Embrace 'Da Kink: A Womyn's Inspiring Natural Hair Journey to Self-Love

Beauty is embracing EVERY aspect of who we are naturally, no matter how different we may appear - Kayla Enigma

I saw this over at Black Girl Long Hair and had to share with you all. The womyn above, Kayla Enigma, created an incredibly creative and motivational post-it note style video on Youtube detailing her hair journey back to her natural roots. What was most inspiring about her video was not that she is a beautiful womyn or that she achieved an amazing 'fro of curls, but that she documented her journey to discovering exactly who she truly is in the process.

As black womyn we have all been through the same battle, trying countless hairstyles and endlessly searching for solutions to "tame" our hair. From the scalding burn of the hot comb, we begin relaxing our hair as young womyn, to the damage and hair loss. We've been through it and back to feel beautiful, to feel accepted.

I applaud this young lady for her creativity, for confronting her insecurities and for re-defining the word pretty to be something that suites her uniquely on her own terms.

Much love to all you ladies embracing 'da kink in your hair!

Check out the video below and meet me in the comments section to let me know your thoughts.

Happy Friday!

Baby mama drama: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announce they are having a baby

Kanye West has done it again. Earlier this week the rapper, who already has a rep for speaking before he thinks, announced that he and Kim K are expecting a baby in 2013. But of course, he did it in true Kanye fashion – he interrupted his own song to ask the crowd to “make some noise for his baby mama”.

Of course the online world promptly exploded in talk about Kim and Kanye’s baby. The Kardashian family and other celebrities tweeted their congratulations and the twittersvere erupted into a conversation about what will happen if this baby hooks up with Blue Ivy in the future. Blogs and celebrity news sites picked up the story and in the span of only 2 days everyone has heard the news and it seems everyone has an opinion.  

The couple seems genuinely excited and happy so I wish them (and their child) all the best. But I want to know what you think about Kanye’s use of the term baby mama to describe Kim. The words have stuck and are being used in headlines such as “Kim Kardashian: From Divorce drama to baby mama” and “Kim Kardashian goes from Kanye’s ‘Perfect Bitch’ to his ‘Baby Mama’” ( a reference to the song that he wrote about Kim earlier this year).

And of course many people couldn’t help but notice the irony in his describing Kim as his baby mama given that he used the term in his song Gold-digger to describe a woman who uses her kids to get money from her ex. Those lyrics of course have been dug up and are being thrown back in his face now.

Usually when someone refers to their baby mama/daddy it’s someone who they are no longer involved with, where no other term seems appropriate. Kim and Kanye are in a relationship so he definitely could have reworded his announcement. But the term baby mama is a controversial one regardless of who is using it and there has been a lot of discussion about when, if ever, it is appropriate to use it.

Do you have a problem with the term or do you think it makes sense to use it? Would you refer to yourself or the other parent(s) of your child as a baby mama or baby daddy? I’d love to hear what you think so meet me in the comments section and let me know what you think about Kanye’s announcement. If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s a clip of the video:

MONDAY MOTIVATION: 2013 is Knocking at Our Doors. Are You Ready?

We're finally here folks! 2013 is just a few hours away. Everyone will soon be out celebrating - popping bottles of champagne in fancy dresses and clothes, blowing party horns and toasting to the New Year. But, when the ball has dropped and  the music begins to fade, can you say that you are really ready to take on 2013?

I had a wonderful holiday season. Although I was sick, I had the chance to relax, spend time with those that I care for and went on a small trip. In the time that I got to relax, I had the opportunity to really reflect on my year - all the successes, disappointments and lessons. I had a fantastic year full of so many blessings. But if you are like me, you may have also set a few goals for this year that you did not see come to pass. But that's okay. While it is awesome to accomplish everything on your to-do list for each year, I think it is more important to understand what has worked for you, what you need to let go of and what new mindset you want to create for the new year.

I realized that the best way to prepare for a journey to success is to create a few guiding principles for yourself. These principles will help you evaluate each moment and each decision that you make to see if you are headed in the correct destination.

Here are few simple principles that work for me and serve as an inner GPS for whenever I’m veering off of my path:

Let go... 
As we head into the New Year, it's important to recognize what hasn't worked for you and what you need to let go of. This can be letting go of any fears, old mindsets, past hurts, untrue beliefs about yourself or forgiving someone who hurt you. Maybe you need to let go of that double latte-whatever with extra whip cream each morning to finally shed those pounds. The point is that you have to let go of what hasn't worked in order to create a clean slate for 2013.

