Change, growth and life lessons

The last few months there have been many changes in my life.  Many shifts, turns and major transitions.  All this has allowed me to really take a look at how I deal with change. And I have been pleasantly surprised. The things which I held on to for dear life and resisted the most to change have given me the biggest learning lessons in my life. I also have seen that the things which I did not want to let go of have been replaced by wonderful amazing experiences and new things. And, I have learnt a valuable lesson: sometimes God/Universe has bigger and better plans for you than you can even imagine – so trust that. 

I have also learnt that what you think you are worthy of will show up in your life and you will attract that to where you are. Since I've been clearer on my worth and value to others, to society, and also to myself I have attracted people, things, and experiences that I could never have imagined and I'm thankful for all the new and wonderful delights that seem to have just shown up on my doorstep! Yet, I wonder if they have really just "shown up" or  were they always there? Perhaps, in the midst of the confusion, unhappiness, unworthiness, I just could not see them or value them?

I'm at a different place now. I'm truly enjoying the womyn I'm becoming and I'm really enjoying seeing other womyn in my inner circle  also grow in leaps and bounds. I encourage you to embrace change and you will be surprised at all the wonderful opportunities that change will bring!!!

I would like to take the time to publicly acknowledge the wonderful Zakiya Toby who has been part of my social media team and who was instrumental in developing new ideas and postings for my blog! I felt very comfortable leaving my "blog baby" in her hands to co-parent.  Zakiya, is now leaving to pursue her own interests and start her own company. I'm proud to have worked with her and to have also mentored her. When Zakiya first informed me that she was leaving I felt a twinge of sadness but I also realized that I should feel proud that she is a womyn who could recognize when it is time for her to "leave" and try new things. How many of us have sat in situations and stayed in things that we have outgrown or that no longer serve our own purpose?  I'm glad that she recognizes she needs to leave the "trey nest" and spread her wings to fly. And so my wish for Zakiya is not only that she  fly but  that she soars to heights beyond our wildest dreams!!! She has been an amazing addition to my team and to my life and I will truly miss her.  Please check out some of the incredible things she is doing with her new company, SociallyYours.

I also want to welcome to our team, Eden Hagos and Safia Bartholomew, who will be joining our social media team! I'm excited to be working with these dynamic womyn, and I'm sure you will notice some really positive changes to the blog. They will also be guest blogging, so please welcome them and let them know what you think of upcoming blogs by posting comments and any feedback!

I also want to thank all of you for supporting my blog. I'm so surprised to see that we now have followers in  Germany, Australia, Italy, Poland, Indonesia, Turkey, India, Panama, Vietnam, Romania, the Netherlands and the Philippines! I have no idea how you found out about my blog!!!!  Please let me know, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment or send me an email at trey@treyanthonystudios.com.

I thank you for being a part of my international community and family! And thank you for spreading the word and telling others about the blog. I thank you for all your feedback. Much love!

t

Mission: Be a better dog mom

Published On Wenesday August, 04 2010


Trey Anthony
Special to the Star
If I thought there was a chance that my dog might read this, I would never ever write this.

I've never been a dog person. I'm even surprised that I have a dog! Yet, in one of those stupid lovey dovey moments with my partner, I decided to accept a cream colour bundle of fluff that we affectionately called Samara. We promised that the dog would bind us to each other for eternal life and we would never ever break up!

Six months later I was partnerless and two chocolate brown eyes stared up at me, questioning if I had a clue what I had just signed up for. And that's how dog life started with Samara and me.

I worry about Samara and all of my inner conflicts play out with her and are magnified. I worry that she might get fat, and what her fatness would say about me as an owner. When the other dogs don't play with her in the dog park, I think she may lack social skills or maybe she has really bad doggy breath.

I constantly compare myself to other doggie mommies. One encounter with a friend who's one of those “crazy dog people” left me feeling that sooner or later someone was going to turn me in for being a lousy dog mom. My friend who has two dogs revealed to me that she cooked all of her dog's meals, organic meats and brown rice. Lovely. She also baked them their own treats!

I was grateful that Samara would never know anything about the dog life she really should be leading.

Had I let Samara down by giving her plain old chicken-and-rice dry food?

And treats? When I remembered to buy them, they were usually on sale or if she was lucky enough, a piece of my peanut butter sandwich. Who has time to bake treats? Some people really don't have a life. I tried to conceal my bitterness at my friend's obvious doggy hierarchy and smiled weakly.

However, she decided to kick me while I was down, revealing that she took her dogs out for 45 minutes three times a day. Separately, so they could have one on one time with her. My guilt played out as I recalled Samara's hurried walks packed between my need to write, attend meetings, go out to theatre, check Facebook, pick up groceries or watch Oprah.

I wanted Samara to be able to brag about me some day to her friends in the doggy park. A change was on the horizon.

My mission was to be a better dog mommy, a decision that changed Samara's life and my own. First, better dog food. As I became more conscious of the food that I was giving Samara I also became more aware of the junk that I was putting into my own body. I started reading labels more. I bought more fruits and vegetables, and started eating more salads

I scheduled a veterinary appointment for Samara. I then promptly booked a physical for myself. I figured I didn't want to kick the bucket before Samara.

I scheduled longer walks and cut out Oprah. These walks gave me time to think and be in the moment. I started to appreciate the morning air, birds flying, butterflies singing... you get my point.

