Perky Boobs for Xmas!

I want perky boobs. Boobs that I can run down the street in a white tank top, no bra, and they would stay in place. Nipples always erect like Farrah Fawcett~ before she died. I think I should be the first black Charlie's Angel. I also want a flat stomach so I can ditch my spanx, throw out my ten million armor body girdles, and just walk around naked with my abs of steel and perky boobs. And if I could please not have any back fat! I think back fat definitely spoils my sexy white tank top look. And to match my sexy white tank top I want to wear white short shorts that barely cover my ass. Oh but I forgot to mention I also want an ass, an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of. An ass that if I turned any street corner you would see my ass coming before you see me! I'm writing Santa a list and I'm gonna see what shows up under my tree!

But seriously, anyone who truly knows me knows I have struggled with body issues all my life. The chubby kid who grew up to be the fat adult, yet somewhere inside this "fat" body there was a skinny chick throwing up the sandwich and chocolate cake--- screaming to get out!

I don't like my body. Not a big fan of her at all. I wouldn't willingly sign up for THIS or order this body. I would demand a refund. I really really really.... don't like my body. I said it. Miss "feminist," burn your bra, loving all womyn and all of our sizes, miss trey anthony doesn't like her body! And believe me, I've really tried to practice what I preach, to other womyn about being okay with yourself. Loving yourself at whatever size you are. Embracing all of you. And I truly believe all of that. I really do. I just wish I could believe it for myself! And my non belief has made me do some really mean and unhealthy things to myself in order to achieve the "perfect" body. I don't think that's there's a diet that I haven't tried. The grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny's, Weight Watchers, Bernstein's, two shakes a day or was it three?

And at my heaviest of nearly 235 lbs and a size 18, I took the drastic step of having lap band surgery. I lost over 100 lbs. Yet, before the surgery I thought once I got down to a size 12 I'll be happy. Then it was a size 10, then a size 8, and now I'm a size 7 striving for a size 5/6 yet the same issues that I had with my body at size 18 still remain... I think I'm even more critical. So I'm trying a new approach. I think I've had a mini breakthrough.

I'm working on getting my body stronger and not smaller. I want to be able to run at a 6.0 on the treadmill for thirty minutes and not feel like I'm going into cardiac arrest. I want to be able to do 50 pushups, in less than 40 seconds, effortlessly lift 15lb weights and not cry out for my mother! I want to be a strong, toned athlete.

I'm also listening to how I speak to my body. Putting that little/BIG "Voice" in my head on censorship. I've told that "Voice" that she can no longer call trey fat, or fat ass or compare her to other "perfect" womyn.....

In my bootcamp class, which I'm now going five days a week, I no longer listen to that "Voice" which yells that everyone is running way faster than me. I don't listen to that "Voice" that tells me to notice, that everyone in the class is much prettier and skinnier than me! I don't hear that "Voice" laughing that everyone is looking at my fat-- flat ass jogging on a treadmill. I shut the little anorexic down throw her a damn sandwich! Tell her to shut the f%^&* up!

Instead, as I run I affirm, "trey your body is strong, today trey you're doing your best."

I promise myself that I'm going to run just a bit faster than yesterday. I affirm, "trey, you are doing something good and healthy for your body."

I don't allow myself to focus on the fact, I'm not running the minimum speeds that the instructor demands. Or that my arms turn to jello, lifting even at the minimum weights! And I definitely, don't focus on the size O girl who's an "actress", oh sorry I mistook you for a stripper! In your sexy white tank top, white short shorts, and perky DDD, boobs with erect nipples of course! Okay I lied! I focus on her a little bit, but I eventually shift my focus, back to the fact that every day I'm doing just a little bit better than I was yesterday. Running a bit faster. Feeling a bit stronger!

Trey on Oprah!! Coming to a t.v near you!

Friends, family and fans have all called, emailed, and 'facebooked' me to ask what am I going to do now that Oprah is leaving television? I have been asked for my reaction and of course what this now means for me~because everyone knows that my dream is to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show. My response about Oprah leaving her show is, this is not about me at all..... It's about a womyn who has made a decision to do what is best for her. Made a decision to honour her spirit and her life and she has the wisdom to know when to say goodbye. Also how to say goodbye gracefully. Something I'm still working on!

Yet , I will miss Oprah, I grew up with her. Feel as if Oprah mothered me from a distance. When my mom had no choice but to work her two jobs, and Ieave us home alone, Oprah kept my company at 4pm every afternoon. She made me feel safe to be home alone.... I think she raised many latch key kids. Made many of us feel as if we had a mother waiting at home for us.....

She is a "Mother", she is a hope, and dream-maker. Made me believe that any DREAM is possible! Made me believe that I could be on T.V, gave me HOPE that the world would be ready for some one who looks like me. She was the first black womyn I ever saw on T.V. She will always be my "First Lady." I will miss her. Oprah is family. She raised a nation. Raised me....

So I hear the unanswered question rumbling around, "So trey, how are you going to be on Oprah now that she is leaving?"

My response~ soon. I know this. I see this. I believe it. I want it. I know the Universe will conspire in the next eighteen months to make this happen. I'm sure of this. I have faith. Just in the same way I knew I would meet her when she came to Toronto. It made no sense to anyone but I knew it. Had faith. And I prayed on it and when I got discouraged I called on the Lord and I said, God you brought her all this way here and you're not going to make me meet her? And then God showed me that with him anything is possible and the rest is herstory, you all know what happened!

Out of hundreds of people watching a movie, the Spirit moved me to leave that theatre, Spirit made me take my time to pull down my girdle and spanx :) and Spirit made me bump into Oprah Winfrey in a washroom and hand her my DVD! Because when Spirit is on your side and it is suppose to happen it will happen! I'm a true believer that Spirit works through me. It works through all of us, if we have faith and just take the time to really Listen. And there is no rhyme or reason to Spirit's work. Just have faith....

So, I have faith that in the next eighteen months I will be sitting on the stage of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Crazy, maybe? But years ago if someone said, a little black poor girl, named Oprah Winfrey, would become one of the most influential womyn in the world we would all think that was crazy~ Oprah made crazy seem possible!

if you havent heard the news, watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq56TcZNBC8

horse shoe up my ass?

Being here in L.a has brought up many interesting conversations between my friends, family and acquaintances. My decision to move to L.a to write for two months or maybe even longer has been met with many verbal expressions of "Wow, you're so lucky, that you can do that" or a sarcastic, " It must be nice!" or my favourite one is "Good stuff always happens to you!"

And I've had to really sit down and think about these statements because I realize that most people function from a place of good things only happen to "certain people" or only "lucky people" have good lives. And I've been thinking lately am I really more "lucky" than most~ My best friend always jokes that, I have a horse shoe up my ass!

And in some moments I have experienced a tremendous sense of guilt around my so called "luck"~ especially when people express to me, "Oh what a life of luxury you lead, you're going away to write for two months while I'm slaving away here!"

