Beyonce, It's Okay to Take a Break!

We can say that it’s official; the year of Beyonce is here because as soon as 2013 started she has been everywhere – Pepsi ads, H&M campaigns, singing the National Anthem for the president, her SuperBowl concert, magazines, etc. Fan or not of Beyonce, I think the one thing that you can respect and appreciate about her is her seemingly great work ethic. She seems to be able to push herself as an artist so that she can live and breathe the music that she loves. Between balancing being an international star, new mother and simply living her life as a young womyn, she has to be extremely driven and disciplined.

But, what I realized this week is less about Beyonce and more about the idea of womyn pushing themselves too hard (to the detriment of their health) on their path to achieving great things. This week, Beyonce cancelled one of her performances in Belgium citing exhaustion and dehydration. But, the next night she was back on stage doing the “Single Ladies” dance! She said, she was performing against doctor’s orders but she wanted to be there, she had never missed a performance before last night. Who can relate to that – feeling exhausted, sick or simply pushed to your limit but you continue to press on because you have people depending on you to show up every day? I’m not saying that she needs to take an extended break or you need to put aside your responsibilities, but sometimes you need to give your mind, body and soul the ability to relax and recharge so that you can fully be present to take on whatever you have on your to-do list. I’ve been there, because I’ve always had all these big dreams that I’ve been determined to actualize so I work hard from the crack of dawn to night trying to make things happen. I’ve definitely pushed my body to the max many times. But, I’m also not afraid to take a day to be alone with myself, lie in my bed and read a good book or catch up on movies on Netflix.

Sometimes life can’t be completely balanced but the best advice that I’ve heard is to simply listen to your body, don’t push it too hard. Don’t be afraid to say that you need a few minutes, hours or days to recharge. Beyonce, needs to listen to her body (and her doctors) - take a break! And to you, please take this weekend or even just a couple of hours on Saturday or Sunday to just be alone with yourself (read, take a long bath, garden, sleep! etc) and not attack your to-do list.

Meet me in the comments, tell me what your rest time or “nothing” will look like this weekend?

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Why Oprah Saying Beyonce Makes Her 'Proud to Spell My Name WOMYN' is a Head Nod To All of Us

I watched the Beyonce Life is But a Dream documentary over the weekend as well as her interview with Oprah, and while I had not learnt anything new about Beyonce there were a few take aways for me as a womyn and as an artist. What stood out to me the most was during the interview at the end when Ms. O said to Beyonce, "After watching Life is But a Dream, I have to tell you that I come away reminded of that line in a Maya Angelou poem that says, 'You make me proud to spell my name W-O-M-A-N." Such a big compliment to pay a womyn! And, one that we all need to look ourselves in the mirror and say on repeat.

As I turn 40 today, I realize that with age I've fallen into being exactly the womyn that I've always wanted to be. My life is not perfect, but I can say it's pretty damn good! And, it's good because I've finally learned to let go of the inner struggles, things I don't accept about myself and to be really specific about the people I have around me. Instead of playing tug-of-war with these things I've given up the battle and chose acceptance of where I am exactly today.

I wrote a quick note on my Facebook page the other day outlining the '40 things I know about myself as I turn 40'. A few of them are:

1.  I will never have a flat stomach or a six pack and I'm going to try my best to let go of that dream....
2.  I love vanilla cupcakes and I can eat them all day and this maybe the reason why i don't have a flat     stomach!
3.  Friends and family will often disappoint you, but I need to stop taking their lack of action or actions   personally it's not about me.
4.  I will continue to disappoint friends and family, and they need to stop taking it personally.
5. I want to have friends who listen more to me, who call me often and ask me how I'm doing? I want friends who share with me their lives, people who openly share their life lessons and encourage me to be a better person.
6. I want to actively work on my dreams every day. I want my play to go to Broadway. I want my own theatre, talk show, radio show! I want  full creative ownership to do work that I love the way I want too!
7. I need to accept that my to do list will never end. I create a new one every day!
8. I want to love who i love, with no explanations to anyone. Without thought to anyone but myself. I want to love how I want to be loved, with gentleness, consideration, soft kisses, deep conversations, and an ability to be challenged and to be challenged to be better. I want to care less about what people think about me, and care more about what I think of the people in my life!