On one of our walks I discovered a small deserted park with a set of swings. I haven't been on a swing in about 25 years so I jumped on. It was so liberating. Samara looked at me like I had just lost my mind and started barking and nipping my ankles.

I also threw in some patience. I vowed I would give Samara the time to stop and sniff nearly every blade of grass that she came across. I would not pull on her leash or tap my foot impatiently. I then applied the act of patience in my own life as I tried to be more patient with others and myself.

I also decided to love her more, really love her, like I wanted to be loved. With patience, kindness and appreciation. No more “Miss Critical.” This big love spilled over to myself. As I spoke lovingly to Samara and appreciated her efforts to be a good dog, I used that same voice to validate my attempts to being a good human.

I also learned to cuddle with her. I learned that I liked having her close by, I liked having her count on me, and I learned that I loved having her around because she is always happy to see me.

Most of all I love having someone who thinks I'm the best even if I still give them discounted treats.

my return to blogging!

My fellow blog followers I apologize for my absence.... will explain in my blog. Thanks so much for your love and concern. I promise now to blog every week!

blessings

t

Superwomyn took off her cape and fell out of the sky.

I am back in therapy again. As a black womyn this is something I feel I need to share yet something I feel I should not. There has been great shame in the community about asking for help, seeking help, acknowledging that one needs help. Just recently I felt I was running on empty, feeling stressed to the max. When I finally found the courage to ask a close family member for help she responded by accusing me of always complaining and being selfish. Wow! So, you can see why I have a fear of asking for help. Asking for help is not something I do lightly. I have been deeply, personally invested in portraying an image of the womyn who has it all together, has all the answers, the superwomyn, the go to girl, the girl who seems to have it all....

Yet, in my lonely hours when i was by myself and had to look at myself in the mirror, I found it harder to look myself in the eye. The things and people that were supposed to be making me happy didn't anymore. The friends that I used to love to be around now felt as if I had outgrown them, or did they outgrow me? My family now got on my nerves even more than before and even my guilty pleasures of my favourite comfort foods didn't quite hit the spot. And the womyn, " Ms "trey anthony" " whom I had so skillfully constructed, had become someone I didn't like very much either. I knew then it was time to go back to therapy. Its been a four year absence from therapy. But I'm happy to be back!!

I am reinventing myself again. Apparently this reinvention is beyond my control. My deep spiritual friends have shared with me that based on my birthdate, numerology states that apparently I am in a year 5. A year 5 predicts that one goes through major changes in their life. One usually moves , ends a relationship, changes careers, meets new friends and gets rid of old ones. A year 5 is full of many changes. I have no doubt that I am in a year 5!

So back to therapy? In therapy, I'm learning a lot about this new "trey", the new me who I would like to be… and of course this means truly examining the old trey. I realize i suffer from a complex that i will call, " The no one will love me or show up, if I ask for help or really ask for what I truly want." I'm sure some of you suffer from it too :) A simple request as asking my friends to help me move reduced me to a crying bowl of jello in my therapist's office and had her calmly question why I felt I couldn't ask my friends to help me. I explained to her that i have a fear of people not showing up for me. A fear that my friends won't support me. A fear that if i ask for help it is a sign of weakness. A fear that if I ask….No one will come!

My therapist encouraged me to ask and to carefully note my friend's responses and take stock of what it meant to me. Take stock of what I was feeling. So I took a breath and with baited breath wrote an email asking for help. I gave my "friends" four options on dates and times that they could come and help me. I sent it out to five friends. One immediately responded and congratulated me on asking for help and acknowledged that she knew this must have been hard for me. And she promised to "help" me with my move. I was very happy that she acknowledged this but was very disappointed when the actual moving days came and she never showed up! Two of my other friends wrote back with dates that they were available and showed up for the move. Another one proclaimed she was busy on all four dates! And the last one I haven't heard from..... Yet there were some people in my life who I didn't even think about asking for help who upon hearing about my move, came by and offered their services and chastised me for not asking them for help! This really made me feel love thank you. And my wonderful little sis I owe you big time!

So overall my request for help was bittersweet. It showed me that I have people that I can truly count on, and some that I can't. In that I also felt it was necessary for me to look at my own actions. Do I have "friends" in my life who are really acquaintances? Also, what sort of friend am I? Would I be the friend who others would think to call if they needed help? And to be honest, I couldn't really be sure. To some of my friends I know I'm a really great friend and to some not so much but I'm really working on being a better friend.

Yet I also realized that there was a need for me to do some spring cleaning. My "move" was a physical and emotional one. I needed to move around things and people in my life that no longer were serving me or me serving them. I was holding on to some "friends" as I would a pair of favourite jeans that used to fit me in high school but I knew now as a grown womyn I had no business trying to squeeze myself into!

And it was much more than just getting rid of my friends because they didn't help me move, it was about really taking a stock of what I now want. What types of friends do I want to be around? Who do I want to count on? Who do I want to count on me? What fits new trey. And it doesn't mean that my old friends were bad or mean people, not at all. I just want something different. I now have a New Priority list and some people made it on and some people didn't. Some things got shuffled around and some things got crossed off. It's my list , I would suggest you create your own.

Before it was a priority for me to have hundreds of people around me and calling each one of them my "friend." Before it was important for me to have a centre and a huge downtown space. Before it was important for me to gain the approval of my family, friends, partner, people on the bus, strangers, the taxi driver. Before I loved crowds and being the centre of attention. Before my health wasn't important. Before I wanted to be so "busy" that it stopped me from feeling, thinking, and dealing with my emotions.

