We All Have "Good Hair"!

I saw this picture on an Instagram profile, and absolutely loved it! How many times have we heard people explain that they have "good hair because..." often following that with a list of every cultural mix possible - white, Indian, Spanish, Asian, etc. We've heard that all many many times before as these are often the womyn who are ascribed with having the "good hair" that we are taught to covet. These womyn do have gorgeous hair but it's always refreshing to see black hair being celebrated for all it's kinkiness as well.

The little girl's hair in the picture isn't long and flowing but coiled into two big afro puffs. And, she is saying I'm beautiful and my hair is beautiful. In the black community and in society, being mixed is celebrated. I've heard many people (of all colours) say that they want to have a mixed baby so that their child can have nice hair and eyes. But what about the little girl who is just black? And, why should it even be phrased or internalized as "just black"?

This is why we must continue to celebrate our natural, permed, afro'd, dreadloc'd and whatever other kind of hair you choose to have. And show our little girls that being "just black" is beautiful.

On Shade & Colorism: P&G's My Black is Beautiful "Imagine a Future" Documentary"

Colorism and shadeism are such unfortunate realities of those of color. For years upon years the idea of being light skin is the right skin has been forced on us forcing many to internalize and others to project this same ideal on their own. Seven years ago beauty company, Procter & Gamble created the My Black is Beautiful initiative to celebrate the skin that we womyn of colour are in. Most recently, they joined the TriBeCa Film Festival, that's happening right now, to screen it's film Imagine a Future. The film aims to empower black womyn and tell our stories and conflicts with issues such as complexion, beauty, and self esteem.

While this story has been told multiple times before, I don't think that this is issue will get to old to share and discuss as it is a problem that is so prominent still in our communities. It's an important story to continually tell and to highlight the beauty of womyn of colour to remind those that doubt, that in all our many shades of glory that we are all beautiful.

The one thing that is interesting and can be noted about this all is that P&G is a global beauty brand that sells and advertises skin lightening products globally. I applaud the wonderful work that they are doing with My Black Is Beautiful and truly appreciate the messaging that they are trying to spread by telling these stories but I can't help but think that perhaps this messaging can get a bit diluted when this very same brand is part of the problem with pushing that light skin is the right skin mentality.

I would definitely still love to check out the film, which will air on BET July 5th and YouTube.

What are your thoughts, is the messaging that P&G is trying to give too conflicted based on their opposing interests or a positive effort by the beauty brand? Also, will you be watching the documentary?

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Tina Turner's Vogue Cover Reminds Me of a Few Lessons on Loving Your Body and Aging Gracefully

Tina Turner looks fabulous on the cover of the German edition of Vogue magazine. At 73 years old, she may just be one of Vogue's eldest cover models but you would never tell with her confident pose and glowing beauty. It's about time we see womyn of varying age groups covering top magazines as we often only see cover models of a certain look or age group.

Seeing her on the cover and other womyn who look more and more amazing with age, makes me excited about entering this new decade of my life (the dirty 40s!). And, drives home for me the importance of having a set of guiding principles regarding living my best life and living healthy. Because as you age, you realize that it's less about fitting into those skinny jeans and more about standing in exactly who you are and finding a lifestyle that suits where you are at.

My 5 main principles that I try to stick to are:

Eat the cake! - you may have to work out afterwards or walk a few extra steps but eat the cake.

Doesn't matter your age or what you've been through, it's never too late to re-program your thinking. Create positive body affirmations for yourself like"With each day, with each year I get healthier and stronger"

Stop forcing yourself to eat your brussel sprouts or insert here whatever healthy food you dislike.  Find some healthy, feel good foods that you do love and incorporate it into your meals everyday. Hate broccoli but love mango? Make your self a mango smoothie in the morning or add slices of mango in your salad.

Take the time to unwind - Being driven and ticking stuff off your to-do list is great and a must-have for people with a dream but don't be afraid to turn off your phone, computer, etc. and take some time to check-in with yourself. Do what you love to do during this time, journal, take a bath..find some way to relax and let go.

Sleep is important people! - this is an absolute must! We are not all P.Diddy, so sleeping when we die is not an option. Sleep now so that you can live longer and healthy.

What are some of your lifestyle principles? Would love to hear it!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Who's Going to Believe in Your Dreams But You?

 

By: Safia Bartholomew

There's something about seeing a woman who knows who she is at her core, that is so beautiful. A woman that is filled with the wisdom and self-awareness to have a vision of her goals, she knows the boundaries of what she will tolerate as well as the knowledge of what lengths she will go to achieve what is in her heart. This past Saturday, I attended trey's Millionaire Artist workshop and the thing that resonated with me the most was the feeling of being witness to a glow of self-awareness that circled trey and the 4 women panelists that spoke - Olunike Adeliyi, Cindy Ashton, Shannon Skinner, and Denise Bukowski. They all shared their stories of struggle and every obstacle they faced that should have been reason for them not to pursue their dreams, but they didn't listen to that inner voice of fear or any of the outer noise.