But the main thing that I want as I move into this new chapter of my life is, I want to not only stand in and own the womyn that I am but inspire other womyn to do so themselves. I've realized that all of my work as an artist has been working towards and leading up to that. I want to inspire other womyn to love themselves period. To love their hair, to love what they do, love the way they look, love who they've chosen to be around them, etc.

I think this is what Lady O meant when she spoke about Beyonce and I believe that one day I will be sitting on her couch when she will share that sentiment with me as well.

But for now, I'm 40 and happy to stand with pride to spell my name w-o-m-y-n.

Happy Monday!

Halle Berry, Angela Davis and More Discuss Their 'Journey to the Woman I've Come to Love'

Halle Berry: “i would probably say that i fell in love with myself after my second divorce. i think it was at that time that i realized what i was made of. i realized that i was enough all by myself.”

We've all been there, while some of us still struggle with learning how to love the womyn that we are. There are so many forces in society that tell us who we should be, how we should act and what we should look like. So, finding your footing in this world to proclaim "I love me"  is a battle that takes some time, patience and kindness to yourself.

A new book out by award-winning photojournalist, Mikki Turner, titled Journey to the Woman I've Come to Love details the stories of notable womyn who learned to love themselves. The coffee table book features celebrities such as: Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, Angela Davis as well as many who are out of the spotlight such as everyday executives, activists and others who are just as inspiring. The essential premise of the book is initiated with the question that each womyn interviewed was asked, "“At what point did you fall in love with yourself?”

It's great to see a timeless book like this one released. Especially one that highlights the journey of womyn of colour because self acceptance is not a topic widely covered in our communities. It's another one of those topics that is seen as not something that womyn of colour struggle with. We are often portrayed to be these strong womyn who are confident and love our bodies regardless of size. Which isn't always the case - in most cases it's quite the opposite.So many of us are living the struggle of not liking who we are in silence.

I am definitely going to check out this book as I think that it's an essential addition to every womyn's bookshelf.

You can read an interview with the author about the book as well as view a slideshow of a few quotables from these womyn over at The Grio.

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Living in Silence - Black Women and Depression

Why do I need to see a therapist, I am not crazy?!.. No one in my family speaks to a therapist - we go to church! God will handle any of my problems...That girl is so crazy, she needs to go to a therapist so they can medicate her...Nothing is wrong, I'm FINE.

 

Black women and women of color are 60% more likely to suffer from mental health disorders. Surprising? We don’t often see this image in the media or up for discussion. Mental health has always been seen as something that’s a “white issue” or that’s what “they” suffer from, not us. We are people of strength, endurance and resilience that have collectively and individually been through too many struggles to let emotion get to us. How can something as intangible as our emotions or mental state cause feelings of depression and wanting to give up on life? But most of us live in environments where our feelings aren’t given any weight and our emotions are somehow a measure of how much faith we have. But sometimes life has the tendency to pile things on. We keep pushing it aside because we have to wake up every morning and face the world. But then pushing it aside leads to a messy pile of emotions that become unbearable to handle.

The world around us tells us that feelings of fear, anger, jealousy, and confusion are the bad emotions of weak people. But, depression is a slippery slope that we can all head down if we don’t take the time and effort to check in with ourselves. No matter how spiritual / religious you are, or how much love and support you receive from family / friends, sometimes you need to seek outside help. Ladies, therapy is not a bad word.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend an event put on by the Women’s Health in Women’s Hand’s organization. The event was to launch their Mental Health initiative – an initiative started because of the realization that it is the number one issue that women come to their organization for. Although, there is a silence in our community in speaking about mental health, the numbers they receive seeking help screams out the need for more programs like this.