Now I am busy slowing down. Taking stock. Going to therapy so I can remember what it feels like to feel again. Now I'm reading more. Trying to eat healthy. Going to the doctor regularly. Calling my closest five friends regularly. Visiting my friend's new baby. Going to a play with my BFF. Driving to Niagara on the lake. Eating breakfast in bed. Listening to my grandmother tell stories. Feeling so much that I cry regularly for no reason. Crying? Me? Yes, everyday! I like to think that my tears represent a new birth, new life, water, tears, water, tears. And somewhere from deep in the water a new me will emerge.....

The black Rapist next door!

So it's Monday evening 6pm, it's dark outside. I'm alone on a quiet dim lit street in a middle class neighbourhood. I'm walking my dog. I'm black. Female. Five feet two. I'm about ten feet away from my friend's home who I'm house sitting for and I notice footsteps behind me. They are getting closer. Rushing footsteps. I turn around. I notice a young black guy about six three, with a hoody on. Head down. Maybe he's trying to shield himself from the cold or maybe..... something more. Something more sinister. My heart begins to beat faster. Maybe he's trying to hide his face i wonder? My heart races. I quicken my step. He quicken his. step. I'm getting nervous no one is around. I'm now about five feet away from "home."

There's a young black guy with a hoody on, his face down. Steps behind me. I race to my door, keys out. I try to remember everything that i have learnt in self-defense class. Oh but it was so many years ago! Yet, I'm prepared to scream, kick, yell. I will gouge his eyes out with my keys. I will kick him in the nuts! He won't take me down without a fight. I'm ready! I race to the door. Running. Hands shaking. He starts running as well! I open the door slam it shut. I'm safe! I think~Yet he runs towards the house, I think he's going to try and smash through the door, yet he abruptly runs down the adjoining alleyway between my "home" and the neighbors. I know what he's going to do! He's going to smash the side window and break into the house. He's going to rape me! I'm in extreme panic. I don't know who to call! I grab my phone quickly my first instincts are to call my friends. No one answers. I glance out the window I don't see him, yet i know he's there. I sense him. I'm going to call 911! I need the police! As I'm about to call my phone rings, it's my friend who owns the house. She had just seen my number on her phone, is everything ok? I quickly explain. Describing my would be "attacker," should I call the police! She laughs. "Oh that's the neighbour's son he lives next door he uses the side door because he lives in the basement." My heart stops racing. My hands stop trembling. Shame overtakes me. My friend laughs. More shame. She responds. "Man you don't want to be the black girl who calls the cops on an innocent black guy!" Shame washes over me. An innocent young black guy just going home and yet he had become the "rapist."

Me, who should have known better, Miss, black feminist, social activist. The person who just produced a play called Secrets of a black boy which deals with the stereotypes of black men! I feel shame. I think of all the great black men in my life. The ones who have loved me and I have loved them fiercely back. Defending their honour viciously to anyone who wants to label them anything but good black men!

At the top of my "good black men list" is my brother whom I love dearly, probably the same age as the "rapist" next door. My brother wears a hoody when it's cold, wraps his scarf around his face. I wonder how many times women have mistaken him for a rapist when he's walking down Landsdowne, probably around midnight on the way to his night shift job. Maybe he's walking a bit faster because he's late for work or maybe he's just cold.....

I also think of the worst possibilities, what if i was a white woman who called the cops and described exactly the scenario of what happened, a black young guy, "following me", rushing down a dark alleyway, would they rush over, pin my "rapist" over the hood of a cop car, arrest him.... I don't know.

Yet as I sit with these thoughts, I also wonder, would I have reacted the same way if he was a young white man "following" me? What if he was a young white man in a business suit? Would I have felt just as threatened? Would I have felt threatened if he was a young white kid in baggy jeans and a hoody on? I want to believe that my reaction would have been the same....but I'm not so sure. I'm not certain. And this uncertainty bothers me. Doesn't sit well with me.

I can't help but think about the countless black men who sit behind bars, for being so called "suspects." How many innocent black men have been jailed. I recall the case of James Bain. A florida man who spent 35 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. James Bain, who is now 54 years-old, was convicted of kidnapping and raping a nine-year-old boy in 1974. The young boy recognised Mr Bain as his attacker, but there was no technical evidence.

Bain's alibi that he was watching television with his twin sister was dismissed. Through out the years Mr Bain always maintained that he was innocent. Recently a DNA test has proved his innocence! There are so many other cases like James Bain. How many of the wrongly convicted just happen to be black men?

And to make myself feel better I want to truly believe that I reacted from a place of fear and self-preservation as a young womyn trying to protect herself. I want to believe that race didn't factor into this at all. I want to believe that I wasn't influenced by the daily media diet, of black men's faces sprawled across newspaper headlines and t.v stations that label them "rapist", murderer, BAD ~someone to fear did not affect my reaction. I want to believe this I do! I want to believe that I know better! That I would never fear a black man! I have no need to fear black men!

Because I have a brother a black brother. A brother I love fiercely. A gentle giant. A good "kid." Six three, who sometimes wears a hoody. And sometimes covers his face when it's cold. I have a brother. A black brother......

* I welcome your feedback on this one....