Be thankful
Get a gratitude journal so that you can keep track of your blessings. The more that you are thankful, the more that will continue to come to you. Make a habit of giving thanks every day.

Clean house
No, literally…clean your house! Clutter in the physical is an indication of the clutter in your mind. Take a day to organize your life so that you have the room for newness – new thought, new creativity, new opportunity, etc.

Don't talk about it be about it
There are going to be a lot of people proclaiming that “2013 is my year!” but come February when the excitement of resolutions wears off, we will see what separates the talkers from the doers. Create a vision for what you want and go for it! Start talking once you know for sure that you’ve put in the work and start to see results.

Keep your circle tight
I wrote about this in a previous post here, but it is so important to surround yourself with a group of people who celebrate you, support you and lift you up to be better. You need people who believe in your vision and who are currently pursuing their own visions. If you feel negative, stuck and limited look around at the people you spend the most time with. Guaranteed they have similar negative attitudes. Find a new circle.

Use these principles and add your own to them. I project big things in 2013 for you all!

I also want thank all of you for sharing this journey with me by reading my thoughts and perspectives, for commenting on the blog and through social media, for coming out to the workshop or sending me emails. Keep connecting with me! I truly appreciate it all and can't wait to share more with you in the New Year!

I have a really exciting year ahead of me including bringing 'Da Kink in My Hair to Atlanta this October (please check out the new website!) and at the top of the year in February I will be holding my second Millionaire Artist workshop (email safiab@treyanthonystudios.com for more info). Please stay tuned for announcements and details J

See NO limits to your potential this year!

Have a safe and blessed New Year’s night!!

Blessings,

trey xo

 



Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: Natural hair inspired art

As someone who's had an interest in natural hair for a long time now, it's been interesting to see all of the stories that have come out this past year. More and more black womyn have been embracing their natural hair and the result has been a mishmash of stories, both good and bad.

From airport afro pat downs, to Oprah and Michelle Obama embracing their natural curls to meteorologist Ronda Lee getting fired for defending her hair, there have been so much talk about natural hair in 2012! But one thing that has been missing (this year and always) is a simple appreciation of the beauty and versatility of our hair. The conversation always seems to get really politicized...how we choose to wear our hair is seen as a reflection of our beliefs and politics rather than just a personal choice that is ours and ours alone.

Well, one artist has decided to simply celebrate the beauty of black hair, and has released a series of photo prints that do just that. As we head into 2013 we can only hope that the day will come where we are free to be ourselves without having to worry about the implications of our hair style choice on our career, our travels or any other part of our life. Until then, check out Andrea Pippins work and keep rocking that do, whatever style it may be!

The Conflict With 'Django Unchained": Slavery as a Comedy?

By now, I'm sure you have heard all the press and talk surrounding Quentin Tarantino's latest film Django Unchained. The film, in typical Tarantino fashion is quite unconventional in that it tells the story of a slave-turned-bounty hunter who sets out to rescue his wife from a brutal Mississippi plantation owner. 

There have been plenty of rave reviews so far including one from Oprah who called the film, “laugh out loud funny” and “cathartic”. Are we talking about the same movie? Folks, clearly this is not your typical Roots or Alex Haley's Queen film that shows the same image of slaves that we've seen for many years.

The reviews pouring in so far and pre-screenings have had quite a few people up in arms about the lightness in which the film is portrayed. Spike Lee spoke out this past weekend, stating that he refuses to see it. He later posted to his Twitter account that, "American Slavery Was Not A Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western. It Was A Holocaust. My Ancestors Are Slaves. Stolen From Africa. I Will Honor Them."

To find humour in a subject that runs so deep that we still see the effects of it to this day, does not sit well with a lot of people. One of the darkest moments in history is now a story that is projected onscreen for all people of all races to see and to potentially find humour in?

It is a difficult issue to draw the line on because as a comedian I understand the importance of humour. Especially with serious topics, comedy often serves as the medicine in a candy as it creates the ability to get a message across and reach people in a way that resonates with them. Humour often creates openness and dialogue. But, can you sugar coat a film about slavery?

We haven't seen a story told about slavery in a very long time as it is a topic that has increasingly become one that is swept under the rug for people to deny its current day impact. Perhaps, this film can serve as an entertaining way to appeal to the masses and re-start the conversation on our history.