The greatest lesson that I took away from the workshop is that there is no point in waiting for perfection to pursue your dreams, because perfection doesn't exist. So many of us are waiting for the right situation, or to meet the right person, or to look Halle Berry pretty. We sit waiting for the confidence to suddenly come to us first before we decide to take the steps to create our vision. But in actuality, confidence comes from pursuing your dreams despite not feeling pretty, or confident but from doing it anyway. The only path to greatness is to stumble then pick yourself up, to shut out the voice of your fears, silence the noise of naysayers and most importantly, to build a belief in oneself that is unshakable. As trey shared, "I'm not arrogant, I'm convinced. There is nothing wrong with believing that you are great. Say it daily to yourself." We ended the day off with everyone standing and shouting out their greatness in unison.

I left the workshop feeling inspired and grateful for all of the ladies that spoke that day. For sharing their stories, advice and by showing us all that real beauty is in absolute confidence. It's a trait that I aspire to stand in and that I believe every woman and man deserves to possess. Scrolling through some of the attendees' Tweets, I realized that many shared my exact sentiment and takeaway:

Did any of you attend trey's workshop this past weekend? What stood out to you? Meet me in the comments section and share the lesson that resonated with you the most!

Embrace 'Da Kink: A Womyn's Inspiring Natural Hair Journey to Self-Love

Beauty is embracing EVERY aspect of who we are naturally, no matter how different we may appear - Kayla Enigma

I saw this over at Black Girl Long Hair and had to share with you all. The womyn above, Kayla Enigma, created an incredibly creative and motivational post-it note style video on Youtube detailing her hair journey back to her natural roots. What was most inspiring about her video was not that she is a beautiful womyn or that she achieved an amazing 'fro of curls, but that she documented her journey to discovering exactly who she truly is in the process.

As black womyn we have all been through the same battle, trying countless hairstyles and endlessly searching for solutions to "tame" our hair. From the scalding burn of the hot comb, we begin relaxing our hair as young womyn, to the damage and hair loss. We've been through it and back to feel beautiful, to feel accepted.

I applaud this young lady for her creativity, for confronting her insecurities and for re-defining the word pretty to be something that suites her uniquely on her own terms.

Much love to all you ladies embracing 'da kink in your hair!

Check out the video below and meet me in the comments section to let me know your thoughts.

Happy Friday!

I Am Not My Hair: Jada Pinkett Smith Pens A Letter to Those Who Criticize Willow's Cropped Hair Cut

I just love the Smith family - their talent, ambition, work ethic, the love that they have for each other and I love that the kids are allowed to go through a phase of just figuring out who they are without tough restrictions from their parents. Jada's parenting style has been criticized numerous times in the past as she has chosen to not dictate how her children should dress and style their hair. I debated a few issues in regards to her parenting style not too long ago, but one thing that I refuse to argue is people taking offense to Willow's shaved head.

We should be celebrating Willow for her apparent non-attachment to her locks. Her fearlessness when it comes to hair is inspiring because not too many children never mind womyn are brave enough to rock a shaved head while putting their face completely on display. As womyn, especially black womyn, we hide behind our hair. The longer and fuller our hair, the more beautiful and feminine we feel. Remember being young and finding ways to wrap a towel or sheet over your hair so that the length was cascading over your shoulders like hair? We would wear it all day as kids, flipping it over our shoulders mimicking the way we see women with long hair on tv do.This attachment to long hair and ideals of feminine beauty has gone on for generations, so it is amazing to see such a young girl reject it.

Instead of criticizing her, we should be promoting her actions. Not just for her but for other young girls and womyn to see that as cliche as it may sound and India Arie sang it best, I am not my hair. There has to be an absolute freedom in looking in the mirror and the first thing that you see is face, not hair. With short, cropped hair you can't hide from yourself. That bravery is what I appreciate in Willow and all of you short, cropped and pixie haired beauties.

Check out the letter that Jada posted on Facebook in response to people's criticism of Willow:

A letter to a friend…


This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women,girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.

More to come. Another day.

J

Well said Jada and I applaud you for this! I'm taking notes for if I have a little girl in the future. I want her to feel beautiful and strong regardless of what her hair looks like and what society uses to measure her worth.

What are your thoughts on Jada's letter and Willow's short hair? Would you allow your kids to sport a cropped 'do or is that a decision that should be made when they get a bit older? Meet me in the comment section, would love to hear your thoughts!

Happy Friday All!!

Long Hair Don't Care? Melanie Fiona's Recent Comments Spark the Old "Good Hair" Debate Again

As MC Lyte rapped years ago, "Hot damn..here we go again!". Here we go with another conversation about the topic of "good hair". Hair has long been a touchy issue amongst womyn in the black community, a topic that is locked and loaded and carries plenty of pain and emotion at the mere mention of it. The weight of this issue leans on the feeling that to indicate "good hair" is more than just the physical look but involves the undertone that it brings with it - an immediate association with beauty, skin color and acceptance. The essential idea of being "better" than...