Trey on Oprah!! Coming to a t.v near you!

Friends, family and fans have all called, emailed, and 'facebooked' me to ask what am I going to do now that Oprah is leaving television? I have been asked for my reaction and of course what this now means for me~because everyone knows that my dream is to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show. My response about Oprah leaving her show is, this is not about me at all..... It's about a womyn who has made a decision to do what is best for her. Made a decision to honour her spirit and her life and she has the wisdom to know when to say goodbye. Also how to say goodbye gracefully. Something I'm still working on!

Yet , I will miss Oprah, I grew up with her. Feel as if Oprah mothered me from a distance. When my mom had no choice but to work her two jobs, and Ieave us home alone, Oprah kept my company at 4pm every afternoon. She made me feel safe to be home alone.... I think she raised many latch key kids. Made many of us feel as if we had a mother waiting at home for us.....

She is a "Mother", she is a hope, and dream-maker. Made me believe that any DREAM is possible! Made me believe that I could be on T.V, gave me HOPE that the world would be ready for some one who looks like me. She was the first black womyn I ever saw on T.V. She will always be my "First Lady." I will miss her. Oprah is family. She raised a nation. Raised me....

So I hear the unanswered question rumbling around, "So trey, how are you going to be on Oprah now that she is leaving?"

My response~ soon. I know this. I see this. I believe it. I want it. I know the Universe will conspire in the next eighteen months to make this happen. I'm sure of this. I have faith. Just in the same way I knew I would meet her when she came to Toronto. It made no sense to anyone but I knew it. Had faith. And I prayed on it and when I got discouraged I called on the Lord and I said, God you brought her all this way here and you're not going to make me meet her? And then God showed me that with him anything is possible and the rest is herstory, you all know what happened!

Out of hundreds of people watching a movie, the Spirit moved me to leave that theatre, Spirit made me take my time to pull down my girdle and spanx :) and Spirit made me bump into Oprah Winfrey in a washroom and hand her my DVD! Because when Spirit is on your side and it is suppose to happen it will happen! I'm a true believer that Spirit works through me. It works through all of us, if we have faith and just take the time to really Listen. And there is no rhyme or reason to Spirit's work. Just have faith....

So, I have faith that in the next eighteen months I will be sitting on the stage of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Crazy, maybe? But years ago if someone said, a little black poor girl, named Oprah Winfrey, would become one of the most influential womyn in the world we would all think that was crazy~ Oprah made crazy seem possible!

if you havent heard the news, watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq56TcZNBC8

horse shoe up my ass?

Being here in L.a has brought up many interesting conversations between my friends, family and acquaintances. My decision to move to L.a to write for two months or maybe even longer has been met with many verbal expressions of "Wow, you're so lucky, that you can do that" or a sarcastic, " It must be nice!" or my favourite one is "Good stuff always happens to you!"

And I've had to really sit down and think about these statements because I realize that most people function from a place of good things only happen to "certain people" or only "lucky people" have good lives. And I've been thinking lately am I really more "lucky" than most~ My best friend always jokes that, I have a horse shoe up my ass!

And in some moments I have experienced a tremendous sense of guilt around my so called "luck"~ especially when people express to me, "Oh what a life of luxury you lead, you're going away to write for two months while I'm slaving away here!"

Yet I realize I have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm not more "lucky" than most. What I am is a visionary, I put my life into motion to get what I want. I don't make my life control me I control my life. I don't think things "just happen".... I think you have to set things in motion for them to happen. You have a choice in what happens to your life! A choice!

And I know many of you will argue this point with me and that's fine-bring it on!! Because if you truly believed you had a choice in what happens in your life it would force you to really start to make some changes! So of course it's much easier for you to sit and dwell on the "lucky folks." * yes i know that statement is going to hit a nerve! I'm just keeping IT REAL!

Because I believe most of us function from a place of REACTING to life's circumstances instead of being PROACTIVE in our own lives. We wait for our lives to start, wait for "lady luck" to walk by so we can grab her, if we are "lucky" enough! And of course we always think maybe... some day I'll do that......SOME DAY?? No today is the day!

I've made a promise to myself and it's my daily mantra, that I'm going to live the life that I want. And the life that I want, is to be able to go away for two months to write in hot weather! It's as simple as that. And no, throughout my life I didn't have anymore "lucky" breaks than anyone else.

I was born into a working class family, raised by a single mom, lived quite an "ordinary" life and nothing was ever given to me that I haven't worked hard for. And I think if you ask any of my friends and family who knew me before I became "The" trey anthony I think all of them would talk about my tremendous work ethic. How I will do the work necessary and then some to get things done or to have the things that I want! One of my favourite sayings that my grandmother always stated to me was, " To have the life that most people want, you must be willing to do the work that most people won't."

And I have done the "work" and continue to do so. Some of my jobs have included cleaning toilets, emptying garbages, cleaning people's floors on my hands and knees, running for coffee, picking up people's dry cleaning, cleaning people's homes, I've worked in a sock factory on an assembly line during the week so I could have my weekends free to do standup at comedy clubs, I did coat check at a night club till 4am in the morning and took the bus home, alone, scared and tired~ I have done backbreaking, humbling jobs to get to where I am today....... trust me when the bio pic comes out about my life you will be surprised at what "work" I have done..... And yes I also realize that many of us continue to toil at these jobs daily and I'm "lucky" that I no longer have to do these things....

