-April D. Byrd Hip- Hop femcee Nicki Minaj who rigorously refers and expresses herself as a "Barbie", posted photos to Instagram of herself sporting a more natural look. The rapper who we see mainly wearing a rainbow of wig colors chose to go with a more dark color which most naturally reflects her own.
(credit: Instagram)
Speculators say she chose the transformation in honor of returning to a more classic, gritty sound for her work. Nicki's new Au Natural look, looks good on her. Hopefully it will be the beginning of more natural confidence and authentic love for the star. Whether it does or doesn't promote more self-love to her fans, being real is still a good look. No matter how "Black Swan-ish" she looks with the make-up, kudos to her for making the switch!
What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.
We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".
I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.
So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.
I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you?
I wrote:
If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in
the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly
declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of
you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose,
your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I
would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not
compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he
gave me another day with you.
Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.
Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here:
Loving yourself is a difficult journey – but it is a road worth travelling
- Chivon John
Guest post by: Safia Bartholomew
Quick, name a black woman who has openly discussed her issues with not loving her body and described her struggles in battling an eating disorder? I'll wait. Nothing comes to mind right? It's hard to think of many examples (if any), because the narrative in the media, throughout our communities and even in academic research omits the story of the black woman who doesn't love her body and who rejects that old "the bigger the better" myth that has become our story. There is a false idea that black women are more comfortable in their bodies than other races. It's popular opinion in our communities that negative body image is "their issue - not ours". For the sisters who look in the mirror and hate what they see, their battle becomes a journey on mute - unheard of and unrecognized. The expectations of what a black woman's body should look like has simply become ridiculous with the influence of the media and specifically hip hop. The "coke-bottle" figure has become our unrealistic barbie doll standard of what beauty is. While some women are blessed with natural curves, others find it hard to either "build a booty" or to maintain a healthy weight while trying to achieve a plump, round behind and tiny waist. Not to mention on another note, that many of the top black women celebs that we see are often quite thin (e.g. Halle Berry, Kerry Washington). Unrealistically thin or curves for days, the standard for black women's bodies is often far unreachable and sometimes unattainable to achieve in a healthy way. I heard wellness advocate and speaker, Chivon John, talk about her journey at a workshop that she held last September and thought that her bravery and openness in discussing her own battle with a negative self-image and eating disorder was inspiring, unique and refreshing. Chivon's mission has simply become to continue to love the woman that she sees in her mirror and to encourage other women to take a look as well. Check out what she had to say below about her story and how she learned to love what she sees. On her journey to feeling good about her body My journey of learning to love my body came through battling depression, self-loathing and an unhealthy relationship with food. I didn’t make healthy choices with respect to my nutrition and for years I experimented with unrealistic diets including having bouts of binging and purging and even depriving myself of food. If I could go back in time, I wish I could tell myself that I was searching for something that didn’t exist in a pair of skinny jeans. Feeling accepted and worthy won’t appear if you have a six-pack and working out solely ‘to look a certain way’ will never feel right unless you get real about the other issues that are really holding you back. I silently struggled for years but my turning point came in 2008 when I competed in a fitness competition. It was a way to confront my confidence issues by ironically doing the thing that scared me the most, putting my body on display. I competed for about 3 years but it was never about winning or proving that my body looked the best. It ignited my passion to learn more about fitness, nutrition and how amazing it was to look and feel strong. Being comfortable with yourself is an ongoing journey and I’m happy to say that my focus continues to be learning to accept my flaws and learning to love myself unconditionally. Advice to women who struggle with seeing themselves as ugly / fat When a woman has an internal narrative that they are not good enough, they usually will have an underlying feeling that they need to do something to ‘fix themselves’ or that are not worthy. In my advice to them I would say that the only thing that needs to be fixed are their beliefs. Take a photo of yourself when you are baby and ask yourself would you call that child ugly or the other vile things you say about yourself? Buried beneath the pain is an amazing person that you haven’t met yet because your thoughts create a wall that keep you suffering. Remember that you are a special person even on the days when you can’t see it. On black women not being the "face" of eating disorders
Even though there is more dialogue about the body image of black women today, I believe that distorted beliefs still exist about eating disorders. I grew up hearing stereotypes such as ‘black girls don’t get eating disorders’ or ‘that’s a white girl thing’ and learned pretty quickly that it’s probably not something I should talk about or even acknowledge was a problem. I’m happy to see that more people especially individuals in the public eye are being more vocal about their struggle because it gives a voice to those who are suffering in silence. The image of a black woman’s body has a lot of history and still to this day there are so many distorted views of who we are and how we should look like. I think that in order to have more of a voice, we need to stand up and share our stories so it will help the people that need to hear them.
Best tips for loving and taking care of your body
Listen to your body – Our bodies often send us cues when something isn’t right. Things like acne, headaches, sudden weight gain or weight lost are usually signs that something isn’t right. Your nutrition can play a big role with that as well and its important to take the time to understand how your body reacts to certain things and take the steps to eliminate anything that doesn’t make you feel your best.
Create a positive body image manifesto – I created one for myself as a personal reminder that I don’t need external validation and to celebrate the qualities I love about myself. I think it’s a great exercise to create your own and use it as a personal affirmation to celebrate how awesome you are.
Don’t give in to negative thoughts – Don’t let your own negative beliefs or comments from others dictate how you feel about yourself. Say that you are amazing, even on the days when you don’t believe it. Connect with Chivon for more inspiration and tips over at chivonjohn.com
