"Selfie-Love": Are We Addicted To Social Media?

By: April D. Byrd

"looks like the first lady just wasn't having it!"

So, Roberto Schmidt the photographer that took the selfie that blew up on the internet says "Pictures can lie"... "the first lady's stern look was captured by chance". I say it looks like the first lady just wasn't having it! Did she really make the President change seats? and Exactly how inappropriate are selfies at a funeral? In his AFP blog post, Schmidt also said that All around him were South Africans dancing, singing and laughing to honour their departed leader. "It was more like a carnival atmosphere, not at all morbid." and it was totally relaxed. 

Social Media has seriously magnified the popularity of selfies. Now we'll probably never be able to tell whether it's vanity or really some in depth form of art? We can learn a lot about ourselves through a self-portrait. Mashable even made a list and rated The 16 Best Selfies of 2013. Social media has definitely made us "selfie" obsessed! Where is the dividing line between Arrogance and Confidence? Surprisingly the most arrogant  Self-confident rapper Kanye West recently made an anti-selfie move. At his concert "Yeezy" wore a mask that covered his entire face. To his credit when a fan shouted for him to take it off. Kanye screamed "I'm Kanye motherf**king West." then had the woman escorted out of the concert.

 we hope the fan got a full refund!

The impact of fame or recognition can make people a bit crazy sometimes. Social Media has done just that. Instagram is continuously upgrading with videos and now direct messages. Facebook is expecting a new upgrade as well. How bad is Social media really making us? The Diagnostic and Statistical  Manual of Mental Disorders has now actually included Internet Addiction Disorder and listed it for further study. Psychologists fear that Internet and mobile technology contributes to "compulsive personality traits" and is related to ADHD and OCD. Newsweek printed that a third of smartphone users go online before getting out of bed. 

I can personally admit that I'm a social media fanatic. My obsession even led to an internship. It's easy to get lost in social media world because those instant "likes" can make us feel like we're actually getting something done. However, It can be an effective tool, if we use it right. So I monitor relentlessly and hash-tag my heart out, all the while getting distracted by some other post in the process. Despite all the reports and statistics, Social Media is not all bad, it does give exposure. Without it I never would've started a magazine or met my she-ro Trey Anthony. In the instance that we do have something meaningful or interesting to say, it serves as a great platform. So by all means, Let the digital fun and discourse continue. 

What do you think of the Kanye and the President's behavior?  Do you consider yourself addicted to "selfies" and  Social Media?...how many hours a day are you on for business or personal reasons?
Share  and comment below.

April D. Byrd is a Writer, Founder of BOLD Journal online magazine and resident Social Media Blogger for Trey Anthony Studios. Send your feedback via social, you can catch her on Facebook and on Twitter/Instagram: @aprilinspired.

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Why Oprah Saying Beyonce Makes Her 'Proud to Spell My Name WOMYN' is a Head Nod To All of Us

I watched the Beyonce Life is But a Dream documentary over the weekend as well as her interview with Oprah, and while I had not learnt anything new about Beyonce there were a few take aways for me as a womyn and as an artist. What stood out to me the most was during the interview at the end when Ms. O said to Beyonce, "After watching Life is But a Dream, I have to tell you that I come away reminded of that line in a Maya Angelou poem that says, 'You make me proud to spell my name W-O-M-A-N." Such a big compliment to pay a womyn! And, one that we all need to look ourselves in the mirror and say on repeat.

As I turn 40 today, I realize that with age I've fallen into being exactly the womyn that I've always wanted to be. My life is not perfect, but I can say it's pretty damn good! And, it's good because I've finally learned to let go of the inner struggles, things I don't accept about myself and to be really specific about the people I have around me. Instead of playing tug-of-war with these things I've given up the battle and chose acceptance of where I am exactly today.

I wrote a quick note on my Facebook page the other day outlining the '40 things I know about myself as I turn 40'. A few of them are:

1.  I will never have a flat stomach or a six pack and I'm going to try my best to let go of that dream....
2.  I love vanilla cupcakes and I can eat them all day and this maybe the reason why i don't have a flat     stomach!
3.  Friends and family will often disappoint you, but I need to stop taking their lack of action or actions   personally it's not about me.
4.  I will continue to disappoint friends and family, and they need to stop taking it personally.
5. I want to have friends who listen more to me, who call me often and ask me how I'm doing? I want friends who share with me their lives, people who openly share their life lessons and encourage me to be a better person.
6. I want to actively work on my dreams every day. I want my play to go to Broadway. I want my own theatre, talk show, radio show! I want  full creative ownership to do work that I love the way I want too!
7. I need to accept that my to do list will never end. I create a new one every day!
8. I want to love who i love, with no explanations to anyone. Without thought to anyone but myself. I want to love how I want to be loved, with gentleness, consideration, soft kisses, deep conversations, and an ability to be challenged and to be challenged to be better. I want to care less about what people think about me, and care more about what I think of the people in my life!

But the main thing that I want as I move into this new chapter of my life is, I want to not only stand in and own the womyn that I am but inspire other womyn to do so themselves. I've realized that all of my work as an artist has been working towards and leading up to that. I want to inspire other womyn to love themselves period. To love their hair, to love what they do, love the way they look, love who they've chosen to be around them, etc.

I think this is what Lady O meant when she spoke about Beyonce and I believe that one day I will be sitting on her couch when she will share that sentiment with me as well.

But for now, I'm 40 and happy to stand with pride to spell my name w-o-m-y-n.

Happy Monday!

I Am Not My Hair: Jada Pinkett Smith Pens A Letter to Those Who Criticize Willow's Cropped Hair Cut

I just love the Smith family - their talent, ambition, work ethic, the love that they have for each other and I love that the kids are allowed to go through a phase of just figuring out who they are without tough restrictions from their parents. Jada's parenting style has been criticized numerous times in the past as she has chosen to not dictate how her children should dress and style their hair. I debated a few issues in regards to her parenting style not too long ago, but one thing that I refuse to argue is people taking offense to Willow's shaved head.

We should be celebrating Willow for her apparent non-attachment to her locks. Her fearlessness when it comes to hair is inspiring because not too many children never mind womyn are brave enough to rock a shaved head while putting their face completely on display. As womyn, especially black womyn, we hide behind our hair. The longer and fuller our hair, the more beautiful and feminine we feel. Remember being young and finding ways to wrap a towel or sheet over your hair so that the length was cascading over your shoulders like hair? We would wear it all day as kids, flipping it over our shoulders mimicking the way we see women with long hair on tv do.This attachment to long hair and ideals of feminine beauty has gone on for generations, so it is amazing to see such a young girl reject it.

Instead of criticizing her, we should be promoting her actions. Not just for her but for other young girls and womyn to see that as cliche as it may sound and India Arie sang it best, I am not my hair. There has to be an absolute freedom in looking in the mirror and the first thing that you see is face, not hair. With short, cropped hair you can't hide from yourself. That bravery is what I appreciate in Willow and all of you short, cropped and pixie haired beauties.

Check out the letter that Jada posted on Facebook in response to people's criticism of Willow:

A letter to a friend…


This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women,girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.

More to come. Another day.

J

Well said Jada and I applaud you for this! I'm taking notes for if I have a little girl in the future. I want her to feel beautiful and strong regardless of what her hair looks like and what society uses to measure her worth.

What are your thoughts on Jada's letter and Willow's short hair? Would you allow your kids to sport a cropped 'do or is that a decision that should be made when they get a bit older? Meet me in the comment section, would love to hear your thoughts!

Happy Friday All!!