I Am Friends With All My Exes!

I am friends with all my exes! Many people find this very strange. I also talk quite regularly to most of my exes and each one of them called me to wish me happy birthday! At my birthday party, my ex came with her new partner, who I adore, and we all had a grand old time!

I like receiving regular updates on my exes and I'm very close with most of them!  Some of my exes have even flown or driven 15 hours to come  to visit me in my new home and we have  shared delightful conversations, giggling like school girls way into the night!  All of  my ex partners I truly adore them and I think they are wonderful, amazing, brilliant people!  I'm so glad that I have chosen wisely.

So, it's hard for me to comprehend loving someone so deeply and intimately and then pretending as if they never existed!!  Many years ago I had an extremely bad break up, and because there was so much hurt between us we decided to not speak. This was one of the most difficult and challenging times of my life. It kept me up at night. I went to therapy about it, and could not rid myself of the anger and hurt! I was filled with rage and took no responsibility for the role that I played in the demise of our relationship. I cried about it often. Told everyone that I could, the list of offences against my ex! 

 

Yet even though I was angry,  I just couldn't understand how someone I loved so deeply could act as if we never were... I was so sad that we were not able to come together to talk it out or even be in the same room without some sort of "drama" unfolding! 

Thankfully, time does heal all wounds and five years after our break up,  I swallowed my pride and realized that I didn't need to be "right" I just wanted to be at peace.  So I swallowed my pride and I sent a "peace" email and we agreed to meet. At that meeting we both shed tears of joy and hurt.  We were able to talk and work things out. We both realized we needed to be in each other lives.  There was so much more we needed to learn from each other,  and much more growing that we needed to do as well. There was too much love there for us to just walk away~too much herstory. 

As I get older and I become more committed to my spiritual path,  I have little time for bitterness, anger, or hurt. I'm a person who loves passionately and loves deeply. I'm loyal. And if I tell you I love you, I will love you for life!  You become my family. I pray often for all my exes, wishing them joy, love and laughter all the things I wish for myself.

 

I also realize that everyone that comes into your life is a reflection of you... You chose them, they are mirrors of who you are,  and you attracted them.  So for me, every one of my partners have been beautiful learning lessons. I have loved them all differently.  Learnt different things. And they have truly shaped the womyn I am, and slowly evolving to be. I loved them and I still love them all in my own special way.  I want each one of them to be happy and live inspired lives! And I truly thank each and everyone of them for loving me fiercely.  

 

So my lesson to to everyone today is, I truly encourage you, to let go of anger, hurt and blame. If there is an ex in your life whom you feel anger towards or cannot speak to them, let them go....let them go with love.  Daily bless them and pray for them. Don't hold on to anger it's not good.  Write them a letter, send it, or maybe don't send it. Maybe send them a peace email, reach out in a loving way or silently release them in your heart.  But you must let go of the anger, remember that you use to love them.... and love is a gift~always choose to unwrap it.....

 

"Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be whole." - Buddhist quote. namaste

MONDAY MOTIVATION: Dear Gabby Douglas, Waiting for Your Father's Apology Will Not Heal Your Hurt

Guest Blog By: Safia Bartholomew

Gabby Douglas won the hearts and respect of the world this past summer when she made history as an Olympic gold medalist for the American gymnastics team. But, an unfortunate story that was also discussed throughout this time (besides the ridiculous criticism of her hair) was of her absentee father. This is of course a story that many little girls and women around the world can relate to. 

She recently revealed to People magazine that although her father wasn't present in her life, he did attend the Olymipc games to cheer her on. But, it was a text message from him after the games requesting for her to "autograph some things for me" that broke her heart. She reveals that she now wants an apology from him. I sincerely hope that her father does apologize for the hurt that he caused her. But, the unfortunate case is that in most cases she won't get it. There are plenty of grown women today that are still waiting on apologies from their daddies. There are so many more people in general that are anticipating the day that the person who did them wrong will finally apologize and accept responsibility. They too are still waiting.

