thetruthaccordingtotrey

Question of the Week: All About Love!

2012-01-30T06:47:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that Wednesday is the start of February already! Where does the time go?

As we all know February is the month where we honor our roots and history (not that we don't do so on a daily basis, but February is the 'official month'). And in February, I'll be doing the "From 'da Street to 'da Ear" school tour which I'm excited about! And excited about bringing some interesting Black History facts over the next month to the blog.

February is also the month of Love with Valentine's Day right in the middle. Now whether or not your 'into' the hype that is Valentine's Day is besides the point. But, it is a time to reflect on and appreciate those you love (even if you do it on a frequent basis). How do you show those around you that you love them?

I saw a good quote recently that states: "Love involves some combination of intimacy, passion and commitment." I think it's a fairly accurate viewpoint on what love is. But I'm curious to find out what you think.

The question of the week is: What do you feel defines love?

(When I think about this question I'm reminded of that interlude off the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill album where Wyclef asks the question to the students....if you need a refresher take a listen below)

Kids Play "Slave Game"...in 2012???

2012-01-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

This one has my heart a little troubled. Let's face it! We are all aware that racism is alive and well in the world, as much as we would all like to think that those times have passed. It may not be a blatant as it was in years past, but I'm sure most of us have stories of something that has happened to us in recent memory that has us scratching our heads in disbelief.

Not that I want to believe that the world is this terrible racist place, but it does still exist. If you needed more proof of that, take a look at what happened recently in a Georgia Elementary school. 3rd grade students at Camp Creek Elementary School in Lilburn, GA were playing a "slave game" at recess. Apparently this game is like tag, but they are 'slaves' and 'slave catchers' a student informed her mother. Parents are obviously outraged and have appraoach school officials to see how teachers could allow such a ridiculous game to be played at school.

According to Gwinnett County Schools spokesman Jorge Quintana, teachers did not organize the game. "The district determined that the activity was student-initiated and that allegations regarding the teacher’s involvement were unfounded."

The bottom line is that no matter who initiated the game, there were still young children running around playing a 'slave game' in 2012. Which makes me shake my head!

Have you seen/heard of anything as ridiculous?

read more here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/alleged-slave-game-at-camp-creek-elementary-school-outrages-parents_n_1234096.html?ir=Black+Voices

Keep Calm and Play On

2012-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

I thought this was genius! As a performer it's really annoying (to say the least) when people leave their cell phones on during a performance. Despite the numerous warnings they receive about turning their devises off! I tell you, sometimes the likkle Jamaican girl inside of me wants to come out and tell these people what to do with their cell phones! ha ha ha! But this Violinist, Lukas Kmit, was quick on his feet and handled the interruption incredibly well! Watch the video below.

Just goes to show that sometimes things will go wrong, the trick is how you handle life's little disruptions!

Question of the Week: Should womyn be called bitches?

2012-01-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I just wanted to introduce a new element to the blog. I want to start a forum where we can discuss issues and events that are current and relevant. This week I'm starting a Question Of The Week that I'll ask every Monday (and I know that this is Tuesday! I'm a day late because I was busy preparing and delivering my keynote speech in Ottawa, which went very well I might add.) And throughout the week we'll talk about it and see if we can keep a dialogue going in our communities. That also means if you have a topic you think we should discuss, please let me know! I am looking forward to your responses so join the conversation.

In the last few weeks, there has been a lot of discussion over Jay-Z's use of the ever controversial 'b-word'. First he is using it, then he apparently wasn't using it anymore to honor his baby girl. Then, apparently he didn't say that he was going to stop calling womyn bitches and plans to continue to use the word. And it got me thinking about the use of the word 'bitch' and it's role in our culture.

We all know there are two very clear sides to this age old debate: those who think it's degrading, and those who think they've reclaimed the word by using it with conviction.

I've heard it before that bitch stands for "Beautiful Individual Totally in Control of Herself." Do you think that's just a clever acronym society uses to keep us trapped? Or is it empowering?

I'm curious to hear from the followers on this one. Do you use the term? What is your stance on the usage of the word? Do you call your friends 'bitches' in a loving tone? Is it ever appropriate to call any womyn a 'bitch'? I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Let's start a discussion!

RED TAILS: The All-Black Movie Hollywood REJECTED!

2012-01-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

The movie "Red Tails", which is about the historic Tuskegee Airmen, starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terence Howard opens today. Talk about a much needed movie that capture a proud moment in our history....that almost didn't happen.

Turns out the major players in Hollywood did not want to fund the project. George Lucas said executives worried that the majority-black cast wouldn’t put butts in the seats, even though that cast includes Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., up and comer Tristan Wilds, Ne-Yo and Nate Parker. The director, also a black man, is Anthony Hemingway.

Lucas (creator of Star Wars) in turn put up $58 million of his own dollars to fund the project after being rejected by every last major movie house. This movie has been a long time coming for Lucas. He first conceived the project in the 1980s and since then the major players in Hollywood have been neglecting the project because (according to Lucas) "they refused to believe they could successfully market an action movie about black people".

This one needs our support to show Hollywood that they are incredibly wrong!

This is a very important weekend for this movie....please go out and see it! If we don't stand together....no one will stand for us! Support Black Cinema! Grab your family, your neighbors, your church members and PACK THE THEATERS! We can't let Hollywood dictate how we are portrayed on the big screen or how 'marketable' we are!

GO SEE RED TAILS...then leave a comment on your thoughts on the film.

"Inaction is perhaps the greatest mistake of all."

--Charles Schumer

Read the article at: http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/lucas-recounts-battle-to-get-allblack-war-movie-airborne-6288967.html

LL Cool J to Host the Grammy's

2012-01-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

It's official! LL Cool J is set to host the 2012 Grammy Awards, making it the first time in seven years that the celebration will have an official host, according to People.com.

The rapper turned actor (Deliver us from Eva, Any Given Sunday and more recently NCIS: Los Angeles) is excited to take on the role! He has hosted the live Grammy nominations concert show each year since 2008.

"I'm thrilled to be part of Music's Biggest Night. I will always have fond memories of my first Grammy Awards and to now be hosting the Grammy show, in the company of so many other incredible artists, is a dream come true."

--LL Cool J

This just reminded me to never stop striving for your dreams....as accomplished as he as in his craft he still has goals and dreams that push him to the next level.

The moment you believe you've 'arrived' is the moment you'll stop growing....

In Honor Of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

2012-01-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Today we celebrate the life and light of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

His message still rings as true today as it did 45 years ago! However, it seems like this generation has quickly forgotten the challenges our grand parents and great grand parents had to surpass in order to secure freedom for us now.

This generation is so caught up in the gratification of self that they've lost the sense of community and sisterhood that our ancestors fought for tirelessly. When I think about the boycotts, sit ins, and the protests and the marches the generations before us endured for something as basic as freedom, then I look at what we've done with this freedom and my heart gets heavy.

Nowadays we don't even want to send an email if something offends/troubles/affects us! 9 times out of 10 we complain and moan to our friends, family and co-workers but resolve it with 'well...what can we do about it??' The answer in PLENTY!

STAND UP for what you believe in! MAKE NOISE when something's wrong! Don't just sit by and let life happen to you. We carry the responsibility on our shoulders to pave the way for the next generation as we have had the way paved for us!

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

As I was reading through quotes online I had a hard time picking a few for this post...there are so many great ones! What are some of your favorite MLK quotes? Post them in the comments and lets reflect on them today.

"my greatest creation was you"

2012-01-13T05:18:00.000-08:00

I listened to this new Jay Z joint and I had to admit I got a little sentimental. Yes I maybe pms ing... and yes my ovaries are in full overload at the moment..... But I did love the track I think it's beautiful. I know there is a rumor out there that Jay apparently fathered a young boy nine years ago with Trinidadian model Shenelle Scott.

So I did think about that little boy, hoping the rumor wasn't true! Because I think it would be sad for him to grow up and hear his "father" rap about this little girl stating "my greatest creation was you," while he never publicly acknowledged this little boy, so really i hope it's not true.

But I still love the song! And it's nice to see a black man show a huge public love for his daughter! I hope every parent believes and feels that all of their children are the best thing they ever created! A big love to everyone out there who is parenting it's a huge job! Nuff respect. Take a listen to the new joint below!

Listen to the track: Glory ft. Blue Ivy Carter

Go 'head Grandma!!

2012-01-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

There have been a plethora of Grandma dancing videos that have popped up on email, twitter and Facebook lately! Seems like the 'cool grandma' is trending nowadays. I just love the life and laughter that these ladies bring. You can't watch these videos and not crack even a little smile. I just hope to have that much life in my body when I get to that age!

Here are a couple of my favorites....leave a comment and video link with your favorites.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Grandma Dancing to Rack City (WARNING: this video contains foul language!)

Grandma Dancing to Usher

BUT WAIT!!!! I almost forgot that my grandma has videos on YouTube too....

How can I forget the coolest granny of them all! My own Granny! Yes, this is my cool Grandma!

Too Laid Back

yes, my grandmother has TWO music videos! very proud of gran!

Granny's Inspiration

Jay-Z and Beyonce welcomes Blue Ivy Carter!

2012-01-09T08:46:00.000-08:00

She's finally here! Beyonce and Jay-Z welcomed baby Blue Ivy Carter into the world Saturday in a New York City Hospital. Princess Carter and mom are apparently doing well! CONGRATS!

The thing that I don't understand is the name. Ivy is cute and "according to GMA, the couple chose "Ivy" because of the significance of the number "4" or "IV," -- Beyonce and Jay-Z were born on Sept. 4 and Dec. 4, respectively, were married on April 4, 2008, and Beyonce's latest album is entitled 4.)" ( from yahoo.com) But Blue just sounds....well...'blue' to me (ie I'm feeling blue). To me that is a little odd.

There has been so much speculation about the significance of the name Blue, but I wonder if this is Jay-Z's final nod....his Blueprint 4 (aka Blue~~print~~ IV aka Blue Ivy). His true masterpiece in the form of a bouncing baby girl! Your thoughts? What do you think about the name Blue?

I wonder how long we'll have to wait to see the baby pics....

Beautiful Me, Inside and Out!

2012-01-06T08:08:00.000-08:00

I trust that you are making strides towards a better YOU in the new year! I just wanted you to take a look at my newsletter for January! (Just click the link below the picture to view the newsletter.) Lot of amazing things happening in the next few months and I don't want you to miss out!

As a reminder, spots are filling up fast for Girl, Doing BETTER so call 678.519.5255 or email trey@treyanthonystudios.com to set up an appointment! We guarantee results and you don't have to leave your house....how much easier can I make it???

Girl, the time is NOW to do BETTER! Let’s work on this together! Two heads are better than one!

click here to read newsletter

Why Are You So Angry?

2011-12-30T04:42:00.000-08:00

The original Aunt Viv (Janet Hubert) from The Fresh Prince has been in the news lately bashing ex co-star, Will Smith. Apparently, she blames Will for her dismissal from the show many years ago.

The scoop: Over the holidays, Will Smith posted a picture on Facebook of the Fresh Prince cast having a reunion dinner to 'start the holidays right,' according to Will, which started a swirl of rumors that there was going to be an official Fresh Prince Reunion.

That's when TMZ got a hold of Janet Hubert and asked her why she was missing from the picture and about the potential reunion, and she replied: “There will never be a reunion … as I will never do anything with an a**hole like Will Smith. He is still an egomaniac and has not grown up. This constant reunion thing will never ever happen in my lifetime unless there is an apology, which he doesn’t know the word.”

YIKES! The facts: Fresh Prince has been off the air for 15 years and Janet hasn't been a cast member since 1993....that's 18 YEARS AGO!!!

How can someone hold that much anger for that many years?! Whether it's true or not, something tells me she should have let that go a L-O-N-G time ago! Deep rooted anger is very unhealthy. It effects more than just your mind once it's internalized. It manifests in your body in the form of high blood pressure, migraines or even heart attacks. Not to mention how it effects your relationships with your partner, kids, boss, or even pets.

Is Aunt Viv just a typical Angry Black Woman? Maybe, she's being accused of being an ABW because she has an opinion? Should she have let it go years ago? Is she harming herself by hanging to to such animosity? (she certainly isn't hurt Will...I'm tempted to say he's doing just fine!)

As we prepare to head into a New Year, let's all make a resolution to let things go! Life is too short to keep hate inside our hearts! And if you need help, contact us at Girl Doing BETTER. We're committed to helping you put your best foot forward and present the best you possible!

contact me: trey@treyanthonystudios.com
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/girldoingbetter
twitter: @girldoingbetter

Pariah releases in select US theaters today

2011-12-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

Pariah, for those who don't know, is a movie that follows a 17-year-old African-American lesbian, as she struggles with how to live with who she knows she is.

Pariah generated a lot of buzz at this year's Sundance Film Festival and opens in select US theaters today.

This film perfectly timed as more and more young gay people are committing suicide each day because they do not feel accepted in today's society. Hopefully this movie will continue to raise awareness and start dialogues among families and save some lives.

To my US fans and friends, check your local listings and check it out if you can.

For more info please visit their website: http://focusfeatures.com/focusfeatures/film/pariah/

Getting Ready for the New Year

2011-12-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

2012 is quickly approaching and it's time that we start creating new goals and desires for the new year. Every year we resolve to hit the gym, or to give up (insert item here), do better and be better. But somewhere around mid January the hype wears off and we're left with a laundry list of seemingly unattainable goals that we set with high hopes. How do you ensure success?

Have you ever thought about having a life coach help you?

A life coach isn't someone the stars use to help them 'keep it real.'

Really what I'm here to do is to help you put your life into perspective! That's all. I'm that voice of reason, that friend that will tell you the truth and inspiration and motivation we all need to push our goals to the next level. Sometimes we all need that outside voice to help us see the light and help propel us to the next level.

So what are you waiting for? the stroke of midnight? Your dreams to start to fade?

girl doing BETTER is life coaching made easy. From the comfort of your own home we will teach you to identify your roadblocks and help you move forward as the best YOU possible!

Girl, the time is now to do better! Lets work on this together! Two heads are better than one! Be proactive about your dreams! Sign up today!

Prices range from $97-$450 +applicable taxes. Payment plans/options are available.

contact me: trey@treyanthonystudios.com
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/girldoingbetter
twitter: @girldoingbetter

Congrats Melanie!

2011-12-23T04:20:00.000-08:00

Last night Melanie Amaro became the first contestant to win X-Factor USA and $5 million. I can't help but be happy for the island girl whose lifelong dream came true.

Does she have more growing to do? Of course! For starters she's only 19 and besides we all have room to grow. (In fact the only time you should stop growing is when you're dead!) But she worked hard and surmounted many obstacles along this journey. In fact, she heard the word 'no' almost every step of the way but persevered and came out victorious.

