"Selfie-Love": Are We Addicted To Social Media?

By: April D. Byrd

"looks like the first lady just wasn't having it!"

So, Roberto Schmidt the photographer that took the selfie that blew up on the internet says "Pictures can lie"... "the first lady's stern look was captured by chance". I say it looks like the first lady just wasn't having it! Did she really make the President change seats? and Exactly how inappropriate are selfies at a funeral? In his AFP blog post, Schmidt also said that All around him were South Africans dancing, singing and laughing to honour their departed leader. "It was more like a carnival atmosphere, not at all morbid." and it was totally relaxed. 

Social Media has seriously magnified the popularity of selfies. Now we'll probably never be able to tell whether it's vanity or really some in depth form of art? We can learn a lot about ourselves through a self-portrait. Mashable even made a list and rated The 16 Best Selfies of 2013. Social media has definitely made us "selfie" obsessed! Where is the dividing line between Arrogance and Confidence? Surprisingly the most arrogant  Self-confident rapper Kanye West recently made an anti-selfie move. At his concert "Yeezy" wore a mask that covered his entire face. To his credit when a fan shouted for him to take it off. Kanye screamed "I'm Kanye motherf**king West." then had the woman escorted out of the concert.

 we hope the fan got a full refund!

The impact of fame or recognition can make people a bit crazy sometimes. Social Media has done just that. Instagram is continuously upgrading with videos and now direct messages. Facebook is expecting a new upgrade as well. How bad is Social media really making us? The Diagnostic and Statistical  Manual of Mental Disorders has now actually included Internet Addiction Disorder and listed it for further study. Psychologists fear that Internet and mobile technology contributes to "compulsive personality traits" and is related to ADHD and OCD. Newsweek printed that a third of smartphone users go online before getting out of bed. 

I can personally admit that I'm a social media fanatic. My obsession even led to an internship. It's easy to get lost in social media world because those instant "likes" can make us feel like we're actually getting something done. However, It can be an effective tool, if we use it right. So I monitor relentlessly and hash-tag my heart out, all the while getting distracted by some other post in the process. Despite all the reports and statistics, Social Media is not all bad, it does give exposure. Without it I never would've started a magazine or met my she-ro Trey Anthony. In the instance that we do have something meaningful or interesting to say, it serves as a great platform. So by all means, Let the digital fun and discourse continue. 

What do you think of the Kanye and the President's behavior?  Do you consider yourself addicted to "selfies" and  Social Media?...how many hours a day are you on for business or personal reasons?
Share  and comment below.

April D. Byrd is a Writer, Founder of BOLD Journal online magazine and resident Social Media Blogger for Trey Anthony Studios. Send your feedback via social, you can catch her on Facebook and on Twitter/Instagram: @aprilinspired.

Monday Motivation: I'm Talking To You

I can’t believe you’re so dumb!

Wow that was stupid!

You look huge!

You need to be more disciplined!  Then you would be further ahead!

You're not tired  you are  just being lazy?

Your hips are huge!

You’re getting fat!

I am embarrassed and even somewhat ashamed to admit that I have said all of the above to myself on many occasions.  The harsh and awful things that I say to myself I would never say any of these things to any of my friends. I would not even dream about saying any of these things to someone I strongly disliked!

Lately, I've really started to become more aware of how I speak to myself. Being more aware of that critical voice in my own head.  Whenever, I catch myself saying negative things inside my head I actually say them aloud and apologize to myself and re-frame the negative talk to something much more supportive and encouraging. For ex: now instead of saying, Wow, Trey that was stupid! I now say,  Wow trey, you’re doing the best that you can.  Good for you for trying!

In order, to find a more gentle and kinder way to speak to myself, I now have instructed myself to speak to me, as I would a four year-old little girl. I chose four years old because I believe that four is such a tender and precious age. An age where you are curious about life, an age where you’re still trying to figure things out, and sometimes you get it right and sometimes you don’t.   I wanted to encourage the four year old in me to be ok with sometimes “messing up.” I wanted her to know that whatever she does she will be loved. I wanted her to know that she is loved and supported.  I wanted to be gentle, and extremely kind with that little girl and it hasn't been easy but I’m getting better at it. Less critical, and more encouraging.  

So, I ask you today, to be gentle, and kind not only to others but most of all to yourself~ Imagine that today is a  brand new day to start a love affair with yourself! Thus, talk to yourself, as if you are worthy to be loved and cherished…

Blessings,

T

Love Janelle Monae on the Cover of Essence Magazine

 

Janelle Monae looks beautiful on the cover of Essence magazine for May!  I really like Janelle's vibe because she just glows with positivity and confidence.

In the magazine, she discusses her wanting to remain unique with her black and white tuxedo style as well as her commitment to showing womyn and young womyn that you don't have to show skin to be beautiful or sexy. I love that she continues to stand up to redefining what a pop singer is and looks like. With beautiful natural hair, chocolate skin and a menswear style, she does not look like anyone in the industry. Sometimes as an artist, it can be very easy to get caught up in wanting to fit the mold of what is already successful. You feel like you don't want to veer to far from the line of what works. And since the entertainment industry is so focused on looks, everyone trying to make it may feel the need to look like what's "hot" out there (i.e Beyonce and Rihanna). Instead Monae focuses on showing the opposite of what is considered sexy yet remains successful. As she puts it, "showing my skin is not what makes me sexy."

