Why I Disagree with Jada Pinkett Smith's Question of If White Women Should Ever Grace the Cover of Popular Black Women's Magazines?

The absence of black womyn in mainstream media and specifically on the cover of magazines has been a problem that has lasted for decades and with the exception of a few faces (i.e. Beyonce, Halle Berry, etc) it is still an issue that persists today. This is why I found Jada Pinkett Smith’s latest post that posed the question that if the black community wants to see more diversity on mainstream publications then perhaps black magazines such as Essence, Ebony and JET should consider offering covers to white womyn. She presents the idea of diversity, openness and solidarity amongst womyn which I think is a great idea in theory but the issue is that those 3 magazines specifically were started as a resolution to the gap in the marketplace that failed to tell our stories as womyn of color. There was nowhere to share our unique beauty, experiences and stories, more importantly there was nowhere except these publications that celebrated us.

I’m not opposed to featuring other cultures and races within these magazines because I do believe in diversity. I remember years ago there was an issue over at Essence magazine because a white womyn was hired to be a fashion editor. People were in uproar about this because they believe that black magazines should remain strictly black. I simply think that there can be diversity throughout the staff of the magazines and within the glossy pages of the publications but where I think the line should be drawn at is on the cover. Think of the pride felt by black children to womyn (and men) who see beauty that looks like them consistently smiling on the covers of these pages month after month. It’s always refreshing to see a familiar face smiling back at me when I walk past the newsstand so until mainstream publications start consistently putting our beauties from Kerry Washington to Viola Davis on their covers, I am happy keeping the prime real estate of the front cover to beautiful brown faces for now.

Here are Jada's thoughts on this that she posted to her Facebook:

Will there ever be a day in which women will be able to see each other beyond race, class, and culture? There is a question I want to ask today. I’m asking this question in the spirit of thinking outside of the box in order to open doors to new possibilities. These possibilities may be realistic or unrealistic. I also want to make it clear that there is no finger pointing here. I pose this question with the hope that it opens a discussion about how we can build a community for women based upon us all taking a deeper interest in one another. An interest where skin color, culture, and social class does not create barriers in sharing the commonality of being… women. With love and respect to all parties involved, my question is this…if we ask our white sisters, who tend to be the guardians of the covers of mainstream magazines, to consider women of color to grace these covers, should we not offer the same consideration to white women to grace our covers? Should women extend their power to other women simply because they are women? To my women of color, I am clear we must have something of our own, but is it possible to share in the spirit in which we ask our white sisters to share with us? I don’t know the answer and would love to hear your thoughts.

J

What do you think, should white women be featured on the covers of black magazines? Would love to hear your thoughts!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Why Womyn Need to Allow Themselves to Experience the Emotions of Jada Pinkett Smith's 'The Trials of a Fatherless Daughter'

I have to say that as I read Jada's piece that she posted to her Facebook account titled, "The Trials of a Fatherless Daughter", my eyes welled with tears and my heart ached. It's incredibly sad that so many womyn can relate to the hurt and emptiness of feeling fatherless. Growing from little girls who have learned to except the absence of her father's presence in her life to womyn who's inner child yearns to have someone to call "daddy". The womyn who has learned to play it tough and pretend that not having her daddy to call with car issues or any other problem is no big deal, or a man to introduce as "grandpa" to her new baby is okay. To experience that feeling of deep heartbreak and pure joy to see little girls happily playing with their daddies. These are the many emotions that womyn experience everyday because they had to discover life without the emotional love and guide of their fathers.

I love Jada's piece because it's evidence that no matter what position or status that a womyn has achieved in her life, at her core she will always miss that feeling of daddy. And, that's okay. It's not a sign of weakness to allow your emotions to stir. It's just important to recognize, acknowledge and accept your feelings and hurt. Learn that what you had to go without is not okay but perhaps the best that your father could do as a flawed individual himself. Journal about it. Write him a letter and send it. Or don't send it. The point is to allow yourself to observe and experience the pain, and find a way to express these emotions so that you can get back to loving you and loving those around you with a full heart.

Here's Jada's full piece below:

I'm sitting here, and I am hurting today. Now as I tell you this... I don't want pity. I have learned to take pleasure in pain because it is simply a signal that a truth is stirring and I must wake up to find it. And usually for me waking up means letting go of a belief.

That's what happened today because I found a little girl who can't understand why she didn't deserve to have a "daddy" in this lifetime. It hit me this morning that I will never call any man "daddy". It hit me how significant that role is to any girls development and life. All these years I had denied that significance in order to forge ahead. The motto has always been, "Nothing can stop me" and "NEVER let them see you sweat".