It just goes to show that you should never give up on your dreams; even when it seems like the only door of hope just closed right in front your face.

Keep pushing, keep striving and keep working...the world is watching!

Rihanna Called N-Word In Dutch Fashion Magazine 'Jackie'

2011-12-21T04:53:00.000-08:00

A Dutch fashion magazine, Jackie, recently called Rihanna a "n***abitch" with a "ghetto ass" in an article describing her sense of style. Excerpt from the article below:

"She has street cred, she has a ghetto ass and she has a golden throat. Rihanna, the good girl gone bad, is the ultimate n***abitch and she displays that gladly--for her that means what's on can come off. If that means she'll be on stage half naked, then so be it. But Dutch winters aren't like Jamaican ones, so pick a clothing style in which your daughter can resist minus ten [temperatures]. No to the big sunglasses and the pornheels, and yes to the tiger print, pink 'shizzle,' and everything that glitters. Now let's hope she won't beat anybody up at daycare."

At first, the editor-in-chief, Eva Hoeke, took to Twitter and stated that the original intention for the choice of words was to be a 'joke' and apologized for potentially offending anyone. However, after realizing the error she tweeted: ‘1. Don’t publish bad jokes in the magazine 2. Don’t pretend bad jokes to be funny. Sorry guys. My bad.’

The backlash continued. Hoeke was harassed and threatened and by the end of the day she found it necessary to quit her job at Jackie after 8 long years.

This incident got me thinking about the state of North American popular culture. Step out of North America for a moment and take a look at what other countries see when they look at our culture. There are flashes of bitches and n***as littered all throughout our pop culture and we don't think twice about the effect it has on the rest of the world.

Is this a classic case of being lost in translation? Was the magazine being malicious? Should the Dutch have know better? Done their research? or were they reflecting what they see pouring out of North American media? Interested in hearing your thoughts. Let's start a discussion.

blessings,

t

Article in Huffington Post:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/20/rihanna-called-n-word-in-_n_1160181.html

So Blessed!

2011-12-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

"I woke up in the morning feeling fresh to death
I'm so blessed yes yes
I went to sleep stressed woke up refreshed
I'm so blessed yeah yes
Water in my face and everything is in it's place peace of mind even my grace
I'm so blessed yes yes yes"
--Jill Scott 'So Blessed'

Woke up feeling WONDERFUL today! Hope you did too. Just a reminder from Jill Scott that's its a new day with new possibilities. Be blessed!

t

It's Time For A Natural Barbie

2011-12-16T07:33:00.000-08:00

This week, I read about a Natural Hair Group in Columbus, Georgia that transformed 40 African-American Barbie dolls into natural hair beauties. Apparently, there is a tutorial online that teaches you how to transform Barbie's slick, straight hair into a beautiful curly mane. What a great gift for any girl to receive -- a doll that is a reflection of the natural beauty of their hair.

The article states that "although Barbie has been around since 1959 and comes in 50 different nationalities it's rare to find a black doll with textured hair." It's been a long time coming and I commend this group for taking the time to create these dolls.

Maybe with enough persuasion, we can get Mattel on board and we can start to see these dolls in stores all over the world!

Here's the link to send them an email:
http://service.mattel.com/us/ContactUs.aspx

It's so important that our little girls have role models of all types! Let's be the change!

Link to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/14/natural-hair-group-in-geo_n_1149574.html#s544755

Are you ‘da next KINK womyn?

2011-04-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

Are you ‘da next KINK womyn?

Have you always dreamed of being a part of ‘da Kink in my Hair?
Would you love to spend part of the summer in New York City?
Can you act? sing? dance? drum?

AND

presents…
‘da Kink in my Hair
by trey anthony
directed by Michele Shay
back in Toronto this AUGUST 2011 and we are looking for YOU!

AUDITIONS – OPEN CALL:
Monday May 9, 10am to 5pm
Tuesday May 10, 9am to 8pm
*First come first served

INVITED CALLBACKS:
Wednesday May 11, 9am

LOCATION:
Harlem East Side (upstairs)
67 Richmond Street East
Toronto, M5C 1N9
*No outside food please

REHEARSAL and PERFORMANCE DATES:
Rehearsals in New York City, July 1st-30th
Performances begin Aug 1st – Aug 30th
*Valid passport required

We are looking to fill the following roles:

SHARMAINE – a Hollywood TV star with a secret. She is confident, dynamic and gorgeous. Open to all womyn of colour. Age 20-35. Must sing and move/dance well.

SUZY – A caucasian womyn from the South torn between her love of her family and the love of her husband and young son, who are black . Average looking, girl next door, cute and loveable. Age 18-24. Must sing and move/dance well and be able to do an American Southern accent.

PATSY/MAXINE – A black Christian womyn with strong religious convictions, a sharp sense of humor yet a bit uptight. She is the epitome of rage and grief as she relives the tragedy of her son’s shooting. Mid 40’s. Must sing and move/dance well and be able to do a West Indian accent.

For your AUDITION:
* Be prepared with two, 1 minute monologues - one dramatic and one comedic
* Be prepared to sing a song a-capella and include some movement
* Bring 2 copies of your resume and headshot
**Please note auditions will be live-streamed and there will be a live studio audience

***Ability to play African drums is an asset
****This is a non-equity show, however equity and non equity actors welcome.

For information not included in this call-out contact:info@treyanthonystudios.com

2011-04-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

Hey folks!

I am now in producing mode for the theatrical tour of 'da Kink in my Hair! I'm in love with the work that I do! And as I do this work I realize how important it is to do work that you love! I had mentioned in earlier blogs that I was working on A creed for my life. It's a ten part creed. I have posted the first five points to my creed and I will share the rest soon. Feel free to incorporate these points into your own life or create your own creed. Wishing you continued greatness!!!

A creed for my life. by t. anthony

1. I must do work that I love. Work that feeds me challenges me and makes me feel as if my small act or contribution of "work" is making a difference in the world.

"When you're choosing your work and you're choosing the material that you're putting into the world, you have to understand that somebody else's kids are going to see that. Somebody's grandmother is going to see it. Are they going to be better or worse after they have contact with your material?" Will Smith.

2. I must surround myself with people who are committed to personal growth and strive to be "better" people every day, who hold one simple values as myself which is to want to leave the world just a bit better than when they came in it. I want people in my life that would choose me as a friend because they truly like me. People who wish to be around me regardless of whether or not I'm rich, poor, straight, gay, black, white, drive a fast car or ride the bus. They want to be around me because they like who I am. They like my laugh....

"Show me your company and I'll tell you who you are." By my West Indian grandmother. * I don't think she made this up because every black grandmother says it!

3. I must not get attached to possessions, things, or people. They do not define me. I now know that there is no guarantee that the people who are in your life will be there tomorrow. No guarantee that the house you now own will belong to you next week. The person who you vowed you would spend the rest of your life may wake up one morning and decide their life doesn't include you. Nothing ever stays the same. Change is constant so enjoy all these things for the moment that you have them because you never know when that "moment" will be gone forever or simply just change in a small yet very significant way.

"The only constant is change." Greek philosopher Heraclitus

4. I must make my health and personal well being a priority. I must try my best to make healthier food choices. Nourish my body, as I would my mind and my soul. I must truly take care of my physical well-being and exercise regularly and make good food choices. Thus, when going to the grocery store I shouldn't "cheap" out and choose not to buy organic food or choose not to buy fruits and vegetables because the bag of cookies are on sale for $2 and McDonald's has two for one burgers! I must also be selfish with my “ME” time and take time for myself.

“Live in rooms full of light. Avoid heavy food. Be moderate in the drinking of wine. Take massages, baths, exercise, and gymnastics. Fight insomnia with gentle rocking or the sound of running water. Change surroundings and take long journeys. Strictly avoid frightening ideas. Indulge in cheerful conversation and amusements listen to music.   -- A. Cornelius Celsus

5. I must take risks. I must move out of my safety zone. I should never ever get comfortable with meritocracy. I must trust that I will "know" when it is time for a new beginning, a new way of thinking, and time for me to move on.... Moving on may require me to make new friends, choose a different partner, move to a different city, cut my hair, and take a different route to work. "Moving on" means to me moving away from the familiar.

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide.”

2011-04-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

'da Kinky Hair Womyn are BACK!

I have always dreamt about producing a North American tour of ‘da Kink.
I wanted to self produce a tour and do a tour my way! I wanted to take
'da Kink on the road! Yet I was scared. This was a huge undertaking.
How could “little me” do something so BIG?
Lack of sponsors, money, fear, time, fear, fear, fear… the list goes on for all the reasons I had why it wouldn’t work.
I am finally taking the plunge and I have invested most of my savings and life into this tour. I’m lucky that T.D. Financial Group(my bank!) recognized something valuable in me that was worth investing in, namely myself and my dreams. They have come on board as a presenting partner with my company for the‘da Kink in my Hair North American tour of 2011-2012! We will be rehearsing in New York, and performing in North Carolina with plans to tour Atlanta, Florida, and New York. Of course I had to bring ‘da Kink “home.” So for 14 shows only we will be in Toronto from August 11-21, 2011!

Early Bird Tickets go on sale TODAY April 7th, 2011 $35 for any seat in the house! (weekend regular seats range from $47-$77! so this early bird special is a huge saving! )
To express our thanks to you for one week only early bird tickets will be $35 for any seat in the house! **except for opening night.**
Regular tickets will range from $27-$77 for Box Office information please call(416) 973-4000 or click below for Harbourfront Centre's Box Office and more information.
Harbourfront Centre

Join and "like" our Facebook group where we will be posting exclusive behind the scenes footage of 'da Kink, interviews with the cast, pictures, everything KINKY will go on here! So check it! I will also be posting give aways!
Facebook

And Yes,sometimes I want to do things big! BIG TINGS! How about a KINK royalty night? Do you want to go to ‘da Kink VIP? Yeah girl!

Our red carpet media and VIP opening night reception is August 13th, tickets will be $99, which includes drinks and entrance to our private reception. Only 99 tickets will be available to the public. Come and rub shoulders with Toronto's A-list!

I thank you community for always supporting a little black girl with a DREAM!

blessings,
t

2011-03-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

Hey Everybody!

The best Urban Theatre Production company - Trey Anthony Studios has a new exciting website that you just have to check out!
It has all the latest information on yours truly, trey anthony and what my production company is up to these days. Big Tings, Big Tings!

I know your curiosity is killing you, so let satisfaction save you, here is the address: http://treyanthonystudios.com/

I want to shout out to the wonderful ladies at Cinnamon Toast who worked so diligently with me and my team to get our website out to the world and looking so fabulous, if I must say so myself! So if you like what you see on my website? Hit up the ladies at Cinnamon Toast New Media! They specialize in brand identities and updating current visual marketing presence for companies and individuals through web-based, print, and other media. So give them a call, oh and you can say trey sent you! Here is their address: http://cinnamontoastnewmedia.com/

Let me know what you think about the site! This is going to be a big tings year!!!
And big love going out to you all! Thanks for your continued support!

blessings,
trey

I’m forever seeking the sun...

2011-02-28T16:59:00.000-08:00

I’m forever seeking the sun.

On February 18th I celebrated my birthday. Birthdays for me are a time of reflection… a time to really examine where I've been and where I want to go.

It seems as if I’m constantly changing. Changes that continue to surprise not only others, but also myself! I now really embrace my alone time. I now deliberately seek intimacy. I no longer need a crowd of people occupying all the spaces in my life in order for me to feel loved and popular. I love my small group of friends. I now clearly know the difference between acquaintances, “friends” on f/book and my real friends. I find I have less time and tolerance for what I view as other people's stuff and "nonsense". I’m finding it easier to disappoint others in order to be true to myself.

My biggest accomplishment is that I’ve finally created a home that is truly mine. One that feels stable, peaceful and lived in. I’ve had many homes, but never really “lived” in them. Lived on the edge and on edge in many spaces. Lived in chaos for most of my life. Now, I’m in love with my home. I love the light spilling from my dining room windows. I love curling up on my living room couch with a good book. Cooking simple meals in my kitchen.

I miss my home when I'm away from it. Long for its peacefulness, quiet, trees and walking trails. I’m a country girl who was trapped inside a city girl’s body! Finally I’m free! I love to be around nature. I'm forever seeking the sun…

I enjoy the work that I do. I have to do work that I feel proud of. I must work with people who I trust and respect.

I now guard my privacy more. Learned from Oprah, Beyonce and Jay Z that my private life is my private life. I am a public person, but not ALL things need to be public. My privacy is non-negotiable.

I have become more selfish with my time and how I choose to spend it. I do not have to be at every event, every family gathering. I no longer need to be everywhere that people think I need to be.

I am trying to be more expressive with my feelings. I tell close ones that I love them. Try to be ok with people loving me and holding me.

I am trying to function from a place of forgiveness rather than judgment, thus it has been easier to forgive my family and others who have hurt me. As a result, it is becoming easier to forgive myself.

I have more faith in God, therefore more faith in myself.

I like the womyn that I am becoming…. I like who I am on most days J

I “enjoy the company that I keep in the quiet moments…"

Every day I am changing, growing, learning and loving. I am committed to working on myself. As I continue to ask myself what type of womyn do I want to be...

I’m currently developing a creed for my life, somewhat of a ten commandments for myself. A guide map to how I want to live. This is a work in progress. I will share it with you once I have figured it all out.

If you were to develop a creed for your own life….what would it be? What would be on your list? What would be your top ten? Will share mine very soon !

Blessings

trey

trey's TVO Interview on Bullying

2010-11-17T12:27:00.000-08:00

If this is a subject that you feel your students would benefit hearing me speak about, please call my office at (416)546-6080 and book me as a speaker.

No you hang up...

2010-11-10T14:11:00.000-08:00

I CHALLENGE you —Today CALL someone you really like!!!

“ No, you hang up.”
“No. You hang up first.”
“No you hang up.”

Wow! I miss those days of a good old fashion phone call, snuggling under the blankets, talking for hours to my latest crush. Remember those days when you liked someone and they actually asked you for your phone number, and you wrote it down on a piece of paper or even more romantic they would write their number on the palm of your hand and you wouldn’t wash your hands for days because every time you looked down at that number you would smile. Remember?

Remember those days when your phone would ring and you would jump over furniture to answer it nearly breaking your neck in the process?

How the sound of their voice on the other end would make you think indecent thoughts. And you would hold your pee for hours because you didn’t want to get off the phone and it would be too embarrassing for them to hear you flush!

Oh, those were the good old days when you actually picked up the phone and called somebody or even better yet they took the time out to call you! What happened to good old fashion phone conversation? Now I’m asked for my BBM number, Facebook and e-mail addresses. I’ve had my share of far too many email romances that lead absolutely nowhere! And even if they ask for my number they never use it, baby, it’s texting all the way!