I'm still deciding on if I will go and check it out. Will you be hitting up the theatres this week to see Django Unchained? Who saw it yesterday? Let me know your thoughts and reviews!

Motivation Monday: The secret to long hair (and any other success)

All of us black womyn have struggled with this problem at one time or another. We want to let our hair be natural and just do its own thing. But sometimes we also just really, really want long hair! Whether you rock a fro, locks, braids, twist outs or straight hair we all have those days when we look in the mirror and just wonder when this hair is ever going to GROW!!!

Well, finally a group of natural hair bloggers have gotten together to reveal the secret to long natural hair. But this is something that can be applied in other situations as well - you have to watch the video to get it so check it out below!

Gender Roles: Would You Let Your Son Play With An Easy bake Oven?

I was at a baby shower a while ago and the room was festively decorated  with balloons and streamers in blues, yellows and a hint of pink. I was just taking in the decorations when a womyn appeared behind me and shrieked, “Pink?! She’s having a BOY!!” I did not give her the reaction that she wanted because I gave her some version of my who cares face. So, she turned around to another group of womyn and shrieked again. This time they fell for the bait and suddenly they were in a panic to get rid of the hint of pink décor.

I can not begin to describe how ridiculous I think it is to pre-determine gender roles for our children. Instead of enjoying the time and the lovely atmosphere of the shower, these womyn were caught up on décor and the idea that pink should be a repellent for boys.

This is why it is interesting to hear the announcement this week from toy manufacturer HASBRO, that they would be introducing a gender neutral version to their Easy Bake Oven. They will now offer it in a variety of colours such as black, silver and blue in addition to their traditional colored ovens. I’m happy that the company is making an attempt to appeal to boys as well since many little boys want to be chefs too. But, it remains disappointing that parents are still too caught on gender roles to cross the colour line.

I think we should focus on nurturing our children’s desires and interests and promote the mini chef in our sons or the architect in our daughters.

Parents ,this Christmas as you are picking out last minute gifts for your children and there happens to only be a pink/ purple Easy Bake oven left on the shelf, buy it. Most children don’t care about colour, we do. Then we teach them to care.

What are your thoughts, do you think that children's toys should come in gender neutral colours?

Happy Holidays All!!

Return of 'da Kink: US debut to begin in Atlanta

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams--Oprah Winfrey.

I come from a tribe of womyn who have often packed up their bags to cross oceans, and borders to seek something better. Choosing to leave all that is familiar  in order to just answer something deep within themselves. My grandmother left Jamaica and spent nearly eighteen days on a ship to go to England to look for something better. My mother left England, and then Canada, to look for something better.... 

And from each of these womyn I have learnt the lesson that it is ok to leave everything familiar in order to look for something better, if your spirit requires it and if your spirit tell you to do it....

About a year ago, Spirit told me to leave Toronto and go to Atlanta. I struggled with this decision and played it over and over in my head. I prayed on it. Talked about it, and the answer remained the same. Spirit told me to leave.  And that I must leave now!  So I listened. I was scared and I'm still scared, yet I decided to not let fear paralyze me.  

One of my biggest and brightest dream has been to produce 'da Kink in Atlanta and to tour the play across North America! And now finally the dream is coming true! 

I chose Atlanta because after doing a lot of research on black theatre and also doing a lot of research on  theatre mogul Tyler Perry---I thought if Tyler Perry chose to produce his theatrical work in Atlanta and it turned him into one of the richest men in Hollywood, why not me!!!  I also read that Tyler Perry had produced his first major work at the 14th Street Playhouse, so I thought.... well, you know the rest!

I'm proud to announce that 'da Kink will be opening in Atlanta in October 2013 at the 14th Street Playhouse!!  To go with our announcement check out our brand new fancy website  www.dakinkinmyhair.com  courtesy of Decosta Entertainment!   A big shout out to Ben and Rena at Decosta who were instrumental in producing such a fabulous website. Very proud to be a Decosta client and very excited that we are involved in producing this amazing work in Atlanta! 

So folks spread the word, call up all your family and friends in the South to let them know! Or  better yet, my Toronto peeps get a plane ticket and come out to see it!!!  Yes hotlanta just got hotter and kinkier!!!  

We hope to be adding more dates and cities to the Atlanta tour so keep posted!

