Saturday, January 2

it was the "perfect life" except it wasn't mine!

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2010! So much has happened!

Ten years ago I called off an engagement to my high school sweetheart. He was a wonderful, kind, loving man. Sexy as hell! He was the "perfect guy." We had bought a house, we were in the middle of planning a wedding. Our family and friend were excited! We had our entire lives planned out the only problem was, I wasn't sure if this is what I wanted for my life.... The more excited everyone got about my so called "perfect life," the bigger the knot grew in my stomach that something wasn't quite right... I knew I wanted more. I wanted to live my life with passion. I wanted to really live! My desire to really LIVE kept me up at night. Had me on the phone with my best friend late at night questioning the true meaning of life. Left me on a therapist couch once per week trying to figure all the S^%$ out! I went to everyone for answers until I realized that the only person who could provide me with the true answers were myself.....
So I made the agonizing decision to leave my very traditional, perfect planned life, I abandoned "good girl trey" and I took the road less travelled....
My decision to leave and choose to live my life~ my way, left many people hurt, devastated, disappointed and many questioned my sanity. I even questioned my sanity! I was scared. Yet I stepped into the darkness with just a small hope that somewhere I would find some light. I prayed for guidance and I knew that I had to have faith because there was a part of me that knew if I continued on the path that others wanted for me I would die before I completed the journey. So I followed my gut. Believed that I had to be willing to "disappoint others to remain true to myself..."
This decision to leave and disappoint others was one of the most bravest things that I had ever done in my life. Yet, this decision later turned out to be one of my most fruitful, life changing decisions both professionally and personally. It showed me my worth, allowed me to truly live with passion. l learnt what it meant to truly love, laugh and cry. Too actually be ok with my feelings and desires to want MORE.... and to believe that I deserved MORE....

Ten years ago I learnt....
  • "This too shall pass......" Time does heal all wounds and sometimes you have to sit with pain, disappointment and hurt so you will know what true joy feels like when it comes through your door!
  • Sometimes you may hurt others but the worst thing that you can do is hurt yourself by staying in a situation that does not serve your highest good.
  • People will get extremely angry when you mess up the order that they have planned for your life because when you truly start living your life it forces others to really take a look at their own lives and start living it accordingly.
  • When you hit rock bottom the only place you can go is straight to the top. But be willing to take your time to climb slowly to the top and the views up there are amazing!
So, as I write down my goals for 2010, as I make plans to make some huge shifts both professionally and personally I now sit with the same thoughts that I did nearly a decade ago. I sit with the same fears... And again others are already questioning why do I desire more? Again, I'm questioning my sanity.
Yet i know it's time again for me to take the path less travelled. It's time for me to walk through fear, get out of my comfort zone. I must be willing to disappoint others to remain true to myself. I must listen to my gut. I must remain TRUE to myself.
I wish for you in 2010 what I wish for myself to live your life with passion, Truth, and lots of love and laughter.

I also wanted to take this time to thank you for "following" my life, my thoughts, and working through my issues with me. I also wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feedback with me. This blog has really been therapeutic and I love having this connection with so many of you. Someone to work out the &*%$! with. I see my blog as a community support group~Even an international support group! A big shout out to my followers in India, South Africa and Ireland! And from many of your responses, personal emails and stories I realize that I'm not alone in some of my many "issues!" lol. Make 2010 your big tings year!


geeva said...

the music you have playing on your site... who is it? i don't see anything that indicates the artist name. also, how can it be turned off so that i can view/listen to videos you post?


Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog! I too almost married my high school sweetheart. He was and still is a wonderful, sexy, smart man that would have treated me like a queen for the rest of my life. But like you I had a different path to take which did not involve a house in the burbs and 2 1/2 kids. I look back on what seemed like such a difficult decision and realize that I would have missed out on so much in my life if I had not taken the plunge and changed directions. I have never once looked back with regret and that wonderful man is now happily married with children, so life is as it should be. I think as women it is sometimes hard to make choices that can hurt other people because we are programmed to be care givers. However to be a good care giver one must first care for oneself. You can be of no use to others if you are not healthy and happy yourself. So Trey thank you for being so generous with sharing your life with us and always being such an inspiration. All the best for 2010.



Anonymous said...

Happy New Year Trey!

You said:

"Time does heal all wounds and sometimes you have to sit with pain, disappointment and hurt so you will know what true joy feels like when it comes through your door!"


"When you hit rock bottom the only place you can go is straight to the top"

Those really hit home...DAYUM!! lol!
I always get something good from your speeches or your other creative work..Last time I found myself fighting hard my gay tears (Yeah!!..remember..real men don't cry ;() in front of my co-workers thanks to your so touching!

Keep up your so-inspiring work!


the.kisser said...

thank you for inspiringly reinforcing my motive in life, at the end of the day my happiness is all the matters, because no one can live my life but me.

happy 2010 to you! may happiness, peace and joy follow your footsteps.


Anonymous said...

Hey Trey..I've followed you and your success silently through the years (woohoo that sounds like some surrious stalkeration!) just a Torontonian who has admired the work that you have done and how passionately you have executed all that you have sought to are blessed.
Life is not always clean women we are the first to act as a testament to many curveballs and lack of ample time warnings. From one woman who is still trying to figure her shit out to another who has been true to herself..i wish you nothing but continued success. This year hopefully i will make time to attend some of your workshops..please keep them coming..Toronto lacks *that* place where women can go to let their creative juices flow or simply just shoot the shit with like minded women..let the Trey Anthony Centre be that spot for us all this year.
to a Fiyaaah 2010 Ms Trey..Cheers