And I know I’m not alone in wishing for some phone etiquette and the return of some good old fashion phone courting. I’ve spent many hours with my single friends dissecting people’s lack of phone manner. Our conversations usually sound like this.

“Well he hasn’t called even though I gave him my number two months ago, but he does text me every day to say have a great day! And he did send me a Facebook message yesterday! trey, do you think he’s interested?”

I’m at a lost for words! I just can’t get into this new behaviour. I think it’s impersonal. Honestly- quite rude! And I know that we all lead busy lives but I believe if someone is TRULY interested in you and wanting to really get to know you, they will take some time out of their busy day too just say “hi.” And maybe my standards are too high but I’m sorry, a quick note on Facebook to arrange our first date is not sufficient!

Yet, I’m a hypocrite. Most of my friends and anyone who even wishes to remotely communicate with me, knows the best way to reach me is to either text or e-mail me. I’m notorious for not returning calls. Five years ago, after reading that most successful people never answer their phone during the day because it lessens their productivity. I immediately stopped answering my phone. I listen to my voice mail about every other day.

Yet, when I’m REALLY interested in someone. I take time out of my day to spontaneously call to just say “hi”-- I want to take that time. I need to talk to you.

And my assistant will know that she can interrupt whatever I’m doing so I can take your call.

And I know you’re “The ONE” because I’m always dying to hear your voice so I will find the precious time at the end of my busy day to dial your number to just tell you goodnight. And my heart beats faster when I see your name on my call display and I will high jump over furniture just to answer your call.

And I will hold my pee and we will talk for hours and hours until someone eventually fall asleep on the phone…

Living, simply: a life-changing roommate

2010-10-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

One writer remembers her days with a life-changing roommate

Trey Anthony
Special to the Star

He moved in. A small cardboard box, neatly fit under his arm. Two sticks of celery, a loaf of brown bread and a jar of almond butter. I asked him what time his moving truck was coming. He calmly expressed that this was all he had. All that he wanted.

This was my new tenant/roommate, David. He explained to me that he was a minimalist. He believed he didn’t need to have tons of worldly possessions to make him happy. And happy he was.

With great curiosity I watched him as he meditated in the morning and evenings. He read many books. Burned incense. He had deep and insightful conversations with friends who showed up in long, flowered skirts and Birkenstock sandals with wild flowers or jars of home made jam. I thought they were weird, silly hippies. They tried to engage me as they questioned the true meaning of happiness. I would have none of it: I was on a quest to conquer the world! Be a millionaire! Climb the ladder of success!

They could not possibly be a part of my world, where all my friends were striving to buy a bigger house, more brand-name clothing, a Mercedes, another computer. . . We were never satisfied. Never full.

With envy I watched David prepare simple yet delicious raw food meals. He chuckled as I reacted in horror at reading my credit card statement, realizing I spent nearly $185 on a meal at some fancy restaurant of which I couldn’t recall the name.

And as I stared in frustration at my over-stuffed closet and complained that I had absolutely nothing to wear. David would breeze by me in his simple white T-shirt and brown cords. An outfit I had seen on him many times, yet each time he retrieved the outfit from the dryer he would smile and pull the T-shirt over his head, eager to start a new day.

I would come home to find him humming softly to himself as he chewed on a piece of celery while reading a book. Me, stressed and tired from another day of long meetings, talking to people whom I really didn’t care about, battling rush-hour traffic.

But I wanted to buy more things, have more zeros in my bank account, so I took on a night job that I told myself I needed to make ends meet. I felt proud that I had bought my first home and I was only in my mid-’20s. However, I realized that I spent more hours in my car than I actually did living in my brand new fancy suburbia home. I expressed this to David and he stated quietly, “Trey, we all make choices.”

I stomped up the stairs thinking to myself, it must be nice to do nothing all day!

Why would he want to live like that? Doesn’t he want anything out of life?

One day he packed up his little cardboard box and said he felt a desire to leave. Maybe travel a bit. Hitchhike across Canada. Maybe see the world? Maybe work on a farm. He and a few friends were thinking about perhaps getting a place somewhere.

Where? He wasn’t sure where he would end up, but he knew it was time to move on. And then he was gone.

Ten years later I still think of David. Now as I fight the desperate need to try to slow down my life, simplify it, I think about him as I try to respond to my growing desire to move on, go somewhere. Where? I don’t know.

I think of him as my friends and family shake their head in disbelief and talk quietly among themselves that I must be crazy to want to give it all up to just move somewhere quiet, buy a small little house, get out of the rat race.

I think about him as I realize that I now have all of this stuff. Things that I thought would make me happy.

I think about him as I examine my simple desire to have a small room by a lake with a window, and more time to write. I think of him when I admit to myself that all I really want is more time to see my friends. More time to laugh with my brother. Maybe go visit my sister? See my cousin’s new babies? More time to read. More time to write. More time to prepare home-cooked meals. More time to burn candles, light incense. More time to question the true meaning of happiness.

Mission: Be a better dog mom

2010-08-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Published On Wenesday August, 04 2010

Trey Anthony
Special to the Star
If I thought there was a chance that my dog might read this, I would never ever write this.

I've never been a dog person. I'm even surprised that I have a dog! Yet, in one of those stupid lovey dovey moments with my partner, I decided to accept a cream colour bundle of fluff that we affectionately called Samara. We promised that the dog would bind us to each other for eternal life and we would never ever break up!

Six months later I was partnerless and two chocolate brown eyes stared up at me, questioning if I had a clue what I had just signed up for. And that's how dog life started with Samara and me.

I worry about Samara and all of my inner conflicts play out with her and are magnified. I worry that she might get fat, and what her fatness would say about me as an owner. When the other dogs don't play with her in the dog park, I think she may lack social skills or maybe she has really bad doggy breath.

I constantly compare myself to other doggie mommies. One encounter with a friend who's one of those “crazy dog people” left me feeling that sooner or later someone was going to turn me in for being a lousy dog mom. My friend who has two dogs revealed to me that she cooked all of her dog's meals, organic meats and brown rice. Lovely. She also baked them their own treats!

I was grateful that Samara would never know anything about the dog life she really should be leading.

Had I let Samara down by giving her plain old chicken-and-rice dry food?

And treats? When I remembered to buy them, they were usually on sale or if she was lucky enough, a piece of my peanut butter sandwich. Who has time to bake treats? Some people really don't have a life. I tried to conceal my bitterness at my friend's obvious doggy hierarchy and smiled weakly.

However, she decided to kick me while I was down, revealing that she took her dogs out for 45 minutes three times a day. Separately, so they could have one on one time with her. My guilt played out as I recalled Samara's hurried walks packed between my need to write, attend meetings, go out to theatre, check Facebook, pick up groceries or watch Oprah.

I wanted Samara to be able to brag about me some day to her friends in the doggy park. A change was on the horizon.

My mission was to be a better dog mommy, a decision that changed Samara's life and my own. First, better dog food. As I became more conscious of the food that I was giving Samara I also became more aware of the junk that I was putting into my own body. I started reading labels more. I bought more fruits and vegetables, and started eating more salads

I scheduled a veterinary appointment for Samara. I then promptly booked a physical for myself. I figured I didn't want to kick the bucket before Samara.

I scheduled longer walks and cut out Oprah. These walks gave me time to think and be in the moment. I started to appreciate the morning air, birds flying, butterflies singing... you get my point.

On one of our walks I discovered a small deserted park with a set of swings. I haven't been on a swing in about 25 years so I jumped on. It was so liberating. Samara looked at me like I had just lost my mind and started barking and nipping my ankles.

I also threw in some patience. I vowed I would give Samara the time to stop and sniff nearly every blade of grass that she came across. I would not pull on her leash or tap my foot impatiently. I then applied the act of patience in my own life as I tried to be more patient with others and myself.

I also decided to love her more, really love her, like I wanted to be loved. With patience, kindness and appreciation. No more “Miss Critical.” This big love spilled over to myself. As I spoke lovingly to Samara and appreciated her efforts to be a good dog, I used that same voice to validate my attempts to being a good human.

I also learned to cuddle with her. I learned that I liked having her close by, I liked having her count on me, and I learned that I loved having her around because she is always happy to see me.

Most of all I love having someone who thinks I'm the best even if I still give them discounted treats.

Not quite ready to be a dyke with a tyke

2010-07-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

When I was 21 I made the huge declaration that I was going to be married and have a house in the suburbs, two kids, and a wonderful husband who loved to cook!

Now fast forward a few years — okay, fast forward quite a bit — and life looks a lot different. I have the property, not in the suburbs, but a cool, chic downtown condo. No husband — by choice . . . and no kids.

And when you hit your mid-30s you are bombarded with the question. I know many of my straight friends in their 30s are in a panic about not being able to pop one out or even being able to find a man to just do the damn deed with!

For years, being queer has allowed me to bypass the annoying baby bullet question. Because when I announced I was queer, that announcement pretty much confirmed to my family that this womb was now out of service. But a few baby-happy lesbians messed that up for me, and I am now surrounded by endless gay friends popping out babies by the dozen or taking a trip to the local Children’s Aid Society to adopt. The single, queer, independent, happy, funky, cool, artist (i.e., me) is now a dying breed.

Of course, this baby-booming epidemic in the queer community has not escaped my grandmother or my mother. They now have a renewed sense of hope that my queer womb can be saved and restarted. My grandmother has taken out the baby starter cables and happily chases me around the house. Upon seeing the new bundle of joy of my two favourite lezzy friends, my grandmother declared, “Trey why don’t you just go tomorrow to where they went and go and get a baby!”

So last month I found myself in a wonderful two-day intensive course called Dykes Planning Tykes — a workshop for queer womyn planning on having children. I must admit I felt a little out of place, being that I was the only single womyn there and everyone else was partnered up in lesbian couple bliss. However, the course did not disappoint. Every mystery on how to have a child without having the convenience of a hot-blooded male partner beside you was discussed.

I learned more about ovulation and what goes on down there than I cared to know. I learned about good sperm, bad sperm, swimmers, known donor and unknown. I was thinking I could actually do this until the last day, when they brought in gay couples, singles . . . and their children.

My academic baby bliss was abruptly destroyed by the reality; the noise, the chaos, the baby poop, the frayed expressions on the mothers’ faces, the children running around the room screaming at the top of their lungs — that was just a bit too much for me. I had to take a deep breath and wonder whether I was really ready for this and was this something that I wanted to do alone.

As much as I present as a strong, capable, independent womyn, I’m scared to have a child on my own. I want to have a partner to share the responsibility with. I want us to read bedtime stories together, attend school recitals together, and take turns staying up when little Johnny has the flu.

I want partnership.

And yes, in so many ways I have thumbed my nose at tradition, but deep down there is something in me that wants that, wants it more than I know. And maybe it’s because I’m the product of a single parent household and have romanticized what a “family” is, but I know for me that’s what I want.

So for now I will just revel in the role of being cool Auntie Trey, who lives downtown, rides a scooter . . . and doesn’t push a stroller.

(Published in the Toronto Star on July 3, 2010)

The girl with the big nose and the zit at the end of it.

2010-04-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Grade six. A group of James Town girls ganged up on me and told me that I thought I was better than them and that I was a stuck up snob because I actually did my homework and because I spoke with an English accent. I was never invited to sit with them at lunch, got teased in the cafeteria and resorted to going to my only friend’s house for lunch. At her place we watched Young and the Restless, ate our lunch in silence and tried to not fantasize too much about what it would be like to actually be one of the pretty popular girls allowed to eat lunch in the school cafeteria.

Grade seven. My growing enormous breasts became the running joke for all the young boys. Boys would grope me without my consent, pull my bra strap and ask me if I got a black eye when I ran. I prayed daily for my breasts to just disappear.

Grade eight. I got nicknamed taco bell because I had a “big” ass and every time I walked by the boys would make the sound of a bell, and everyone would laugh. Ironically, I now do 100 squats per day trying to get this so called “big” ass back!

Grade nine. Five girls came to my school to kick my ass for dating the most popular girl’s “boyfriend”, a guy who never called me back and took me out on a “date” which I ended up paying for.

Grade ten. A popular boy stated to anyone that would listen that I would be pretty if my nose wasn’t so big! It didn’t help that every time I got a new zit it would appear at the end of my “big” nose. I promised myself I would get a nose job as soon as I turned eighteen. My Grandmother agreed. I still secretly worry about my “big” nose.

All of these things happened to me in school and I remained silent. I never told. Suffered in silence. Never once did I come home and share with my family what was going on. I never complained to any teachers. I had little faith that the adults around me would view me as worthy to protect. School for many years was not a safe place for me. And I’m sure many of you can relate to my stories and have even worst stories to tell. And now I’m in my thirties and can laugh at how ridiculous it all was, but back then there were moments that I felt my world was coming to an end. When you’re a teenager you can feel so alone, things can just seem so life shattering, just so hopeless. In high school, tired of the alienation, tired of not “fitting in”, and throw in some good family drama, I had had enough…suicide became a viable option.

She came home and hung herself.

I am in disbelief. Saddened as I read about the death of fifteen year old Phoebe Prince who hung herself because she was taunted daily. The headlines read she was bullied to death! What does her death mean? And why does it mean so much to me?

I think I relate to Phoebe even more because she was from Ireland and had recently moved to the U.S. She spoke in an Irish accent and I remember how embarrassed I was about my accent, how kids made fun of me. How I hated to sound “white.” And moving from England and coming to Rexdale was a culture shock that I was not prepared for.

I think about Phoebe, her face haunts me. I think about what she could have become. Maybe she would have found the cure for cancer, I think maybe she would have done something really great…maybe she would have had her own TV show.

I read every news item about her, research her on the internet. Feel a sad kinship with a girl I don’t even know. A girl I will never meet…

My sadness multiplies when I read about the death of Carl Walker Hoover, eleven years old who hung himself after daily taunts of being called a faggot, and a homosexual. And the facts are the facts. Gay teenagers are four times more likely to commit suicide than their straight counterpart. I wonder about my own gayness…queerness. If I had “known” or even attempted to come out in high school I wonder what that experience would have looked like for me? And I shamefully think about my own silence when the obviously effeminate gay boy was teased in my high school.

So now in my role as the “confident” mature adult, I feel compelled to not be silent. I feel an urgency to really talk for those who are so often silenced. I go into schools to teach a lesson of compassion, respect. Letting the misfits, the nerds, the queers, the uncool and the unloved know that I was one of them. And now I’m here. This too shall pass? It passes, but you never really forget…

We need to be more vigilant about our children. Make schools safer. Parents, teachers, adults need to be more aware of what is going on in our schools. And yes I know it is easy for us to be dismissive and say kids will be kids. NO! School should not be a war zone for some and a safe haven for others.