Yet, I've worked very hard for everything that I have. And when my partner and I made the decision to go away for two months, we put the wheels in motion to make that happen. So we chose to work twelve-fourteen hour days, so we could "bank" the necessary money for this trip. Earlier in the year, we chose to give up an expensive mortgage on a very convenient, beautiful, downtown condo and move to a smaller, simpler home, where it took me nearly 45 mins to get into work and yes I took the TTC! The Wilson bus to be exact because it was cheaper than driving into downtown every day and paying for parking. And yes it was "embarrassing" for me to bump into fans on the TTC bus! But I put my ego aside and did what was necessary. And I had to question myself on why I felt embarrassed..... I was doing what I had to do to make a dream come true. I did all of that, so we could "save" the money for L.a. I also chose to not buy expensive designer jeans or shoes and went to Zellers to buy many an outfit for opening night events! Actually the top that I was wearing when I met Oprah cost $14.99 at Zellers, the leather jacket cost me $25 and it was second hand, or to make myself better I'll call it vintage! lol! And I wore it proudly at the Toronto Film Festival, the same festival where some of my industry peers were getting designer gowns made! And I got many a compliment on my outfit!

I did all of this because I knew where I wanted to be at the end of the year. My friends joke a lot about how "cheap" I am. And yes I am cheap because my "cheapness" affords me the life that I want to live..... And I regularly go over my personal and business budget so I can cut out things in order, to later have the things that I truly want. I don't keep up with the "Jones'" I keep up with me!

And most of all before I got to L.a I daily visioned and manifested that I would be in L.a writing outside in the hot sunshine. I chose to see the abundance and not the lack. I didn't complain that I wouldn't have the money to do it. I just focused on what I had and how could I make this possible? And I truly think that is the difference between me and a lot of people. Even in the days when I had $20 in my bank account, or while working as an intern for the Chris Rock Show in New York and only being able to "treat" myself to a $1 hot dog for lunch once a week, I always focused on the abundance not the lack. And I worked with what I had to make things happen and I always envisioned my life the way that I wanted to live it!

So a new year is coming and I hear many people around me making all these grand statements of, "Well in the new year, I'm going to do this, or that...." I think to myself, why not start now? Live your life. Live the life you want to live. Stop making excuses and thinking good things only happen to certain people and not you! Be thankful for what you have, feel blessed for every opportunity, however, create more opportunities for yourself and I would encourage you to fill your life with positive thoughts, positive books, positive people and manifest the life that you want. It is possible to have the life you want~I'm living proof of that.

something to think about

I've been in L.a now nearly a week. I love L.a! The weather, the people~ who I am in L.a. I think I'm much more hopeful when I'm in L.a. I dream bigger. Laugh louder. Love deeper. I'm kinder to myself, carefree, joyous, open. I give myself permission to have delicious lunches, long conversations, I have writing days with my friends. They come over and we spend most of the day chatting but we also write and read each others work. I love this! I've heard so many deep and personal stories. I love listening to them, learning more about my friends. I eat tacos. I sit in my p.j's outside every morning. I watch countless episodes of 20/20 on line. I talk to my mother. Indulge endless long conversations from my grandmother. I laugh at myself. Laugh at my family. Laugh at life. I think. I really think. I try to listen to my heart~ I sit outside and I write. Have way too many chai lattes. I listen to the birds, I listen.... really listen to myself. I think some more.... I read. I indulge me. I wake up every morning feeling blessed.

My Toronto friends laugh that I choose L.a for my "get a way." They think I will get caught up in the L.a industry game but I don't. I take meetings of course! I pitch, I meet and I meet and I meet..... La people love to have meetings! I've taken four meetings in the last five days!

But I now have such a clear sense of myself and my worth that I don't go into these meetings desperate for approval, desperate to be chosen. I go into these meetings aware that I am special, I have something to offer and if i am not picked or chosen I have chosen myself..... will choose to choose myself.

How times have changed... for many years I did not choose myself. Wanted others to pick me. Tell me that I was worthy, lovable and enough.... did so many desperate and unhealthy things in order to make people love me. Make them pick me please....

So I'm thankful that I'm now in L.a at this time in my life. I sometimes wonder if I had chosen to come to L.a when I was in my early twenties what would that have looked liked for me, because I would have been so desperate. Taken anything. Choose to be what this industry told me I needed to be. Now I can politely say no thank you, walk away...Know that they are not personally rejecting me but they are not ready to see the vision~the trey vision. The higher vision of myself and what I am choosing to offer the world. So everything happens in due time. My time is now and I'm thankful truly thankful for having this time.

So last week's our lesson was to listen more... how did that go for you? Let me know. I love getting your comments and feedback.

Our lesson this week~Do you love and approve of yourself? Think....do you truly like who you are, would you pick yourself? ummm.... a scary one. Let me know.

take care.

t

trey talks dirty! * mom don't read this blog!

So I know many of you come to this blog for inspiration, insight and my personal "deepness". Yada yada, yada...lol! but as i always say i'm just a regular girl trying to figure it out. And there are many sides of me, the deep side, the fun side, the dark side and now here is my naughty dirty side! I just watched this Trey Songz video and boy I had to post it! Thanks to my girl Krystle for giving me the heads up on this one! It was hot! It sure did it for me! lol! Made me want to take a shower! I'm thinking of creating a queer girl video in response! No? maybe? Got you thinking! lol but hey.... you'll get it when you see it! Mr Trey Songz, I feel proud that we shared the same name! It's a hot one not for the weak hearted. The man states that when he's finished you would think he INVENTED SEX. Enough said!

ending the day on a high note

Just a little note of inspiration for ya'll. Don't believe what they tell you!

p.s In high school a teacher once said to me, "You'll never be a writer, because you write how you speak.... maybe you should think about being a hairdresser!"