The worst part was... I had no one to blame... no one to throw this pain to and say, "YOUR FAULT". But this pain did expose areas of immaturity in my relationships accompanied with unreasonable expectations. It explains why when I hear the sweet voice of my daughter call her father "daddy" my heart cries with joy and pain all at once. And it did explain my incompleteness. Yes, this Virgo woman is incomplete. What a horrifying but fulfilling admittance.

This is the void I will have to reconcile without blaming two men, my father and step father, who did the best they could. And no... sometimes our best is NOT good enough, but... the capacity of the human heart and the Great Spirit that breathes within it... makes it all... well.

Thanks for listening:)

And...lovelovelove on your children.

Happy Monday!

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Jada Pinkett's Message to the Dream Stealers

 

One of the most important aspects of being in a relationship is having someone who supports not only  the person that you are within the relationship, but also the person you are becoming or have always dreamed of being. If you have a dream of being an actress, a writer, singer, CEO of a Fortune 500 company, whatever the dream is that you hold in your heart, your significant other should not only support that but be actively engaged in your passion. If you are a writer, at the very minimum, your partner should read a few of your pieces. I received an amazing email from a man a month ago who wanted to inquire about my coaching packages and upcoming Millionaire Artist workshop for his girlfriend. In the email, he spoke about his belief in his girlfriend's talent as a designer despite her own doubt and that he wants to help her take the steps towards pursuing her vision. I loved this because this is what a partner should be!

Another issue that many people relate to is the feeling that one has to give up on their dreams once they settle down and have a family. While taking care of a family and pursuing a dream that may not initially offer stability can be overwhelming and scary, it is possible. Jada Pinkett Smith, a womyn who has successfully juggled a career and family, had a few things to say about this problem:

Dream stealers…
I think one of the worst atrocities we can commit on people we say we love is to steal their dreams through our overbearing expectations. Whether we steal dreams consciously or unconsciously, it renders the same effect…RESENTMENT.

Someone we say we love should NEVER be forced to choose having your love and support over having their dreams. There is a way to have BOTH.

The scary part is that most of the time we may be infringing on the dreams of others in order to fulfill a dream of our own. Partnership, parenting, marriage should reflect the desire to help each other build fulfilling lives for all parties involved. You’ve got ONE life ( that we know of ). LIVE IT…to the FULLEST!
BUILD on your dreams and on the dreams of those you love…TODAY!

Surround yourself with people that believe in and support your dreams and stay focused on the vision that you have for yourself. If not, you will find yourself living a life filled with doubt, regret and resentment. Think about what an awesome example that will be for your children as they will look up to "mommy / daddy" who made their dreams happen despite having to put food on the table and provide for X amount of kids. If you believe that it is possible, then your children will believe this as well for their future dreams.

I will be sharing a few stories of my own at The Millionaire Artist workshop this Saturday February 2nd. Secure your seat and register here: Millionaire Artist Eventbrite. Only a few spots left!

Do at least 1 thing today that focuses on and invests in your dreams. I dare you!

Happy Monday!

I Am Not My Hair: Jada Pinkett Smith Pens A Letter to Those Who Criticize Willow's Cropped Hair Cut

I just love the Smith family - their talent, ambition, work ethic, the love that they have for each other and I love that the kids are allowed to go through a phase of just figuring out who they are without tough restrictions from their parents. Jada's parenting style has been criticized numerous times in the past as she has chosen to not dictate how her children should dress and style their hair. I debated a few issues in regards to her parenting style not too long ago, but one thing that I refuse to argue is people taking offense to Willow's shaved head.

We should be celebrating Willow for her apparent non-attachment to her locks. Her fearlessness when it comes to hair is inspiring because not too many children never mind womyn are brave enough to rock a shaved head while putting their face completely on display. As womyn, especially black womyn, we hide behind our hair. The longer and fuller our hair, the more beautiful and feminine we feel. Remember being young and finding ways to wrap a towel or sheet over your hair so that the length was cascading over your shoulders like hair? We would wear it all day as kids, flipping it over our shoulders mimicking the way we see women with long hair on tv do.This attachment to long hair and ideals of feminine beauty has gone on for generations, so it is amazing to see such a young girl reject it.

Instead of criticizing her, we should be promoting her actions. Not just for her but for other young girls and womyn to see that as cliche as it may sound and India Arie sang it best, I am not my hair. There has to be an absolute freedom in looking in the mirror and the first thing that you see is face, not hair. With short, cropped hair you can't hide from yourself. That bravery is what I appreciate in Willow and all of you short, cropped and pixie haired beauties.