So within the safety of my adulthood I think about Phoebe. Daily. She haunts me. I feel my anger rise as I think about little Carl. I feel helpless and it reminds me of how I often felt in school.

my return to blogging!

2010-04-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

My fellow blog followers I apologize for my absence.... will explain in my blog. Thanks so much for your love and concern. I promise now to blog every week!

blessings

Superwomyn took off her cape and fell out of the sky.

I am back in therapy again. As a black womyn this is something I feel I need to share yet something I feel I should not. There has been great shame in the community about asking for help, seeking help, acknowledging that one needs help. Just recently I felt I was running on empty, feeling stressed to the max. When I finally found the courage to ask a close family member for help she responded by accusing me of always complaining and being selfish. Wow! So, you can see why I have a fear of asking for help. Asking for help is not something I do lightly. I have been deeply, personally invested in portraying an image of the womyn who has it all together, has all the answers, the superwomyn, the go to girl, the girl who seems to have it all....

Yet, in my lonely hours when i was by myself and had to look at myself in the mirror, I found it harder to look myself in the eye. The things and people that were supposed to be making me happy didn't anymore. The friends that I used to love to be around now felt as if I had outgrown them, or did they outgrow me? My family now got on my nerves even more than before and even my guilty pleasures of my favourite comfort foods didn't quite hit the spot. And the womyn, " Ms "trey anthony" " whom I had so skillfully constructed, had become someone I didn't like very much either. I knew then it was time to go back to therapy. Its been a four year absence from therapy. But I'm happy to be back!!

I am reinventing myself again. Apparently this reinvention is beyond my control. My deep spiritual friends have shared with me that based on my birthdate, numerology states that apparently I am in a year 5. A year 5 predicts that one goes through major changes in their life. One usually moves , ends a relationship, changes careers, meets new friends and gets rid of old ones. A year 5 is full of many changes. I have no doubt that I am in a year 5!

So back to therapy? In therapy, I'm learning a lot about this new "trey", the new me who I would like to be… and of course this means truly examining the old trey. I realize i suffer from a complex that i will call, " The no one will love me or show up, if I ask for help or really ask for what I truly want." I'm sure some of you suffer from it too :) A simple request as asking my friends to help me move reduced me to a crying bowl of jello in my therapist's office and had her calmly question why I felt I couldn't ask my friends to help me. I explained to her that i have a fear of people not showing up for me. A fear that my friends won't support me. A fear that if i ask for help it is a sign of weakness. A fear that if I ask….No one will come!

My therapist encouraged me to ask and to carefully note my friend's responses and take stock of what it meant to me. Take stock of what I was feeling. So I took a breath and with baited breath wrote an email asking for help. I gave my "friends" four options on dates and times that they could come and help me. I sent it out to five friends. One immediately responded and congratulated me on asking for help and acknowledged that she knew this must have been hard for me. And she promised to "help" me with my move. I was very happy that she acknowledged this but was very disappointed when the actual moving days came and she never showed up! Two of my other friends wrote back with dates that they were available and showed up for the move. Another one proclaimed she was busy on all four dates! And the last one I haven't heard from..... Yet there were some people in my life who I didn't even think about asking for help who upon hearing about my move, came by and offered their services and chastised me for not asking them for help! This really made me feel love thank you. And my wonderful little sis I owe you big time!

So overall my request for help was bittersweet. It showed me that I have people that I can truly count on, and some that I can't. In that I also felt it was necessary for me to look at my own actions. Do I have "friends" in my life who are really acquaintances? Also, what sort of friend am I? Would I be the friend who others would think to call if they needed help? And to be honest, I couldn't really be sure. To some of my friends I know I'm a really great friend and to some not so much but I'm really working on being a better friend.

Yet I also realized that there was a need for me to do some spring cleaning. My "move" was a physical and emotional one. I needed to move around things and people in my life that no longer were serving me or me serving them. I was holding on to some "friends" as I would a pair of favourite jeans that used to fit me in high school but I knew now as a grown womyn I had no business trying to squeeze myself into!

And it was much more than just getting rid of my friends because they didn't help me move, it was about really taking a stock of what I now want. What types of friends do I want to be around? Who do I want to count on? Who do I want to count on me? What fits new trey. And it doesn't mean that my old friends were bad or mean people, not at all. I just want something different. I now have a New Priority list and some people made it on and some people didn't. Some things got shuffled around and some things got crossed off. It's my list , I would suggest you create your own.

Before it was a priority for me to have hundreds of people around me and calling each one of them my "friend." Before it was important for me to have a centre and a huge downtown space. Before it was important for me to gain the approval of my family, friends, partner, people on the bus, strangers, the taxi driver. Before I loved crowds and being the centre of attention. Before my health wasn't important. Before I wanted to be so "busy" that it stopped me from feeling, thinking, and dealing with my emotions.

Now I am busy slowing down. Taking stock. Going to therapy so I can remember what it feels like to feel again. Now I'm reading more. Trying to eat healthy. Going to the doctor regularly. Calling my closest five friends regularly. Visiting my friend's new baby. Going to a play with my BFF. Driving to Niagara on the lake. Eating breakfast in bed. Listening to my grandmother tell stories. Feeling so much that I cry regularly for no reason. Crying? Me? Yes, everyday! I like to think that my tears represent a new birth, new life, water, tears, water, tears. And somewhere from deep in the water a new me will emerge.....

Talk dirty to me

2010-02-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

Lately i've had this uncontrollable desire to ask many of my friends intimate questions about their sex lives. I've been participating in really uncensored, intimate conversations with various womyn and men about their sex lives. Men have been really eager to share the goods, without hesitation they will tell me what they like in bed, what turns them on, what things will let their toes curls etc....

Womyn well... another story. It amazes me how so many of us are embarrassed to talk about desire and what we like in bed and don't like. I'm also amazed at how many womyn share that they feel embarrassed to share with their partners how to effectively "deliver the goods." Some of us were raised to be "good" girls hence we do not talk about sex and we especially don't talk about sex with our partners! And don't let me start to tell you how many womyn have shared in hushed tones that they have never experienced an ORGASM. sigh....

And as my birthday approaches I begin to think about what I want and desire out of my life and some of those things is to be able to have healthy intimate sexual relationship not only with a partner but also with myself. A quiet delightful moment with myself....

I really want to know what turns me on...what curls my toes. So I'm learning to really love my body, be proud of it, explore it, listen to it. Be sexually free. Learning to say without shame that I have desire. And I need to satisfy this desire. And as I approach my up coming birthday I have recently learnt that I'm apparently in my sexual peek zone, women reach their maximum sexual velocity between35-40, men at 18-22 years old!

Wow! And while I'm in this so called liberating sexual zone I have decided I want to not only have moments of mind blowing earth shattering raw sex and dirty dirty talk! i also want to learn how too truly be intimate. Vulnerable. I want to be held. Held? Yes held. Held before and after sex. And this is something that I have been ashamed to admit. I have been wary of intimacy. Scared to be truly intimate. Scared to touch and to be touched... And the reasons for my deep fears are too many to list. Too personal....

And, I think many of us are scared of true intimacy even though it is something that we claim to desire. Yet how many of us know how to really obtain it or even know what to do with it when it comes knocking at our door? Myself I have been guilty of being a "flight risk" anytime intimacy shows up at my door. Whenever someone feels like they are getting to close, want to love me deeper, or need me to love them deeper I'm gone---emotionally and physically. And too be really honest I must admit intimacy scares the f*&^% out of me!

So in my need to address my fears and also to liberate not only myself but also others, I've decided to go back to therapy and I will continue to publicly share some of my breakthroughs. I feel it's important to continue to work on one's self and carefully look at the cycles we continue to create. So I want to dig deep, no pun intended but I also want to address my fears with intimacy by having a little fun! Hence, my birthday party~ Talk Dirty- I like it, a birthday bash that will be fun, sensual, intimate, and really really good! Yes that good! I'm hoping that maybe we can all have a big O in our chairs! lol! So come out and join me, eat some free cake, laugh and let loose. It's going to be a dirty fun show! Just you and a few hundred of my most intimate friends.......Lets celebrate!

The black Rapist next door!

2010-01-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

So it's Monday evening 6pm, it's dark outside. I'm alone on a quiet dim lit street in a middle class neighbourhood. I'm walking my dog. I'm black. Female. Five feet two. I'm about ten feet away from my friend's home who I'm house sitting for and I notice footsteps behind me. They are getting closer. Rushing footsteps. I turn around. I notice a young black guy about six three, with a hoody on. Head down. Maybe he's trying to shield himself from the cold or maybe..... something more. Something more sinister. My heart begins to beat faster. Maybe he's trying to hide his face i wonder? My heart races. I quicken my step. He quicken his. step. I'm getting nervous no one is around. I'm now about five feet away from "home."

There's a young black guy with a hoody on, his face down. Steps behind me. I race to my door, keys out. I try to remember everything that i have learnt in self-defense class. Oh but it was so many years ago! Yet, I'm prepared to scream, kick, yell. I will gouge his eyes out with my keys. I will kick him in the nuts! He won't take me down without a fight. I'm ready! I race to the door. Running. Hands shaking. He starts running as well! I open the door slam it shut. I'm safe! I think~Yet he runs towards the house, I think he's going to try and smash through the door, yet he abruptly runs down the adjoining alleyway between my "home" and the neighbors. I know what he's going to do! He's going to smash the side window and break into the house. He's going to rape me! I'm in extreme panic. I don't know who to call! I grab my phone quickly my first instincts are to call my friends. No one answers. I glance out the window I don't see him, yet i know he's there. I sense him. I'm going to call 911! I need the police! As I'm about to call my phone rings, it's my friend who owns the house. She had just seen my number on her phone, is everything ok? I quickly explain. Describing my would be "attacker," should I call the police! She laughs. "Oh that's the neighbour's son he lives next door he uses the side door because he lives in the basement." My heart stops racing. My hands stop trembling. Shame overtakes me. My friend laughs. More shame. She responds. "Man you don't want to be the black girl who calls the cops on an innocent black guy!" Shame washes over me. An innocent young black guy just going home and yet he had become the "rapist."

Me, who should have known better, Miss, black feminist, social activist. The person who just produced a play called Secrets of a black boy which deals with the stereotypes of black men! I feel shame. I think of all the great black men in my life. The ones who have loved me and I have loved them fiercely back. Defending their honour viciously to anyone who wants to label them anything but good black men!

At the top of my "good black men list" is my brother whom I love dearly, probably the same age as the "rapist" next door. My brother wears a hoody when it's cold, wraps his scarf around his face. I wonder how many times women have mistaken him for a rapist when he's walking down Landsdowne, probably around midnight on the way to his night shift job. Maybe he's walking a bit faster because he's late for work or maybe he's just cold.....

I also think of the worst possibilities, what if i was a white woman who called the cops and described exactly the scenario of what happened, a black young guy, "following me", rushing down a dark alleyway, would they rush over, pin my "rapist" over the hood of a cop car, arrest him.... I don't know.

Yet as I sit with these thoughts, I also wonder, would I have reacted the same way if he was a young white man "following" me? What if he was a young white man in a business suit? Would I have felt just as threatened? Would I have felt threatened if he was a young white kid in baggy jeans and a hoody on? I want to believe that my reaction would have been the same....but I'm not so sure. I'm not certain. And this uncertainty bothers me. Doesn't sit well with me.

I can't help but think about the countless black men who sit behind bars, for being so called "suspects." How many innocent black men have been jailed. I recall the case of James Bain. A florida man who spent 35 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. James Bain, who is now 54 years-old, was convicted of kidnapping and raping a nine-year-old boy in 1974. The young boy recognised Mr Bain as his attacker, but there was no technical evidence.

Bain's alibi that he was watching television with his twin sister was dismissed. Through out the years Mr Bain always maintained that he was innocent. Recently a DNA test has proved his innocence! There are so many other cases like James Bain. How many of the wrongly convicted just happen to be black men?

And to make myself feel better I want to truly believe that I reacted from a place of fear and self-preservation as a young womyn trying to protect herself. I want to believe that race didn't factor into this at all. I want to believe that I wasn't influenced by the daily media diet, of black men's faces sprawled across newspaper headlines and t.v stations that label them "rapist", murderer, BAD ~someone to fear did not affect my reaction. I want to believe this I do! I want to believe that I know better! That I would never fear a black man! I have no need to fear black men!

Because I have a brother a black brother. A brother I love fiercely. A gentle giant. A good "kid." Six three, who sometimes wears a hoody. And sometimes covers his face when it's cold. I have a brother. A black brother......

* I welcome your feedback on this one....

it was the "perfect life" except it wasn't mine!

2010-01-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2010! So much has happened!

Ten years ago I called off an engagement to my high school sweetheart. He was a wonderful, kind, loving man. Sexy as hell! He was the "perfect guy." We had bought a house, we were in the middle of planning a wedding. Our family and friend were excited! We had our entire lives planned out the only problem was, I wasn't sure if this is what I wanted for my life.... The more excited everyone got about my so called "perfect life," the bigger the knot grew in my stomach that something wasn't quite right... I knew I wanted more. I wanted to live my life with passion. I wanted to really live! My desire to really LIVE kept me up at night. Had me on the phone with my best friend late at night questioning the true meaning of life. Left me on a therapist couch once per week trying to figure all the S^%$ out! I went to everyone for answers until I realized that the only person who could provide me with the true answers were myself.....

So I made the agonizing decision to leave my very traditional, perfect planned life, I abandoned "good girl trey" and I took the road less travelled....

My decision to leave and choose to live my life~ my way, left many people hurt, devastated, disappointed and many questioned my sanity. I even questioned my sanity! I was scared. Yet I stepped into the darkness with just a small hope that somewhere I would find some light. I prayed for guidance and I knew that I had to have faith because there was a part of me that knew if I continued on the path that others wanted for me I would die before I completed the journey. So I followed my gut. Believed that I had to be willing to "disappoint others to remain true to myself..."

This decision to leave and disappoint others was one of the most bravest things that I had ever done in my life. Yet, this decision later turned out to be one of my most fruitful, life changing decisions both professionally and personally. It showed me my worth, allowed me to truly live with passion. l learnt what it meant to truly love, laugh and cry. Too actually be ok with my feelings and desires to want MORE.... and to believe that I deserved MORE....

Ten years ago I learnt....

"This too shall pass......" Time does heal all wounds and sometimes you have to sit with pain, disappointment and hurt so you will know what true joy feels like when it comes through your door!
Sometimes you may hurt others but the worst thing that you can do is hurt yourself by staying in a situation that does not serve your highest good.
People will get extremely angry when you mess up the order that they have planned for your life because when you truly start living your life it forces others to really take a look at their own lives and start living it accordingly.
When you hit rock bottom the only place you can go is straight to the top. But be willing to take your time to climb slowly to the top and the views up there are amazing!