I took her advice and I wrote a play about a hairdresser called 'da Kink in my hair!

'da Kink is going to Broadway and I'm writing a Best seller!

I'm excited about my life! My life is keeping me up at night! I've been up since 4:30 am thinking about my life. I feel that there is so much that I want to do! I have narrowed my focus down to my top three goals for my life.
Goal number one is to finish writing my novel, Lakey at the Bottom of the Lake. I'm taking two months off to write. So I'm going to L.a to write every day for two months. I shiver as I write this. The possibility of writing every day scares and thrills me at the same time. Last week I listened to an interview with Jack Canfield, the best selling author of Chicken Soup for the Soul( for some reason I always want to write Chicken foot soup for the soul! It's the Jamaican in me! lol anyway i regress...) So Jack shared that when he and his partner started writing the book, he told everyone that he was writing a best seller and people laughed at him, and he got turned down by over a hundred publishers! But he said he always believed and acted like he had already written a best seller. He said he would photocopy the best selling list, white out the names at the top of the list and write in his own novel's name, photocopy it and paste it on his walls in his office. He truly believed that if you put your thoughts out into the universe they will become that. Chicken Soup for the Soul eventually sold over 112 million copies, with titles translated into more than 40 languages. It became the best selling paperback in the history of publishing! Coincidence i think not. Manifestation? Yes! So I'm letting you folks know that I'm writing a best seller and I will share excerpts of my work with you as I progress. I leave for L.a in a few weeks. I'm so excited!Goal number two is I'm going to produce 'da Kink theatrical play on Broadway. Oprah Winfrey or Will Smith is going to produce it. Bold? Yes. But it's what I want. So I wrote it. I'm putting my life into action. I truly believe this is going to happen and I will do everything in my power to ensure that it does. I'm dreaming beyond my circumstances! "If you want something go out and get it!" Pursuit of happiness..... Oprah hasn't called yet but I know she will. And when I'm in L.a I'm going to see if I can set up some meetings with Will Smith's folks. Don't know how yet...but it's going to happen. Any leads anyone? I truly believe in the power of manifestation. Ten years ago I walked by the Princess of Wales Theatre and Lion King was playing and I said to my partner at that time, "One of these days my play is going to be here!" Bear in mind I had never written anything much less a play I was a broke out of work comedian, and a fat black actress!Fast forward a few years later and my play 'da Kink in my Hair became the first Canadian play to ever be produced at the Princess of Wales Theatre! So I will tell you, boldly tell you, 'da Kink will be on Broadway!Folks will say years from now she wrote it on her blog! It has been written so it is now done!
Will Smith. There are a few people in this industry whom I really admire. One of them is Will Smith. I will work with him one day. He has accomplished so much and I'm an admirer of his work ethic, his commitment to family, his ability to transcend boundaries. And don't get me started on the movie he was in, Pursuit of Happiness. One of my favourites! He is a role model. I'm very proud of him.
And goal number 3, is to one day have my own talk show! In the last few days a total of about fifteen people have said to me, you should have a talk show. I believe the universe gives you signs and it's up to you to listen. Every time someone mentions to me that I should have my own show, my heart skips a beat because it's something that I really want. Something that I have dreamt about for years. But I'm scared.... So that being said. I'm going to do goal one and two first while I figure out what's scaring me about goal number three. So here is a video link to some of my favourite quotes from Will Smith. Thanks to my girl Kandynce for sending me this video. I love it! I hope you enjoy it. Remember if you want something, go out and GET IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70

if you don't hear you will feel! National LISTENING WEEKS Oct 15th-29th!

I think every black child knows the saying, "If you don't hear you will feel!" Our parents usually muttered this saying before quickly reaching for the belt! Basically their thoughts were if you don't listen then you will get a beating!

And now as an adult when i don't listen i still get a beating--- an emotional beating.....

This week has been a week of emotional cleansing and personal work. In depth personal conversations with friends, my partner, employees, myself...... I am shifting. Aware of my own personal growth. Being aware that I need to listen more. Really listen. I am guilty of interrupting people when they speak, finishing off their sentences, zoning out half way through a conversation as my mind races to my mental list of what I need to get done.

So this week I have really tried to listen to others. It's been a challenge but something I'm going to continue to do because I really need to perfect this skill and has not been easy.

So i like to be a person of social change. I like to bring others on my journey because I think we have a lot to share and offer each other. And I like to push myself. So every two weeks I'm going to provide myself with a small personal challenge and I ask you to join me and lets keep each other accountable and support each other. So for October 15th-29th I challenge you to really listen. Listen when others speak. Don't interrupt them, listen to their voice, listen to their hearts.