Check out the letter that Jada posted on Facebook in response to people's criticism of Willow:

A letter to a friend…


This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women,girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.

More to come. Another day.

J

Well said Jada and I applaud you for this! I'm taking notes for if I have a little girl in the future. I want her to feel beautiful and strong regardless of what her hair looks like and what society uses to measure her worth.

What are your thoughts on Jada's letter and Willow's short hair? Would you allow your kids to sport a cropped 'do or is that a decision that should be made when they get a bit older? Meet me in the comment section, would love to hear your thoughts!

Happy Friday All!!

Is Jada Pinkett Smith's Parenting Style Too Lax? She Discusses Her Parenting Approach in People Magazine

The parenting style of The Smiths have come into question numerous times in the past few years as their young children, Willow and Jaden, have recently risen to fame and have made their own way into the spotlight. Everything from who Jaden hangs out with to Willow's hair and clothing choices have been a topic of discussion. But, The Smiths (especially Jada) have been deaf ears to the critics and have stood by the way that they choose to raise their family.

In this week's People Magazine, Jada described that she takes less of an authoritarian approach. She states,
        
         On her Parenting style 

"I think that old school style of 'I'm your parent and I'm greater than you' doesn't    work.What I establish with my children is a partnership."

Like many of you, I'm sure, I wasn't raised with my parents having "discussions" with me. Their way was THE way, no room for discussions! My mother did not play! But, perhaps Jada's different approach to parenting is a great way to tap into your child's true character and help them feel more comfortable opening up to you in difficult situations?

Ideally this approach may work, but I'm going to have to disagree with Jada on this one. I don't think that parents come from a 'I'm greater than you' attitude but from a genuine belief that they have more wisdom because of more years of experience on this earth (and, maybe a little desire for dictatorship!). I think that having a solid parental foundation to give children direction can help make some of their adolescent years a bit more manageable into becoming positive and productive adults. While having a discussion is a great way to give your child the opportunity to express themselves, their say should absolutely not be the final say.

         On shielding her kids from gossip and rumors

“We can’t control what our kids learn anymore. We have to inform them and have real conversations … and [create] that foundation of them feeling assured in themselves.”

I actually agree with this point. It's important to have open discussions with your children about the realities of the world. Sometimes shielding your kids too much puts them at a greater disadvantage as they may not be prepared for difficulties and obstacles that are bound to arise.

I don't believe that here is one way to raise your kids. Motherhood is about trial and error - while praying for more triumphs along the way with less errors. So, I don't know if we can tell someone who is raising children that are happy, healthy, successful and positive people that their approach to parenting is wrong.

What do you all think? Is Jada's style of parenting too lax and in need of more boundaries or can the partnership approach to parenting work? Comment below! I'd love to hear from parents raising kids and singles as well!

Happy birthday Jada Pinkett Smith!

Happy birthday to Jada Pinkett Smith!

Can you believe Jada Pinkett Smith turned 41 yesterday? If you have been following her career since the 90s, like I have, then you’ll probably be just as amazed to realize how far the woman who first stole our hearts as Jason’s Lyric has really come.

Aside from her acting career Jada is now a producer, director, author, business-woman and a singer-songwriter for a metal band. And of course, she is one of the world’s most famous wives and mothers. And it is the way that she and her husband Will have managed to balance all of these roles that makes me admire her most.

This week, the Smiths released a music video starring all 3 of their kids (Jaden, Willow and Trey – Jada’s stepson). What blows my mind is that the video was produced by mom Jada with support from dad Will. The last time a song came out with so many family members involved may have been the Jacksons!

This isn’t the first time that the Smiths have collaborated with their kids on a project. Their son Jaden starred in the remake of the Karate Kid, which they produced, and also starred alongside his dad in The Pursuit of Happyness. Willow has also starred in movies with her parents – I am Legend and Madagascar 3.

The cool thing is that you can see that Jada and Will have allowed their kids to create their own paths. They don’t seem like stage parents who force their kids to follow in their career paths but they have definitely given their children the confidence, opportunities and space to express themselves in their own ways. Whether it’s their music or their style, the Smith kids don’t conform to what others may expect of them. And they and their parents have been criticized for it. (When Willow posted a twitter picture showing off a tongue ring twitterverse went crazy. Willow later said the tongue ring was a fake. ) But it seems like their kids are enjoying themselves and from what we see so far, they are really mature,respectful and well-spoken.

I for one think Jada is a great example of a successful womyn who emulates strength, beauty and love. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for her and her family! Check out their new video and let me know what you think. Are you a fan of the Smith family, or Jada herself?