Yet I realize I have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm not more "lucky" than most. What I am is a visionary, I put my life into motion to get what I want. I don't make my life control me I control my life. I don't think things "just happen".... I think you have to set things in motion for them to happen. You have a choice in what happens to your life! A choice!

And I know many of you will argue this point with me and that's fine-bring it on!! Because if you truly believed you had a choice in what happens in your life it would force you to really start to make some changes! So of course it's much easier for you to sit and dwell on the "lucky folks." * yes i know that statement is going to hit a nerve! I'm just keeping IT REAL!

Because I believe most of us function from a place of REACTING to life's circumstances instead of being PROACTIVE in our own lives. We wait for our lives to start, wait for "lady luck" to walk by so we can grab her, if we are "lucky" enough! And of course we always think maybe... some day I'll do that......SOME DAY?? No today is the day!

I've made a promise to myself and it's my daily mantra, that I'm going to live the life that I want. And the life that I want, is to be able to go away for two months to write in hot weather! It's as simple as that. And no, throughout my life I didn't have anymore "lucky" breaks than anyone else.

I was born into a working class family, raised by a single mom, lived quite an "ordinary" life and nothing was ever given to me that I haven't worked hard for. And I think if you ask any of my friends and family who knew me before I became "The" trey anthony I think all of them would talk about my tremendous work ethic. How I will do the work necessary and then some to get things done or to have the things that I want! One of my favourite sayings that my grandmother always stated to me was, " To have the life that most people want, you must be willing to do the work that most people won't."

And I have done the "work" and continue to do so. Some of my jobs have included cleaning toilets, emptying garbages, cleaning people's floors on my hands and knees, running for coffee, picking up people's dry cleaning, cleaning people's homes, I've worked in a sock factory on an assembly line during the week so I could have my weekends free to do standup at comedy clubs, I did coat check at a night club till 4am in the morning and took the bus home, alone, scared and tired~ I have done backbreaking, humbling jobs to get to where I am today....... trust me when the bio pic comes out about my life you will be surprised at what "work" I have done..... And yes I also realize that many of us continue to toil at these jobs daily and I'm "lucky" that I no longer have to do these things....

Yet, I've worked very hard for everything that I have. And when my partner and I made the decision to go away for two months, we put the wheels in motion to make that happen. So we chose to work twelve-fourteen hour days, so we could "bank" the necessary money for this trip. Earlier in the year, we chose to give up an expensive mortgage on a very convenient, beautiful, downtown condo and move to a smaller, simpler home, where it took me nearly 45 mins to get into work and yes I took the TTC! The Wilson bus to be exact because it was cheaper than driving into downtown every day and paying for parking. And yes it was "embarrassing" for me to bump into fans on the TTC bus! But I put my ego aside and did what was necessary. And I had to question myself on why I felt embarrassed..... I was doing what I had to do to make a dream come true. I did all of that, so we could "save" the money for L.a. I also chose to not buy expensive designer jeans or shoes and went to Zellers to buy many an outfit for opening night events! Actually the top that I was wearing when I met Oprah cost $14.99 at Zellers, the leather jacket cost me $25 and it was second hand, or to make myself better I'll call it vintage! lol! And I wore it proudly at the Toronto Film Festival, the same festival where some of my industry peers were getting designer gowns made! And I got many a compliment on my outfit!

I did all of this because I knew where I wanted to be at the end of the year. My friends joke a lot about how "cheap" I am. And yes I am cheap because my "cheapness" affords me the life that I want to live..... And I regularly go over my personal and business budget so I can cut out things in order, to later have the things that I truly want. I don't keep up with the "Jones'" I keep up with me!

And most of all before I got to L.a I daily visioned and manifested that I would be in L.a writing outside in the hot sunshine. I chose to see the abundance and not the lack. I didn't complain that I wouldn't have the money to do it. I just focused on what I had and how could I make this possible? And I truly think that is the difference between me and a lot of people. Even in the days when I had $20 in my bank account, or while working as an intern for the Chris Rock Show in New York and only being able to "treat" myself to a $1 hot dog for lunch once a week, I always focused on the abundance not the lack. And I worked with what I had to make things happen and I always envisioned my life the way that I wanted to live it!

So a new year is coming and I hear many people around me making all these grand statements of, "Well in the new year, I'm going to do this, or that...." I think to myself, why not start now? Live your life. Live the life you want to live. Stop making excuses and thinking good things only happen to certain people and not you! Be thankful for what you have, feel blessed for every opportunity, however, create more opportunities for yourself and I would encourage you to fill your life with positive thoughts, positive books, positive people and manifest the life that you want. It is possible to have the life you want~I'm living proof of that.

get rich or die trying?

I love reading! At bedtime, when I was small I use to hide under the covers with a flashlight to finish off a book. I think that's why I'm now blind as a bat! Are bats really blind? Anyway, people are always amazed by how much I read. I read two or three books a week. I can get lost in a book and I love to hear what my friends are reading. Last week I met with a wonderful, dynamic womyn who works in the entertainment industry. She suggested that I read the book, Do you, by Russell Simmons. A great pick! I'm truly enjoying this book and I would recommend it to everyone! I'm on chapter three and I'm just loving it! Russell is the brains behind Def Jam Records, Phat Farm, Def comedy Jam, Def Poetry Jam on Broadway. I thought this book would be all about how he did it.... but it's not. It's really about his code of ethnics and how he governs his life and I must admit I was surprised. I guess we all have stereotypes in our head of what we think we "know" about people and what they would be like. And I must admit I thought it would be a book on how to "play the game," make a lot of money, get rich or die trying, kind of hype! So I was a bit skeptical if this would be a book for me but I thought why not give it a try.

I would never have thought that a hip hop mogul would have such life-changing philosophies and such great moral conduct. And I had to question myself on that... Why I would automatically assume that a hip hop mogul wouldn't have a code of ethics that he lived by?? I can't believe I bought into the hype and stereotypes of black men in hip hop! But i did. Shamefully i did....

So the more I read about Russell Simmons, the more impressed I was. One of the things which really impressed me was his vision of himself and his dreams. During many of his business ventures, he lost millions of dollars, many people didn't see his vision and didn't believe in him, but he kept on. A quote from his book that I love is,

"What holds most people back, isn't the quality of their ideas, but a lack of faith in themselves. Whatever dream you're following, people will always tell you, " You can't do this, or you'll never be able to do that!" But you can do it. The world belongs to people who say, "I can!"