So, as I write down my goals for 2010, as I make plans to make some huge shifts both professionally and personally I now sit with the same thoughts that I did nearly a decade ago. I sit with the same fears... And again others are already questioning why do I desire more? Again, I'm questioning my sanity.

Yet i know it's time again for me to take the path less travelled. It's time for me to walk through fear, get out of my comfort zone. I must be willing to disappoint others to remain true to myself. I must listen to my gut. I must remain TRUE to myself.

I wish for you in 2010 what I wish for myself to live your life with passion, Truth, and lots of love and laughter.

I also wanted to take this time to thank you for "following" my life, my thoughts, and working through my issues with me. I also wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feedback with me. This blog has really been therapeutic and I love having this connection with so many of you. Someone to work out the &*%$! with. I see my blog as a community support group~Even an international support group! A big shout out to my followers in India, South Africa and Ireland! And from many of your responses, personal emails and stories I realize that I'm not alone in some of my many "issues!" lol. Make 2010 your big tings year!

blessings

Perky Boobs for Xmas!

2009-12-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

I want perky boobs. Boobs that I can run down the street in a white tank top, no bra, and they would stay in place. Nipples always erect like Farrah Fawcett~ before she died. I think I should be the first black Charlie's Angel. I also want a flat stomach so I can ditch my spanx, throw out my ten million armor body girdles, and just walk around naked with my abs of steel and perky boobs. And if I could please not have any back fat! I think back fat definitely spoils my sexy white tank top look. And to match my sexy white tank top I want to wear white short shorts that barely cover my ass. Oh but I forgot to mention I also want an ass, an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of. An ass that if I turned any street corner you would see my ass coming before you see me! I'm writing Santa a list and I'm gonna see what shows up under my tree!

But seriously, anyone who truly knows me knows I have struggled with body issues all my life. The chubby kid who grew up to be the fat adult, yet somewhere inside this "fat" body there was a skinny chick throwing up the sandwich and chocolate cake--- screaming to get out!

I don't like my body. Not a big fan of her at all. I wouldn't willingly sign up for THIS or order this body. I would demand a refund. I really really really.... don't like my body. I said it. Miss "feminist," burn your bra, loving all womyn and all of our sizes, miss trey anthony doesn't like her body! And believe me, I've really tried to practice what I preach, to other womyn about being okay with yourself. Loving yourself at whatever size you are. Embracing all of you. And I truly believe all of that. I really do. I just wish I could believe it for myself! And my non belief has made me do some really mean and unhealthy things to myself in order to achieve the "perfect" body. I don't think that's there's a diet that I haven't tried. The grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny's, Weight Watchers, Bernstein's, two shakes a day or was it three?

And at my heaviest of nearly 235 lbs and a size 18, I took the drastic step of having lap band surgery. I lost over 100 lbs. Yet, before the surgery I thought once I got down to a size 12 I'll be happy. Then it was a size 10, then a size 8, and now I'm a size 7 striving for a size 5/6 yet the same issues that I had with my body at size 18 still remain... I think I'm even more critical. So I'm trying a new approach. I think I've had a mini breakthrough.

I'm working on getting my body stronger and not smaller. I want to be able to run at a 6.0 on the treadmill for thirty minutes and not feel like I'm going into cardiac arrest. I want to be able to do 50 pushups, in less than 40 seconds, effortlessly lift 15lb weights and not cry out for my mother! I want to be a strong, toned athlete.

I'm also listening to how I speak to my body. Putting that little/BIG "Voice" in my head on censorship. I've told that "Voice" that she can no longer call trey fat, or fat ass or compare her to other "perfect" womyn.....

In my bootcamp class, which I'm now going five days a week, I no longer listen to that "Voice" which yells that everyone is running way faster than me. I don't listen to that "Voice" that tells me to notice, that everyone in the class is much prettier and skinnier than me! I don't hear that "Voice" laughing that everyone is looking at my fat-- flat ass jogging on a treadmill. I shut the little anorexic down throw her a damn sandwich! Tell her to shut the f%^&* up!

Instead, as I run I affirm, "trey your body is strong, today trey you're doing your best."

I promise myself that I'm going to run just a bit faster than yesterday. I affirm, "trey, you are doing something good and healthy for your body."

I don't allow myself to focus on the fact, I'm not running the minimum speeds that the instructor demands. Or that my arms turn to jello, lifting even at the minimum weights! And I definitely, don't focus on the size O girl who's an "actress", oh sorry I mistook you for a stripper! In your sexy white tank top, white short shorts, and perky DDD, boobs with erect nipples of course! Okay I lied! I focus on her a little bit, but I eventually shift my focus, back to the fact that every day I'm doing just a little bit better than I was yesterday. Running a bit faster. Feeling a bit stronger!

Trey on Oprah!! Coming to a t.v near you!

2009-12-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

Friends, family and fans have all called, emailed, and 'facebooked' me to ask what am I going to do now that Oprah is leaving television? I have been asked for my reaction and of course what this now means for me~because everyone knows that my dream is to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show. My response about Oprah leaving her show is, this is not about me at all..... It's about a womyn who has made a decision to do what is best for her. Made a decision to honour her spirit and her life and she has the wisdom to know when to say goodbye. Also how to say goodbye gracefully. Something I'm still working on!

Yet , I will miss Oprah, I grew up with her. Feel as if Oprah mothered me from a distance. When my mom had no choice but to work her two jobs, and Ieave us home alone, Oprah kept my company at 4pm every afternoon. She made me feel safe to be home alone.... I think she raised many latch key kids. Made many of us feel as if we had a mother waiting at home for us.....

She is a "Mother", she is a hope, and dream-maker. Made me believe that any DREAM is possible! Made me believe that I could be on T.V, gave me HOPE that the world would be ready for some one who looks like me. She was the first black womyn I ever saw on T.V. She will always be my "First Lady." I will miss her. Oprah is family. She raised a nation. Raised me....

So I hear the unanswered question rumbling around, "So trey, how are you going to be on Oprah now that she is leaving?"

My response~ soon. I know this. I see this. I believe it. I want it. I know the Universe will conspire in the next eighteen months to make this happen. I'm sure of this. I have faith. Just in the same way I knew I would meet her when she came to Toronto. It made no sense to anyone but I knew it. Had faith. And I prayed on it and when I got discouraged I called on the Lord and I said, God you brought her all this way here and you're not going to make me meet her? And then God showed me that with him anything is possible and the rest is herstory, you all know what happened!

Out of hundreds of people watching a movie, the Spirit moved me to leave that theatre, Spirit made me take my time to pull down my girdle and spanx :) and Spirit made me bump into Oprah Winfrey in a washroom and hand her my DVD! Because when Spirit is on your side and it is suppose to happen it will happen! I'm a true believer that Spirit works through me. It works through all of us, if we have faith and just take the time to really Listen. And there is no rhyme or reason to Spirit's work. Just have faith....

So, I have faith that in the next eighteen months I will be sitting on the stage of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Crazy, maybe? But years ago if someone said, a little black poor girl, named Oprah Winfrey, would become one of the most influential womyn in the world we would all think that was crazy~ Oprah made crazy seem possible!

if you havent heard the news, watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq56TcZNBC8

horse shoe up my ass?

2009-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Being here in L.a has brought up many interesting conversations between my friends, family and acquaintances. My decision to move to L.a to write for two months or maybe even longer has been met with many verbal expressions of "Wow, you're so lucky, that you can do that" or a sarcastic, " It must be nice!" or my favourite one is "Good stuff always happens to you!"

And I've had to really sit down and think about these statements because I realize that most people function from a place of good things only happen to "certain people" or only "lucky people" have good lives. And I've been thinking lately am I really more "lucky" than most~ My best friend always jokes that, I have a horse shoe up my ass!

And in some moments I have experienced a tremendous sense of guilt around my so called "luck"~ especially when people express to me, "Oh what a life of luxury you lead, you're going away to write for two months while I'm slaving away here!"

Yet I realize I have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm not more "lucky" than most. What I am is a visionary, I put my life into motion to get what I want. I don't make my life control me I control my life. I don't think things "just happen".... I think you have to set things in motion for them to happen. You have a choice in what happens to your life! A choice!

And I know many of you will argue this point with me and that's fine-bring it on!! Because if you truly believed you had a choice in what happens in your life it would force you to really start to make some changes! So of course it's much easier for you to sit and dwell on the "lucky folks." * yes i know that statement is going to hit a nerve! I'm just keeping IT REAL!

Because I believe most of us function from a place of REACTING to life's circumstances instead of being PROACTIVE in our own lives. We wait for our lives to start, wait for "lady luck" to walk by so we can grab her, if we are "lucky" enough! And of course we always think maybe... some day I'll do that......SOME DAY?? No today is the day!

I've made a promise to myself and it's my daily mantra, that I'm going to live the life that I want. And the life that I want, is to be able to go away for two months to write in hot weather! It's as simple as that. And no, throughout my life I didn't have anymore "lucky" breaks than anyone else.

I was born into a working class family, raised by a single mom, lived quite an "ordinary" life and nothing was ever given to me that I haven't worked hard for. And I think if you ask any of my friends and family who knew me before I became "The" trey anthony I think all of them would talk about my tremendous work ethic. How I will do the work necessary and then some to get things done or to have the things that I want! One of my favourite sayings that my grandmother always stated to me was, " To have the life that most people want, you must be willing to do the work that most people won't."

And I have done the "work" and continue to do so. Some of my jobs have included cleaning toilets, emptying garbages, cleaning people's floors on my hands and knees, running for coffee, picking up people's dry cleaning, cleaning people's homes, I've worked in a sock factory on an assembly line during the week so I could have my weekends free to do standup at comedy clubs, I did coat check at a night club till 4am in the morning and took the bus home, alone, scared and tired~ I have done backbreaking, humbling jobs to get to where I am today....... trust me when the bio pic comes out about my life you will be surprised at what "work" I have done..... And yes I also realize that many of us continue to toil at these jobs daily and I'm "lucky" that I no longer have to do these things....

Yet, I've worked very hard for everything that I have. And when my partner and I made the decision to go away for two months, we put the wheels in motion to make that happen. So we chose to work twelve-fourteen hour days, so we could "bank" the necessary money for this trip. Earlier in the year, we chose to give up an expensive mortgage on a very convenient, beautiful, downtown condo and move to a smaller, simpler home, where it took me nearly 45 mins to get into work and yes I took the TTC! The Wilson bus to be exact because it was cheaper than driving into downtown every day and paying for parking. And yes it was "embarrassing" for me to bump into fans on the TTC bus! But I put my ego aside and did what was necessary. And I had to question myself on why I felt embarrassed..... I was doing what I had to do to make a dream come true. I did all of that, so we could "save" the money for L.a. I also chose to not buy expensive designer jeans or shoes and went to Zellers to buy many an outfit for opening night events! Actually the top that I was wearing when I met Oprah cost $14.99 at Zellers, the leather jacket cost me $25 and it was second hand, or to make myself better I'll call it vintage! lol! And I wore it proudly at the Toronto Film Festival, the same festival where some of my industry peers were getting designer gowns made! And I got many a compliment on my outfit!

I did all of this because I knew where I wanted to be at the end of the year. My friends joke a lot about how "cheap" I am. And yes I am cheap because my "cheapness" affords me the life that I want to live..... And I regularly go over my personal and business budget so I can cut out things in order, to later have the things that I truly want. I don't keep up with the "Jones'" I keep up with me!

And most of all before I got to L.a I daily visioned and manifested that I would be in L.a writing outside in the hot sunshine. I chose to see the abundance and not the lack. I didn't complain that I wouldn't have the money to do it. I just focused on what I had and how could I make this possible? And I truly think that is the difference between me and a lot of people. Even in the days when I had $20 in my bank account, or while working as an intern for the Chris Rock Show in New York and only being able to "treat" myself to a $1 hot dog for lunch once a week, I always focused on the abundance not the lack. And I worked with what I had to make things happen and I always envisioned my life the way that I wanted to live it!

So a new year is coming and I hear many people around me making all these grand statements of, "Well in the new year, I'm going to do this, or that...." I think to myself, why not start now? Live your life. Live the life you want to live. Stop making excuses and thinking good things only happen to certain people and not you! Be thankful for what you have, feel blessed for every opportunity, however, create more opportunities for yourself and I would encourage you to fill your life with positive thoughts, positive books, positive people and manifest the life that you want. It is possible to have the life you want~I'm living proof of that.

get rich or die trying?

2009-11-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

I love reading! At bedtime, when I was small I use to hide under the covers with a flashlight to finish off a book. I think that's why I'm now blind as a bat! Are bats really blind? Anyway, people are always amazed by how much I read. I read two or three books a week. I can get lost in a book and I love to hear what my friends are reading. Last week I met with a wonderful, dynamic womyn who works in the entertainment industry. She suggested that I read the book, Do you, by Russell Simmons. A great pick! I'm truly enjoying this book and I would recommend it to everyone! I'm on chapter three and I'm just loving it! Russell is the brains behind Def Jam Records, Phat Farm, Def comedy Jam, Def Poetry Jam on Broadway. I thought this book would be all about how he did it.... but it's not. It's really about his code of ethnics and how he governs his life and I must admit I was surprised. I guess we all have stereotypes in our head of what we think we "know" about people and what they would be like. And I must admit I thought it would be a book on how to "play the game," make a lot of money, get rich or die trying, kind of hype! So I was a bit skeptical if this would be a book for me but I thought why not give it a try.

I would never have thought that a hip hop mogul would have such life-changing philosophies and such great moral conduct. And I had to question myself on that... Why I would automatically assume that a hip hop mogul wouldn't have a code of ethics that he lived by?? I can't believe I bought into the hype and stereotypes of black men in hip hop! But i did. Shamefully i did....

So the more I read about Russell Simmons, the more impressed I was. One of the things which really impressed me was his vision of himself and his dreams. During many of his business ventures, he lost millions of dollars, many people didn't see his vision and didn't believe in him, but he kept on. A quote from his book that I love is,

"What holds most people back, isn't the quality of their ideas, but a lack of faith in themselves. Whatever dream you're following, people will always tell you, " You can't do this, or you'll never be able to do that!" But you can do it. The world belongs to people who say, "I can!"

