By Ajike Akande
I don’t know if I have any loyal readers, but just on the
off chance that you stop by every Wednesday to read my rants and whines, I feel
that I owe you a few updates.
2. Remember how I said here
that I started walking every day because I really need some exercise.
Yeah well, that’s not happening.
But it’s going to happen again.
Maybe. I’ll let you
know.
3. We came home
from our “vacation” visiting Wife’s family, earlier than we had planned. The kids had an amazing time. They love, love, love their
grandparents, but Silverman-Akande love is loud and short on sleep and sometimes
looks and feels like a tornado.
Wife and I were starting to lose steam and were feeling more defeated
and less hopeful about parenting in general so we started discussing the great
escape – with the kids, of course. No leaving them behind. We were
feeling defeated, not irrational! Anyway, we went from discussing to actually packing
when G-Dog and F-Jammie got into such an intense physical fight in the elevator
that they accidently pushed the emergency call button. We had spent the whole week teaching
The Littles not to touch the call button and then one crazy shove and it was
pushed. When we got down to the
lobby, Wife explained to the concierge that there was actually no
emergency. He said, “I know. I saw what happened on the video
camera.” After I ran through my
mind, trying to recall if I had ever picked my nose while in the elevator,
unintentionally letting the concierge know that I am, in fact, gross and still
five, I told Wife that we had to go home.
The nice people at the Riviera Condo complex had endured the
Silverman-Akande family for long enough!
If you’re going to move through the world with five kids under seven,
you have to know when you are wearing out your welcome!
So, those are my updates. I just didn’t want to leave you wondering.
In all seriousness though, Wife and I, have committed to focusing
any energy not used up getting through the day to day this summer, on coming
up with workable strategies to support The Middles. Miss O and G-Dog are struggling and need some good lovin’
and attention. We have things to
sort out. There are amazing
community resources available, and we are certainly taking advantage of all
that is out there. We are lucky the girls are healthy and (mostly) happy and adored by many. It could be very different. It could be so, so, so much worse. It’s funny, though, because even though
we can take a step back and see all the blessings we have and yes, compare our
situation to others who are much less fortunate in any number of ways, the feelings
of frustration and disappointment, are just as real and big. I am overwhelmed by the task of caring
for our brood in general and with the needs of The Middles in the mix, I just
want to run away some days.
In the most challenging moments with the girls, and there
are many, I remember what is probably the single most important thing one of
the nurses said to us during Miss O’s assessment for autism. She said, “She is not doing this
(behaving in challenging ways) on purpose.” Yes, there it is; the gem. We heard
something similar when we sought support for G-Dog.
She is not doing this on purpose. Stop yelling.
She is not doing this on purpose.
Take a deep breath. She’s
not doing this on purpose. Hold
her. Squeeze her. She's not doing this on purpose. Wait with her for her
feelings to settle. She’s
not doing this on purpose.
We have
so much work to do with The Middles, and we are stupid tired, but we’re doin’
this. We’ve got this. As Glennon Melton of Momastery* says,
“We can do hard things. Carry on,
Warrior.”
What’s your hard thing? What are you giving time and attention to these days? Whatever it is, just remember, “We can do
hard things”.
XO Ajike
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