I can. Wow. How life changing are those words? I can. If you believe that, the world belongs to you! I truly believe that. Do you? Being here in L.a I'm really taking the time to keep a clear vision of myself, my dreams, and the "noise" in my head. What things I believe of myself and how to not let anyone discourage me. I'm taking control of my dreams, my vision and I keep just pushing on, pursuing~believing that the world belongs to me!

blessings

t

something to think about

I've been in L.a now nearly a week. I love L.a! The weather, the people~ who I am in L.a. I think I'm much more hopeful when I'm in L.a. I dream bigger. Laugh louder. Love deeper. I'm kinder to myself, carefree, joyous, open. I give myself permission to have delicious lunches, long conversations, I have writing days with my friends. They come over and we spend most of the day chatting but we also write and read each others work. I love this! I've heard so many deep and personal stories. I love listening to them, learning more about my friends. I eat tacos. I sit in my p.j's outside every morning. I watch countless episodes of 20/20 on line. I talk to my mother. Indulge endless long conversations from my grandmother. I laugh at myself. Laugh at my family. Laugh at life. I think. I really think. I try to listen to my heart~ I sit outside and I write. Have way too many chai lattes. I listen to the birds, I listen.... really listen to myself. I think some more.... I read. I indulge me. I wake up every morning feeling blessed.

My Toronto friends laugh that I choose L.a for my "get a way." They think I will get caught up in the L.a industry game but I don't. I take meetings of course! I pitch, I meet and I meet and I meet..... La people love to have meetings! I've taken four meetings in the last five days!

But I now have such a clear sense of myself and my worth that I don't go into these meetings desperate for approval, desperate to be chosen. I go into these meetings aware that I am special, I have something to offer and if i am not picked or chosen I have chosen myself..... will choose to choose myself.

How times have changed... for many years I did not choose myself. Wanted others to pick me. Tell me that I was worthy, lovable and enough.... did so many desperate and unhealthy things in order to make people love me. Make them pick me please....

So I'm thankful that I'm now in L.a at this time in my life. I sometimes wonder if I had chosen to come to L.a when I was in my early twenties what would that have looked liked for me, because I would have been so desperate. Taken anything. Choose to be what this industry told me I needed to be. Now I can politely say no thank you, walk away...Know that they are not personally rejecting me but they are not ready to see the vision~the trey vision. The higher vision of myself and what I am choosing to offer the world. So everything happens in due time. My time is now and I'm thankful truly thankful for having this time.

So last week's our lesson was to listen more... how did that go for you? Let me know. I love getting your comments and feedback.

Our lesson this week~Do you love and approve of yourself? Think....do you truly like who you are, would you pick yourself? ummm.... a scary one. Let me know.

take care.

t

trey talks dirty! * mom don't read this blog!

So I know many of you come to this blog for inspiration, insight and my personal "deepness". Yada yada, yada...lol! but as i always say i'm just a regular girl trying to figure it out. And there are many sides of me, the deep side, the fun side, the dark side and now here is my naughty dirty side! I just watched this Trey Songz video and boy I had to post it! Thanks to my girl Krystle for giving me the heads up on this one! It was hot! It sure did it for me! lol! Made me want to take a shower! I'm thinking of creating a queer girl video in response! No? maybe? Got you thinking! lol but hey.... you'll get it when you see it! Mr Trey Songz, I feel proud that we shared the same name! It's a hot one not for the weak hearted. The man states that when he's finished you would think he INVENTED SEX. Enough said!

by request

Hey folks I have gotten requests for poetry. And yes it's been awhile since i have written. Shared new poetry. So here you go.

The haunting....

There are moments. Moments that define you. You remember. Even though you joke and say you have a bad memory. Can't remember names, what you had for dinner last night. Write groceries lists so you will remember carton of soy milk, bread to be eaten. chai tea. Lists of life to remind you of your favourite things. So you won't forget~ some things can't be forgotten.
You remember. Remember "the" moment when changed. Changed forever by the simple~ enormous~ quiet~ entry of you. changed by a simple hi, a smile. A touch. You remember a body memory. It has been awaken~no longer dormant. You remember. Painfully aware of presence even when you are not there.
chocolate eaten in the dark. Glasses of red wine. Difficult conversation. demanding honesty. tears. Resisting what you are saying even as you state it. Cannot match intense gaze. must remember to look away. the "Right" words tumble out of mouth ~drown sadly into uneaten soup.
walk. quickly. away. Do not look back.
Backwards~ and you know you would stay. Feel more.
Feelings shape into memories. You fly a thousand miles. So you won't remember.
Even in your safe space. you are not safe. writing things that should be forgotten.
you are here. Present. remembered.
You forget to write lists. Forget your favourite things. Want to forget but you remember....
memories keep you up at night.

I'm a SELFISH, impulsive "Shit Holding" Martyr!

For the past few days. I've stayed away from writing. Found it too scary. I have come to the awareness that whenever I have something that I don't wish to deal with, think about, confront, I stop writing. Writing is my "moral indicator" for where I am in my life. My writing is therapeutic and lets me truly sort out what is going on in my head. For nearly a week and a half i haven't written much because I have been dealing with some moral, personal and business issues. Testing within myself what is the right thing to do. Wanting to make sure that I make the right decisions. I really want to be a person of morals, a person that lives a moral life, is kind, loving, forgiving and sensitive to others. Yet, I also want to kind, loving and forgiving to myself. Because in the past I have been guilty of two major things, Huge character flaws!

1. Sometimes I weigh too heavily how my decisions will affect everyone. Thus, I have chosen to stay in situations that do not serve my higher intention because I don't want to hurt, disappoint, or have difficult conversations with others. So I have become the pleaser, the overly considerate one, the one who holds the whole "shit" together! Because I'm the one who wants everyone to be happy even if it means I'm truly not happy.
So in my quest to may everyone happy, I do way TOO MUCH, become resentful, burnt out, and I am left feeling used and not appreciated.
* I'm sure none of you can relate! :)

Yet I have also been GUILTY OF....

2. Not thinking enough about how my choices/actions affect others and going with just what "feels" right to me, thus I have been
labeled self-indulgent, inconsiderate, selfish, impulsive, insensitive. And others around me feel that they do way TOO MUCH,
and they become resentful, burnt out, used and truly feel that I do not appreciate them.


Yet I realize, I am all these things at any given moment, the "shit holder," the pleaser, insensitive, self indulgent, impulsive. And because I know this about myself I sometimes find it hard to make decisions or to do the "right" thing. Lately, a line from a poem, THE INVITATION has been going through my mind,

"I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

This week, has been a trying and emotional week for me because I chose to disappoint someone, in order to be true to myself. Yet also this week, in another situation, I chose to disappoint myself in order to do what I felt was the "right" thing to do. Neither of these decisions were easy for me and I have been second guessing myself. Trying to predict a future, and foresee what the outcome is to both decisions.

I guess only time will tell.... So as I try to figure this all out~ I read, I ponder, I pray for guidance, I think and I write....

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.



© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

ending the day on a high note

Just a little note of inspiration for ya'll. Don't believe what they tell you!

p.s In high school a teacher once said to me, "You'll never be a writer, because you write how you speak.... maybe you should think about being a hairdresser!"

I took her advice and I wrote a play about a hairdresser called 'da Kink in my hair!

Update!