I can. Wow. How life changing are those words? I can. If you believe that, the world belongs to you! I truly believe that. Do you? Being here in L.a I'm really taking the time to keep a clear vision of myself, my dreams, and the "noise" in my head. What things I believe of myself and how to not let anyone discourage me. I'm taking control of my dreams, my vision and I keep just pushing on, pursuing~believing that the world belongs to me!

blessings

t

something to think about

2009-11-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

I've been in L.a now nearly a week. I love L.a! The weather, the people~ who I am in L.a. I think I'm much more hopeful when I'm in L.a. I dream bigger. Laugh louder. Love deeper. I'm kinder to myself, carefree, joyous, open. I give myself permission to have delicious lunches, long conversations, I have writing days with my friends. They come over and we spend most of the day chatting but we also write and read each others work. I love this! I've heard so many deep and personal stories. I love listening to them, learning more about my friends. I eat tacos. I sit in my p.j's outside every morning. I watch countless episodes of 20/20 on line. I talk to my mother. Indulge endless long conversations from my grandmother. I laugh at myself. Laugh at my family. Laugh at life. I think. I really think. I try to listen to my heart~ I sit outside and I write. Have way too many chai lattes. I listen to the birds, I listen.... really listen to myself. I think some more.... I read. I indulge me. I wake up every morning feeling blessed.

My Toronto friends laugh that I choose L.a for my "get a way." They think I will get caught up in the L.a industry game but I don't. I take meetings of course! I pitch, I meet and I meet and I meet..... La people love to have meetings! I've taken four meetings in the last five days!

But I now have such a clear sense of myself and my worth that I don't go into these meetings desperate for approval, desperate to be chosen. I go into these meetings aware that I am special, I have something to offer and if i am not picked or chosen I have chosen myself..... will choose to choose myself.

How times have changed... for many years I did not choose myself. Wanted others to pick me. Tell me that I was worthy, lovable and enough.... did so many desperate and unhealthy things in order to make people love me. Make them pick me please....

So I'm thankful that I'm now in L.a at this time in my life. I sometimes wonder if I had chosen to come to L.a when I was in my early twenties what would that have looked liked for me, because I would have been so desperate. Taken anything. Choose to be what this industry told me I needed to be. Now I can politely say no thank you, walk away...Know that they are not personally rejecting me but they are not ready to see the vision~the trey vision. The higher vision of myself and what I am choosing to offer the world. So everything happens in due time. My time is now and I'm thankful truly thankful for having this time.

So last week's our lesson was to listen more... how did that go for you? Let me know. I love getting your comments and feedback.

Our lesson this week~Do you love and approve of yourself? Think....do you truly like who you are, would you pick yourself? ummm.... a scary one. Let me know.

take care.

trey talks dirty! * mom don't read this blog!

2009-11-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

So I know many of you come to this blog for inspiration, insight and my personal "deepness". Yada yada, yada...lol! but as i always say i'm just a regular girl trying to figure it out. And there are many sides of me, the deep side, the fun side, the dark side and now here is my naughty dirty side! I just watched this Trey Songz video and boy I had to post it! Thanks to my girl Krystle for giving me the heads up on this one! It was hot! It sure did it for me! lol! Made me want to take a shower! I'm thinking of creating a queer girl video in response! No? maybe? Got you thinking! lol but hey.... you'll get it when you see it! Mr Trey Songz, I feel proud that we shared the same name! It's a hot one not for the weak hearted. The man states that when he's finished you would think he INVENTED SEX. Enough said!

by request

2009-11-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

Hey folks I have gotten requests for poetry. And yes it's been awhile since i have written. Shared new poetry. So here you go.

The haunting....

There are moments. Moments that define you. You remember. Even though you joke and say you have a bad memory. Can't remember names, what you had for dinner last night. Write groceries lists so you will remember carton of soy milk, bread to be eaten. chai tea. Lists of life to remind you of your favourite things. So you won't forget~ some things can't be forgotten.
You remember. Remember "the" moment when changed. Changed forever by the simple~ enormous~ quiet~ entry of you. changed by a simple hi, a smile. A touch. You remember a body memory. It has been awaken~no longer dormant. You remember. Painfully aware of presence even when you are not there.
chocolate eaten in the dark. Glasses of red wine. Difficult conversation. demanding honesty. tears. Resisting what you are saying even as you state it. Cannot match intense gaze. must remember to look away. the "Right" words tumble out of mouth ~drown sadly into uneaten soup.
walk. quickly. away. Do not look back.
Backwards~ and you know you would stay. Feel more.
Feelings shape into memories. You fly a thousand miles. So you won't remember.
Even in your safe space. you are not safe. writing things that should be forgotten.
you are here. Present. remembered.
You forget to write lists. Forget your favourite things. Want to forget but you remember....
memories keep you up at night.

I'm a SELFISH, impulsive "Shit Holding" Martyr!

2009-11-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

For the past few days. I've stayed away from writing. Found it too scary. I have come to the awareness that whenever I have something that I don't wish to deal with, think about, confront, I stop writing. Writing is my "moral indicator" for where I am in my life. My writing is therapeutic and lets me truly sort out what is going on in my head. For nearly a week and a half i haven't written much because I have been dealing with some moral, personal and business issues. Testing within myself what is the right thing to do. Wanting to make sure that I make the right decisions. I really want to be a person of morals, a person that lives a moral life, is kind, loving, forgiving and sensitive to others. Yet, I also want to kind, loving and forgiving to myself. Because in the past I have been guilty of two major things, Huge character flaws!

1. Sometimes I weigh too heavily how my decisions will affect everyone. Thus, I have chosen to stay in situations that do not serve my higher intention because I don't want to hurt, disappoint, or have difficult conversations with others. So I have become the pleaser, the overly considerate one, the one who holds the whole "shit" together! Because I'm the one who wants everyone to be happy even if it means I'm truly not happy.
So in my quest to may everyone happy, I do way TOO MUCH, become resentful, burnt out, and I am left feeling used and not appreciated.
* I'm sure none of you can relate! :)

Yet I have also been GUILTY OF....

2. Not thinking enough about how my choices/actions affect others and going with just what "feels" right to me, thus I have been
labeled self-indulgent, inconsiderate, selfish, impulsive, insensitive. And others around me feel that they do way TOO MUCH,
and they become resentful, burnt out, used and truly feel that I do not appreciate them.

Yet I realize, I am all these things at any given moment, the "shit holder," the pleaser, insensitive, self indulgent, impulsive. And because I know this about myself I sometimes find it hard to make decisions or to do the "right" thing. Lately, a line from a poem, THE INVITATION has been going through my mind,

"I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

This week, has been a trying and emotional week for me because I chose to disappoint someone, in order to be true to myself. Yet also this week, in another situation, I chose to disappoint myself in order to do what I felt was the "right" thing to do. Neither of these decisions were easy for me and I have been second guessing myself. Trying to predict a future, and foresee what the outcome is to both decisions.

I guess only time will tell.... So as I try to figure this all out~ I read, I ponder, I pray for guidance, I think and I write....

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

ending the day on a high note

2009-10-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

Just a little note of inspiration for ya'll. Don't believe what they tell you!

p.s In high school a teacher once said to me, "You'll never be a writer, because you write how you speak.... maybe you should think about being a hairdresser!"

I took her advice and I wrote a play about a hairdresser called 'da Kink in my hair!

Update!

2009-10-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hey folks here is my involvement in getting the World Pride here in Toronto for 2014! It would be big tings for Toronto! Yep that's me up in the video with our mayor! I'm proud that Canada recognizes same sex marriages and we have done our best to be a country that preaches tolerance, love and acceptance of everyone. That everyone should have basic human rights regardless of their sexual orientation.

'da Kink is going to Broadway and I'm writing a Best seller!

2009-10-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

I'm excited about my life! My life is keeping me up at night! I've been up since 4:30 am thinking about my life. I feel that there is so much that I want to do! I have narrowed my focus down to my top three goals for my life.
Goal number one is to finish writing my novel, Lakey at the Bottom of the Lake. I'm taking two months off to write. So I'm going to L.a to write every day for two months. I shiver as I write this. The possibility of writing every day scares and thrills me at the same time. Last week I listened to an interview with Jack Canfield, the best selling author of Chicken Soup for the Soul( for some reason I always want to write Chicken foot soup for the soul! It's the Jamaican in me! lol anyway i regress...) So Jack shared that when he and his partner started writing the book, he told everyone that he was writing a best seller and people laughed at him, and he got turned down by over a hundred publishers! But he said he always believed and acted like he had already written a best seller. He said he would photocopy the best selling list, white out the names at the top of the list and write in his own novel's name, photocopy it and paste it on his walls in his office. He truly believed that if you put your thoughts out into the universe they will become that. Chicken Soup for the Soul eventually sold over 112 million copies, with titles translated into more than 40 languages. It became the best selling paperback in the history of publishing! Coincidence i think not. Manifestation? Yes! So I'm letting you folks know that I'm writing a best seller and I will share excerpts of my work with you as I progress. I leave for L.a in a few weeks. I'm so excited!Goal number two is I'm going to produce 'da Kink theatrical play on Broadway. Oprah Winfrey or Will Smith is going to produce it. Bold? Yes. But it's what I want. So I wrote it. I'm putting my life into action. I truly believe this is going to happen and I will do everything in my power to ensure that it does. I'm dreaming beyond my circumstances! "If you want something go out and get it!" Pursuit of happiness..... Oprah hasn't called yet but I know she will. And when I'm in L.a I'm going to see if I can set up some meetings with Will Smith's folks. Don't know how yet...but it's going to happen. Any leads anyone? I truly believe in the power of manifestation. Ten years ago I walked by the Princess of Wales Theatre and Lion King was playing and I said to my partner at that time, "One of these days my play is going to be here!" Bear in mind I had never written anything much less a play I was a broke out of work comedian, and a fat black actress!Fast forward a few years later and my play 'da Kink in my Hair became the first Canadian play to ever be produced at the Princess of Wales Theatre! So I will tell you, boldly tell you, 'da Kink will be on Broadway!Folks will say years from now she wrote it on her blog! It has been written so it is now done!
Will Smith. There are a few people in this industry whom I really admire. One of them is Will Smith. I will work with him one day. He has accomplished so much and I'm an admirer of his work ethic, his commitment to family, his ability to transcend boundaries. And don't get me started on the movie he was in, Pursuit of Happiness. One of my favourites! He is a role model. I'm very proud of him.
And goal number 3, is to one day have my own talk show! In the last few days a total of about fifteen people have said to me, you should have a talk show. I believe the universe gives you signs and it's up to you to listen. Every time someone mentions to me that I should have my own show, my heart skips a beat because it's something that I really want. Something that I have dreamt about for years. But I'm scared.... So that being said. I'm going to do goal one and two first while I figure out what's scaring me about goal number three. So here is a video link to some of my favourite quotes from Will Smith. Thanks to my girl Kandynce for sending me this video. I love it! I hope you enjoy it. Remember if you want something, go out and GET IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70

if you don't hear you will feel! National LISTENING WEEKS Oct 15th-29th!

2009-10-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

I think every black child knows the saying, "If you don't hear you will feel!" Our parents usually muttered this saying before quickly reaching for the belt! Basically their thoughts were if you don't listen then you will get a beating!

And now as an adult when i don't listen i still get a beating--- an emotional beating.....

This week has been a week of emotional cleansing and personal work. In depth personal conversations with friends, my partner, employees, myself...... I am shifting. Aware of my own personal growth. Being aware that I need to listen more. Really listen. I am guilty of interrupting people when they speak, finishing off their sentences, zoning out half way through a conversation as my mind races to my mental list of what I need to get done.

So this week I have really tried to listen to others. It's been a challenge but something I'm going to continue to do because I really need to perfect this skill and has not been easy.

So i like to be a person of social change. I like to bring others on my journey because I think we have a lot to share and offer each other. And I like to push myself. So every two weeks I'm going to provide myself with a small personal challenge and I ask you to join me and lets keep each other accountable and support each other. So for October 15th-29th I challenge you to really listen. Listen when others speak. Don't interrupt them, listen to their voice, listen to their hearts.

Yesterday, I met with the person who I had written about in my last blog post who had disappointed me. When our conversation started, I expressed to her that I was going to LISTEN to her and not interrupt her. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is a huge deal for me! I love to interrupt and I love to argue a point! But I listened. Really listened to her. And by listening I could see where the misunderstanding had taken place. At the heart of it, both of us felt hurt, disrespected, taken for granted. Yet at the end of the conversation I think both of us walked away feeling that we were HEARD. And I think, when you feel that you are HEARD, you function from a softer and kinder place. And the outcome of our conversation led us to decide that we had a great love and respect for each other but we were still choosing to go on different paths. We hugged, we cried and wished each other well. And I walked away feeling that our paths will cross again. That this relationship was a lesson for both of us and I'm glad that she had come into my life to teach me something more about myself.... To challenge me to be a better person.

None of this would have happened if I didn't take the time to really LISTEN to her. So for the next two weeks our lesson is to LISTEN. Listen to your mother, your partner, your children, that little VOICE inside of you. Listen without interruptions and FEEL yes FEEL what you really HEAR...... keep me posted.

p.s I'm having dinner with my good friend tonight! Keeping to my personal goals! Yipee! Not going into work! I still haven't taken my partner to the movies but we did rent one but we both fell asleep!

Praying for your "enemies", blessing them. Is it possible?

2009-10-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been disappointed by someone and I have felt a great sense of betrayal and hurt. Initially, my reaction was to "fight back" and prove that I am right on this. And I have gone over different conversations in my head with this individual and tried to really see how we have reached this place. I have felt a need to call family and friends to prove my point! And it has taken up a lot of my energy. Yesterday, I went to the V erity Centre for better living, which is a wonderful spiritual centre that my partner and I have been recently attending. The pastor, Evan W. Reid is dynamic! I would encourage you to attend if you are looking for a place to grow spiritually and emotionally.

This week the pastor made a very profound statement and he said, "when your 'enemies' plant weeds in your garden use the dandelions to make a healing medicine for yourself... bless them because they have come to bring more awareness to yourself, giving you a chance to heal yourself...." It was an enlightening moment for myself when he proceeded to talk about taking that 'enemy' and shining light on them, giving them good energy and blessing them. I was skeptical but I did it. And when I did this, I immediately felt lighter, I felt that there was no need for me to give "this" anymore worry or cause of concern. No need to engage in conversations with others about proving how "right" I am. No need to wait for an apology. Our time has passed. Our journey over. And I truly wish this individual goodness because I wish goodness for myself.

So when I got back from the centre, another friend called leaving a message to give me the "update" on what this individual's point of view was. And for me it was no longer an issue. No need to talk about it. No need to see who was right or wrong. It was over. I had given it my energy, which was to give it "light."

Thus, I am aware of how much I have grown spiritually. The old me would have been vex for years! I would have sat on the phone and chat them till their ears burn! I would have silently plotted my revenge and kissed my teeth every time their name came up!

And now, I am surprised at how easy it is for me to just let things and people go... It doesn't mean that I don't love or care about them. I do. But I recognize not everyone in my life needs to play a central role in my life. I can love them from a distance. Pray for them and bless them.

Thus, I shine light upon you my friend. Walk good!

Here's a song that i really have been enjoying in my spiritual journey I hope you like it as much as I do. A note to God...

You better look busy-God is coming!