The event featured an awesome lineup of speakers – author Kim Green, author and psychotherapist Farzana Doctor, and author/poet Staceyann Chin – who are all wellness advocates and very active in breaking the silence and stigma around mental health in our community.

The room was filled with such support, laughter and sharing as the panelists were very candid about their own experiences as well as members from the audience sought clarity for their own issues. It was beautiful to see a room full of women who were unashamed, open and willing to be so vulnerable.

The message of the night that was made clear that seeking help is not about being medicated, as often times doctors try to diagnose and push prescriptions. Seeking therapy is about accepting that the load you are carrying is too heavy to carry by yourself.

So, take this week to get silent, check in on your mental and emotional state. Are you really fine or have you just become too used to saying it? If praying, meditating, speaking to a pastor or friend works for you then do that. But, if all of those things still don’t seem to be enough to calm what you feel, don’t be afraid to ask for help. The strongest sisters are the ones that are the most willing to be vulnerable.

Have a happy and peaceful Monday!

Safia

P.S. To learn more about the Women’s Health in Women’s Hand initiative visit here.

 

Watch The Throne: This Womyn Has Taken Oprah's Spot As Richest Black Womyn In The World!

Well folks, Queen Oprah has officially been de-throned as the richest black womyn in the world. Oprah has held this spot for quite a few years now but it has just been announced that the new leading lady is Folorunsho Alakija of Nigeria.

This 61 year old’s $3.2 billion empire is comprised of being owner of oil company, FAMFA OIL Limited as well as the head of successful fashion label Supreme Stitches. I love that she is an artist! She founded the company after studying fashion design in England and went on to make custom creations for Nigeria and West Africa’s elite.

I love Ms Lady O and the media empire that she has created, but it is really great to see another face on top. I'm happy to see successful black womyn’s faces in diverse industries being recognized for their accomplishments. Especially to see a womyn who is not from North America. We too often see the same people in the spotlight all the time which can sometimes send the message that these people are an exception. When we start seeing new people get recognized, it tells us that we too can accomplish big things and defy the norm.

Talk about the sky is the limit! Beautiful to see this womyn achieve her billionaire artist dream.

What do you think of the new richest black womyn, are you happy to see a new face of success?

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Why BET's Black Girl's Rock and a Few (Less Than Kind) Twitter Comments Prove Celebrating You in All of Your Fab Glory is So Necessary

Photo: Clutch Magazine

Guest blog by: Safia Bartholomew

Black Girls Rock! Why do we rock? Because we are strong, resilient, beautiful, talented, intelligent, poised, funny and too many more reasons! Last night BET aired the annual awards show by DJ Beverly Bond, created to celebrate young black girls, build self-esteem and showcase positive and alternative images to the often stereotypical displays that we see of black women in the media. The concept of the show is fantastic and one that I believe that EVERYONE should get on board with. But of course, when peeping through my Twitter timeline while watching I saw quite a few comments bashing the importance of the show and debating whether or not it is necessary.

I have to say that I almost got out of character a couple of times when reading these comments and it left me absolutely shocked at the complete ignorance. But I digress...the main criticism that these folks had was that it's an unnecessary program because black girls are not the only ones who rock - what about Indian girls, Asians, Spanish, white and other ethnicities? My answer to that is we ALL rock. All of us brown girls, black girls, ivory skinned girls and so on ROCK.

This is reminiscent of arguments that roll around every February about the lack of importance of Black History Month. This should not even be a matter of debate as we are all amazing and beautiful in our own right. There is absolutely nothing wrong with shedding light on and building a platform to empower your own community. If mainstream media consistently did this (or even did it at all) then there wouldn't have to be separate shows. But, until then there will have to be a black show, a Spanish show, etc for each special channel and for each ethnicity. We all deserve to shine.

I would definitely tune into a show that celebrates women who are doing their thing of any ethnicity. It's not just about the color though - it's about the message, the sisterhood and the solidarity that matters. The shifting of perspective so that young girls and women are not just celebrated for their beauty (as we are in most cases) but for our smarts and our service in giving back and lifting others up as we rise higher.