Hey folks here is my involvement in getting the World Pride here in Toronto for 2014! It would be big tings for Toronto! Yep that's me up in the video with our mayor! I'm proud that Canada recognizes same sex marriages and we have done our best to be a country that preaches tolerance, love and acceptance of everyone. That everyone should have basic human rights regardless of their sexual orientation.

'da Kink is going to Broadway and I'm writing a Best seller!

I'm excited about my life! My life is keeping me up at night! I've been up since 4:30 am thinking about my life. I feel that there is so much that I want to do! I have narrowed my focus down to my top three goals for my life.
Goal number one is to finish writing my novel, Lakey at the Bottom of the Lake. I'm taking two months off to write. So I'm going to L.a to write every day for two months. I shiver as I write this. The possibility of writing every day scares and thrills me at the same time. Last week I listened to an interview with Jack Canfield, the best selling author of Chicken Soup for the Soul( for some reason I always want to write Chicken foot soup for the soul! It's the Jamaican in me! lol anyway i regress...) So Jack shared that when he and his partner started writing the book, he told everyone that he was writing a best seller and people laughed at him, and he got turned down by over a hundred publishers! But he said he always believed and acted like he had already written a best seller. He said he would photocopy the best selling list, white out the names at the top of the list and write in his own novel's name, photocopy it and paste it on his walls in his office. He truly believed that if you put your thoughts out into the universe they will become that. Chicken Soup for the Soul eventually sold over 112 million copies, with titles translated into more than 40 languages. It became the best selling paperback in the history of publishing! Coincidence i think not. Manifestation? Yes! So I'm letting you folks know that I'm writing a best seller and I will share excerpts of my work with you as I progress. I leave for L.a in a few weeks. I'm so excited!Goal number two is I'm going to produce 'da Kink theatrical play on Broadway. Oprah Winfrey or Will Smith is going to produce it. Bold? Yes. But it's what I want. So I wrote it. I'm putting my life into action. I truly believe this is going to happen and I will do everything in my power to ensure that it does. I'm dreaming beyond my circumstances! "If you want something go out and get it!" Pursuit of happiness..... Oprah hasn't called yet but I know she will. And when I'm in L.a I'm going to see if I can set up some meetings with Will Smith's folks. Don't know how yet...but it's going to happen. Any leads anyone? I truly believe in the power of manifestation. Ten years ago I walked by the Princess of Wales Theatre and Lion King was playing and I said to my partner at that time, "One of these days my play is going to be here!" Bear in mind I had never written anything much less a play I was a broke out of work comedian, and a fat black actress!Fast forward a few years later and my play 'da Kink in my Hair became the first Canadian play to ever be produced at the Princess of Wales Theatre! So I will tell you, boldly tell you, 'da Kink will be on Broadway!Folks will say years from now she wrote it on her blog! It has been written so it is now done!
Will Smith. There are a few people in this industry whom I really admire. One of them is Will Smith. I will work with him one day. He has accomplished so much and I'm an admirer of his work ethic, his commitment to family, his ability to transcend boundaries. And don't get me started on the movie he was in, Pursuit of Happiness. One of my favourites! He is a role model. I'm very proud of him.
And goal number 3, is to one day have my own talk show! In the last few days a total of about fifteen people have said to me, you should have a talk show. I believe the universe gives you signs and it's up to you to listen. Every time someone mentions to me that I should have my own show, my heart skips a beat because it's something that I really want. Something that I have dreamt about for years. But I'm scared.... So that being said. I'm going to do goal one and two first while I figure out what's scaring me about goal number three. So here is a video link to some of my favourite quotes from Will Smith. Thanks to my girl Kandynce for sending me this video. I love it! I hope you enjoy it. Remember if you want something, go out and GET IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70

if you don't hear you will feel! National LISTENING WEEKS Oct 15th-29th!

I think every black child knows the saying, "If you don't hear you will feel!" Our parents usually muttered this saying before quickly reaching for the belt! Basically their thoughts were if you don't listen then you will get a beating!

And now as an adult when i don't listen i still get a beating--- an emotional beating.....

This week has been a week of emotional cleansing and personal work. In depth personal conversations with friends, my partner, employees, myself...... I am shifting. Aware of my own personal growth. Being aware that I need to listen more. Really listen. I am guilty of interrupting people when they speak, finishing off their sentences, zoning out half way through a conversation as my mind races to my mental list of what I need to get done.

So this week I have really tried to listen to others. It's been a challenge but something I'm going to continue to do because I really need to perfect this skill and has not been easy.

So i like to be a person of social change. I like to bring others on my journey because I think we have a lot to share and offer each other. And I like to push myself. So every two weeks I'm going to provide myself with a small personal challenge and I ask you to join me and lets keep each other accountable and support each other. So for October 15th-29th I challenge you to really listen. Listen when others speak. Don't interrupt them, listen to their voice, listen to their hearts.

Yesterday, I met with the person who I had written about in my last blog post who had disappointed me. When our conversation started, I expressed to her that I was going to LISTEN to her and not interrupt her. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is a huge deal for me! I love to interrupt and I love to argue a point! But I listened. Really listened to her. And by listening I could see where the misunderstanding had taken place. At the heart of it, both of us felt hurt, disrespected, taken for granted. Yet at the end of the conversation I think both of us walked away feeling that we were HEARD. And I think, when you feel that you are HEARD, you function from a softer and kinder place. And the outcome of our conversation led us to decide that we had a great love and respect for each other but we were still choosing to go on different paths. We hugged, we cried and wished each other well. And I walked away feeling that our paths will cross again. That this relationship was a lesson for both of us and I'm glad that she had come into my life to teach me something more about myself.... To challenge me to be a better person.

None of this would have happened if I didn't take the time to really LISTEN to her. So for the next two weeks our lesson is to LISTEN. Listen to your mother, your partner, your children, that little VOICE inside of you. Listen without interruptions and FEEL yes FEEL what you really HEAR...... keep me posted.

p.s I'm having dinner with my good friend tonight! Keeping to my personal goals! Yipee! Not going into work! I still haven't taken my partner to the movies but we did rent one but we both fell asleep!

Praying for your "enemies", blessing them. Is it possible?

Lately, I have been disappointed by someone and I have felt a great sense of betrayal and hurt. Initially, my reaction was to "fight back" and prove that I am right on this. And I have gone over different conversations in my head with this individual and tried to really see how we have reached this place. I have felt a need to call family and friends to prove my point! And it has taken up a lot of my energy. Yesterday, I went to the Verity Centre for better living, which is a wonderful spiritual centre that my partner and I have been recently attending. The pastor, Evan W. Reid is dynamic! I would encourage you to attend if you are looking for a place to grow spiritually and emotionally.