2009-10-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

The closing of a show is similar to the ending of a relationship. You remember the good times and the bad. You think I would do it all over again maybe? Maybe differently...... You think about what's next? Where do I go from here? And some days you feel weepy, relieved, sad, and moments of happiness that it's all over!

I want to thank everyone for all their support and love. This couldn't have happened without you.

Yet, the closing of Secrets marks a huge turning point in my life. It is a completion of a goal. A few years ago, I had read somewhere that people who write down their goals have 80% chance of achieving them, then people who don't. Since then I have been writing down my goals and conducting a mental review of them in my head...so I thought. Yesterday on the train, on my way into work, I looked back on my journal of goals that I had written for myself. Goals which I wanted to achieve for 2009. It was quite shocking. I had not reviewed my goals since writing them down January 1, 2009. Surprisingly, many of my business goals I had met and surpassed. Yet, nearly all of my personal goals I had not even started. I had written down that I would like to go to the movies once per month with my partner. That has not happened. I said I would call my father once per month that has not happened. I said I would visit my family more and spend more quality time with my friends and that has not happened. Well that kinda somewhat happened.... my family came over for the opening of Secrets and I was so grateful to have that time to spend with my mom and my sister. I think it brought us closer as a family and I was so grateful to have my mom's support and help during Secrets.

And my favourite person in the world came over, cousin Sheron, all the way from England. She spent ten days! Ten days of laughter, jokes, eating English biscuits and chocolate and I would not trade that time for anything else in the world. Yet I realized that before this visit I had not spoken to my cousin in nearly two years! Not good enough!

And now I'm here. Secrets has closed and I'm feeling proud but really burnt out. Really tired. And I realize once again I have not created balance in my life. Business has taken over. I have not nurtured myself, or my personal relationships!

People keep asking me, so trey what's next? I feel myself caving into the pressure. Feeling that I need to "look" busy again. And yet my body is aching, my back is screaming and I'm tired. So for the next two months in order to fulfill my personal 2009 goals I'm going to actively work on them! Thus, I'm going to work a short work week. I'm going to go into the office three days per week and the other two days I'm going to work on my personal goals. I'm going to go and visit my sister. I'm going to take my partner to the movies. I'm going to call my cousin. Make peace with my Dad and just take some time for myself and those that I love.....

So folks that's what's next---I'm going to really LIVE!

when you're in it

2009-09-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been a while.... but been a bit busy producing a "little" play. Secret's officially opened on Friday. The night before our faces were on the cover of this week's NOW. Plastered all over the city. It's been an experience. I can't believe that it's actually here that I'm in the middle of a theatrical run. The experience has been mind blowing, exciting, and tiring.... I've experienced an ocean of emotions from pride, joy, tears, despair, and laughter. Producing theatre is like playing Russian Roulette. You can't predict what the audience will like. You can't forecast how many tickets they will buy. You don't know what critics will say. Everything is a huge question??? But so far Toronto has embraced Secrets. People love it, the reviews have been strong and now we're down to five more shows. I'm aware of the fact that I keep saying to myself soon this will be over and already my thoughts are racing. I'm moving on to planning the next event. Already thinking about next week, next month, next year. Thinking about everything instead of being in this MOMENT. But I'm trying to remain focus and be in the moment. Because I've been guilty of this in the past, not truly enjoying the moment because I'm already racing to start the next project. And I know I must be present in THIS. I'm trying to let go of any attachment to the outcome and just be in this moment. Because this is a historical moment, to see Black men on stage. This is my baby brother's first play! This is the first thing that I have ever produced on my own..... So i need to enjoy every minute. Be present. Be present. Be present.....I affirm this every day. I don't want to miss a thing. I'm in this. I'm in the now. I'm HERE. Right HERE........

do you want to be a loser?

2009-09-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

I'm coming off my Oprah high.... trying however to relish every moment of it. People have heard about my Oprah experience and have called me tenacious, gutsy, and bold. I have been questioned on where within me did this boldness come from. I have to give some credit to two major figures in my life. My mother and my grandmother. We don't always see eye to eye but what we do have in common is a belief that anything is possible. My mother is one of the bravest womyn that I know. If something isn't working for her she just calls it a day and gets the hell out. My mother has moved from Jamaica, England, Canada, Florida back to Canada and then back to Florida! She is not a person who is scared of change. I think this is one of the qualities that she has passed onto me. Never get attached to anything that may hinder your growth.
My grandmother released a reggae album at age 76! Why because she could and wanted too! She used her pension money to pay for studio time and then went into hairdressers and barber shops to sell her c.d out of her handbag. Her tenacity paid off . Her record became a hit in Jamaica and she has appeared on a major England talk show and has been featured in numerous newspapers! 76 years old! Now she has a dream to be on the t.v show the X factor and I have no doubt in my mind that she will do it.
Yesterday I was talking to my grandmother and I was feeling discouraged about a few things in my life and my grandmother gave me one of her famous blunt pep talks. She said in her heavy Jamaican accent which I love to imitate, "trey if you quit now you would be a loser! Do you want to be a loser?" Even as I write this I have to laugh! I love my grandmother's infamous one liners of inspiration more than any daily affirmation books, more than any quotes of inspiration from Oprah. My grandmother's inspiration talks are short, blunt and very cutting, but they work! And I know I wouldn't have gotten this far without having to refer to them daily in my life. Yesterday I went through my day, saying, Hey trey you're not a loser! Every time I said it, I burst out laughing! It really lifted my spirits.
I encourage you to check out my grandmother video, yes my grandmother is on Youtube! What's your excuse! Don't quit on yourself or your dreams because as granny said, "Do you want to be a loser?

the conclusion

2009-09-16T16:51:00.001-07:00

the power of manifestation

2009-09-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

Me and Oprah in the T.Dot!

2009-09-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm a true believer that nothing ever happens before it's due time. So lately I have become very calm, composed and relaxed in my pursuit to meet Oprah. I have faith it will happen when it needs to. I cannot rush a process. I have done everything in my power to ensure this meeting occurs while she is here. I have called in favors, sent emails, made youtube clips, done a facebook group, a petition etc and I thank those who have supported my efforts. And now I realize it's bigger than me. I must have faith in a higher source to ensure this "Meeting" will happen. And if it doesn't happen then it will happen when the time is right. I'm at peace with that.

Last night I had a dream that Oprah was on stage and called my name from the audience and said of course I wouldn't come all of this way without meeting you, you're the "Oprah" of Canada!

Tonight I have tickets for the Precious screening! Oprah's movie, she is suppose to be there. So I'm excited. Being that I read the book Push many years ago and it had a profound effect on me, so I'm glad to see it's evolution into film. Very proud to see black faces on screen. Apparently I'm in the Priority seating section. So I'm unsure what this means but I hope it means I'm close enough to see her.

If I do meet her, I would like to shake her hand, maybe give her the documentary of 'da Kink. But if this doesn't happen I can say I'm proud of my efforts.

I'm also hosting the CBFF party tonight and rumor has it that Ms Winfrey will be there..... so I will keep you posted. Come out and party with me tonight if you're in Toronto!

I now have people reading my blog in Austria! Wow! A big shout out to my fans in Austria! Thanks to everyone for your support!

blessings

trey

Warning Limited positivity here...

2009-09-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

My back aches.... really hurts. I suffer from extreme back ache. Usually my back flares up when I'm under extreme stress. I also know that when I feel unsupported my back usually seizes in a huge big knot. It's how the emotional plays out in the physical. And for myself I know there is a huge connection. I also know my back ache is related to dealing with major stress in the last few days. And I can clearly pinpoint who these stress factors are. Lately I have been dealing with two individuals who for lack of a better words are Assholes! I don't use that word lightly and believe me I have racked my writer's brain to come up with a more descriptive and better word for them, but it comes down to simply they are ASSHOLES! So sorry it may not be the positivity that you were looking for from me while drinking your morning coffee and singing your daily affirmations!

And in my interactions with these two individuals on each occasions I have prayed, I have meditated, I have affirmed. I have tried being nice, then super sweet and Miss cherry bowl of positivity, then I switched to be firm. And now I can barely bring myself to grunt their names and the sight of an email from them in my inbox turns my stomach and my back seizes up.

I also realize for myself I cannot give them so much power to have such a physical and emotional effect for me. So I have been working on this but it's hard. Also I am a firm believer that what is happening in your life you attracted, so I have to really look and see what has made me attract these ASSHOLES in my life! So I've become reflective and I say to myself calmly, "trey why do you have two ASSHOLES in your life!"

I look back and the lessons I have learned and I share them with you all:

1. To avoid "misunderstanding" in any business interaction get it clearly written down on paper. Never ever rely on the fact that you believe that people are decent and will just do the right thing. Never rely on the fact that they will do XY and Z, because they said it, it will be done..... That is not the case. As a young black women doing business I have clearly seen how people will take advantage of you, be dismissive, and not do the "right" thing. So the lesson learned from this is get it written down. Have a clear and precise contract before moving ahead with anything. Be firm on this and don't allow people to give you the run around on having a contract because a clear contract will alleviate all misunderstandings. It's a huge lesson for me and a mistake I will never ever repeat again.

2. When someone shows you who they are believe them. I think Maya Angelou said this and it is so true. Never believe you are the exception to the rule. And always analyze how someone treats people who they deem as beneath them. If someone is dismissive or just plain rude to service staff such as waiters or their employees they will eventually do the same to you. In reflection of what has happened to me I remember my first interaction with one of these ASSHOLES. He was very nice to me. Too nice but when we went out to our first meeting he was very rude to our waiter. I made excuses for him in my head, instead of just seeing him for who he really was, an arrogant ASSHOLE!

And on further reflection with my interaction with ASSHOLE number two, I remember receiving a call from two individuals who told me he treated his staff horribly and that he wasn't a nice person and had ripped off a few people in the industry. Red flag maybe??? Yet I argued back, well he was very NICE to me and who hasn't been the "Victim" of people saying nasty things about you that aren't true! So i chose to give ASSHOLE number two the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I chose to ignore these flags because they just treated ME so nice...... and also because I'm a true believer that everyone can change--- right?

So I will take full ownership for the ASSHOLE behavior in my life. The universe has sent me a clear message and it is a lesson learned. I will try to forgive myself for the "mistakes" that I have made and they will no longer be "mistakes" if I learned something from it.

The lesson Learned.... ASSHOLES can disguise themselves as NICE, but eventually they just are ASSHOLES! Ok, I'll end on positivity..... um...um... this is hard! Ok. Secrets opens Sept 23 buy your ticket! lol

2009-09-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

So it's 6am. Most mornings I wake up eager to meet the world but today I woke up and I would call it a "faithless" moment. Not having much faith in myself to achieve much of anything...... I know we've all had those days when you just feel as if just the act of breathing is too much! I was trying my best to shake it. I prayed, became silent, talked to myself, gave myself a "trey pep talk." It didn't work.... Today just wasn't the day. So I went online and in my inbox was my newsletter from Oprah, and one of the headlines was a sneak interview she did with the rapper Jay Z. In this interview, he shared that at age 13 he was selling crack and by 30 he was a business mogul and self made millionaire. He changed the direction of his life, however, many people from his neighborhood were either dead or in jail. Oprah asked, how was this possible and he said,

"There's the gift, there's the spirit, and there's the work—all three have to come together. If one of those things is off, it can stop you from becoming who you were meant to be."

That really inspired me. Because I thought to myself I must aknowlege my gifts, listen and
feed my spirit and be willing to do the work...... I cannot afford to make one of these things to be off

exciting news

2009-09-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm working from home today because i'm sick and spent yesterday coughing and sneezing all over the cast. But I couldn't miss the first day of rehearsals! I'm so excited! And now I'm in high gear for our promotions for secrets. 22 days to go! Wow!
So here's our trailer. Yes trailer for a play! Movieplay? Yes i will say i coined the term. Some day i hope in herstory people will say trey anthony did it first. She took it to another level she turned theatre into a movie! Movieplay! I thought that Secrets had all the elements of a movie and I wanted to change the way people responded to theatre, especially young people. I wanted this play to have all the hype of a blockbuster Hollywood movie. So I'm excited that the buzz on this trailer is HYPE at it max! I can't take all the credit though big up to Marc Lostracco, and Gavin Bailey, the dream team! You can have a vision but you have to have people who can execute it. So here it is Secrets of a black boy changing the face of theatre!

You can check out the trailer here

2009-08-31T10:02:00.000-07:00

Heres an interview I did for ET Canada earlier this year talking about my recent weight loss.

2009-08-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

People ask me all the time what exactly do I do for Secrets? What is my role? I tell them I'm the Executive Producer. This is usually greeted with a blank stare....

It's hard to really define what I do in a nut shell. But I will say my main role has been ensuring that this play happens by any and all means necessary. Yes I'm the Malcolm X of theatre! We were turned down by nearly every arts council in Canada for funding, and maybe the thoughts of seeing six black men being on stage in non-stereotypical roles just weren't appealing to them. So after firing off a passionate (I like passionate instead of angry email) to the arts councils telling them that I didn't need their damn money that I would do the shit myself! I realized, "hey trey you've got to do this shit yourself!" That's when I realized it's sink or swim time!

Financing this project has been a huge commitment, one of my biggest financial commitments next to my mortgage! My mom who is a real estate agent in Florida told me that houses are now selling there for $80,000 to $130,000. I had to admit for a moment my stomach hit the floor when I realized I could have bought a summer house in Florida instead I decided to finance my brother's play! On paper it doesn't sound smart but in my heart, soul and everything within me, it feels like the right thing to do.
Why, because I believe in this. And I believe we have to take risks. Risks that make no sense to anyone.

My other role as Executive Producer is to ensure that I hire the right people to execute Darren, the playwright's vision. Yesterday I was in the studio listening to the music that has been created for Secrets and I nearly wept with joy. We have a team of creative geniuses. Genius is not a word I use lightly. But I will use it in this case even capitalize it. GENIUS. Many of Toronto's best kept secrets, are working on Secrets. *No pun intended*.

Brilliant minds, filled with passion. One of the things that I know about myself is I want people around me who want to think outside the box, want to take a chance, want to create, people who live and breathe innovation. People who are teaching me something new every day. I'm a talent whore! I want people around who blow me away by their talent! People who if I had it, I would pay them even more than their standard contract fees because they are so great at what they do! My job as Executive Producer, is to hire them and get out of their way! This has been challenging for me because I'm a bit of a control freak. I love to give my opinions. I love to have the last word. I love to think that my way is the best way. But I am learning to let people do their jobs! Once again I rely on my faith. Faith to know that the universe has brought us all together to create something wonderful.

