"Selfie-Love": Are We Addicted To Social Media?

By: April D. Byrd

"looks like the first lady just wasn't having it!"

So, Roberto Schmidt the photographer that took the selfie that blew up on the internet says "Pictures can lie"... "the first lady's stern look was captured by chance". I say it looks like the first lady just wasn't having it! Did she really make the President change seats? and Exactly how inappropriate are selfies at a funeral? In his AFP blog post, Schmidt also said that All around him were South Africans dancing, singing and laughing to honour their departed leader. "It was more like a carnival atmosphere, not at all morbid." and it was totally relaxed. 

Social Media has seriously magnified the popularity of selfies. Now we'll probably never be able to tell whether it's vanity or really some in depth form of art? We can learn a lot about ourselves through a self-portrait. Mashable even made a list and rated The 16 Best Selfies of 2013. Social media has definitely made us "selfie" obsessed! Where is the dividing line between Arrogance and Confidence? Surprisingly the most arrogant  Self-confident rapper Kanye West recently made an anti-selfie move. At his concert "Yeezy" wore a mask that covered his entire face. To his credit when a fan shouted for him to take it off. Kanye screamed "I'm Kanye motherf**king West." then had the woman escorted out of the concert.

 we hope the fan got a full refund!

The impact of fame or recognition can make people a bit crazy sometimes. Social Media has done just that. Instagram is continuously upgrading with videos and now direct messages. Facebook is expecting a new upgrade as well. How bad is Social media really making us? The Diagnostic and Statistical  Manual of Mental Disorders has now actually included Internet Addiction Disorder and listed it for further study. Psychologists fear that Internet and mobile technology contributes to "compulsive personality traits" and is related to ADHD and OCD. Newsweek printed that a third of smartphone users go online before getting out of bed. 

I can personally admit that I'm a social media fanatic. My obsession even led to an internship. It's easy to get lost in social media world because those instant "likes" can make us feel like we're actually getting something done. However, It can be an effective tool, if we use it right. So I monitor relentlessly and hash-tag my heart out, all the while getting distracted by some other post in the process. Despite all the reports and statistics, Social Media is not all bad, it does give exposure. Without it I never would've started a magazine or met my she-ro Trey Anthony. In the instance that we do have something meaningful or interesting to say, it serves as a great platform. So by all means, Let the digital fun and discourse continue. 

What do you think of the Kanye and the President's behavior?  Do you consider yourself addicted to "selfies" and  Social Media?...how many hours a day are you on for business or personal reasons?
Share  and comment below.

April D. Byrd is a Writer, Founder of BOLD Journal online magazine and resident Social Media Blogger for Trey Anthony Studios. Send your feedback via social, you can catch her on Facebook and on Twitter/Instagram: @aprilinspired.

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Reverse the Negative Words That You Tell Yourself

What is the story that you tell yourself when you get alone with yourself? What are the words that you use to label who you are? I was watching the episodes of Oprah's Lifeclass dedicated to "Daddyless Daughters" and there was a part of it that Iyanla described as the "UNs" that we tell our self  that struck me. I realized that this is true especially for daddyless daughters but can also be applied to other womyn who may be filled with guilt and shame for any other difficult and life changing issue that she has been through.

We often have as Iyanla said, "a treasure chest of Uns" that we tell ourselves. The ones that she listed are: Unwanted, Unloved, Unloveable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, and Unworthy. Now raise your hand, how many of you have caught yourself saying one of these words about you, if not all of them. I sure as hell have! I have allowed these words to creep into my spirit and find situations in my life that would affirm and reinforce what I told myself - that I really was unattractive, or "yup, I knew I was unloveable".

I think the most important thing that needs to be mastered to live a successful life (emotionally, spiritually, physically, career, etc) is that you really have to police the stories that you tell yourself and the words that you use to define you. If the words you use are negative, then its guarenteed that negativity will find a way to creep into your life. You've created and prophesized that for yourself.

So, this week I want us all to examine the words that we use to describe who we are and what we deserve. Be brutally honest and real about what you say. Write them down and describe how they show up in your life. For example, "I tell myself that I am unloved, so therefore I hide from and reject anyone who tries to show me love. I stay guarded and don't open myself to allowing people to really get to know me." Once, you write these stories and behaviours down, it's time to do the work to reverse it. I'm a big believer in affirmations. Create a statement that tells yourself something different about who you are and keep repeating it until you believe it and live your life that way.

I wrote about learning how to be a black girl in love wither herself a few months ago. And part of falling in love with yourself, is being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Not just how you look physically, but can you look yourself in the eyes and really like and appreciate the womyn that you see staring back at you? 

I wrote:

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other womyn's bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you. 

Change the message that repeats in you head. It's not something that you will get over in a day, it will take continuous and daily work. You will want to go back to telling yourself these stories, but press pause on it, acknowledge how you feel but then tell yourself a new story. Keep doing it until you start to feel better.

Watch the video of the "UNs" that Iyanla descibes that we often tell ourselves, here: 

 

Happy Monday!

My Six Month Intervention or Reinvention!!!

 

Learn something new!

For the next six months I'm going to push myself to try and learn something new. It started last week when I enrolled in an eight week on line business school training course.  This has been difficult for me because I'm quite technology challenged! I don't have an I-phone, Ipod, or a blackberry because I don't know how to use one!!! But I realize it's time that I take myself and my business to another level. I need to get with the times, get with the the program! I love being in business school and I'm learning a lot and I'm meeting some amazing people!!! 

No relationships/dating or even flirting! 

The other thing I'm doing for six month is learning how to be with myself, by myself. I'm a serial dater!! So I'm choosing to learn who I would be if I wasn't in a relationship/partnership?  Trying to learn about me..... this has been really challenging because I am one of those people who just loves the idea of lovership/partnership! Yet, I'm learning a lot about myself and realizing that alone does not necessarily mean lonely.

I'm also a flirt so trying not to flirt has been hard because I flirt without even knowing I'm flirting!  But I'm turning over a new leaf! And please don't flirt with me to try and break my sabbatical! lol.  Some of my friends have placed bets that I won't make it through six months but I'm going to try!!! 

Eating well and taking care of my body.

I'm taking the next six months to be mindful of how I treat my body and what I eat. I'm carefully monitoring, how do I physically take care of myself? I tend to overeat when I'm stressed. I also tend to stop exercising when I'm stressed. So over eating and no exercising is a bad combination. I then gain weight at a rapid pace!!!!

And yeah, yeah, I know someone is going to write to me about accepting my body the way it is! Well, to be brutally honest, I haven't gotten there yet! 

So for the next six months I'm challenging myself to be really conscious of the food that I eat, and how I handle stress. This has been the most challenging aspect of my new six month sabbatical so I have chosen to break this six month challenge into a daily challenge. Each day I promise myself that I won't use food as a comfort, and that each day I will move my body in some way and do some form of exercise.

I'm hoping to emerge from this six month reinvention/intervention a better person. I will keep you posted. I encourage you all to join me! Lets do something new for the next six months! Let me know what you are up too! And what are you doing in the next six months to be a better you!!!!