This week the pastor made a very profound statement and he said, "when your 'enemies' plant weeds in your garden use the dandelions to make a healing medicine for yourself... bless them because they have come to bring more awareness to yourself, giving you a chance to heal yourself...." It was an enlightening moment for myself when he proceeded to talk about taking that 'enemy' and shining light on them, giving them good energy and blessing them. I was skeptical but I did it. And when I did this, I immediately felt lighter, I felt that there was no need for me to give "this" anymore worry or cause of concern. No need to engage in conversations with others about proving how "right" I am. No need to wait for an apology. Our time has passed. Our journey over. And I truly wish this individual goodness because I wish goodness for myself.

So when I got back from the centre, another friend called leaving a message to give me the "update" on what this individual's point of view was. And for me it was no longer an issue. No need to talk about it. No need to see who was right or wrong. It was over. I had given it my energy, which was to give it "light."

Thus, I am aware of how much I have grown spiritually. The old me would have been vex for years! I would have sat on the phone and chat them till their ears burn! I would have silently plotted my revenge and kissed my teeth every time their name came up!

And now, I am surprised at how easy it is for me to just let things and people go... It doesn't mean that I don't love or care about them. I do. But I recognize not everyone in my life needs to play a central role in my life. I can love them from a distance. Pray for them and bless them.

Thus, I shine light upon you my friend. Walk good!

Here's a song that i really have been enjoying in my spiritual journey I hope you like it as much as I do. A note to God...

You better look busy-God is coming!

The closing of a show is similar to the ending of a relationship. You remember the good times and the bad. You think I would do it all over again maybe? Maybe differently...... You think about what's next? Where do I go from here? And some days you feel weepy, relieved, sad, and moments of happiness that it's all over!

I want to thank everyone for all their support and love. This couldn't have happened without you.

Yet, the closing of Secrets marks a huge turning point in my life. It is a completion of a goal. A few years ago, I had read somewhere that people who write down their goals have 80% chance of achieving them, then people who don't. Since then I have been writing down my goals and conducting a mental review of them in my head...so I thought. Yesterday on the train, on my way into work, I looked back on my journal of goals that I had written for myself. Goals which I wanted to achieve for 2009. It was quite shocking. I had not reviewed my goals since writing them down January 1, 2009. Surprisingly, many of my business goals I had met and surpassed. Yet, nearly all of my personal goals I had not even started. I had written down that I would like to go to the movies once per month with my partner. That has not happened. I said I would call my father once per month that has not happened. I said I would visit my family more and spend more quality time with my friends and that has not happened. Well that kinda somewhat happened.... my family came over for the opening of Secrets and I was so grateful to have that time to spend with my mom and my sister. I think it brought us closer as a family and I was so grateful to have my mom's support and help during Secrets.

And my favourite person in the world came over, cousin Sheron, all the way from England. She spent ten days! Ten days of laughter, jokes, eating English biscuits and chocolate and I would not trade that time for anything else in the world. Yet I realized that before this visit I had not spoken to my cousin in nearly two years! Not good enough!

And now I'm here. Secrets has closed and I'm feeling proud but really burnt out. Really tired. And I realize once again I have not created balance in my life. Business has taken over. I have not nurtured myself, or my personal relationships!

People keep asking me, so trey what's next? I feel myself caving into the pressure. Feeling that I need to "look" busy again. And yet my body is aching, my back is screaming and I'm tired. So for the next two months in order to fulfill my personal 2009 goals I'm going to actively work on them! Thus, I'm going to work a short work week. I'm going to go into the office three days per week and the other two days I'm going to work on my personal goals. I'm going to go and visit my sister. I'm going to take my partner to the movies. I'm going to call my cousin. Make peace with my Dad and just take some time for myself and those that I love.....

So folks that's what's next---I'm going to really LIVE!

when you're in it

Sorry it's been a while.... but been a bit busy producing a "little" play. Secret's officially opened on Friday. The night before our faces were on the cover of this week's NOW. Plastered all over the city. It's been an experience. I can't believe that it's actually here that I'm in the middle of a theatrical run. The experience has been mind blowing, exciting, and tiring.... I've experienced an ocean of emotions from pride, joy, tears, despair, and laughter. Producing theatre is like playing Russian Roulette. You can't predict what the audience will like. You can't forecast how many tickets they will buy. You don't know what critics will say. Everything is a huge question??? But so far Toronto has embraced Secrets. People love it, the reviews have been strong and now we're down to five more shows. I'm aware of the fact that I keep saying to myself soon this will be over and already my thoughts are racing. I'm moving on to planning the next event. Already thinking about next week, next month, next year. Thinking about everything instead of being in this MOMENT. But I'm trying to remain focus and be in the moment. Because I've been guilty of this in the past, not truly enjoying the moment because I'm already racing to start the next project. And I know I must be present in THIS. I'm trying to let go of any attachment to the outcome and just be in this moment. Because this is a historical moment, to see Black men on stage. This is my baby brother's first play! This is the first thing that I have ever produced on my own..... So i need to enjoy every minute. Be present. Be present. Be present.....I affirm this every day. I don't want to miss a thing. I'm in this. I'm in the now. I'm HERE. Right HERE........

do you want to be a loser?

I'm coming off my Oprah high.... trying however to relish every moment of it. People have heard about my Oprah experience and have called me tenacious, gutsy, and bold. I have been questioned on where within me did this boldness come from. I have to give some credit to two major figures in my life. My mother and my grandmother. We don't always see eye to eye but what we do have in common is a belief that anything is possible. My mother is one of the bravest womyn that I know. If something isn't working for her she just calls it a day and gets the hell out. My mother has moved from Jamaica, England, Canada, Florida back to Canada and then back to Florida! She is not a person who is scared of change. I think this is one of the qualities that she has passed onto me. Never get attached to anything that may hinder your growth.
My grandmother released a reggae album at age 76! Why because she could and wanted too! She used her pension money to pay for studio time and then went into hairdressers and barber shops to sell her c.d out of her handbag. Her tenacity paid off . Her record became a hit in Jamaica and she has appeared on a major England talk show and has been featured in numerous newspapers! 76 years old! Now she has a dream to be on the t.v show the X factor and I have no doubt in my mind that she will do it.
Yesterday I was talking to my grandmother and I was feeling discouraged about a few things in my life and my grandmother gave me one of her famous blunt pep talks. She said in her heavy Jamaican accent which I love to imitate, "trey if you quit now you would be a loser! Do you want to be a loser?" Even as I write this I have to laugh! I love my grandmother's infamous one liners of inspiration more than any daily affirmation books, more than any quotes of inspiration from Oprah. My grandmother's inspiration talks are short, blunt and very cutting, but they work! And I know I wouldn't have gotten this far without having to refer to them daily in my life. Yesterday I went through my day, saying, Hey trey you're not a loser! Every time I said it, I burst out laughing! It really lifted my spirits.
I encourage you to check out my grandmother video, yes my grandmother is on Youtube! What's your excuse! Don't quit on yourself or your dreams because as granny said, "Do you want to be a loser?

the conclusion

the power of manifestation

Me and Oprah in the T.Dot!