Yesterday, I met with the person who I had written about in my last blog post who had disappointed me. When our conversation started, I expressed to her that I was going to LISTEN to her and not interrupt her. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is a huge deal for me! I love to interrupt and I love to argue a point! But I listened. Really listened to her. And by listening I could see where the misunderstanding had taken place. At the heart of it, both of us felt hurt, disrespected, taken for granted. Yet at the end of the conversation I think both of us walked away feeling that we were HEARD. And I think, when you feel that you are HEARD, you function from a softer and kinder place. And the outcome of our conversation led us to decide that we had a great love and respect for each other but we were still choosing to go on different paths. We hugged, we cried and wished each other well. And I walked away feeling that our paths will cross again. That this relationship was a lesson for both of us and I'm glad that she had come into my life to teach me something more about myself.... To challenge me to be a better person.

None of this would have happened if I didn't take the time to really LISTEN to her. So for the next two weeks our lesson is to LISTEN. Listen to your mother, your partner, your children, that little VOICE inside of you. Listen without interruptions and FEEL yes FEEL what you really HEAR...... keep me posted.

p.s I'm having dinner with my good friend tonight! Keeping to my personal goals! Yipee! Not going into work! I still haven't taken my partner to the movies but we did rent one but we both fell asleep!

the conclusion

the power of manifestation

Me and Oprah in the T.Dot!

I'm a true believer that nothing ever happens before it's due time. So lately I have become very calm, composed and relaxed in my pursuit to meet Oprah. I have faith it will happen when it needs to. I cannot rush a process. I have done everything in my power to ensure this meeting occurs while she is here. I have called in favors, sent emails, made youtube clips, done a facebook group, a petition etc and I thank those who have supported my efforts. And now I realize it's bigger than me. I must have faith in a higher source to ensure this "Meeting" will happen. And if it doesn't happen then it will happen when the time is right. I'm at peace with that.

Last night I had a dream that Oprah was on stage and called my name from the audience and said of course I wouldn't come all of this way without meeting you, you're the "Oprah" of Canada!

Tonight I have tickets for the Precious screening! Oprah's movie, she is suppose to be there. So I'm excited. Being that I read the book Push many years ago and it had a profound effect on me, so I'm glad to see it's evolution into film. Very proud to see black faces on screen. Apparently I'm in the Priority seating section. So I'm unsure what this means but I hope it means I'm close enough to see her.

If I do meet her, I would like to shake her hand, maybe give her the documentary of 'da Kink. But if this doesn't happen I can say I'm proud of my efforts.

I'm also hosting the CBFF party tonight and rumor has it that Ms Winfrey will be there..... so I will keep you posted. Come out and party with me tonight if you're in Toronto!

I now have people reading my blog in Austria! Wow! A big shout out to my fans in Austria! Thanks to everyone for your support!

blessings

trey

Warning Limited positivity here...

My back aches.... really hurts. I suffer from extreme back ache. Usually my back flares up when I'm under extreme stress. I also know that when I feel unsupported my back usually seizes in a huge big knot. It's how the emotional plays out in the physical. And for myself I know there is a huge connection. I also know my back ache is related to dealing with major stress in the last few days. And I can clearly pinpoint who these stress factors are. Lately I have been dealing with two individuals who for lack of a better words are Assholes! I don't use that word lightly and believe me I have racked my writer's brain to come up with a more descriptive and better word for them, but it comes down to simply they are ASSHOLES! So sorry it may not be the positivity that you were looking for from me while drinking your morning coffee and singing your daily affirmations!

And in my interactions with these two individuals on each occasions I have prayed, I have meditated, I have affirmed. I have tried being nice, then super sweet and Miss cherry bowl of positivity, then I switched to be firm. And now I can barely bring myself to grunt their names and the sight of an email from them in my inbox turns my stomach and my back seizes up.

I also realize for myself I cannot give them so much power to have such a physical and emotional effect for me. So I have been working on this but it's hard. Also I am a firm believer that what is happening in your life you attracted, so I have to really look and see what has made me attract these ASSHOLES in my life! So I've become reflective and I say to myself calmly, "trey why do you have two ASSHOLES in your life!"

I look back and the lessons I have learned and I share them with you all:

1. To avoid "misunderstanding" in any business interaction get it clearly written down on paper. Never ever rely on the fact that you believe that people are decent and will just do the right thing. Never rely on the fact that they will do XY and Z, because they said it, it will be done..... That is not the case. As a young black women doing business I have clearly seen how people will take advantage of you, be dismissive, and not do the "right" thing. So the lesson learned from this is get it written down. Have a clear and precise contract before moving ahead with anything. Be firm on this and don't allow people to give you the run around on having a contract because a clear contract will alleviate all misunderstandings. It's a huge lesson for me and a mistake I will never ever repeat again.

2. When someone shows you who they are believe them. I think Maya Angelou said this and it is so true. Never believe you are the exception to the rule. And always analyze how someone treats people who they deem as beneath them. If someone is dismissive or just plain rude to service staff such as waiters or their employees they will eventually do the same to you. In reflection of what has happened to me I remember my first interaction with one of these ASSHOLES. He was very nice to me. Too nice but when we went out to our first meeting he was very rude to our waiter. I made excuses for him in my head, instead of just seeing him for who he really was, an arrogant ASSHOLE!

And on further reflection with my interaction with ASSHOLE number two, I remember receiving a call from two individuals who told me he treated his staff horribly and that he wasn't a nice person and had ripped off a few people in the industry. Red flag maybe??? Yet I argued back, well he was very NICE to me and who hasn't been the "Victim" of people saying nasty things about you that aren't true! So i chose to give ASSHOLE number two the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I chose to ignore these flags because they just treated ME so nice...... and also because I'm a true believer that everyone can change--- right?