See the thing is,  I think we have all been set up since our kindergarten days to believe that once someone hurts us they will automatically apologize. Remember when Johnny kicked you in the playground and your teacher would come running over demanding that Johnny apologize. He would say sorry begrudgingly but his apology would give you instant satisfaction and you could carry on about your day. As we grow up, we come to realize that life without a moderator to demand apologies for us means that the apologies come far and few between. So what do we do now? How can we move on when the person we care about/ once cared about is still out there seemingly not acknowledging the pain they caused.

One of the hardest things to do is to let go and forgive the people that hurt you the most. You replay their wrongdoings over and over in your head like a clip out of a bad movie. These people have claimed space in your heart and mind, holding you hostage from truly being free and as happy as you deserve to be. I've had friends in my life that I've allowed to take up space in my mind, as I sit waiting for them to make it right. But, Oprah said something awhile back that really stood out to me and I try to remember everytime those terrible movie clips decide to hit replay again. She described the story of an ex-friend who she harbored much hurt and anger towards for many years. Basically, one day she was out shopping and she saw that very person laughing outside of a Tiffany store having a good time. She was in shock and could not believe how happy that person was. I love this story! Doesn't that illustrate exactly how it feels to be so affected by someone who has clearly moved on and is living and enjoying their life meanwhile you are stuck in rewind?

This isn't to say that Gabby just needs to simply move on. But, she does need to forgive her father and accept that he is going to be the way he is until he decides to change. Who knows when he will finally wake up and decide to be a father. In the meantime, she needs to find peace with it and enjoy this incredible journey that she is on whole-heartedly.

As some motivation for this week, if you are dealing with the wrongdoings of others still haunting you let the following words from Maya Angelou soak in as you set yourself up to clear some emotional space for 2013.

In the sweet shadow of Thanksgiving I am giving forgiveness to everyone I thought ill treated me. I want to enter the Christmas month with a clean slate. I want to think that everyone I know can enter the last month of this year free of any ill will between us. Let us all go into December 2012 free, giving and expecting the good thing.

 I'm ready to start December off with a clean slate.Who's up to join me? Let me know your thoughts on the Gabby Douglas situation. Also, what are you going to do to start this last month of the year to let go of any resentments towards others. Meet me in the comment section to discuss.

 HAPPY MONDAY!!

Rihanna and Chris Brown marriage rumours draw judgement and anger

Rihanna announced her new album name today and it’s got the twitterverse and other media buzzing! Her album is called “Unapologetic” and many have interpreted this to be related to rumours that she and Chris Brown are getting back together.

There has been a lot of talk in the media lately about Brown’s recent breakup, Rihanna’s interview on Oprah where she admitted to still being in love with him, and the fact that they’ve been seen together a lot lately.

Well today, even though neither of them have actually stated that they are back together, people have taken to the internet to criticize and mock the couple. Many of the comments are aimed at Rihanna.

Donald Trump (who is known for controversial tweets) tweeted the following: If @rihanna is dating @chrisbrown then she has a death wish. A beater is always a beater – just watch!

VH1 tweeted: Rihanna’s dad and Oprah are cool with Chris Brown dating Rihanna. Are you?

And most disturbing of all, this is trending on twitter right now: Damn I just hit that flight of stairs harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Am I the only who finds it shocking that people feel they have the right to judge and mock this young couple? These are not their families or close friends. In fact, their family and friends seem to be supportive of them. Why is it is so easy for people to judge Rihanna and Brown, when we all have issues that we need to resolve in our own lives and we know very little about their lives?

And what exactly are people judging Rihanna for? What has she done that has people so angry? She is a young (only 24 years-old) womyn who is navigating her love life under the microscope that is celebrity culture today. OF COURSE I am not condoning violence against womyn. But I do believe in forgiveness. Brown admitted to what he did, apologized repeatedly and served his sentence (including community service and domestic violence classes). If Rihanna can forgive him is it really anyone else’s business?

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. As Oprah said “I think that if she is prepared to deal with that and is prepared to help him help himself then so be it. I have no judgement about it.” What do you think?

PS. Don't forget there is just over a week until The Artist Millionaire Workshop. If you haven’t registered yet please click here to sign up. Tickets are on sale for only $47.