbored much hurt and anger towards for many years. Basically, one day she was out shopping and she saw that very person laughing outside of a Tiffany store having a good time. She was in shock and could not believe how happy that person was. I love this story! Doesn't that illustrate exactly how it feels to be so affected by someone who has clearly moved on and is living and enjoying their life meanwhile you are stuck in rewind?

This isn't to say that Gabby just needs to simply move on. But, she does need to forgive her father and accept that he is going to be the way he is until he decides to change. Who knows when he will finally wake up and decide to be a father. In the meantime, she needs to find peace with it and enjoy this incredible journey that she is on whole-heartedly.

As some motivation for this week, if you are dealing with the wrongdoings of others still haunting you let the following words from Maya Angelou soak in as you set yourself up to clear some emotional space for 2013.

In the sweet shadow of Thanksgiving I am giving forgiveness to everyone I thought ill treated me. I want to enter the Christmas month with a clean slate. I want to think that everyone I know can enter the last month of this year free of any ill will between us. Let us all go into December 2012 free, giving and expecting the good thing.

 I'm ready to start December off with a clean slate.Who's up to join me? Let me know your thoughts on the Gabby Douglas situation. Also, what are you going to do to start this last month of the year to let go of any resentments towards others. Meet me in the comment section to discuss.

 HAPPY MONDAY!!

After 2 years Oprah releases a Favorite Things list

If you’re a true Oprah fan like me, you’ll be ecstatic to hear that after TWO YEARS of leaving us hanging Oprah has finally released another of her Favorite Things lists! I was so excited to take a look at the new list. I don’t know if you’re a fan of Oprah’s lists and recommendations, but I know that if it’s good enough for Oprah it is good enough for me to at least check out.

There have already been some negative reviews though, from people complaining that a lot of the items on the list are too expensive for an average person. 

Well, I’ve read the whole list and there are some pretty cool, inexpensive things on the list. There are definitely some things that are pricey (the television and e-bike for example) but I don’t see what the problem is. She’s rich. Of course some of her favourite things are expensive! And I’m sure there are many people out there who wouldn’t find an e-bike for under $1,500 too expensive.

But for those of us on a tighter budget, there are some great choices. Here are my top 3 picks, some of which I want to keep for myself, others that I think will make great gifts (the holidays are just around the corner).

 1. Corkcicle ($25) – a really cool way to keep wine cool and a great gift idea. It even comes in different colours!

2. Bougainvillea Bangles – these are regularly $39, but Oprah offers a coupon code to get them for $31! 

3. Classic Coffee & Tea by Yedi – this cute set of porcelain bowls are a perfect housewarming gift…if you can manage not to keep them for yourself!

Now I’m looking forward to seeing her surprise the audience on the Oprah’s Favorite Things special airing Sunday November 18^th. I love a good surprise!

Check out the entire list here and be sure to look for the special coupon code that is available on some of the products! Let me know which products you love.

Monday Motivation: You've Got The Power - Oprah's Lifeclass Teaches Us The Power of Declaring "I Am..."



"You'll never rise any higher than how you see yourself" - Joel Osteen 

There is nothing more important than the words that you say to yourself repeatedly. Forget having talent, beauty and smarts, if the words that repeatedly come out of our mouth do not reflect this then none of these attributes will mean shit! You can be the most talented person in the world but if you continually downplay your craft to others and to yourself and speak negativity to it everyday, your dreams will never actualize because you are not opening yourself to the positive energy that will allow the right opportunities and people to flow into your life.

This weekend's Lifeclass on OWN was an awesome reminder of this! Joel Osteen spoke to the concept that you become who you believe you are. He described that, whatever follows "I Am..." will come looking for you. So, what do you want to follow you as you go after your dreams? Think carefully about this when you make a statement about yourself because these words that you speak will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What your future holds is based on the power of your words and will shape who you become regardless of it is positive or negative. Why not make it positive then?

A weekend ago, at my Artist Millionaire workshop I spoke about stating who you are and who you want to become. Whether you are currently working in the field of your choice or actively working towards it, claim it! People are often afraid of doing this because they feel that the statement isn't true until they are actually successful in their field. But I believe that even if you aren't writing for a top newspaper or have a published book out, you should still declare yourself a writer as you actively pursue your craft.

There was a really powerful moment at the workshop where I had everyone stand up one by one and proclaim who they are and what they do - no stuttering, shifty eyes or caved shoulders. Declare "I am..."with confidence! The energy of the room shifted as each person stood in who they were and their vision for their life with each proclamation. It's a powerful feeling and moment when you no longer whisper silently hoping that no one calls you out on the inaccuracy of your statement or keep your dreams to yourself out of fear that it won't come true. Once you declare it out loud and with confidence everyday, believe me, you will find a way to make it happen! Try it on when you introduce yourself to others, see how it fits - "Hello, I am a writer." doesn't it feel good?

Share how awesomely talented you are! The more you declare this to others, the more that their actions and their opinions of you will fall into line with your vision and more importantly, you will begin to truly see yourself as who you want to see. No faking it 'til you make it, or trying it on for suit. You will one day look in the mirror and see exactly who you always wanted to be - no blinking, just truth.

Go ahead and make a statement! Meet me in the comments section and declare the life that you want. What powerful words are you going to start speaking this week to bring your vision to life?

Happy Monday!

Rihanna and Chris Brown marriage rumours draw judgement and anger

Rihanna announced her new album name today and it’s got the twitterverse and other media buzzing! Her album is called “Unapologetic” and many have interpreted this to be related to rumours that she and Chris Brown are getting back together.

