MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

Monday Motivation: You've Got The Power - Oprah's Lifeclass Teaches Us The Power of Declaring "I Am..."



"You'll never rise any higher than how you see yourself" - Joel Osteen 

There is nothing more important than the words that you say to yourself repeatedly. Forget having talent, beauty and smarts, if the words that repeatedly come out of our mouth do not reflect this then none of these attributes will mean shit! You can be the most talented person in the world but if you continually downplay your craft to others and to yourself and speak negativity to it everyday, your dreams will never actualize because you are not opening yourself to the positive energy that will allow the right opportunities and people to flow into your life.

This weekend's Lifeclass on OWN was an awesome reminder of this! Joel Osteen spoke to the concept that you become who you believe you are. He described that, whatever follows "I Am..." will come looking for you. So, what do you want to follow you as you go after your dreams? Think carefully about this when you make a statement about yourself because these words that you speak will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What your future holds is based on the power of your words and will shape who you become regardless of it is positive or negative. Why not make it positive then?

A weekend ago, at my Artist Millionaire workshop I spoke about stating who you are and who you want to become. Whether you are currently working in the field of your choice or actively working towards it, claim it! People are often afraid of doing this because they feel that the statement isn't true until they are actually successful in their field. But I believe that even if you aren't writing for a top newspaper or have a published book out, you should still declare yourself a writer as you actively pursue your craft.

There was a really powerful moment at the workshop where I had everyone stand up one by one and proclaim who they are and what they do - no stuttering, shifty eyes or caved shoulders. Declare "I am..."with confidence! The energy of the room shifted as each person stood in who they were and their vision for their life with each proclamation. It's a powerful feeling and moment when you no longer whisper silently hoping that no one calls you out on the inaccuracy of your statement or keep your dreams to yourself out of fear that it won't come true. Once you declare it out loud and with confidence everyday, believe me, you will find a way to make it happen! Try it on when you introduce yourself to others, see how it fits - "Hello, I am a writer." doesn't it feel good?

Share how awesomely talented you are! The more you declare this to others, the more that their actions and their opinions of you will fall into line with your vision and more importantly, you will begin to truly see yourself as who you want to see. No faking it 'til you make it, or trying it on for suit. You will one day look in the mirror and see exactly who you always wanted to be - no blinking, just truth.

Go ahead and make a statement! Meet me in the comments section and declare the life that you want. What powerful words are you going to start speaking this week to bring your vision to life?

Happy Monday!