My other role which I think has been one of the hardest is to let everyone know that they are appreciated and that this is a team effort. A lot of the time I get all the fame and the glory but I roll deep! Translation for my mom who reads my blog: I got a strong team behind me!
And as a leader I want to ensure that everyone on my team feels that without them none of this would be possible. From the interns who run out to grab me lunch because I've forgotten to eat because I've been in meetings all day with sponsors- I thank you. Brittney who designed this wonderful blog and given me an outlet to vent. The marketing team including the cast, who hit the pavement with their fliers and Secrets t-shirts. My bookkeeper who manages to somehow find the extra $300 dollars so we can buy God knows what now!!! Our "branding" wizard Marc who does it for the love because for sure it can't be the money! Beth, Jackie, and Erika who meet with me weekly and continuously ask, "trey what can we take off your plate.... " I love you for that.
Krystle, Krista, my assistants and silver lining team who always see the sun through the clouds. Kimahli for always pulling another trick out of his sleeve to make words jump off the page and come alive on stage! All the designers and the folks behind the scenes who are are bringing this show to another level I can't express my gratitude and awe at what you do. And Darren... my "little" brother Darren his six-foot-three self leans over to my five-foot-one self and says to me, "I know I'm in good hands" Little brother, your faith in me makes me know I cannot fail.

I "work" sixteen hours days seven days a week. But I love what I do because I love the people I work with. I always say to my staff anytime this starts to feel like "work" do us all a favor and leave! I want you here but I want you to WANT to be here. I want you a part of this team because this is the only place that you want to be. And being a part of Secrets is the only place I want to be.
So I don't have a summer house in Florida but I got a lot more.....

dear oprah

2009-08-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

To Miss Oprah,

So I heard you are coming. Miss Oprah Winfrey is coming to my hometown of Toronto. I can't help but think that I called you here- that my vibrations were that strong that the universe has now conspired to bring you here. Because Oprah, you and me go way back. Longer than you know. You see, I used to rush home in grade six to a cramped apartment to watch you every day. The first black woman that I ever saw on t.v. I ate you up because you had a nose like me, skin like me, chubby like me, and I would like to say hair like me, but even to this day, I never ever managed to achieve the Oprah hair! It moved when you walked! Oprah's hair did for black women, what the moonwalk did for dance, took it to another level. But I digress, you see, it's been over twenty years since I first saw you with that microphone in your hand and I knew that it was possible for me to be on t.v because there you were! A black woman like me, revolutionizing t.v- and so it began. I got my first job at Olive Garden and promptly told them I couldn't work between the hours of 4pm and 5pm because I had to be home to watch Oprah. This led to my nickname, Oprah. Everyone on staff began to call me that. And I felt proud. Felt closer to you. At nights, I would practice in front of the mirror with a brush, interviewing imaginary guests. I also had my outfit picked out for when we would meet, and saw clearly in my mind, me being on stage with you. I also then started the first of many writing campaigns to you. Weekly letters to you. The good old-fashioned way by post. First, in white envelopes and then, after months of not hearing from you, I thought I would change my strategy and send them in fluorescent bright pink or green envelopes. Still no word. Then one day, you did a show about how much mail you received each day and then your "helpers" brought in huge hefty garbage bags over-pouring with mail to prove to your audience how many letters you get each day. I got discouraged, pressed my nose to the screen to see if I could somehow manage to pick out one of my pink envelopes, but no luck. Weeks, months, years went by and I kept writing. Not as often, but I kept writing. My Mom and Gran would ask me weekly, "any news from Oprah?" It was a simple fact in all our lives that one day you would be coming. When I was on the treadmill I would imagine that you would burst through the door with your camera crew and say, "trey anthony, Oprah Winfrey here!" And I would burst into tears. So even now on the treadmill I always try to not sweat too hard just in case you're coming and God knows my hair better be on point! Years ago when I heard you were casting for 'Beloved', I packed up my stuff and drove to Chicago. I headed down to your studios. I needed to be in this movie! I camped out at your studio hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I gave another pink precious fluorescent envelope to your security who passed it on to one of your producers- Brian... something or other.... who actually called me. I told him my story and he couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe that I had driven from Toronto, Canada to come and see if I could get a part in 'Beloved' and he told me to get in touch with Johnathan Demme's office, who was the director of 'Beloved'. He gave me the number and wished me best of luck and Brian was one of the
nicest people I had come across in a long time. I felt I was steps away from you. I left Chicago, feeling I had accomplished something. I wrote a letter to director Johnathan Demme, I even managed to speak to his assistant who was so amazed by my persistence that she offered me an audition- via tape! Six word line, "Child, that's your mother over there!" I practised and practised, but I didn't get the part. Got a nice response that said, "better luck next time kid!" But I kept trying. During all of this, I wrote the hit play 'da Kink In My Hair, which received international critical acclaim. Won awards, including four NAACP awards, sold out houses, broke box office records! Critics called me, "The Oprah of the theatre world!" I was so proud. It was my best review and I loved it, to see my name linked to yours in print! I became the first Black Canadian woman to ever co-executive produce an all African Canadian show on a prime time Canadian network! I now have little girls rushing home to watch me on t.v and I always think to myself, "Oprah would be so proud". I only thought it was possible for a girl who looked liked me to be on t.v because I used to watch you on t.v every day. So I thank you. Sincerely thank you. Because you inspired me from a distance. Changed my life. Made impossible dreams possible. I am crying as I write this because it's so true. In my darkest moments when I wanted to give up, I would think if Oprah made it, I can too.

Miss Winfrey, I talk to you constantly. I've had conversations with you in my mind. Anytime I had an important decision to make, I would say, "What would Oprah do?" Over the years, I kept writing to you. Every interview I have done on t.v, radio or print, I have mentioned you. And I kept writing, by email now, no more pink fluorescent envelopes. And now I get standard emails back from you saying, "Oprah thanks you for writing" and Mom and Gran continue to ask, "Any news from Oprah?" Because we all know you will come one day.

So I started a campaign on Facebook, the Women of 'da Kink Should Meet Oprah. Your affiliated network Oxygen even sponsored 'da Kink when it went to San Diego, this production was nominated for five NAACP theatre awards and we won four! At the award ceremony in Los Angeles people again said to me, Oprah would love this play and again I felt six degrees of separation. I knew I was close, but I felt I needed to be more proactive. So four months ago, I went to Chicago. This time I could afford to fly. If the mountain won't go to Mohammed, Mohammed would go to the mountain. My sole intentions: to bring 'da Kink theatrical play to Chicago. My belief, that it is time that I bring the play to you. I met with theatre folks including the Goodman Theatre and the "talks" have now begun. 'da Kink may be in Chicago very soon and I feel once again one step away from meeting you.

People everywhere keep saying, "Girl, I see you on Oprah. Oprah would love 'da Kink". Now you're coming! Coming to my city. I can't breathe... I can't sleep. I believe I called you here. I truly believe that what you focus on will manifest itself in your life. I have focused on you for too many years for this to be a coincidence. God is working with me. I sense you. I see it. I believe it. This is the closest I have ever been, the closest to a dream come true. And I'm saying to you Miss Oprah Winfrey, boldly saying, I want to meet you- I think it's about time.

down to the wire

2009-08-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today is exactly one month until Secrets opens. This is huge! I fluctuate between great anxiety, joy, tears and laughter. I also feel as though for the last few months I have been entrapped in P.M.S. My emotions are everywhere. Some days I feel really powerful meeting with business owners and various sponsors and then there are days while I'm searching for a pen to go into a meeting, I burst into tears. This is too much effort that I am now required to search for a pen! Hysteria at it's finest. Yet lately, I have been affirming an affirmation that seems to help, it goes like this, "Today I will laugh at the world and most of all I will laugh at myself." I got this affirmation from a book that I'm presently reading called,
The greatest Salesman in the World." by Og Mandino. I like it because it reminds me to not take myself so seriously. That I'm human. I will have good days and bad days. That this too shall pass....Just yesterday I was laughing with friends over an incident that took place at my high school graduation. My "date" at the graduation dinner told me I looked fat in my dress! I promptly left the table and went into the coat closet and cried, I was DEVASTATED! After being missing in action for nearly forty five minutes, my best friend Rachael came to look for me and found me in the coat closet, nose dripping, eyes swollen and refusing to come out of the closet. Thinking that if I skipped dinner at least I would be a little bit slimmer. I also thought that at age seventeen my life was officially over! The thoughtless and insensitive words of a pimple face seventeen year old kid was going to destroy my life for ever. Seventeen years later, Rachael and I are sharing this story with friends who are killing themselves laughing. I am dying of laughter reciting the story and I am reminded of my favourite affirmation, this too shall pass....how things which seemed so devastating and significant can become moments of great laughter if you allow yourself. My friends all laugh at my story. I laugh at myself. Laugh at the little girl who hid in a coat closet on prom night and today I laugh at the grown woman who has a melt down because she can't find a pen. I laugh especially at men who dismiss me in business meetings, I laugh instead of crying when people say thoughtless and insensitive things to me. I laugh at those who tells me my dreams are impossible.... I laugh. I laugh at life. I laugh at me. I Iaugh really loudly. People have told me I have a distinct laugh, that they love to hear me laugh.... So I laugh more often, I encourage you to do the same.

i'm scared of water

2009-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

This poem, I'm Scared of water, has been one of my most requested
poems and I have always gotten requests from people to give it to
their partners etc... So i thought i would make it public. My only
request is to please give me credit as a writer, that's important as a
writer.....
I think this poem resonates with so many because it talks about our
deepest fear of being vulnerable with someone we love, not being
afraid to say I really want you, want THIS. For myself, I have
sabotaged many relationships because of my own fear of not wanting to
love someone more than they loved me...... and I now realize one must
dive in.... enjoy swimming.

trey

I’m scared of water.

I’m scared of water

You’re not sure that you can swim

Yet, could you meet me at the edge of the sea

Could you come wearing nothing No clothing, no life jacket bearing no armor.

Could you come with no past regrets, no baggage, no her story, no hurts, no shames no scores to settle, crosses to bear, wrongs to be righted.

I’m scared of water and you’re not sure that you can swim…

What if I showed up at the edge of the sea? At a time we both planned did not plan. What if we were both there on time? Fully committed. Prepared for everything. Prepared for nothing.

What if I came naked?

arms wide open to love you, Be there with you. Would you swim with me? You’re scared of water and I’m not sure that I can swim.

Cold feet touching the water. Sand soaking in between our toes.

Would we take the chance to dive right in? Or would we hesitate and warn each other about what could go wrong. I would convince you and you would quickly agree that we would never reach the other side…ALIVE I’m scared of water and you’re not sure if you can swim

So we stand at the edge. Be on the edge. LIVE safely on the edge of the water. Never dare to jump right in, be naked, vulnerable, open, never love like we’ve never been hurt. Never forgive because we wish to be forgiven. Never know if we would or could reach the other side. Never ever possess the belief that we could make it. Never allow ourselves the belief that our love would keep us afloat.

Never believe that if you were drowning I would risk everything to save you… We’re both scared of water and both know that the other can’t swim.

So we stand at the edge of the sea. Contemplating. Unmoving. Sand becoming hard between our toes. Feeling safe yet yearning for something more. Eventually, you got a boat to sail across

i watched you from the shore. ‘cause I’m scared of water and now you’re just too cold too swim.

And at nights we secretly dream that you grabbed my hand or did I grab yours?

we are running boldly

the wind on our faces

the moon smiling down on us

we run towards the sea

Dive in at the risk of maybe drowning. Water hot on our naked bodies, you’re scared of water, I can’t swim. I ‘m scared of water. You can’t swim. I’m scared of water. you can’t swim. I’m scared. You’re scared…

We swim.

a work in progress

2009-08-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

I've made a promise to go to the gym five times per week. It hasn't been working out that great. Last week I went three times. And now I'm mid week and so far I've gone once! I'm going to go this morning. What I can't understand about myself is that I know it's good for me. Every time I work out I feel better, gain more clarity, feel stronger and overall less stress. But I find every excuse not to go. And God knows if I spent as much time at the gym as I do on Facebook I could give Halle Berry a run for her money! But I'm going to try, really I am.But sometimes when I go I compare myself to others. There's this girl there who always seems to be running some sort of competition with me....yes it's all in my head. I know this! And yes it pisses me off that she's at least a size zero! So I'm always wondering what the hell are you doing here anyways? Go eat something! Ok sometimes I can't be all miss positivity, I'm only human....But I digress. So when I'm on the treadmill she always picks the one right beside me even though there are plenty of empty ones. And then she runs really fast, nearly double my speed and of course I feel a compelling need to run even faster. Sometimes while running at her Olympic speed I want to pass out but I won't let her win. And I run really really really really fast for a strong two minutes! I never beat her running at 6.1 for more than three minutes and I'm wiped out! I know I'm better running a steady 4.2. I know that I can run for longer at that pace and that my body is comfortable with that but I try to win this race against this woman who really plays no significance in my life. She's oblivious to my desire to win, to out run her, play harder, be better than her. And I see how often this plays out in my life in other ways. How often in my desire to "WIN" I run the race faster than necessary, do not listen to the signs that I should run slower, pace myself more, actually enjoy the journey..... So I'm going to try this morning to pay the skinny little minny no mind, hopefully she'll fall off the tread mill and then I'll win! Yeah I thought it and I wrote it! lol

trey anthony: an introduction

2009-08-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

I’ve gone out on a limb. Producing Secrets of a Black Boy has been one of my most rewarding accomplishments but also one of the most fearful experiences of my life. I have put a lot of money, a lot of faith in a community to buy tickets, a lot of faith in a relatively unknown cast, a lot of faith in a very small producing team, a lot of faith in my own ability to produce quality theatre. And constantly there’s that little “Voice” ---you know what I’m talking about, that “VOICE” that questions and demands to know, “Who the hell do you think you are?”

Sometimes I defiantly answer back, “I’m a little black girl from Rexdale who had a dream to have her own TV show, a dream to produce quality theatre. I’m the little black girl who wants to dream beyond my circumstances. I’m the little black girl who is brave, strong, and yet kind. I’m a little black girl who wants to see herself and her experiences reflected authentically on stage! That’s who the HELL I AM”

Yet sometimes when that VOICE demands to know, “Who the hell do you think you are?” I shudder. I cry. I wonder and I question. Scared that I’m too bold. Scared of public failure. Scared of not being good enough. And I want to curl up in a ball and not come out of bed for weeks. And I look in the mirror and I don’t see a grown confident woman but a small frighten little girl. It’s on those days that I’m kinder to myself. I pray a lot, affirm, and look myself in the mirror and say, “trey you are doing your best.” I remind myself of all that I have accomplished. Accomplished things that many thought were impossible. And I remind myself that it would be harder for me to give up than to keep pursuing my dreams. That I must walk through fear. Actually dive into it. I must dream bigger than my circumstances. I need to keep doing the “Work” to show others that it’s possible to dream. There is no safety net. I must fly, no, I must soar...