I'm a true believer that nothing ever happens before it's due time. So lately I have become very calm, composed and relaxed in my pursuit to meet Oprah. I have faith it will happen when it needs to. I cannot rush a process. I have done everything in my power to ensure this meeting occurs while she is here. I have called in favors, sent emails, made youtube clips, done a facebook group, a petition etc and I thank those who have supported my efforts. And now I realize it's bigger than me. I must have faith in a higher source to ensure this "Meeting" will happen. And if it doesn't happen then it will happen when the time is right. I'm at peace with that.

Last night I had a dream that Oprah was on stage and called my name from the audience and said of course I wouldn't come all of this way without meeting you, you're the "Oprah" of Canada!

Tonight I have tickets for the Precious screening! Oprah's movie, she is suppose to be there. So I'm excited. Being that I read the book Push many years ago and it had a profound effect on me, so I'm glad to see it's evolution into film. Very proud to see black faces on screen. Apparently I'm in the Priority seating section. So I'm unsure what this means but I hope it means I'm close enough to see her.

If I do meet her, I would like to shake her hand, maybe give her the documentary of 'da Kink. But if this doesn't happen I can say I'm proud of my efforts.

I'm also hosting the CBFF party tonight and rumor has it that Ms Winfrey will be there..... so I will keep you posted. Come out and party with me tonight if you're in Toronto!

I now have people reading my blog in Austria! Wow! A big shout out to my fans in Austria! Thanks to everyone for your support!

blessings

trey

Warning Limited positivity here...

My back aches.... really hurts. I suffer from extreme back ache. Usually my back flares up when I'm under extreme stress. I also know that when I feel unsupported my back usually seizes in a huge big knot. It's how the emotional plays out in the physical. And for myself I know there is a huge connection. I also know my back ache is related to dealing with major stress in the last few days. And I can clearly pinpoint who these stress factors are. Lately I have been dealing with two individuals who for lack of a better words are Assholes! I don't use that word lightly and believe me I have racked my writer's brain to come up with a more descriptive and better word for them, but it comes down to simply they are ASSHOLES! So sorry it may not be the positivity that you were looking for from me while drinking your morning coffee and singing your daily affirmations!

And in my interactions with these two individuals on each occasions I have prayed, I have meditated, I have affirmed. I have tried being nice, then super sweet and Miss cherry bowl of positivity, then I switched to be firm. And now I can barely bring myself to grunt their names and the sight of an email from them in my inbox turns my stomach and my back seizes up.

I also realize for myself I cannot give them so much power to have such a physical and emotional effect for me. So I have been working on this but it's hard. Also I am a firm believer that what is happening in your life you attracted, so I have to really look and see what has made me attract these ASSHOLES in my life! So I've become reflective and I say to myself calmly, "trey why do you have two ASSHOLES in your life!"

I look back and the lessons I have learned and I share them with you all:

1. To avoid "misunderstanding" in any business interaction get it clearly written down on paper. Never ever rely on the fact that you believe that people are decent and will just do the right thing. Never rely on the fact that they will do XY and Z, because they said it, it will be done..... That is not the case. As a young black women doing business I have clearly seen how people will take advantage of you, be dismissive, and not do the "right" thing. So the lesson learned from this is get it written down. Have a clear and precise contract before moving ahead with anything. Be firm on this and don't allow people to give you the run around on having a contract because a clear contract will alleviate all misunderstandings. It's a huge lesson for me and a mistake I will never ever repeat again.

2. When someone shows you who they are believe them. I think Maya Angelou said this and it is so true. Never believe you are the exception to the rule. And always analyze how someone treats people who they deem as beneath them. If someone is dismissive or just plain rude to service staff such as waiters or their employees they will eventually do the same to you. In reflection of what has happened to me I remember my first interaction with one of these ASSHOLES. He was very nice to me. Too nice but when we went out to our first meeting he was very rude to our waiter. I made excuses for him in my head, instead of just seeing him for who he really was, an arrogant ASSHOLE!

And on further reflection with my interaction with ASSHOLE number two, I remember receiving a call from two individuals who told me he treated his staff horribly and that he wasn't a nice person and had ripped off a few people in the industry. Red flag maybe??? Yet I argued back, well he was very NICE to me and who hasn't been the "Victim" of people saying nasty things about you that aren't true! So i chose to give ASSHOLE number two the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I chose to ignore these flags because they just treated ME so nice...... and also because I'm a true believer that everyone can change--- right?

So I will take full ownership for the ASSHOLE behavior in my life. The universe has sent me a clear message and it is a lesson learned. I will try to forgive myself for the "mistakes" that I have made and they will no longer be "mistakes" if I learned something from it.

The lesson Learned.... ASSHOLES can disguise themselves as NICE, but eventually they just are ASSHOLES! Ok, I'll end on positivity..... um...um... this is hard! Ok. Secrets opens Sept 23 buy your ticket! lol

So it's 6am. Most mornings I wake up eager to meet the world but today I woke up and I would call it a "faithless" moment. Not having much faith in myself to achieve much of anything...... I know we've all had those days when you just feel as if just the act of breathing is too much! I was trying my best to shake it. I prayed, became silent, talked to myself, gave myself a "trey pep talk." It didn't work.... Today just wasn't the day. So I went online and in my inbox was my newsletter from Oprah, and one of the headlines was a sneak interview she did with the rapper Jay Z. In this interview, he shared that at age 13 he was selling crack and by 30 he was a business mogul and self made millionaire. He changed the direction of his life, however, many people from his neighborhood were either dead or in jail. Oprah asked, how was this possible and he said,

"There's the gift, there's the spirit, and there's the work—all three have to come together. If one of those things is off, it can stop you from becoming who you were meant to be."

That really inspired me. Because I thought to myself I must aknowlege my gifts, listen and
feed my spirit and be willing to do the work...... I cannot afford to make one of these things to be off

exciting news

I'm working from home today because i'm sick and spent yesterday coughing and sneezing all over the cast. But I couldn't miss the first day of rehearsals! I'm so excited! And now I'm in high gear for our promotions for secrets. 22 days to go! Wow!
So here's our trailer. Yes trailer for a play! Movieplay? Yes i will say i coined the term. Some day i hope in herstory people will say trey anthony did it first. She took it to another level she turned theatre into a movie! Movieplay! I thought that Secrets had all the elements of a movie and I wanted to change the way people responded to theatre, especially young people. I wanted this play to have all the hype of a blockbuster Hollywood movie. So I'm excited that the buzz on this trailer is HYPE at it max! I can't take all the credit though big up to Marc Lostracco, and Gavin Bailey, the dream team! You can have a vision but you have to have people who can execute it. So here it is Secrets of a black boy changing the face of theatre!

You can check out the trailer here

Heres an interview I did for ET Canada earlier this year talking about my recent weight loss.

People ask me all the time what exactly do I do for Secrets? What is my role? I tell them I'm the Executive Producer. This is usually greeted with a blank stare....

It's hard to really define what I do in a nut shell. But I will say my main role has been ensuring that this play happens by any and all means necessary. Yes I'm the Malcolm X of theatre! We were turned down by nearly every arts council in Canada for funding, and maybe the thoughts of seeing six black men being on stage in non-stereotypical roles just weren't appealing to them. So after firing off a passionate (I like passionate instead of angry email) to the arts councils telling them that I didn't need their damn money that I would do the shit myself! I realized, "hey trey you've got to do this shit yourself!" That's when I realized it's sink or swim time!

Financing this project has been a huge commitment, one of my biggest financial commitments next to my mortgage! My mom who is a real estate agent in Florida told me that houses are now selling there for $80,000 to $130,000. I had to admit for a moment my stomach hit the floor when I realized I could have bought a summer house in Florida instead I decided to finance my brother's play! On paper it doesn't sound smart but in my heart, soul and everything within me, it feels like the right thing to do.
Why, because I believe in this. And I believe we have to take risks. Risks that make no sense to anyone.

My other role as Executive Producer is to ensure that I hire the right people to execute Darren, the playwright's vision. Yesterday I was in the studio listening to the music that has been created for Secrets and I nearly wept with joy. We have a team of creative geniuses. Genius is not a word I use lightly. But I will use it in this case even capitalize it. GENIUS. Many of Toronto's best kept secrets, are working on Secrets. *No pun intended*.

Brilliant minds, filled with passion. One of the things that I know about myself is I want people around me who want to think outside the box, want to take a chance, want to create, people who live and breathe innovation. People who are teaching me something new every day. I'm a talent whore! I want people around who blow me away by their talent! People who if I had it, I would pay them even more than their standard contract fees because they are so great at what they do! My job as Executive Producer, is to hire them and get out of their way! This has been challenging for me because I'm a bit of a control freak. I love to give my opinions. I love to have the last word. I love to think that my way is the best way. But I am learning to let people do their jobs! Once again I rely on my faith. Faith to know that the universe has brought us all together to create something wonderful.

My other role which I think has been one of the hardest is to let everyone know that they are appreciated and that this is a team effort. A lot of the time I get all the fame and the glory but I roll deep! Translation for my mom who reads my blog: I got a strong team behind me!
And as a leader I want to ensure that everyone on my team feels that without them none of this would be possible. From the interns who run out to grab me lunch because I've forgotten to eat because I've been in meetings all day with sponsors- I thank you. Brittney who designed this wonderful blog and given me an outlet to vent. The marketing team including the cast, who hit the pavement with their fliers and Secrets t-shirts. My bookkeeper who manages to somehow find the extra $300 dollars so we can buy God knows what now!!! Our "branding" wizard Marc who does it for the love because for sure it can't be the money! Beth, Jackie, and Erika who meet with me weekly and continuously ask, "trey what can we take off your plate.... " I love you for that.
Krystle, Krista, my assistants and silver lining team who always see the sun through the clouds. Kimahli for always pulling another trick out of his sleeve to make words jump off the page and come alive on stage! All the designers and the folks behind the scenes who are are bringing this show to another level I can't express my gratitude and awe at what you do. And Darren... my "little" brother Darren his six-foot-three self leans over to my five-foot-one self and says to me, "I know I'm in good hands" Little brother, your faith in me makes me know I cannot fail.

I "work" sixteen hours days seven days a week. But I love what I do because I love the people I work with. I always say to my staff anytime this starts to feel like "work" do us all a favor and leave! I want you here but I want you to WANT to be here. I want you a part of this team because this is the only place that you want to be. And being a part of Secrets is the only place I want to be.
So I don't have a summer house in Florida but I got a lot more.....

dear oprah

To Miss Oprah,

So I heard you are coming. Miss Oprah Winfrey is coming to my hometown of Toronto. I can't help but think that I called you here- that my vibrations were that strong that the universe has now conspired to bring you here. Because Oprah, you and me go way back. Longer than you know. You see, I used to rush home in grade six to a cramped apartment to watch you every day. The first black woman that I ever saw on t.v. I ate you up because you had a nose like me, skin like me, chubby like me, and I would like to say hair like me, but even to this day, I never ever managed to achieve the Oprah hair! It moved when you walked! Oprah's hair did for black women, what the moonwalk did for dance, took it to another level. But I digress, you see, it's been over twenty years since I first saw you with that microphone in your hand and I knew that it was possible for me to be on t.v because there you were! A black woman like me, revolutionizing t.v- and so it began. I got my first job at Olive Garden and promptly told them I couldn't work between the hours of 4pm and 5pm because I had to be home to watch Oprah. This led to my nickname, Oprah. Everyone on staff began to call me that. And I felt proud. Felt closer to you. At nights, I would practice in front of the mirror with a brush, interviewing imaginary guests. I also had my outfit picked out for when we would meet, and saw clearly in my mind, me being on stage with you. I also then started the first of many writing campaigns to you. Weekly letters to you. The good old-fashioned way by post. First, in white envelopes and then, after months of not hearing from you, I thought I would change my strategy and send them in fluorescent bright pink or green envelopes. Still no word. Then one day, you did a show about how much mail you received each day and then your "helpers" brought in huge hefty garbage bags over-pouring with mail to prove to your audience how many letters you get each day. I got discouraged, pressed my nose to the screen to see if I could somehow manage to pick out one of my pink envelopes, but no luck. Weeks, months, years went by and I kept writing. Not as often, but I kept writing. My Mom and Gran would ask me weekly, "any news from Oprah?" It was a simple fact in all our lives that one day you would be coming. When I was on the treadmill I would imagine that you would burst through the door with your camera crew and say, "trey anthony, Oprah Winfrey here!" And I would burst into tears. So even now on the treadmill I always try to not sweat too hard just in case you're coming and God knows my hair better be on point! Years ago when I heard you were casting for 'Beloved', I packed up my stuff and drove to Chicago. I headed down to your studios. I needed to be in this movie! I camped out at your studio hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I gave another pink precious fluorescent envelope to your security who passed it on to one of your producers- Brian... something or other.... who actually called me. I told him my story and he couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe that I had driven from Toronto, Canada to come and see if I could get a part in 'Beloved' and he told me to get in touch with Johnathan Demme's office, who was the director of 'Beloved'. He gave me the number and wished me best of luck and Brian was one of the
nicest people I had come across in a long time. I felt I was steps away from you. I left Chicago, feeling I had accomplished something. I wrote a letter to director Johnathan Demme, I even managed to speak to his assistant who was so amazed by my persistence that she offered me an audition- via tape! Six word line, "Child, that's your mother over there!" I practised and practised, but I didn't get the part. Got a nice response that said, "better luck next time kid!" But I kept trying. During all of this, I wrote the hit play 'da Kink In My Hair, which received international critical acclaim. Won awards, including four NAACP awards, sold out houses, broke box office records! Critics called me, "The Oprah of the theatre world!" I was so proud. It was my best review and I loved it, to see my name linked to yours in print! I became the first Black Canadian woman to ever co-executive produce an all African Canadian show on a prime time Canadian network! I now have little girls rushing home to watch me on t.v and I always think to myself, "Oprah would be so proud". I only thought it was possible for a girl who looked liked me to be on t.v because I used to watch you on t.v every day. So I thank you. Sincerely thank you. Because you inspired me from a distance. Changed my life. Made impossible dreams possible. I am crying as I write this because it's so true. In my darkest moments when I wanted to give up, I would think if Oprah made it, I can too.

Miss Winfrey, I talk to you constantly. I've had conversations with you in my mind. Anytime I had an important decision to make, I would say, "What would Oprah do?" Over the years, I kept writing to you. Every interview I have done on t.v, radio or print, I have mentioned you. And I kept writing, by email now, no more pink fluorescent envelopes. And now I get standard emails back from you saying, "Oprah thanks you for writing" and Mom and Gran continue to ask, "Any news from Oprah?" Because we all know you will come one day.

So I started a campaign on Facebook, the Women of 'da Kink Should Meet Oprah. Your affiliated network Oxygen even sponsored 'da Kink when it went to San Diego, this production was nominated for five NAACP theatre awards and we won four! At the award ceremony in Los Angeles people again said to me, Oprah would love this play and again I felt six degrees of separation. I knew I was close, but I felt I needed to be more proactive. So four months ago, I went to Chicago. This time I could afford to fly. If the mountain won't go to Mohammed, Mohammed would go to the mountain. My sole intentions: to bring 'da Kink theatrical play to Chicago. My belief, that it is time that I bring the play to you. I met with theatre folks including the Goodman Theatre and the "talks" have now begun. 'da Kink may be in Chicago very soon and I feel once again one step away from meeting you.

People everywhere keep saying, "Girl, I see you on Oprah. Oprah would love 'da Kink". Now you're coming! Coming to my city. I can't breathe... I can't sleep. I believe I called you here. I truly believe that what you focus on will manifest itself in your life. I have focused on you for too many years for this to be a coincidence. God is working with me. I sense you. I see it. I believe it. This is the closest I have ever been, the closest to a dream come true. And I'm saying to you Miss Oprah Winfrey, boldly saying, I want to meet you- I think it's about time.

down to the wire

Today is exactly one month until Secrets opens. This is huge! I fluctuate between great anxiety, joy, tears and laughter. I also feel as though for the last few months I have been entrapped in P.M.S. My emotions are everywhere. Some days I feel really powerful meeting with business owners and various sponsors and then there are days while I'm searching for a pen to go into a meeting, I burst into tears. This is too much effort that I am now required to search for a pen! Hysteria at it's finest. Yet lately, I have been affirming an affirmation that seems to help, it goes like this, "Today I will laugh at the world and most of all I will laugh at myself." I got this affirmation from a book that I'm presently reading called,
The greatest Salesman in the World." by Og Mandino. I like it because it reminds me to not take myself so seriously. That I'm human. I will have good days and bad days. That this too shall pass....Just yesterday I was laughing with friends over an incident that took place at my high school graduation. My "date" at the graduation dinner told me I looked fat in my dress! I promptly left the table and went into the coat closet and cried, I was DEVASTATED! After being missing in action for nearly forty five minutes, my best friend Rachael came to look for me and found me in the coat closet, nose dripping, eyes swollen and refusing to come out of the closet. Thinking that if I skipped dinner at least I would be a little bit slimmer. I also thought that at age seventeen my life was officially over! The thoughtless and insensitive words of a pimple face seventeen year old kid was going to destroy my life for ever. Seventeen years later, Rachael and I are sharing this story with friends who are killing themselves laughing. I am dying of laughter reciting the story and I am reminded of my favourite affirmation, this too shall pass....how things which seemed so devastating and significant can become moments of great laughter if you allow yourself. My friends all laugh at my story. I laugh at myself. Laugh at the little girl who hid in a coat closet on prom night and today I laugh at the grown woman who has a melt down because she can't find a pen. I laugh especially at men who dismiss me in business meetings, I laugh instead of crying when people say thoughtless and insensitive things to me. I laugh at those who tells me my dreams are impossible.... I laugh. I laugh at life. I laugh at me. I Iaugh really loudly. People have told me I have a distinct laugh, that they love to hear me laugh.... So I laugh more often, I encourage you to do the same.

i'm scared of water

This poem, I'm Scared of water, has been one of my most requested
poems and I have always gotten requests from people to give it to
their partners etc... So i thought i would make it public. My only
request is to please give me credit as a writer, that's important as a
writer.....
I think this poem resonates with so many because it talks about our
deepest fear of being vulnerable with someone we love, not being
afraid to say I really want you, want THIS. For myself, I have
sabotaged many relationships because of my own fear of not wanting to
love someone more than they loved me...... and I now realize one must
dive in.... enjoy swimming.

trey

I’m scared of water.

I’m scared of water

You’re not sure that you can swim

Yet, could you meet me at the edge of the sea

Could you come wearing nothing No clothing, no life jacket bearing no armor.

Could you come with no past regrets, no baggage, no her story, no hurts, no shames no scores to settle, crosses to bear, wrongs to be righted.

I’m scared of water and you’re not sure that you can swim…

What if I showed up at the edge of the sea? At a time we both planned did not plan. What if we were both there on time? Fully committed. Prepared for everything. Prepared for nothing.

What if I came naked?

arms wide open to love you, Be there with you. Would you swim with me? You’re scared of water and I’m not sure that I can swim.

Cold feet touching the water. Sand soaking in between our toes.

Would we take the chance to dive right in? Or would we hesitate and warn each other about what could go wrong. I would convince you and you would quickly agree that we would never reach the other side…ALIVE I’m scared of water and you’re not sure if you can swim

So we stand at the edge. Be on the edge. LIVE safely on the edge of the water. Never dare to jump right in, be naked, vulnerable, open, never love like we’ve never been hurt. Never forgive because we wish to be forgiven. Never know if we would or could reach the other side. Never ever possess the belief that we could make it. Never allow ourselves the belief that our love would keep us afloat.

Never believe that if you were drowning I would risk everything to save you… We’re both scared of water and both know that the other can’t swim.

So we stand at the edge of the sea. Contemplating. Unmoving. Sand becoming hard between our toes. Feeling safe yet yearning for something more. Eventually, you got a boat to sail across

i watched you from the shore. ‘cause I’m scared of water and now you’re just too cold too swim.

And at nights we secretly dream that you grabbed my hand or did I grab yours?

we are running boldly

the wind on our faces

the moon smiling down on us

we run towards the sea

Dive in at the risk of maybe drowning. Water hot on our naked bodies, you’re scared of water, I can’t swim. I ‘m scared of water. You can’t swim. I’m scared of water. you can’t swim. I’m scared. You’re scared…

We swim.