I recently saw a clip of Chilli from R&B group TLC on Good Afternoon America that I found interesting. The discussion was about the idea of dating down and if it is okay to date someone who makes less than you.This brought up the age-old yet highly debated topic of dating on your “level”. If you are successful, should your partner have the same or better financial lifestyle as you?
Chilli has received quite a bit of flack in recent years, since her VH1 reality dating show aired, because of her insistence on finding her “perfect mate”. In the interview when asked about whether she would date someone who made less, her stance was that she wants to be treated like a princess:
I’m very picky, I guess you want to call it that. Here’s my issue with ‘dating down’ – it sounds bad it makes us seem shallow — the problem with dating down[…]I think that for a female, no matter how much money you make or not, every woman wants to feel like a princess, you know. I don’t look for a guy to pay my bills, I can pay my own bills. I can do a lot of things for myself. Thank God I’ve been blessed. But I would love to go on a date with a guy and he pays for it or we go on a trip together and — if I have to pay half then I need to go on that trip with my girlfriend, not a dude. I’m just saying.
To some extent, I understand what she is trying to say. It is hard to deal with the harsh reality of finances in a relationship. As a womyn, when you have achieved a certain level of success it is difficult to form a partnership with someone who you may continually need to support or who is unable to treat you to the lifestyle that you are accustom. In romanticizing the idea of love, we often seek and hold onto this fairytale image of relationships where our significant other somehow always has the means to cater to our every want and need.
While I don’t think that Chilli specified anything that was too drastic – dinner paid for and maybe a vacation away, the focus of her ideal partner seemed to be mainly focused on finances and her mate's ability to cater to her.
I tend to believe that passion and love for what you do leads to success regardless of industry. Therefore, learning to find a partner whose principles match yours is key - does their level of passion for life, vision and determination compliment yours.
With life’s ups and downs, successes and failures, I think it is important to seek a partner who can ride the waves with you. Oprah puts it best, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
With life’s ups and downs, successes and failures, I think it is important to seek a partner who can ride the waves with you. Oprah puts it best, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
So tell me, is financial comfort a dating must for you or is it the cherry on top of other characteristics?
Do you think that Chilli is right to hold out for someone that is as successful as she is?
Leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts!