Thank you for your continued love and support! Please tweet our new website and facebook it to your friends for me. www.dakinkinmyhair.com

much love

trey xoxo

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Living in Silence - Black Women and Depression

Why do I need to see a therapist, I am not crazy?!.. No one in my family speaks to a therapist - we go to church! God will handle any of my problems...That girl is so crazy, she needs to go to a therapist so they can medicate her...Nothing is wrong, I'm FINE.

 

Black women and women of color are 60% more likely to suffer from mental health disorders. Surprising? We don’t often see this image in the media or up for discussion. Mental health has always been seen as something that’s a “white issue” or that’s what “they” suffer from, not us. We are people of strength, endurance and resilience that have collectively and individually been through too many struggles to let emotion get to us. How can something as intangible as our emotions or mental state cause feelings of depression and wanting to give up on life? But most of us live in environments where our feelings aren’t given any weight and our emotions are somehow a measure of how much faith we have. But sometimes life has the tendency to pile things on. We keep pushing it aside because we have to wake up every morning and face the world. But then pushing it aside leads to a messy pile of emotions that become unbearable to handle.

The world around us tells us that feelings of fear, anger, jealousy, and confusion are the bad emotions of weak people. But, depression is a slippery slope that we can all head down if we don’t take the time and effort to check in with ourselves. No matter how spiritual / religious you are, or how much love and support you receive from family / friends, sometimes you need to seek outside help. Ladies, therapy is not a bad word.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend an event put on by the Women’s Health in Women’s Hand’s organization. The event was to launch their Mental Health initiative – an initiative started because of the realization that it is the number one issue that women come to their organization for. Although, there is a silence in our community in speaking about mental health, the numbers they receive seeking help screams out the need for more programs like this.

The event featured an awesome lineup of speakers – author Kim Green, author and psychotherapist Farzana Doctor, and author/poet Staceyann Chin – who are all wellness advocates and very active in breaking the silence and stigma around mental health in our community.

The room was filled with such support, laughter and sharing as the panelists were very candid about their own experiences as well as members from the audience sought clarity for their own issues. It was beautiful to see a room full of women who were unashamed, open and willing to be so vulnerable.

The message of the night that was made clear that seeking help is not about being medicated, as often times doctors try to diagnose and push prescriptions. Seeking therapy is about accepting that the load you are carrying is too heavy to carry by yourself.

So, take this week to get silent, check in on your mental and emotional state. Are you really fine or have you just become too used to saying it? If praying, meditating, speaking to a pastor or friend works for you then do that. But, if all of those things still don’t seem to be enough to calm what you feel, don’t be afraid to ask for help. The strongest sisters are the ones that are the most willing to be vulnerable.

Have a happy and peaceful Monday!

Safia

P.S. To learn more about the Women’s Health in Women’s Hand initiative visit here.

 

What the world lost today - reaction to the Connecticut school shooting

Usually when I'm at a loss for words the only thing that can make me make sense of things is writing it down. This shooting today was so senseless. It left my heart aching and my pen crying...

Students being led out of their school during today's shooting in Newton, Connecticut

What the world lost today

Today the world lost children reciting their ABCs with wide eyed innocence. We lost hand made art on the fridge. We lost chalk on blackboards. We lost hugs from moms and dads.

Today we lost notes passed between BFF's wondering does he like me? Circle yes or no!  We lost tag played on the school yard. We lost first crushes, first bras, first kisses.

We lost missed curfews. We lost pimples on the tip of noses.  We lost OMG. We lost LOL, so of course we lost laughter...We lost driving licences, graduations and proms. 

We lost giggling girls on phones.  We lost lanky boys with sweaty palms at school dances. We lost first dances and stepping on toes.

We lost college applications. We lost flipping burgers.  First pay cheques. We lost numerous facebook updates and we lost many, many tweets.  We lost drinking first beers, so we missed the  hang overs too. We lost first loves and of course we lost broken hearts.. 

We lost back packing across Europe. We lost keys to first apartments.  We lost wedding invitations.  Birth announcements and baby showers.

We lost future politicians, activists, teachers, social workers, doctors, lawyers, managers, singers, writers, poets, life changers, believers, advocates---- sadly, today we lost who they might have been. 

We lost big love. We lost desperate hope. We lost our belief in all that is good. 

We lost true love when we lost our children. 

And most of all America we lost the war against guns. 

Where do we go from here?