MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

Size does matter!

Your playing small does not serve the world!

Every Tuesday night I have been attending a law of attraction/manifestation class, which has become the highlight of my week! The teacher often instructs us to examine our inner circle, look at who surrounds you and carefully look at what energy you take in or allow into your life. Do you allow people to "dump" on you? Do you have people who encourage your growth? Do you daily infuse your life with bad news and only listen to negative thoughts, ideas and things? 

Thus, I now avoid watching and becoming a voyeur of bad news on television. I've also been monitoring what things I choose to read on the Internet. Now I'm more aware of how I start my day and of who I choose to speak to first thing in the morning. Do I start my day in a sense of panic and fear, or do I choose to start with yoga, meditation, reflection and calm energy? I also look at how I feel emotionally after each interaction with friends, family and acquaintances -- do they make me feel better, more alive or just simply drain me? 

The results of this intimate inspection of my life have astounded me. When you start to do deep inner work your outer world begins to drastically shift. I have noticed many shifts and movements in my relationships, friendships and family relationships. What I have been keenly aware of is how people respond to my own self-growth and changes that I have made or continue to make. I now notice that when I share good news that has happened in my life, several people whom I thought were my closest friends and/or allies have responded in either silence, half strained smiles, speeches of, "Must be nice, good things always happen to you!" or just a sense of grudgingly approval. 

This has been hard for me to witness and also to even admit. And in the past I have tried to down-play or keep good things that have happened to me to myself because I don't want others to feel bad or to think that I'm "bragging" -- I have felt a huge level of "success guilt," that somehow I must be unworthy of good things?  Thus, it has been difficult for me to celebrate my own successes and I have felt a need to suppress my own joy. 

 Often in my life I have felt a need to dim my own light in order to have so called "friends/family" feel better about themselves and this has left me feeling unsupported. This feeling of non-support has manifested itself in physical form leaving me with backache, a constant sense of fatigue, and an upset stomach. And I know my body has responded physically because I have had a hard time processing emotionally what I truly want from others in my life. I've always had a hard time asking for what I want emotionally. I recently wrote in my journal, that I wanted the universe to provide for me, people who truly support and celebrate my successes. People who are committed to my growth and want me to be the best.  And because I really try to celebrate the successes of the people in my life I also deserve that in return!  The universe has responded by providing me with a new circle of support and I'm now overwhelmed by how the new people entering my life express their love and support for me. 

Yet, I must also acknowledge those in the past who often celebrated with me. I have been blessed with a few folks in my life who continue to push me to grow, who encourage me to strive, who see for me things even bigger than I can imagine!  And I hold and cherish these people alongside "strangers" who send me emails or tweets celebrating my victories or telling me that my life inspires them to do greater.

 

Since attending my manifestation classes and being encouraged weekly to manifest only greatness in my life, I realize that me playing "small" does not serve anyone and it definitely does not serve myself. As the Marianne Williamson, quote states, "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone." Marianne Williamson" 

So I have decided to shine bright. Play really BIG! Regardless of what people's reactions or non-reactions are. I am a child of the Universe/God, and God would only want GREATNESS for me so that is what I desire for myself, unapologetically.

I welcome your feedback and please share your own experiences of now playing BIG!!! Wishing you continued greatness!

blessings