So I will take full ownership for the ASSHOLE behavior in my life. The universe has sent me a clear message and it is a lesson learned. I will try to forgive myself for the "mistakes" that I have made and they will no longer be "mistakes" if I learned something from it.

The lesson Learned.... ASSHOLES can disguise themselves as NICE, but eventually they just are ASSHOLES! Ok, I'll end on positivity..... um...um... this is hard! Ok. Secrets opens Sept 23 buy your ticket! lol

So it's 6am. Most mornings I wake up eager to meet the world but today I woke up and I would call it a "faithless" moment. Not having much faith in myself to achieve much of anything...... I know we've all had those days when you just feel as if just the act of breathing is too much! I was trying my best to shake it. I prayed, became silent, talked to myself, gave myself a "trey pep talk." It didn't work.... Today just wasn't the day. So I went online and in my inbox was my newsletter from Oprah, and one of the headlines was a sneak interview she did with the rapper Jay Z. In this interview, he shared that at age 13 he was selling crack and by 30 he was a business mogul and self made millionaire. He changed the direction of his life, however, many people from his neighborhood were either dead or in jail. Oprah asked, how was this possible and he said,

"There's the gift, there's the spirit, and there's the work—all three have to come together. If one of those things is off, it can stop you from becoming who you were meant to be."

That really inspired me. Because I thought to myself I must aknowlege my gifts, listen and
feed my spirit and be willing to do the work...... I cannot afford to make one of these things to be off

down to the wire

Today is exactly one month until Secrets opens. This is huge! I fluctuate between great anxiety, joy, tears and laughter. I also feel as though for the last few months I have been entrapped in P.M.S. My emotions are everywhere. Some days I feel really powerful meeting with business owners and various sponsors and then there are days while I'm searching for a pen to go into a meeting, I burst into tears. This is too much effort that I am now required to search for a pen! Hysteria at it's finest. Yet lately, I have been affirming an affirmation that seems to help, it goes like this, "Today I will laugh at the world and most of all I will laugh at myself." I got this affirmation from a book that I'm presently reading called,
The greatest Salesman in the World." by Og Mandino. I like it because it reminds me to not take myself so seriously. That I'm human. I will have good days and bad days. That this too shall pass....Just yesterday I was laughing with friends over an incident that took place at my high school graduation. My "date" at the graduation dinner told me I looked fat in my dress! I promptly left the table and went into the coat closet and cried, I was DEVASTATED! After being missing in action for nearly forty five minutes, my best friend Rachael came to look for me and found me in the coat closet, nose dripping, eyes swollen and refusing to come out of the closet. Thinking that if I skipped dinner at least I would be a little bit slimmer. I also thought that at age seventeen my life was officially over! The thoughtless and insensitive words of a pimple face seventeen year old kid was going to destroy my life for ever. Seventeen years later, Rachael and I are sharing this story with friends who are killing themselves laughing. I am dying of laughter reciting the story and I am reminded of my favourite affirmation, this too shall pass....how things which seemed so devastating and significant can become moments of great laughter if you allow yourself. My friends all laugh at my story. I laugh at myself. Laugh at the little girl who hid in a coat closet on prom night and today I laugh at the grown woman who has a melt down because she can't find a pen. I laugh especially at men who dismiss me in business meetings, I laugh instead of crying when people say thoughtless and insensitive things to me. I laugh at those who tells me my dreams are impossible.... I laugh. I laugh at life. I laugh at me. I Iaugh really loudly. People have told me I have a distinct laugh, that they love to hear me laugh.... So I laugh more often, I encourage you to do the same.

a work in progress

I've made a promise to go to the gym five times per week. It hasn't been working out that great. Last week I went three times. And now I'm mid week and so far I've gone once! I'm going to go this morning. What I can't understand about myself is that I know it's good for me. Every time I work out I feel better, gain more clarity, feel stronger and overall less stress. But I find every excuse not to go. And God knows if I spent as much time at the gym as I do on Facebook I could give Halle Berry a run for her money! But I'm going to try, really I am.But sometimes when I go I compare myself to others. There's this girl there who always seems to be running some sort of competition with me....yes it's all in my head. I know this! And yes it pisses me off that she's at least a size zero! So I'm always wondering what the hell are you doing here anyways? Go eat something! Ok sometimes I can't be all miss positivity, I'm only human....But I digress. So when I'm on the treadmill she always picks the one right beside me even though there are plenty of empty ones. And then she runs really fast, nearly double my speed and of course I feel a compelling need to run even faster. Sometimes while running at her Olympic speed I want to pass out but I won't let her win. And I run really really really really fast for a strong two minutes! I never beat her running at 6.1 for more than three minutes and I'm wiped out! I know I'm better running a steady 4.2. I know that I can run for longer at that pace and that my body is comfortable with that but I try to win this race against this woman who really plays no significance in my life. She's oblivious to my desire to win, to out run her, play harder, be better than her. And I see how often this plays out in my life in other ways. How often in my desire to "WIN" I run the race faster than necessary, do not listen to the signs that I should run slower, pace myself more, actually enjoy the journey..... So I'm going to try this morning to pay the skinny little minny no mind, hopefully she'll fall off the tread mill and then I'll win! Yeah I thought it and I wrote it! lol