To this, I think Janelle Monae hit it on the head in her acceptance speech when she said, "Embrace what makes you unique even if it makes others uncomfortable." We should all go out into this week with a feeling of love and acceptance of ourselves in all of our differences. Be the first to celebrate you when no one recognizes what makes you amazing! There will always be critics, haters, naysayers and so on who will tell you why you should sit down somewhere and be quiet but to this I say shine brighter, speak louder, dance harder. It may be difficult, but ignore the noise!

Take this chance to shine, leave a comment below telling us why YOU ROCK ! Would love to hear from you.

Happy Monday!!

- Safia
  xo

P.S. Check out this clip from the red carpet where some of our favorite famous black girls, Janelle Monae, Megan Goode, Taraji P. Henson, Regina King, and more tell us why they rock:

Push Girls: Real Reality TV

Last night I was surfing the net and I stumbled on this incredible show that I can't wait to watch it.  The new reality show airs in April and it follows the lives of four womyn in Hollywood who deal with the struggles we all face such as motherhood, careers, relationships and divorce. 

L-R: Former Swimmer, Mia Schaikewitz, 32; Dancer, Auti Angel, 42; Actress Angela Rockwood, 36; and Model Tiphany Adams, 28

Seems like every other reality show there is out there right?  Cameras following a group of people around capturing whatever it is that they do on a daily basis.  You are probably wondering what the hook is....what makes this show any different from every other show there is out there.  Well, take a look at the next photo to  find out.

These womyn are wheel chair bound!  Each one had budding careers before them when a tragic accident changed their worlds forever.

Push Girls, follows: Mia, a former competitive swimmer who lost the use of her legs after a rare type of brain hemorrhage at the age of 15.  Auti, a former hip hop dancer, "I was JLo before J Lo" she said.  She danced with Milli Vanilli and LL Cool J in the 90s before a car accident in 1992.  Angela, who appeared in The Fast and the Furious before a 2001 car accident left her without the use of the torso, arms and legs.  And Tiphany who survived a drunk driving accident in her senior year of high school that left 3 of her friends dead.  She was given a five per cent chance to live by doctors.

With truth and honesty, producer Gay Rosenthal, who also produced Little People, Big World, gives us a glimpse of these womyn as they reclaim their lives and shatter the stereotypes of what it means to have a disability.  

I sincerely hope you watch this show and tell a friend.  In a time where Kim Kardashian and  Toddlers in Tiaras seem to bombard our screens, it is nice to see a show that is an accurate reflection of reality on a reality TV show.

What do you think about Push Girls?  Would you watch this show?

The Truth About the History of Gynecology

I've seen this posted on several people's Facebook pages and I thought this is a message that needs to spread to as many people who will listen.

When I saw it, I wondered about it's accuracy and I did a little research on J Marion Sims.  Every medical reference/journal etc... I found confirmed the 'controversy' (as they call it) regarding his use of slave womyn to conduct experiments. 

It's incredible to think that a lot of what we know about the female body was due to the butchering of seven slave womyn.  The next time you see your ob-gyn be sure to thank the seven nameless womyn who were sacrificed in the name of science!

The text below are not my words, but the text that captioned the picture I saw on Facebook. 

Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comment section below. 

blessings

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"J. Marion Sims is called “the Father of Gynecology” due to his experiments on enslaved women in Alabama who were often submitted as guinea pigs by their plantation owners who could not use them for sexual pleasure.

He kept seven women as subjects for four years, but left a trail of death and permanently traumatized black women.

Anarcha was one of the women Sims experimented upon. A detailed history of this monster is in Harriet Washington’s book, Medical Apartheid.

Sims believed that Africans were numb to pain and operated on the women without anaesthesia or antiseptic. The procedures usually happened this way.

Black female slaves who were guinea pigs would hold one subject down as Sims performed hysterectomies, tubal ligation, and other procedures to examine various female disorders."