I think Janelle is an important voice in the industry and I hope she continues to stick to her positive message. It's also refreshing to see a new face on the cover of our magazines because while it's great to have magazines that cater to and showcase brown skinned girls, these magazines often recycle the same few faces.

What do you think of Janelle's stance on not having to show skin to be sexy and sell records?

Halle Berry, Angela Davis and More Discuss Their 'Journey to the Woman I've Come to Love'

Halle Berry: “i would probably say that i fell in love with myself after my second divorce. i think it was at that time that i realized what i was made of. i realized that i was enough all by myself.”

We've all been there, while some of us still struggle with learning how to love the womyn that we are. There are so many forces in society that tell us who we should be, how we should act and what we should look like. So, finding your footing in this world to proclaim "I love me"  is a battle that takes some time, patience and kindness to yourself.

A new book out by award-winning photojournalist, Mikki Turner, titled Journey to the Woman I've Come to Love details the stories of notable womyn who learned to love themselves. The coffee table book features celebrities such as: Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, Angela Davis as well as many who are out of the spotlight such as everyday executives, activists and others who are just as inspiring. The essential premise of the book is initiated with the question that each womyn interviewed was asked, "“At what point did you fall in love with yourself?”

It's great to see a timeless book like this one released. Especially one that highlights the journey of womyn of colour because self acceptance is not a topic widely covered in our communities. It's another one of those topics that is seen as not something that womyn of colour struggle with. We are often portrayed to be these strong womyn who are confident and love our bodies regardless of size. Which isn't always the case - in most cases it's quite the opposite.So many of us are living the struggle of not liking who we are in silence.

I am definitely going to check out this book as I think that it's an essential addition to every womyn's bookshelf.

You can read an interview with the author about the book as well as view a slideshow of a few quotables from these womyn over at The Grio.

Size does matter!

Your playing small does not serve the world!

Every Tuesday night I have been attending a law of attraction/manifestation class, which has become the highlight of my week! The teacher often instructs us to examine our inner circle, look at who surrounds you and carefully look at what energy you take in or allow into your life. Do you allow people to "dump" on you? Do you have people who encourage your growth? Do you daily infuse your life with bad news and only listen to negative thoughts, ideas and things? 

Thus, I now avoid watching and becoming a voyeur of bad news on television. I've also been monitoring what things I choose to read on the Internet. Now I'm more aware of how I start my day and of who I choose to speak to first thing in the morning. Do I start my day in a sense of panic and fear, or do I choose to start with yoga, meditation, reflection and calm energy? I also look at how I feel emotionally after each interaction with friends, family and acquaintances -- do they make me feel better, more alive or just simply drain me? 

The results of this intimate inspection of my life have astounded me. When you start to do deep inner work your outer world begins to drastically shift. I have noticed many shifts and movements in my relationships, friendships and family relationships. What I have been keenly aware of is how people respond to my own self-growth and changes that I have made or continue to make. I now notice that when I share good news that has happened in my life, several people whom I thought were my closest friends and/or allies have responded in either silence, half strained smiles, speeches of, "Must be nice, good things always happen to you!" or just a sense of grudgingly approval. 

This has been hard for me to witness and also to even admit. And in the past I have tried to down-play or keep good things that have happened to me to myself because I don't want others to feel bad or to think that I'm "bragging" -- I have felt a huge level of "success guilt," that somehow I must be unworthy of good things?  Thus, it has been difficult for me to celebrate my own successes and I have felt a need to suppress my own joy. 

 Often in my life I have felt a need to dim my own light in order to have so called "friends/family" feel better about themselves and this has left me feeling unsupported. This feeling of non-support has manifested itself in physical form leaving me with backache, a constant sense of fatigue, and an upset stomach. And I know my body has responded physically because I have had a hard time processing emotionally what I truly want from others in my life. I've always had a hard time asking for what I want emotionally. I recently wrote in my journal, that I wanted the universe to provide for me, people who truly support and celebrate my successes. People who are committed to my growth and want me to be the best.  And because I really try to celebrate the successes of the people in my life I also deserve that in return!  The universe has responded by providing me with a new circle of support and I'm now overwhelmed by how the new people entering my life express their love and support for me. 

Yet, I must also acknowledge those in the past who often celebrated with me. I have been blessed with a few folks in my life who continue to push me to grow, who encourage me to strive, who see for me things even bigger than I can imagine!  And I hold and cherish these people alongside "strangers" who send me emails or tweets celebrating my victories or telling me that my life inspires them to do greater.

 

Since attending my manifestation classes and being encouraged weekly to manifest only greatness in my life, I realize that me playing "small" does not serve anyone and it definitely does not serve myself. As the Marianne Williamson, quote states, "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone." Marianne Williamson" 

So I have decided to shine bright. Play really BIG! Regardless of what people's reactions or non-reactions are. I am a child of the Universe/God, and God would only want GREATNESS for me so that is what I desire for myself, unapologetically.

I welcome your feedback and please share your own experiences of now playing BIG!!! Wishing you continued greatness!

blessings