Melanie recently set fire to this already flaming issue when she was asked about her hair and attributed its length to her mixed race heritage. In an interview with Sophisticate's Black Hair Styles and Care Guide, Melanie was asked what the secret to her gorgeous long hair is. In response, Melanie claimed:

I was born with a full head of hair, and my mom wouldn’t let me cut it until I was 12! I’m mixed – my mom is Black and Portuguese and my dad is Indian so I have a good mix for growth.

With these simple words, the internet was abuzz as bloggers and readers drew their line in the sand in the discussion of whether or not black womyn should be offended by the idea that beautiful, long hair is attributed with being mixed. I personally don't think that you have to be mixed to have "good hair" or a head of thick, long hair that grows healthily. I see black womyn with beautiful hair of ALL textures and lengths everyday.

Melanie's comments and people's reactions to it just play into the age old belief in the community that if you are black, you are born into a life of hair struggle as it is difficult to grow it past a specific length, and that if you are mixed your genes give you a "pass" to fewer struggles with your hair. This is an issue that is not helped by the media, as the majority of black womyn that are represented on television are either of mixed race or wear weaves or wigs that don't show off their naturally beautiful hair. There aren't too many images that show black womyn's hair in all of it's long and flowy, short and cropped, permed, natural and kinky glory. I think that there is less of an issue with Melanie's comments and more of a problem with what we continually see of black womyn's hair. Because we see these same images repeatedly, it is easy to carry on the dated belief that long hair = beautiful, bonus points if you are mixed.

So,what side of the debate are you on when it comes to Melanie's comments? Is she speaking the unfortunate truth or are her comments completely out of line? Speak on it below.

Waiting to Be Pretty: Has the Pressure to Be Beautiful Stopped You From Chasing Your Dreams? (Guest Blog by Safia Bartholomew)

We've all had that moment when you walk into a job interview, audition or meeting and suddenly the outfit that you carefully picked out days before makes you feel less than beautiful and not so confident. You start combing through your curly ‘fro wishing you had taken your friend’s advice to flat iron your hair or you can’t help but notice people staring at your more than bee-stung plump lips. Maybe you haven't even made it to the audition because although you dream of becoming a singer the only examples of successful singers that you can think of look like Beyonce with coke bottle slim figures and you are this close to being a not so few pounds overweight.

Are you the type of woman who will check your insecurities at the door and carry on giving the best performance of your career? Or, are you like too many of us who are sitting on the sidelines letting our dreams pass us by because we are waiting to be prettier?

It is no secret that the media and Hollywood dictates our perceptions of beauty – showcasing images of the same type of girl over and over again…we get it!

This past weekend I was looking through the recently launched blog of Tracee Ellis Ross, most known for her role as Joan Clayton on Girlfriends. I have always admired her unique beauty and style. While in some ways she fits the universal mold of what Hollywood tells us is pretty (light skinned, tall and thin), what she is most known for are her unique features – wide toothy grin, Diana Ross’ eyes, and a beautiful ‘fro of massive curls.

In her recent blog post titled “A Culture Confused By Fake Boobs” Tracee describes the trickle down affect of our culture’s expectations of a woman’s body. One that is not a reflection of the everyday woman but of a body that is augmented and modified. While I personally never took note of Tracee’s breast before, she shares that on numerous occasions on auditions and with her management team the issue of the perkiness of her breast (or lack there of) became a focal point as she was encouraged to wear a push up bra. As she describes, “I felt hurt, reduced to an object, a pair of tits – tits that were, apparently, un-cast-able”.

We all know the old adage “You have to look the part to play the part” but where does this concept go too far? How much do we have to modify our appearance to “look the part” and be accepted, be successful?

There are many women who are willing to nip and tuck a little or put in a few extensions to have the long and flowing hair that is perceived as beautiful to get as close to their ideal as they can (which is absolutely fine if that is their choice). But, plenty more women are allowing rejection to knock them down. There is something about being rejected for your looks that can make even the most confident woman want to sit out and stop fighting.

The thing is, there will always be someone more talented, intelligent and prettier than you. The problem is that as soon as you change yourself to meet someone else’s standard, that standard can easily and suddenly change. So, you might as well learn to like what you see and focus on building your faith in yourself, persistence and confidence. Work on your craft!

Get used to hearing the word “no” from people and don't let it affect you. Even Halle Berry, who has become the prototype of beauty in Hollywood, has heard more than a few "no’s" in her career. There are so many examples from all industries of women who are at the top of their game but are not known for their looks. If they made it through the door, so can you.

There is nothing wrong with doing little things to make yourself feel pretty so that you put your best foot forward, but do not stay stagnant waiting to suddenly transform in order for you to go after what you dream of.

I applaud Tracee and other women who are pushing to defy the mold. I applaud YOU for taking the steps in seeing the beauty in yourself, recognizing your flaws and pursuing your passion anyway.

trey will be sharing her own struggles with learning to defy the beauty standard at The Artist Millionaire Workshop. There is only less than two weeks left until the workshop! If you haven’t registered yet please click here to sign up.

What beauty struggles have you had to resist in pursuing your dreams? Please leave a comment and let me know!

- Safia

   Xo