There has been a lot of talk in the media lately about Brown’s recent breakup, Rihanna’s interview on Oprah where she admitted to still being in love with him, and the fact that they’ve been seen together a lot lately.

Well today, even though neither of them have actually stated that they are back together, people have taken to the internet to criticize and mock the couple. Many of the comments are aimed at Rihanna.

Donald Trump (who is known for controversial tweets) tweeted the following: If @rihanna is dating @chrisbrown then she has a death wish. A beater is always a beater – just watch!

VH1 tweeted: Rihanna’s dad and Oprah are cool with Chris Brown dating Rihanna. Are you?

And most disturbing of all, this is trending on twitter right now: Damn I just hit that flight of stairs harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Am I the only who finds it shocking that people feel they have the right to judge and mock this young couple? These are not their families or close friends. In fact, their family and friends seem to be supportive of them. Why is it is so easy for people to judge Rihanna and Brown, when we all have issues that we need to resolve in our own lives and we know very little about their lives?

And what exactly are people judging Rihanna for? What has she done that has people so angry? She is a young (only 24 years-old) womyn who is navigating her love life under the microscope that is celebrity culture today. OF COURSE I am not condoning violence against womyn. But I do believe in forgiveness. Brown admitted to what he did, apologized repeatedly and served his sentence (including community service and domestic violence classes). If Rihanna can forgive him is it really anyone else’s business?

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. As Oprah said “I think that if she is prepared to deal with that and is prepared to help him help himself then so be it. I have no judgement about it.” What do you think?

PS. Don't forget there is just over a week until The Artist Millionaire Workshop. If you haven’t registered yet please click here to sign up. Tickets are on sale for only $47.

Monday Motivation: Who Are You?

This past weekend I had the chance to catch the premiere of Iyanla Vanzant's 'Fix My Life' on OWN Network. Have you all been watching OWN? My girl Oprah has been bringing consistently rich content to feed our viewing souls.

In the premiere, Iyanla worked with 'Basketball Wives' star Evelyn Lozada to help her fix some of her deep rooted anger issues. Evelyn has been no stranger to controversy - from bottle throwing, bitch name-calling, jumping on tables and the recent head butting incident involving her husband NFL superstar Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. Evelyn has become a name associated with negativity, so she decided to take the step to seek counsel and turn around her image.

What stood out to me about the interview was not Evelyn's "mean girl" image or analysis of her marriage but the focus on the essential question, "who are you?".

No matter how we were raised , the path that we've been on or the image that we choose to project to the world, the most important question that we need to ask ourselves is who am I?

Asked who she would be if all of her material possessions and public image were taken away, Evelyn struggled to find a definition outside of this.

We all, similar to celebrities, have a public image as mother, daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, friend, insert job title here, and so on. Our lives are broadcast over social media for people to Like or comment on. But when you strip this all away and sit alone with yourself, do you know who you are? And, is your “authentic” self being portrayed to the outside world? Most of us are living separate identities between the person who people see and our truest self.

When we are unaware of who we truly are, it is easy to be led into someone else’s vision and live the life that they want. We then attract people into our lives that continually lead us in a direction away from our authentic path.

Starting this week off with a fresh slate, let’s all learn from Evelyn and start defining ourselves by our own terms. Work on aligning your deepest truth with the womyn that you show to the world.

So, who are YOU? I would love to hear your own personal statements. Please leave comments and fill in the blank – I AM…

Check out a clip from the episode below:

Happy Monday!



Dating Down: Should You Hold Out For Someone as Successful as You Are?

I recently saw a clip of Chilli from R&B group TLC on Good Afternoon America that I found interesting. The discussion was about the idea of dating down and if it is okay to date someone who makes less than you.This brought up the age-old yet highly debated topic of dating on your “level”. If you are successful, should your partner have the same or better financial lifestyle as you?

Chilli has received quite a bit of flack in recent years, since her VH1 reality dating show aired, because of her insistence on finding her “perfect mate”. In the interview when asked about whether she would date someone who made less, her stance was that she wants to be treated like a princess:

I’m very picky, I guess you want to call it that. Here’s my issue with ‘dating down’ – it sounds bad it makes us seem shallow — the problem with dating down[…]I think that for a female, no matter how much money you make or not, every woman wants to feel like a princess, you know. I don’t look for a guy to pay my bills, I can pay my own bills.  I can do a lot of things for myself. Thank God I’ve been blessed. But I would love to go on a date with a guy and he pays for it or we go on a trip together and — if I have to pay half then I need to go on that trip with my girlfriend, not a dude. I’m just saying.

To some extent, I understand what she is trying to say. It is hard to deal with the harsh reality of finances in a relationship. As a womyn, when you have achieved a certain level of success it is difficult to form a partnership with someone who you may continually need to support or who is unable to treat you to the lifestyle that you are accustom. In romanticizing the idea of love, we often seek and hold onto this fairytale image of relationships where our significant other somehow always has the means to cater to our every want and need.

While I don’t think that Chilli specified anything that was too drastic – dinner paid for and maybe a vacation away, the focus of her ideal partner seemed to be mainly focused on finances and her mate's ability to cater to her.

I tend to believe that passion and love for what you do leads to success regardless of industry. Therefore, learning to find a partner whose principles match yours is key - does their level of passion for life, vision and determination compliment yours.

With life’s ups and downs, successes and failures, I think it is important to seek a partner who can ride the waves with you. Oprah puts it best, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

So tell me, is financial comfort a dating must for you or is it the cherry on top of other characteristics?

Do you think that Chilli is right to hold out for someone that is as successful as she is?

Leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts!