From My Heart To Yours

As I'm going through this cleanse and thinking about all the areas of my life that need some more attention, I am reminded that there are times when you need to put yourself first.  Because just like most of us, I sometimes try to please everyone else and my wants and needs get put aside for what is supposed to be a temporary time and ends up being far too long.

And as I thought about that, I was reminded of a poem by a friend of mine.  Her name is  Zakiya Toby and she wrote a great poem called 'Forgive Me'.  It talks about freeing yourself from the bounds of the guilt of trying to please everyone and the joy there is in putting yourself first for a change.  While not every line applies to my life, the overall message really resonated with me.    The poem is below and I think you will enjoy it. 


Zakiya has also written a book called From My Heart To Yours, and it's available on amazon.com.  You know that I think it's important to support upcoming local talent and she is a talented poet with a distinct point of view.

Zakiya Toby: From My Heart To Yours (on amazon.com)

Forgive me

Lately I’ve been accused

Accused of crimes against humanity

And I must confess...I’m GUILTY

So now I stand before the court

To beg for forgiveness

Please forgive me…yes forgive me for not being the person you think I should be

Cuz I’m too busy being the person God intended for me to be

Cuz sometimes I need to take care of me and my home

Sometimes I can’t take the time to take care of all your problems

While mine stand in the cold shivering

I’m sorry!

Forgive me because our relationship started off on the wrong foot

It was my fault and I take full responsibility

I shouldn’t have lent you an ear when you needed advice

A hand when you were down

And a shoulder to cry on

Being who I am I didn’t set the boundaries

You apparently needed

See, you thought that was my place

That my purpose was to feed you and for that...

My deepest apologies!

I’m also sorry for being busy

Busy taking care of a wounded soul

A broken bruised and fragile soul

That needs nurturing more than you’ll ever know

 I’m sorry for letting you think that

I was always OK

Truth is that I was not

But somehow found the inner strength to

Push past my now to peer into tomorrow

So that hope

Rises through my core

Stirs up something on the inside

And oozes through my pores

Whatever you feed will surely grow

And instead of growing the weeds and wounds

I choose to cultivate life!

Just because I smile, doesn’t mean I’m not in pain

I choose to put my best foot forward

Because that’s where it belongs

In front

But in the last little while

It’s been dangling behind me

Begging to see the sun

But I was too busy clearing the weeds

From your garden

That I neglected to tend to mine

Again I’m sorry

Truth is

I'm a single mama

With very little help

Who is on the grind every damn day for her seed

Working all kinds of jobs

To keep the tops of our heads dry

And make the hunger pangs subside

 So forgive me perhaps,

If I don't have the time to take the pieces of your life

And glue them back together after you threw down the glass

I’m sorry but I’m just too busy

Too busy taking care of me
Or busy planning
Or busy trying to forget how lonely it is sometimes

Because it sure can be lonely

But you wouldn’t know because

You talk too damn much to

Listen for just a second

Now, I’m busy
Busy building an empire

Perfectly positioning each and every brick

Busy creating a legacy that stretches

Past the generations of my mind’s eye

Busy writing my story, my future

When you’re sleeping...

I’m up at 5am with a sick child after working hard til 4

Or bathing in coffee to keep my eyes open

Enough to see the lines on the road

Or finding a moment to enjoy on my own

With a glass of wine and a good chune

I guess what I’m trying to say is…

FORGIVE ME

You are not my everything!

by request

Hey folks I have gotten requests for poetry. And yes it's been awhile since i have written. Shared new poetry. So here you go.

The haunting....

There are moments. Moments that define you. You remember. Even though you joke and say you have a bad memory. Can't remember names, what you had for dinner last night. Write groceries lists so you will remember carton of soy milk, bread to be eaten. chai tea. Lists of life to remind you of your favourite things. So you won't forget~ some things can't be forgotten.
You remember. Remember "the" moment when changed. Changed forever by the simple~ enormous~ quiet~ entry of you. changed by a simple hi, a smile. A touch. You remember a body memory. It has been awaken~no longer dormant. You remember. Painfully aware of presence even when you are not there.
chocolate eaten in the dark. Glasses of red wine. Difficult conversation. demanding honesty. tears. Resisting what you are saying even as you state it. Cannot match intense gaze. must remember to look away. the "Right" words tumble out of mouth ~drown sadly into uneaten soup.
walk. quickly. away. Do not look back.
Backwards~ and you know you would stay. Feel more.
Feelings shape into memories. You fly a thousand miles. So you won't remember.
Even in your safe space. you are not safe. writing things that should be forgotten.
you are here. Present. remembered.
You forget to write lists. Forget your favourite things. Want to forget but you remember....
memories keep you up at night.

i'm scared of water

This poem, I'm Scared of water, has been one of my most requested
poems and I have always gotten requests from people to give it to
their partners etc... So i thought i would make it public. My only
request is to please give me credit as a writer, that's important as a
writer.....
I think this poem resonates with so many because it talks about our
deepest fear of being vulnerable with someone we love, not being
afraid to say I really want you, want THIS. For myself, I have
sabotaged many relationships because of my own fear of not wanting to
love someone more than they loved me...... and I now realize one must
dive in.... enjoy swimming.

trey

I’m scared of water.

I’m scared of water

You’re not sure that you can swim

Yet, could you meet me at the edge of the sea

Could you come wearing nothing No clothing, no life jacket bearing no armor.

Could you come with no past regrets, no baggage, no her story, no hurts, no shames no scores to settle, crosses to bear, wrongs to be righted.

I’m scared of water and you’re not sure that you can swim…

What if I showed up at the edge of the sea? At a time we both planned did not plan. What if we were both there on time? Fully committed. Prepared for everything. Prepared for nothing.

What if I came naked?

arms wide open to love you, Be there with you. Would you swim with me? You’re scared of water and I’m not sure that I can swim.

Cold feet touching the water. Sand soaking in between our toes.

Would we take the chance to dive right in? Or would we hesitate and warn each other about what could go wrong. I would convince you and you would quickly agree that we would never reach the other side…ALIVE I’m scared of water and you’re not sure if you can swim

So we stand at the edge. Be on the edge. LIVE safely on the edge of the water. Never dare to jump right in, be naked, vulnerable, open, never love like we’ve never been hurt. Never forgive because we wish to be forgiven. Never know if we would or could reach the other side. Never ever possess the belief that we could make it. Never allow ourselves the belief that our love would keep us afloat.

Never believe that if you were drowning I would risk everything to save you… We’re both scared of water and both know that the other can’t swim.

So we stand at the edge of the sea. Contemplating. Unmoving. Sand becoming hard between our toes. Feeling safe yet yearning for something more. Eventually, you got a boat to sail across

i watched you from the shore. ‘cause I’m scared of water and now you’re just too cold too swim.

And at nights we secretly dream that you grabbed my hand or did I grab yours?

we are running boldly

the wind on our faces

the moon smiling down on us

we run towards the sea

Dive in at the risk of maybe drowning. Water hot on our naked bodies, you’re scared of water, I can’t swim. I ‘m scared of water. You can’t swim. I’m scared of water. you can’t swim. I’m scared. You’re scared…

We swim.